I wonder how the little kids are handling my disappearance? Should I have sacrificed my child for them all?
—R.
No staff and fewer kids meant I stayed up all night trying to make Mistress happy. The next morning I was barely able to keep on my feet. Patience and compassion were drained from my soul. I fought the urge to lock myself in my closet and refuse to come out.
Bodie tugged on my pant leg. “Juliet, I have to tell you something.”
“Not now, Bodie.”
“But—”
“Go tell Nicole.” I finished tucking the fresh pillow beneath a lax and fragile head belonging to Enid, one of the sisters. The list today felt more daunting and undoable than usual. I wanted the mental and emotional energy to sit and think. Contemplate the photographs, my dreams, my future.
“But—”
The sisters were situated and as comfortable as I could make them. One was unconscious and never expected to wake. Apparently, she’d been at death’s door for weeks, always one breath away from saying her farewells. The orderly didn’t know what was keeping her alive. It defied logic. The other sister had a broken hip. The nurse told Mistress, “You know what happens to old ladies with broken hips.”
We knew. That’s why they came here.
I was changing out the linens, delivering the meal tray, freshening the water pitcher, and checking their feet for cold. I always added a layer whenever someone’s toes felt too cold. It seemed to me an easy thing to do. My frigid feet never warmed and I wished someone would toss an extra blanket over mine.
“Oh dear, that tickles.”
I leapt back from the bed, my gaze flying toward the voice at its head.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, dear.” She seemed contrite and apologetic, rubbing her eyes with one slightly shaky hand.
“Hi,” I said. “It’s okay, I thought you might need another blanket or—”
“I’m Enid Fairchild.” She lifted a hand toward me and smiled. Her brilliantly white hair was pressed against her head like a skullcap. It looked like she usually styled it in tight curls.
“I’m Juliet … um, Ambrose.” I shook her hand carefully, trying to make sure I didn’t hurt her. Rarely were patients here conscious or talkative, but when they were, I learned a library’s wealth of knowledge.
“Are you a candy striper, child?” She tried to raise her body higher on the pillows.
I leaned over her and added muscle to her efforts until she nodded. “No, what’s a candy striper?” I asked.
“Why, a volunteer who helps in the hospital. Do you want to be a nurse or a doctor?”
“No!” I almost shouted. I’d spent entirely too much of my life nursing and doctoring to want to do those things as a career. “Sorry.” I backed away from the bed, expecting her to scold me for raising my voice.
She blinked and glanced around. “We’re not in the hospital anymore, are we?”
I bit my cuticles, hating to be the one to break the news. “No, ma’am, you’re at Dunklebarger Rehabilitation Center.”
“Well, that’s a mouthful. Don’t you just love that name, Glee?” She tried to reach a hand out to pat her sister. Her hand fell limply when she couldn’t quite make it. Her sadness was a palpable curtain descending over her bed. “Can you move us closer? Please?” she asked.
Mistress would say no, but I didn’t see what difference it made. So I unlocked the wheels of Glee’s bed and pushed it gently toward Enid’s.
“That is sublime.” She brushed her sister’s hair away from her forehead. “Hello, my darling.”
I stepped back, feeling like an intruder.
“We’re twins, you know. Identical twins.” She smiled at me, her wrinkles like bird tracks across her face. They added a divinity to her smile that felt irresistible.
She made me think of Miss Claudia and Paddy, the first guests I met when I came here. I loved them. They were like grandparents, family that I never knew I missed until they died. Since then I’d kept my heart far away from anyone old who was alive enough to talk. Kept an emotional distance to protect myself, pretended I wasn’t attached to them or wished for something I couldn’t have, until I believed it.
“May I have a drink of water, Juliet?”
“Sure.” I poured her a clean glass from a plastic bottle and held the straw while she drank.
There was a twinkle in her eyes that reminded me of someone. Brilliant blue eyes like pictures I’d seen of the South Pacific Ocean. I yearned to see every body of water on earth. Wildcat Creek was the closest I had come to and that’s what kept me striving forward when Kirian left three years ago.
“I think I’ll sleep now. Will you be here when I wake?” Enid asked with the vulnerability of a young child.
I tried to give her reassurance that I didn’t feel. “Yes, ma’am. Probably.”
“That’s good. Very good.” She closed her eyes and drifted off.
