Chapter 10

“Janice Lee Combes! You aren’t actually going out dressed like that, are you?”

“It’s Garrison, Mama. I don’t know why you refuse to say it. It’s only been my name for the past ten years.”

“You know I never liked that boy. Now that he’s gone, you should change it back.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Janice hissed. “And please don’t talk like that in front of Cody.”

“Like what?” Cody asked.

“Nothing,” Janice replied with a sigh. She was back home for good now, Grady was gone, and Cody was growing up just fine, in spite of her occasional clashes with his doting grandmother about his father.

“You didn’t answer my question either,” her mother persisted. “You aren’t wearing that to work, are you?”

“She always dresses up in funny clothes for work, Grandma,” Cody said.

“This is not your conversation, Cody. Now eat your peas.”

Cody scowled at his plate. “I hate peas.”

“But you like Gram’s chocolate cake, right?”

“Yeah.”

“No peas means no cake. I mean it.” Janice directed the threatening look first to Cody and then to her mother. “You’ve got to stop spoiling him.”

“It’s my right as a grandma to spoil my only grandbaby. You still didn’t explain why you’re dressed like that.”

“Look, Mama, it’s real simple. I’m working in a bar. Most of the patrons are men. Men like to look.” Janice made a small adjustment to her cleavage but wasn’t about to go change. She was already running late. Besides, a small show of flesh meant much bigger tips.

“Well, it ain’t decent.” Her mother huffed. “And I thought you were looking for ranch work.”

“I was and I still am, but no one’s hiring hands right now and we’ve got bills to pay. Look, Mama, I don’t have time to talk about this right now. I’m gonna be late. Be a good boy for Grams, Cody, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed the top of his head and grabbed her purse off the kitchen counter but then hesitated at the door, feeling a surge of guilt. Between the moving and her job search, she hadn’t spent much time with her son. “Cody?”

“What, Mama?”

“I was thinking maybe we can do something special together this weekend? I know some great spots to go fishing. Would you like that?”

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Never been fishing. I got invited to a friend’s house. Can I go?”

“Who’s the friend?” she asked.

“His name’s Caleb Croft. They have horses. I’ve never ridden a horse either.”

Janice bit her lip, searching her memory. “I don’t know any Crofts. Do you, Mama?”

“I do. They moved to town a few years back. Seem like nice enough folks. I think she’s a teacher.”

“Librarian,” Cody corrected. “Caleb’s mama works at the school.”

“Oh?” Janice said. “Then I s’pose it’ll be all right, but I’ll still want to meet them first. Call and ask Caleb when I can bring you out there. I gotta run now, sweetie. Bye, Mama,” Janice flung over her shoulder as she headed out the door.

Arriving at work twenty minutes later, Janice made a face in the mirror as she applied a shade of lipstick she never would have considered ten years ago. It seemed ironic, even laughable, how nothing in town had changed, while nothing about her would ever be the same.

In all truth, the last place Janice wanted to be was back in Twin Bridges, Montana, with her tail between her legs like some beaten-down dog. But that’s exactly what she felt like—as desperate as a starving bitch with whelps to feed. Returning home was not what she’d planned, but as always, Janice did what Janice needed to do. Her family depended on it. They’d always depended on her and she’d never let them down. Not once.

The truth was the only person Janice had ever disappointed in her entire life was herself. Yes, she’d certainly let herself down—or better said—she’d let herself be beaten down. It should have made her happy to come back and make a new start, but she felt like a stranger in her hometown. She’d never been more terrified. Or more alone.

She reminded herself that all that mattered now was making a decent life for Cody, even if that meant aping a Hooters girl. Although they barely skated above the poverty line, at least they had a roof over their heads in a place where Cody could do all the things boys were meant to do—like ride horses and learn to hunt and fish. Hiking her breasts a little higher in her push-up bra, she left the ladies’ room to clock in for her evening shift.

* * *

It was a slow night, even for a Thursday, when Wade Knowlton walked into the bar. The sight of him took her aback. She’d heard he’d had some trouble with booze following what folks called “the Rachel tragedy.” Janice had still been traveling the bull circuit when it had all happened, but she’d heard plenty of gossip about it. Their world was small—especially when the news concerned the Knowlton brothers. If only Rachel hadn’t played them against each other, everything might have turned out differently. Given time and perspective, the whole situation was nothing short of heartbreaking.

Janice hoped Wade’s appearance in the bar didn’t mean he’d fallen back into old habits. God knew she was familiar enough with that vicious cycle. But contrary to her fears, Wade seemed perfectly at ease with the world, walking in with a grin and a pretty brunette that Janice didn’t recognize.

He tipped his hat to the bartender, and then to several waitresses who lit up at the sight of him. Wade had that effect on lots of women. He was a damned good-looking man and a charmer to boot, but he’d never compared to Dirk in Janice’s book.

Until now, she hadn’t seen either of the Knowlton brothers. She wanted desperately to see Dirk again, but in the weeks since she’d been home, she hadn’t yet worked up enough nerve to take the initiative. She was too uncertain of her reception. He’d been through so much and she feared her appearance would only resurrect bad memories. So she’d waited, banking her hopes that he would come to her, but so far those hopes hadn’t paid off.

Janice’s pulse sped up when Wade settled at a table in her section. Here was her chance at last, but she found her courage faltering. “Buck up, Janice. Who knows when you’ll get another chance,” she mumbled to herself.

Armed with a bright smile, she approached their table. “Hey, Wade. Been a long time.”

He stared blankly for a few seconds, then recognition dawned. “Janice Combes? I’ll be damned. I didn’t know you were back in town.”

