FROM SALLY CLARKSON’S SEASONS OF A MOTHER’S HEART
I LOVE ENTERTAINING, SO I was really pleased with how everything looked on the day of the open house. The living areas were decorated with bright greens and reds of Christmas, a table full of lovingly prepared Christmas delicacies greeted our guests, the lighted candles and the fire in the fireplace added a warmth to the room, and the melodies of familiar Christmas music filled the room. It was such a lovely festive atmosphere that it made me forget all about our bedroom in the back stacked floor-to-ceiling with all the leftover stuff that had cluttered the house.
All went well with the open house until a small group of friends reminded me of the one room that wasn’t quite yet done. They asked, “Can we sneak back to see the rest of the house?” What could I say but, “Sure, as long as you promise to overlook the piles that we haven’t gotten to yet!” I gave them a guided tour down the hallway. They were admiring the sweet home the Lord had provided for our family when we finally reached my overloaded bedroom. Someone commented how nice and large our bedroom was, and then it happened. The unraveling began.
One of my friends casually commented that when she had moved into her house an older woman had given her some advice. This woman said that if you really love your husband, and want to show him that he has first priority in your life, then you will make your bedroom the first place you organize and decorate. Ouch! That one simple comment cut straight to my heart and pierced it. She was right! It was obvious I had not paid any attention to our bedroom. I hadn’t been thinking of Clay at all, only myself and getting my home in order.
I felt a deep stab of guilt as I realized how I surely must have disappointed my dear husband over the past two months. I had labored so hard to make my house nice, yet I had neglected his needs. What must he think of me? Why hadn’t I seen what I was doing? I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Whatever good feelings I had about my new home started to unravel within me. After several days of feeling heavy-hearted and discouraged, I decided to tell Clay how sorry I was that I had not been a better wife.
I brewed him a cup of his favorite tea and sat down with him on the couch. I reviewed the past two months, then explained what my friend had said and how it had cut me to the heart. I apologized to him for not being more sensitive to him, and for neglecting our bedroom for so long. I promised I would give it my highest priority immediately. I waited for a reply that would confirm my concerns.
Clay looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, “What in the world are you talking about?” I thought maybe he didn’t understand how I had offended him so I explained it all again. He touched my shoulder and very matter-of-factly said, “Honey, it doesn’t bother me at all that our bedroom is a mess. What’s important to me is to have the main areas of the house neat and orderly. When they feel settled and homey, then I feel good about life. I really appreciate everything you’ve done to turn this house into our home. I know we’ll get to the bedroom eventually. You’ve done a great job!”
I felt an immediate sense of relief from the guilt I had been feeling. But that was followed by an equal measure of indignation as I realized what had happened to me. Without even knowing it, I had judged myself guilty by someone else’s standard. I had condemned myself by that standard and was left feeling like a complete failure. To my family and loved ones I was doing just fine, yet I was blinded to that fact by my own self-induced guilt.[1]
READ ROMANS 8:1
What does this Scripture say about those who are in Christ Jesus?
Are there areas in your life where you are experiencing a burden of unnecessary guilt? Write some of those areas on the lines provided.
Now ask your husband or someone else you trust and who knows you well to look at what you’ve jotted down and give you his or her perspective on what you’ve said. It could be an eye-opening exercise for you.
MARTHA CHALLENGETODAY WE ORGANIZE THE KITCHEN!
Do you have a junk drawer in your kitchen? Okay, maybe you give it a fancier name such as the drawer of miscellanies or the mystery drawer. Maybe you have more than one. That catchall drawer is what we’re cleaning today.
HERE’S THE PLAN
1. Pull everything out of the drawer(s) you want to clean and organize. Go crazy!
2. If you find Christmas cards, throw them away—unless they really mean something to you and you must keep them. If you keep them, put them in a box labeled “Christmas cards.”
3. As you’re cleaning, be sure to have a bag or a bin for all the paperwork you’re not sure what to do with yet (like the stack you took off the counter earlier and threw in a drawer). You can go through that later. For now, the goal is to clean and organize what you do want and need in the kitchen.