The clock on the nightstand glowed one o’clock in the morning when Liv jolted awake. She glanced over her shoulder, finding Miles wasn’t in bed with her. She sat up, taking stock. The cabin was quiet as she lay naked in the bed. She was sore in all the right places. But raw in others. These days with Miles were magical, special in ways she never would have believed possible. She felt entirely different now than she had when she’d stepped on this cruise. She’d come to give herself a break from her life. Now she realized maybe it wasn’t a break she needed, but a complete change. She envied that about Miles so much. How he was willing to pick up and move to go after what he wanted all because it felt right. For so long, she’d been afraid to trust herself and her judgment, thinking that she’d always get everything wrong. Truth was, she didn’t want to be afraid anymore. She wanted to be this exciting new woman who went after adventures and things that made her happy. Why couldn’t this be her life? Wild and free and…happy.
The light in the bathroom was turned off, but the balcony door was open, and laughter came from the other side. Curious, she slid out of bed, careful to stay quiet, and moved closer to the door when she caught an unfamiliar feminine voice.
“We can’t wait for you to come home,” the woman said. “The nightclub has been…well, they need you,” she said with a soft laugh. “And the dungeon just isn’t the same without you there.”
“I’ll be home before you know it,” Miles replied, his voice sounding sleepy and deep. Incredibly sexy. “And not to worry, we’ll get the nightclub back in shape.”
But the nightclub was fine without him, at least that’s how Miles had made it seem. They didn’t need him, he had said.
Liv reeled at the thought, as a woman said, “I’ve got no doubt you will. So enough about that, how about we stop talking about us and start talking about you and Liv? Tell me every single adventure you’ve had. All the details. I need to live vicariously through you.”
Miles chuckled softly, and then he began explaining everything they’d done on their trip, finishing up with the Sexy Scavenger Hunt. Of course, he skimmed over the details without spilling all their secrets.
“A sexy scavenger hunt,” a man said, his voice full of intrigue. “We should do something of that sort in the dungeon. The members would like that.”
“I’m in,” the woman said. Her voice lost some of its heat as she added, obviously to Miles, “It sounds like things are going well with Liv then.”
Liv could almost see his nod as he replied, “We’re moving in the right direction. Everywhere we’ve stopped has been romantic and beautiful. It’s very easy to get swept away in the moment.”
Liv felt her throat tighten. Her heart slowly began to speed up. It was easy to get lost, and she suddenly realized just how easily she’d been swept away. All of this had been a magical fantasy she never wanted to wake up from. But she’d seen the other side of when fate led the way, the painful parts. The parts that crushed her so she didn’t even look like herself anymore.
“So, then, this Liv really is as special as you thought?” the woman asked.
This time, Miles didn’t hesitate. “More so than I could have even imagined.”
“Amazing news,” a man said. “Any talk on what will happen tomorrow?”
Liv couldn’t stand it any longer. She peeked around the curtain. Miles had his back to her, with his ankles resting up on the railing. A quick look at the phone and Liv recognized them as Dmitri and his wife Presley, who she’d met at the wedding.
She moved away quickly to remain unseen as Miles replied, “We’ve chatted a little bit, but nothing is set in stone.”
The world spun around Liv as Miles added gently, “She’s been hurt before and is very logical about all this. The long-distance thing is a problem, and I’m well aware of that.”
Presley snorted. “Just because you live in two different states doesn’t mean you can’t make it work. People do it all the time. You can go visit her on the weekends, or she can come see us. Totally doable.”
Miles paused like he was choosing his words carefully. “I’ve offered to move to San Francisco.”
Stunned silence sank into the darkness. The type of silence that instantly made Liv go ice cold.
Even Liv felt the weight of Dmitri’s shock when he asked, “You are that sure about her?”
Miles let out a long slow breath. “What I feel for her hasn’t dulled. If anything, it’s more intense now than before. I’d be a damn fool not to see where we end up.”
“But you’d be moving away from all of us,” Presley said, tears in her voice. “Your job. Your family here. We all need you, Miles.”
“Presley,” Dmitri said firmly.
“Well, it’s true,” she said, her voice quivering.
“I know this is hard, Presley,” Miles murmured. “I haven’t made this decision lightly.”
Liv shut her eyes, barely able to breathe. No, no. no. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. He made it seem easy. That moving to San Fran was the right thing to do. But how was this the right thing?
Presley sniffed and asked, “Why can’t she move to Vegas?”
“Liv’s very close to her family. Her mother has MS. Obviously, leaving her would be hard, and I won’t ask her to.” He hesitated. “Like I said, she’s been hurt before. Trusting anyone is understandably hard, and to see where this goes, I need to take this leap of faith to show her I’m all in.”
The room began to swallow Liv up. He said his friends would understand. That he’d been searching for something missing in his life. How was this good for anyone? His friends would miss him. He was needed at the club. They had no idea if this could work between them. If she could even be what he needed. He was a Dominant at a sex club. Sure, she’d had fun, but she wasn’t sure she could go up on a stage like that woman or kneel at his feet.
He’ll grow bored of you, a dark voice echoed in her head. He’ll look elsewhere when that happens.
“I’m really happy for you, Miles,” Presley said, her voice crackling. “But it won’t be the same without you here. With us. Where you belong.”