His reaction didn’t surprise her. She hardly recognized herself anymore—either inside or out. Janice Combes had left Montana as a tall and gangly girl but the brown eyes that gazed back at her in the mirror were darkly shadowed from years of sleepless nights. She felt so much older than her barely thirty years. She also felt suddenly self-conscious.

“I never thought I’d set foot back here either, but I had nowhere else to go with my kid and all.” She always hated having to explain, but the subject inevitably came up along with all the awkward questions.

“I was sorry to hear about what happened to Grady.” Wade shook his head with a sympathetic look. “What a gruesome way to go.”

It was gruesome. The stuff of nightmares, but Janice didn’t care to rehash all the sordid details. The papers and the Cowboy Sports News had already done that…and then some. The worst part of it was when her son discovered videos of it on YouTube. Cody would probably carry the scars his entire life. It was part of the reason she hadn’t come home sooner. She hadn’t wanted him to have to deal with the questions or the looks of pity. So they’d stayed in Vegas.

Although the anonymity of the city had been her shield, it was no place to raise a kid—especially a boy without a father—so they’d eventually packed up and come home to Montana. Maybe three years wasn’t long enough for the scandal to die altogether, but at least now it was all old news.

“He knew as well as anyone that it was bound to happen sooner or later. With the bulls, it’s never a question of if you’re gonna get hurt—it’s just when and how bad. Least he didn’t suffer much. He never regained consciousness.” She shrugged, hoping Wade wouldn’t ask any more about it, and that he’d interpret her terse response as stoicism rather than coldheartedness. After all this time, it was still hard to deal with, but at least she was free.

“I’m glad Dirk gave up rodeo, though the way it turned out for him, maybe joining the marines wasn’t the best choice either,” Wade said.

“I haven’t seen him around. How’s he doing?” Janice asked in what she hoped was an offhand manner.

Wade shrugged. “As well as can be expected, I guess, but he hardly leaves the ranch.”

She wondered if he’d become some kind of recluse, but that seemed so out of character, she could hardly wrap her mind around it.

“You know about his injuries, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I heard.” When she’d first learned about it, her heart had bled for him.

“He’s changed a lot from what he was before.”

“I’d expect as much.” Janice knew she should leave the couple alone now, but she was almost desperate for more news about Dirk. She bit the bullet and asked, “He seein’ anyone?”

“Dirk?” Wade shook his head. “Not to my knowledge.”

“Think he’d mind if I dropped by?”

“Don’t know,” Wade replied. “But I think he could use some old friends—as long as you aren’t put off by his surly, badass behavior.”

Janice almost laughed. “You’re kidding, right? I’m not thin-skinned. Could never afford to be. You don’t know what it’s like to be a woman working the chutes with all those bulls and rough riders.” She’d spent the better part of a decade in the rodeos and bull-riding circuits, even though it now seemed like another person’s life. “For the record, I can give every bit as good as I get.”

“Forgive me, Nikki,” Wade addressed the brunette who had been eyeing Janice with open curiosity. “This is—”

“Janice,” she supplied smoothly, extending her hand. “I grew up here and just recently moved back.”

“Nikki Powell from Atlanta.” The brunette briefly shook her hand.

“Welcome to Montana. First time?” Janice asked.

“Yes, and likely my last. Wade’s helping me with some personal business. My father passed away.”

“Oh,” Janice replied, feeling awkward. “My condolences.”

“We just came from the mortuary,” Wade explained. “I thought she could use a drink.”

Janice forced another smile. “Then you came to the right place. What’ll you have?”

“The usual for me. The bartender knows.” Wade looked to Nikki. “Sorry, I don’t know your poison.”

“I’ll take a shot of Patrón.”

“Salt and lime?” Janice asked.

“Of course,” Nikki said. “What?” she answered Wade’s querying look. “You thought I’d order some girlie umbrella drink?”

“Yeah, it was pretty much what I expected over straight tequila.”

“This seemed like a tequila occasion,” Nikki replied.

“You are full of surprises.” Wade chuckled as Janice hustled away to fill their order.

“A shot of Patrón and the usual for Wade, whatever that is,” Janice told Moe, the bartender.

She was surprised when he went in the back and returned with a bottle of nonalcoholic beer. “I keep a case for him,” Moe said. “He’s the only one around here who drinks this stuff.”

Janice returned within minutes with a foamy mug for Wade and a shot glass sporting a paper umbrella that she set in front of Nikki with a wink for Wade.

“I suppose this is a joke?” Nikki said, plucking out the umbrella.

Wade laughed, a low, warm rumble that ceased the second Nikki licked the back of her hand to apply the salt. She took the shot, in a single choking swallow, made a face, and then bit into the lime.

At first Janice also chuckled, but then a wave of fierce envy followed. They were hardly able to tear their eyes from each other. Was it so very long since she’d experienced that kind of attraction? It had been almost three years since she’d been with anyone. Yearning pierced her like a physical pain—not just for sex, but for intimacy.

She wondered if Wade would think to mention her to Dirk. Probably not. His mind was preoccupied with other things—pretty little brunette kinda things—and it looked like his interest was more than reciprocated. Judging by the way Wade later flung his money on the table and half carried her out the door, Nikki had certainly lit his fuse. By the looks of things, Wade was finally moving on. She was glad of it. At least one of them was getting their life back together. It gave her hope that maybe after three years of licking her wounds, she might be able to do the same.

Hours later when her shift ended, Janice was still thinking about Dirk. He continued to linger in her mind during the thirty minute drive home. Although she’d tried to move on, her heart had never belonged to anyone but Dirk Knowlton. She’d come back to Montana and so had he, but they were both damaged and broken. It was heartrending how many mistakes they’d both made, but the past couldn’t be changed. The present was what counted. The here and now.

Dirk, by all accounts, was a shattered man. The question she intended to answer was whether his pieces could ever be put back together again.