“Sema?” I whispered at the curtains. I couldn’t remember if she was in here or not.
Sema peeked around the outside edge of the curtain. I envied her the smooth milk chocolate of her skin and the hazel green of her eyes. She’d be exotic and beautiful when she was grown, especially compared to the grass-fed heifer I saw looking back at me in mirrors.
“Can you stay in here? Come and get me if either of them wakes up?”
She nodded and disappeared back to her post at the window. She happily twirled herself into the heavy fabric. Part of me, the mothering part, wondered if I should be dissuading this obsession, but the other part didn’t want to take away the one thing that comforted the little girl.
The rest of the day passed swiftly, with Mistress adding more demands when she thought I wasn’t moving fast enough. The to-do list forever lengthened.
Finally, with two minutes to myself and an urgent need to empty my bladder, I sat on the toilet and leaned against the wall. Closing my eyes, I felt the pull of sleep, of something darker and more permanent. I was swimming in an ocean much more powerful and strong than I could ever hope to be. I didn’t know why I kept fighting the currents when letting go had a certain comforting appeal.
“Juliet?” A tiny hand shook my shoulder.
I jerked, almost falling off the toilet. “Bodie?” I shrieked. “Get out!”
“No!” He crossed his arms and planted his feet.
“Yes!” There was no dignity in this with my panties at my ankles.
“You ’ave to listen to me!” He narrowed his eyes, peeved and determined.
“Fine, what?”
“It’s a message. From Meri-de-an.”
“From Meridian? What were you doing talking to her? Is she here?” I started fumbling with toilet paper.
“Stop!” Bodie squealed. “Listen.”
I held up my hands in surrender. “Okay.”
“She met your mom. Mom loves you, protects you.”
“What?” I had expected an invitation to dinner or a fashion suggestion, anything but information about my mother.
“That’s what she said. Now, you heard it.” He backed out of the tiny servant’s bathroom and shut the door behind him.
I called after him, “When? Where? Bodie!” I stood and tripped over my tangled feet. “Damn!” I pulled myself together and trotted out to find Bodie for more details.
I was blasted by Mistress as soon as she saw me.
“Juliet!” she screamed.
I closed my eyes and schooled my face back to neutral. I couldn’t handle more physical abuse today. My bruises were better, but the bones of my back continued to ache. “Yes, Mistress.”
“Has Ms. Asura been here?”
Huh? “Ma’am?”
Her eyes rolled white and wild. “When I wasn’t here, was Ms. Asura in my office?”
“Not that I know of.” Where was this coming from?
“You see everything that goes on here. Tell me.” She stepped toward me, looking like she’d beat the answer out of me. The problem was I didn’t know which answer she sought.
She puffed up her cheeks and slapped a hand against the doorjamb. “She’s been here. I know it. Does she think she can interfere? This is my house. She’ll be at the Feast tonight. We’ll see who’s in charge here!”
I stood ramrod straight and silent, trying not to draw attention to myself.
She waddled past me. I thought she might have forgotten I was there, until she said over her shoulder, “I’ll be out late.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Do not take advantage of my hospitality.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The front door slammed and I sagged.
“Is she gone?” Nicole bounded down the steps.
I nodded. “Did you talk to Bodie?”
“Yep. Heavy message. Here.” Nicole handed me a wrapped bundle.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Your costume.”
“For what?”
“Go find answers at the Feast. That’s where they are.”
“The Feast? Mistress will kill me.” Not an idle threat.
“She’s not here and you’ll be back before she is.”
“She’s going to be there and you know it.”
“Maybe. Hunting trouble.”
“Should I warn Ms. Asura?” I asked, my stomach clenching at the thought.
Nicole blanched. “Uh, no. Have I taught you nothing? That one can take care of herself. Go to the Feast. Find Meridian and Tens. They’re probably with a glassblower named Rumi, the man you met before. Mistress won’t recognize you. That’s what the costume is for.”
“Really? How do you know this stuff?”
“Magic.” Nicole smiled. “Just a guess. Come on. Go. I’ll handle here.”
“But—”
“Juliet, you have to know the truth. Go.”
I put on the pioneer costume and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I saw a different girl who lived a different life. I needed to find Meridian.
Could my mother really be out there? Does she love me?