“It’ll be all right,” Miles said tenderly. “I’ll visit often enough. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
“Now that would be impossible,” Dmitri said, his voice thick with the affection of an obviously close friendship. “Your absence will be greatly felt by all.”
Liv shut her eyes and breathed against the swelling of her heart. He’d leave them, his found family and life for her. For what? Because fate put two people together who had a connection—a magical one, yes—but was it real? Could it be? Or was this all a fantasy that was always meant to end?
Breaking into her thoughts, Miles said, “We’ll talk soon.”
“Goodnight, Miles,” Dmitri replied.
The silence indicated the video chat ended, and Miles’ long exhale cut through the darkness. Liv drowned in the cold fear crippling her as that voice in her head became loud again. You weren’t enough for Gavin. You won’t be enough for Miles. He’ll resent you for making him move. He’ll hate you for it. And you’ll be left alone… again.
The next morning, Miles woke to sun glistening through the sheer curtain. He’d left the patio door open last night, and the wind now made the fabric dance. Since he’d arrived on the cruise, he’d been dreading today. But after last night’s call, he felt surer about his next steps than ever before. While he’d miss his family in Vegas, he didn’t doubt himself now. He’d always lived by his mother’s code: work first, everything else second. That had only made him lonely. If he planned to risk it all, Liv was certainly worthy. He flipped over, expecting to find her sleeping.
Instead, he found a note on her empty pillow.
Dread sank in when he reached for the piece of paper.
What scares me more than losing myself, is being the reason that you lose who you are. Your friends need you. I refuse to be the reason you leave them and your job behind. I’ll never forget this time we had together… I’ll never forget you.
—Liv
“Fuck,” Miles growled, shoving off the sheets. Obviously, she’d overheard the conversation last night between him, Dmitri, and Presley. A conversation that, on the outside, looked like he was giving everything up for her, but what she didn’t realize was this decision was happening regardless of what happened on this cruise. He’d planned to make a move—maybe not forever and maybe not to San Fran—but at least until he found whatever he was looking for. Dmitri had known this. Presley hadn’t.
But he’d found what he wanted in Liv. Something bigger than himself. Happiness.
He threw on a pair of pants and a T-shirt, not bothering with shoes. He snatched his wallet off the table and ran out the door. People were already packed and heading down the hallway with their suitcases. His heart raced, pulsing with dread as he pushed harder to get to her. Every second felt like a lifetime as he raced up the staircase then down another hallway until he reached Liv’s cabin. He banged on the door. Again. And again.
Behind him, a soft voice said, “She’s not in there.”
Miles whirled around, finding Grace standing in her doorway, with Liv’s other friend, Benjamin, there too. “Where is she?” he asked, breathless. “I need to find her.” Because somehow, he knew if she left this ship that was it. She’d decide to walk away for good, to stop feeling and let logic win.
“I’m sorry, Miles,” Grace said softly. “She’s already left, and I suspect is on her way to the airport.”
Benjamin cursed softly. “And obviously, she didn’t tell you that.” He slowly shook his head, a frown marring his face. “I feel for you, man. We’ve all got that look on our faces right now. Who knew a trip could end up with so many miserable people?” He turned and strode back into the room.
Grace stepped further into the hallway, leaving the door ajar. “I know I should probably stay out of it, but she cares about you, you know. Leaving you today…that wasn’t easy for her.”
Miles took in a shuddering breath, not having the words to explain what he felt right then. “Have a safe trip home.” He turned away before he lashed out at a person who didn’t deserve it. He wanted Liv with him, not lost in her fears, running back home.
He made it back to his cabin, cursing again as he slammed the door behind him. Just as he took a step forward, his cell phone rang. He snagged it from his pocket and answered the Facetime call before he even looked at the screen. Heady disappointment sank into him when he saw Cora.
“Miles, I’m just so happy for you and Liv,” said Cora, a huge smile on her face. “Is she there? Am I interrupting? Oh, I just want to hear about your entire trip. Presley said it was amazing. I, for one, am so happy for you and that you’re moving to San Fran. It’ll give us even more reason to come visit. I love it there.”
Miles wanted to curse. Why couldn’t Liv have heard this conversation? Presley was sweet and loving and cared extra hard. His move would be hardest on her. But not hard on everyone. Liv simply didn’t know that.
Whatever crossed his face made Cora frown. “Wait. What’s wrong?”
Every fucking thing. “I need to go, Cora.”
“What’s happening?”
“I’ll tell you when I come home.”
Her eyes saddened. “You’re coming home? To Vegas?”
“Yes.” He ended the call. “Fuck,” he growled, sitting on the bed, thrusting his hand in his hair. He stared down at his phone, tension nearly crippling him, and then he opened that email that started all this.
Dear Miles,
Sometimes a connection doesn’t make sense. It can hit us out of nowhere and change everything we know. I’ve thought about you every day for the past three months. If you have too, come cruise with me.
—Liv
The details of the cruise had been attached. Miles stared at the email now for as long as he’d stared at it after he received it. To go to Liv had been a decision he’d come to quickly. He thought fate had led him to the right spot.
Now fate only showed him a taste of what life with Liv could be, and then, like a cruel joke, that life was ripped away.
Miles shut his eyes, breathed deep, and then shoved his phone in his pocket, accepting the truth. He’d come to claim Liv as his. And he’d failed.