Chapter Seven

Alice liked Dr. Colleen Thompson as a person, but she did not enjoy sitting in the doctor’s spacious office and talking about feelings. Despite her internal protests, she rested in a leather chair, ready to begin her therapy session. She steadied her nerves and smoothed out her worry.

“Since I just have you for two weeks, we’ll only scratch the surface of some deep issues.” Colleen rested a hand on the arm of her chair.

“I don’t expect miracles.” Alice inhaled a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Life had taught her to be a realist. “I expect my mental health will improve naturally over time.”

“Time does heal, but only if you release what’s weighing you down.” After removing her black-rimmed glasses, Colleen rested them on her lap.

“My body will never be the same as before the explosion.” She absentmindedly rubbed her right knee. A tingling sensation ran along the back portion of her leg. “I can’t physically do what I used to.”

Colleen leaned forward. “I’m talking about your mind…and your soul. After everything you’ve been through, psychological side effects are natural.”

“I’m not depressed.” She wrapped both arms around her body. After all she’d survived, since early childhood on, she’d never lost herself. But over the last year, she’d come very close. If she didn’t start down a new path soon, she might stay trapped in the center of a frightening maze.

“Depression is one way the brain deals with trauma. Insomnia and anger are others. Many times, symptoms are not cut and dry.” She folded her hands. “What I see in you, Alice, is a profound grief for the people you’ve lost, as well as for your stolen future. You’ve fought for so many years, which is a hard attitude to set aside now that you’re out of the military.”

“So, I should act like sugar and spice and everything nice in order to fit into polite society?” Ha, no way. Even as a child, she hadn’t possessed those qualities. She’d never been the sweet girl her mother and father wished for.

Colleen smiled. “Don’t lose your fighting spirit, just redirect it. You’ve spent your adult life pushing boundaries. You’re a woman who loves a challenge. Use the fire inside to forge a new life.” She stood and paced in front of her chair. “You’ve accomplished amazing things in your life, like climb onboard a chopper with a team of Green Berets, so I know you have the potential to do anything you want. Stay open to unexpected possibilities.”

Going with the flow was not really her style. “I’m a control freak. Letting go won’t come naturally.” She lowered her gaze to her feet. In the past, she set her sights on a goal and did not quit until she accomplished it. Nothing distracted her. Now, her focus remained elusive, like she chased a purpose she couldn’t see.

“Take working with Micah, for example. I’m sure in a million years, you didn’t see yourself training a pro athlete. How is training going, by the way?” Colleen sat again and crossed her legs.

“Good…so far.” Honestly, working with Micah was great. While she pushed him, he pushed right back. Too bad their time together had an expiration date. Sadness welled at the thought of saying goodbye.

“They’d hoped the arrangement would be good for you both.” Colleen’s wide smile sparkled in her blue eyes.

“Might be one of Heath’s better schemes.” Definitely better than any he’d had while deployed.

“Heath had the help of Storm and Reagan Harrison.” Colleen laughed. “The three of them have been conspiring since the moment both of you agreed to come.”

“Figures. I guess the fact we sat next to one another was no accident.” She shook her head. Why would three busy men have wasted so much time bringing Micah and her together?

“Heath made sure your flight transferred in Jacksonville, and you spent time together on the plane coming here. He thinks of himself as a regular matchmaker.”

She almost laughed out loud. How could anyone consider hooking her up with Micah a good idea? Maybe putting Heath in another headlock would teach him a lesson in minding his own business? “Heath is wasting his efforts. Micah and I are friends, but that’s the extent of our relationship.” She paused for dramatic effect. “Forever.”

“And why’s that?” Colleen gazed down and wrote on her notepad.

Whenever Colleen jotted notes during their sessions, Alice’s nerves fluttered. She wanted to lean forward and peek, needing to know what the doctor thought but wasn’t saying. “Micah has other things on his mind, like getting back on the football field. Plus, he still has a broken heart and likely in love with his ex-girlfriend. Most importantly, I wouldn’t become romantically involved with anyone. At least, not seriously.”

She hovered the pen over the paper and glanced up. “You’re not open to finding love?”

