Commander Barker McMifflin here, reporting from the field. There’s been a disturbance in the dungeon about a hundred yards that-a-way, and by that-a-way, I mean the direction I just came from. I’m debating whether I should approach the disturbance, which sounded like a small earthquake, or continue on. While I think about the pros and cons, here are three important updates on my progress.
UPDATE NUMBER ONE: This place is crawling with Snerbs.
I’ve only encountered two Snerbs at close range on my dungeon crawl so far, but there are many more moving around in twisting tunnels too numerous to count. One of the Snerbs I encountered was green, the other was orange, and they were traveling together in a pair. I’d say they were each about the size of a fully grown elephant and they were quite busy digging, so busy in fact that they didn’t even see me standing right behind them. That’s the problem with having one giant eyeball—a dungeon crawler can sneak right up on you. I’ve gone deep enough into the uncharted caverns to hear them sloshing and crawling around in nearby tunnels, and I would guess they number in the dozens if not hundreds. Are they multiplying, or did Colossal Chemistry make way more of these things than I would have ever guessed? Time will tell.
UPDATE NUMBER TWO: They’re getting bigger.
While I did not come face-to-face with any other Snerbs besides the two mentioned above, I did watch one cross my path from a distance. I was in a very wide cave with tunnels running in many directions, and this thing flopped forward like a giant wet sock. It must have had thirty or more tentacles, it was purple, and it was the size of a hot air balloon. I mean this thing was big.
UPDATE NUMBER THREE: The Snerbs are glowing.
I don’t even need my headlamp at this point because the amount of light coming off these Snerbs is like a blowtorch. The two elephant-sized Snerbs I crept up on pulsed green and orange light, and their fur rolled back and forth like a wheat field in the wind. The amount of light they produced would have illuminated a football field on a Friday night, so you can imagine how much light a really big Snerb puts off. And there are holes and tunnels everywhere. Overhead, along the path on the ground, to the sides—and many of them are pouring out colored light from some Snerb either close or far away. The rainbow of colors moves like liquid across the walls, beams of light, pools of light, whole caverns bathed in the full spectrum of color.
For an experienced doomsday survivalist like me, it all seemed like a sign of very bad things to come.
Now to the business at hand—should I investigate the crashing sound or ignore it? I know what it was: a Snerb breaking through the ceiling. But I’m interested in following one of these things and it might be the closest one I can find. If this particular Snerb is on the move, it might be headed somewhere important. Now that I’m deep in the world of Snerbville, I’m seeing how big the problem really is. These things are evolving into a species that could end the world as we know it.
There has to be a way to slow them down or stop them altogether, and the only way to find the answer is to follow a Snerb.
Quick observation for you: there are enormous holes with soft light coming out of them all along the ground where I’m trying to walk. I’ve dropped rocks down some of these holes and never heard them hit the bottom. I definitely don’t want to fall in another hole, one was enough, and these holes could go on for miles and miles.
I’ve just turned a sharp corner and things are getting darker. There’s a soft green glow somewhere down the way, and the sound of a Snerb eating. It’s a sound of rocks and dirt and every kind of earth mixed with a sloshing, gloppy crunching noise, in case you were interested. There are way fewer tunnels and holes here and far less light, which must mean it’s the edge of the primary area Snerbs are living in.
Aha! There you are! A good-sized specimen. Glowing green, facing away from me, its rubbery arms flailing around like sock puppets. It’s twice the size of the two I saw earlier, and it seems to be busy with some sort of work I can’t see. What’s this thing doing?
Sneaking around the far right, I’m staying tight to the wall and I’ve got my flyswatter out for protection. This thing is almost as wide as a school bus, but I finally make it far enough I can see around the unbelievable girth of a giant underground monster.
And there, going toe-to-toe with a giant green Snerb, is a nine-inch-tall kid wielding a toothpick.