If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money.

ABIGAIL VAN BUREN

THERE HE WAS, SITTING on his bed with tears in his seven-year-old eyes.

I had just yelled at him again to clean his bedroom. I was tired of the mess, and I was tired of telling him to clean.

“Just do it!” I shouted. How quickly I forget how overwhelmed I feel when a mess is staring me in the face.

This was not the mother I wanted to be.

As I looked at my son and I looked at the mess, I realized we were both overwhelmed. It was too much; it felt like too high a mountain to climb.

It was then that I knew we needed a change. My sweet boy needed a mom who wasn’t so stressed, and I needed a boy who didn’t feel defeated before he began.

That was the day we decided on a very simple rule that would become the foundation for how we would live: fewer things, more peace.

The less we have, the less overwhelmed we feel. And the less overwhelmed we feel, the happier we are.

It was with that philosophy in mind that I said, “Buddy, we are going to get rid of some things today. We can throw some things away and give some things away, but at the end of it all, you are only going to have twenty toys left.”

We called it “The Twenty-Toy Rule.”

Twenty toys sounds like a lot . . . or maybe it doesn’t. I admit that I was shocked when I saw how many things my kiddos had accumulated. My husband and I make an effort not to spoil our children, and I already had been pretty strict about the number of toys per child. But when I sat with my son in his room that day, I had to face the fact that we had allowed too much stuff.

When I proposed my idea to him, my son’s eyes got big at first and he looked worried. But once we started, he really got into it. He was sorting and getting excited about giving things away and even selling things in a future yard sale. He was, believe it or not, actually having fun with the challenge.

The more we got rid of, the lighter I felt. And the anger began to disappear. There we were, getting rid of stuff, and we were happier.

Here’s the lesson for all of us. We don’t need stuff, we need peace. We need to feel loved and safe and okay with what we have.

I want my children to learn contentment and joy where they are and with what they have. I don’t want them falling into the trap of always needing more and better things. Learning to have less helps them to be free. And I want them to be free.

To be fair, keeping toys to a minimum has taken work. I have had to train my three children to be okay with not having something else. And yes, it has been training. For example, every time we would go into Target, the first section we would come to was the dollar section filled with bright and beckoning things that call to children (thanks for that, Target). I used to think, What’s a dollar? It’s no big deal. So nearly every time we entered the store my kids would each get something. I decided that would be one of the changes I made right away—no more dollar toys. I told my children before we even went into the store what to expect, and they all nodded their little heads in understanding.

You can imagine the shock when I actually followed through. “But Mom!” No buts, baby. We are doing this. We are learning to be content. After a few times of whining and crying and me not giving in, they stopped fussing. Now we go into Target and they don’t even ask. They know it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

The point is, we had to put rules in place, and we had to stick to them. It’s hard at first, but if you stick to it, it gets easier. I promise.

You can do it. You can help your children be free.

It’s worth it.

READ PROVERBS 22:6

What is the long-term value of teaching your child to be content with fewer things?

Sit down with your child and talk to him or her about contentment and joy and the freedom that comes with having fewer things.

MARTHA CHALLENGE

TODAY LET’S PURGE!

HELPING YOUR CHILDREN LET GO OF THINGS—A QUICK GUIDE

Only use this guide if it fits your family’s philosophy. Feel free to forget it altogether if it doesn’t. If your child keeps a neat and orderly room most of the time, you may just want to skip this guide. Play it by ear with each child, taking his or her personality into account.

1. Let your child know that you are going to make cleaning their room a cinch.

2. Explain that the two of you will go through all of the toys and pick and choose only twenty things to keep (or whatever number you decide). You can determine what equals one toy. Remember, you are the authority. Don’t go in with a wishy-washy attitude. If you decide to do this, you need to do it. That doesn’t mean you’re not gentle or compassionate, it just means that you know you are doing the best thing for your child and likely for your own sanity.

3. Encourage your child as you pare down the toys. Remind them that this will help them have a cleaner room and open up more space to play.

4. Help your child understand that you will not buy toys on impulse, no matter how inexpensive. If you commit to avoid buying on impulse, it keeps toys to a manageable number, and it teaches your child contentment with what he or she has. A win-win solution!