A person couldn’t find something she’s not searching for. “I’m not a big believer. In my mind, marriage doesn’t make sense. No offense, because you seem happy with Storm.”

“Falling in love isn’t logical.” Colleen’s expression softened. “Do you see a point in your future when you’d be open to marriage and a family?”

“Staying single means I live how I choose. I don’t answer to someone else.” Hadn’t her mother done appalling things in order to make her husband happy? She’d stood by quietly while he married away their daughters to perverts. Nausea churned at the memories. “In regards to Micah”—Alice fought to keep her emotions from sounding in her voice—“he treats me like a sister. Same as how most guys treat me.”

Colleen set both pen and paper on the side table. “You’ve put up a tall wall, one only a very strong and determined person could scale.”

Very perceptive, Doc. Alice crossed her arms. “I wouldn’t want anything less.”

Smiling, Colleen nodded. “I’ll inform Heath his plan has failed. He’ll be very disappointed.”

“You leave Heath to me.” She pointed at her chest, having learned from past experience how to deal with the man. “He treats me like a kid, and it’s time he learns I can take care of myself.”

“Heath only cares about you.” Colleen reached across and patted her hand. “He wants you to find happiness.”

Alice’s happiness would never be wrapped in a man—even a handsome man with an arm like a rocket and a charming smile able to melt ice. The cost of love—giving away her independence—was too high.

****

Within the privacy of his room, Micah ended the call from his agent. The reporter and photographer would be here tomorrow for a one-on-one interview, then capture photographs of Micah in action—a caring volunteer helping to improve the lives of veterans.

Once the interview concluded, Micah wished to head home. Officially, training camp was three months away, but the Warriors started mini-camps soon. He wanted to be in Timber Lake as soon as possible to train in the team’s facility. Stepping inside the stadium would do wonders for his mental well-being.

Realizing when he left the retreat, he’d leave Alice as well, he struggled to maintain his upbeat mood. Every morning, he looked forward to their training sessions and the down time spent together afterward.

He’d miss their verbal jousting. No one else, not even the guys on his football team, had a mouth like Alice. Likely because hers was so incredibly pretty.

After a brief search, he located Alice. She stood outside on the patio, surrounded by several men. An irrational jealousy flared. Normally, she kept the male veterans at arm’s length. Until now, he’d enjoyed her almost exclusive attention. Apparently, not anymore.

Micah approached the gathering but remained a few steps away, not wanting to draw attention from Alice. Right now, no one cared about Micah Palmer, football star. All the men were totally captivated by her.

Alice stood perfectly straight, hands on hips. “I was in a small, dark room, surrounded by scared women, and I had to search them all,” she said to the group. “The first woman approached and lifted her burka to her knees, revealing the hairiest legs I’ve ever seen. I instructed her to lower the burka so I could administer a pat-down. As I worked up the left leg, I felt something long and very hard.”

Deep-throated laughter filled the air.

Alice laughed, too. “I thought, ‘either this lady is hiding a gun, or I’m searching a man and he’s very happy to see me.’ ”

“Was it a dude?” asked the dark-haired guy standing to her right.

“A dude with an AK-47 rifle.” She nodded. “He ran off before I put everything together but didn’t get far. The soldiers stationed outside the hut captured him before he pulled his weapon.” Alice lifted her glass and took a long drink, leaving small droplets of water on her lower lip.

Micah’s pulse sky-rocketed.

“Good thing you were along to search the women.” The short, stout man standing across the way folded his arms over his body and shifted his weight between widespread legs. “He would have blended in and gotten away.”

Micah studied Alice. Her eyes glittered in the late afternoon light. His chest ached with missing her, and he hadn’t left the retreat yet. He should do something special in appreciation for her efforts over the past week. Due to her persistence and drive, he once again felt like the kid he’d been, discovering the joy of sports.

He left Alice’s group and searched the grounds for Storm, finally finding him with his daughter, who played on the swing set in their backyard. A wood fence separated the retreat from Storm and Colleen’s house. Someday, he’d like to have similar tranquil and happy life. “Hey, man,” Micah said. “I have a favor to ask.”

Storm set a giggling Harper on the swing. “Let’s hear it.”

His heart raced. Suddenly, he transformed to an insecure boy about to ask a father’s permission to date his daughter. “I want to take out Alice tonight for a nice dinner in thanks for working with me.”

“What do you need?” He pushed his daughter.

Harper kicked her feet and squealed.

Micah grinned, a reflection of the glee on the little girl’s face. A simple activity done with a loved one created so much joy. “Transportation, for one, and the name of a nice restaurant.” Liberty Ridge, the closest town, likely wouldn’t have many options due to its small population. But a few nice places must be around for a guy taking out a girl. Not that he was asking Alice on a date. Romance was the last thing on his mind. An attractive image of Alice as she worked out earlier today floated into his mind, and his body warmed. Okay, maybe a few brain cells were hijacked.

“You can take my truck.” Storm tipped his head toward the garage. “I don’t need it for the rest of the night. The Desert Rose is a nice restaurant in Liberty Ridge.” His gazed fixed on Micah. “Are you interested in her…romantically?”

“No.” Beads of perspiration formed on his brow. “Alice is a friend and sees me as the annoying brother type. I want to show my appreciation.”

“I highly discourage you from putting the moves on her.” Storm lifted his daughter from the swing, who then took off chasing the dog. “Alice has a lot of obstacles to overcome. I’d hate to see the addition of a broken heart.”

Why did Storm think he had to play protector of her heart? In Micah’s opinion, Alice was more than capable of taking care of herself. “I’d never do anything to hurt her. Besides, just as I said…to her I’m like an annoying brother.”

As Storm strode toward the house, he waved for Micah to follow. “I’ll get the truck keys.”

With transportation secure, he sought out Alice with the expectation of convincing her to join him tonight. He found her talking with four other veterans. When she saw him approach, she gifted him with a breathtaking smile.

She waved goodbye to the other guys and came to stand beside him. “I was wondering where you ran off to. What did your agent say?”

“The interview’s tomorrow. It’s not that big of a deal.” She didn’t need to know how much he had riding on the interview’s success. Without fan support, he’d struggle to return next season. “I made arrangements to take you out to dinner tonight. In thanks for training me.”

Alice’s smile faded. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m sure my training hasn’t been that life altering.” For a brief moment, she watched as a couple strode hand in hand down the hiking path. She blinked before returning her gaze to him.

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a great trainer. You know how hard to push people without caving to their complaining.” He blew out a breath. “Anyway, Storm loaned me his truck. I’ll go shower and change. Let’s meet in an hour.” Jogging away, he hoped not to give her a chance to say no.

After showering and dressing in record time, he paced the floor in his little room, restless and edgy. His stomach twisted into knots, and his palms were damp. Tonight wasn’t a date. He and Alice were friends. A friend who happened to be a woman—a very attractive woman.

Stop. Thinking about her looks is not helping.

When he descended the stairs, he found Alice standing before the fireplace in the gathering room. She didn’t notice him and continued staring into the flames. Her cheeks glowed with the reflected color from the fire—a golden kiss on smooth silk.

On the last step, the board creaked, and she turned to face him.

She appeared melancholy, despite her weak smile. He wished to glimpse inside her mind and understand everything that shaped her into who she was today. Even after spending a week together, she was still such a mystery. One he deeply desired to solve before they went their separate ways.

****

Alice broke off eye contact with Micah and glanced back into the flames. Painful memories surfaced in her mind at the worst moments. Like now, right before leaving for a nice dinner out with a friend. She’d been enjoying the warmth of the fireplace when the faces of the men who’d died in the IED blast appeared. Their screams echoed in her head, and she put her hands over her ears to block them out.

Why had they died instead of her? She walked the earth alone while their families lived without their loved ones. The unfairness of the loss made her want to scream. The IED should have taken her. She should have been the one returned to the US in a flag-draped casket.

“You ready to go?” Micah walked toward her, hands resting on his hips.

The sound of his voice broke through her reverie. “Yes.” She followed him outside to Storm’s old pick-up truck, which he’d parked on the circular driveway close to the main building’s front door.

After he made sure she was seated, he strode around the hood of the truck and climbed inside. The truck rumbled to life, and she bit back a laugh. “I’ll guess this hunk of Detroit metal is a step down from what you’re used to driving.”

He shifted into Drive. The truck jerked forward before stalling. “I don’t care if the truck was built in the 1940s. All I asked for was something that wouldn’t get us killed.” Turning the key again, he shifted into Drive and stepped on the gas.

“We’ll be fine. I’ve ridden in vehicles in worse shape. At least no one’s shooting at us.” The ghost sounds of gunshots rang in her head, and she turned to gaze out the window, needing the reminder she was in Texas, not in a faraway desert. On the other side of the road, a wide stretch of prairie covered the rolling landscape. In the distance, a herd of dark cattle congregated around a large mesquite tree.

“Thanks for the reassurance.” Wearing a smirk, he tapped on the steering wheel to the beat of the country song playing on the radio. “I have an idea. Let’s play two truths and a lie. You go first.”

His childlike grin got her laughing. “Okay.” His playful mood served as an effective distraction from her dark thoughts. “I’m game. Are we keeping score?”

“Of course.” His hand slapped the steering wheel. “Winner gets to sleep in tomorrow.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t sleep in.”

“But I do.” Micah glanced quickly at her and winked. “Or at least I did. If I win, you let me sleep in. If you win, you can wake me up at five instead of six.”

Terms she could live with. “Fine. Let’s do this. Five rounds. I’ll keep score. Good luck.” Rubbing together her hands, she racked her brain for something guaranteed to trip him up. No excuses, she had to win. “Okay…I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer when I was younger. My favorite gun is a Beretta M9. I once hiked forty miles along the Appalachian Trail.”

“You’re lying about hiking the Appalachian Trail.” Grinning, he nodded. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Did he doubt she could physically accomplish the feat? “You are wrong. A friend and I hiked the Appalachian Trail three years ago. The Beretta M9 is my favorite, but I didn’t swim in a pool until I was seventeen.” That hot summer day, with the smell of chlorine filling her nostrils, was one of her favorite memories.

“I was just warming up.” Micah cracked his knuckles before quickly returning his hands to the steering wheel. “I was born in Hawaii. I grew up in Clearwater, Florida. I played baseball in high school, earning All-State as shortstop.”

“You weren’t born in Hawaii.” She was confident about her pick. Well, for the most part.

Micah huffed out a breath. “Right. I was born and grew up in Florida, and I was one of the state’s top shortstops. Football won my devotion in the end, though.” He glanced her way. “Your turn.”

Alice tossed away any facts about her childhood on the compound. “I enlisted in the Army when I was eighteen. I was in the ROTC program in college. I earned my Bachelor’s degree from the University of South Carolina.”

Micah scratched his chin and remained silent, considering his options. “That’s a tough one. You weren’t in the ROTC.”

“You’re right.” Darn. If she didn’t get the next one correct, they’d be tied.

“I was selected during the second round of the NFL draft. I was a backup quarterback my first season with the Warriors. Until last season, I’ve never missed a game.”

She mulled over her choices. She’d heard on a sports show he’d been a backup his first season. So, she was left with a fifty-fifty shot to answer correctly. “I’ll guess the lie is you were drafted in the second round.”

“I went during the first round.” His chest swelled. “I was hot stuff.”

She snorted a laugh. Just because she agreed didn’t mean he needed to know. “If you’re finished being modest, I’d like a turn. I wear a size nine shoe. My favorite movie is GI Jane. I’ve never been to a shopping mall.”

“You don’t seem like the shopping mall type, and you’re basically GI Jane, so I’d say your lie is your shoe size is a nine.”

“Wrong.” Contentment settled her anxiety like a good rain over dust. Time spent with Micah had that effect. She’d laughed more in the past few days then she had in almost a year. “My favorite movie is Gone with the Wind.”

“I don’t believe you.” He kept his head facing straight ahead, but his narrowed gaze shifted toward her.

“Why? A soldier can’t like movies other than shoot-ʼem-up ones?” Actually, even while enlisted, she avoided any shows that featured combat or war. Instead, she watched soap operas like an addict and read historical romances. The ones with men wearing kilts on the covers were her favorite. “Gone with the Wind is a classic. Scarlett and Rhett were two messed-up, selfish people, who ended up being perfect for each other. Unfortunately, they were too stubborn to acknowledge the truth until too late. I cheer for flawed characters.”

“Like real people.” Micah sighed. “Do you like tragedy with all your love stories?”

“I don’t see tragedy but life. I don’t believe anyone is guaranteed a happy ever after.” Not in a romantic sense because some weren’t searching for love. People like her.

“I hope you’re not right, but I’m still holding out hope.” Micah turned the dial on the radio. “My turn. Since we’re talking movies…my favorite is The Godfather. I have one sister. I spent eight weeks in an inpatient treatment facility for drug dependence.” Micah’s voice broke as he spoke the last word.

His pain hit her like a blow to the heart. “Micah.” She rested a hand on his tense forearm. “Don’t be ashamed you sought help.”

He remained silent and quickly wiped at the corner of his right eye.

“Okay.” She cleared her throat, fighting back tears herself. How could she communicate her respect for his journey from addiction then fight for redemption on the football field? Maybe someday, she’d share her thoughts, but right now, they were supposed to be having fun. “You don’t have a sister.”

“You’re good at this.” He gave a weak smile. “I’m an only child. The guy I consider my brother is not one related by blood.”

“Jamal, right?” The darkness faded from his expression, and the light sparkling in his brown eyes warmed her heart. Remove the pro-athlete ego and she saw a little boy who simply wanted acceptance.

“Yes. His dad was my father figure growing up. I’ll forever be grateful for their family.”

“You better get the next one right, because I’m winning, three to one.” She’d give him an easy one. “I used to be a fitness fanatic. My first Special Ops mission was with Heath’s team. I hate hip hop.”

“Oh, come on. The lie is you hate hip hop. You always have that type of music blasting in the gym.” Micah braked for a stop sign and flipped the right turn blinker.

“Correct.” She turned up the volume of the radio and sang along. How many months had passed since she’d felt so light and free? Happiness had always been encased in a bubble—easily destroyed. She’d learned to enjoy the gift of contentment, however short lived.

Her body held a physical lightness. At the same time, she sensed her roots searching for solid and secure ground. Day by day, she learned to accept her new reality. Her life would never be as before. How long until she was healed enough to fully move on?

She watched out the window as they pulled into town. Liberty Ridge had a cute, historic downtown area, filled with little shops and restaurants. Small towns were preferable to large cities. The constant noise of high population areas—car horns, people yelling, the growl of truck engines—grated on her nerves. She liked the quiet of the retreat. Without distraction, she could actually reflect and plan for her next step.

Micah turned onto the town’s main street. He parked the rickety truck on the street, in front of The Desert Rose restaurant, then exited to open her door. “We can finish our game over dinner.” Taking her hand, he helped steady her as she stepped out.

They entered the restaurant and were led to a table set toward the rear. Once seated, she watched as a few fans approached Micah, asking for selfies.

He agreed with a smile, but afterward turned his attention fully back to Alice.

She found herself drawn to his attractive aura but continued to battle any romantic feelings. Micah simply made her happy, and for a long time, nothing or no one else had.

Their server approached the table and took their drink orders.

“I believe it’s your turn.” Alice studied her surroundings. The Desert Rose restaurant was quaint and charming, and the menu appeared impressive for a small town. They specialized in locally sourced meat and produce, some from the organic farm partnered with the retreat.

“Get ready for a tough one.” He grinned from across the table. “I don’t like chocolate. My middle name is Francis. I own an engagement ring that’s still sitting in my dresser at home.”

Despite the smile on his face, she saw the pain etched in his eyes, which caused her own heart to ache. He’d loved his ex-girlfriend deeply enough to wish to marry her. She took a deep breath. “The lie is that you don’t like chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate.”

“I’m a freak then because I don’t like chocolate. The lie is my middle name isn’t Francis, its James.” He accepted a tall glass of sweet tea from the server.

Once their server left, Alice’s curiosity overpowered the warning in her head. “Were you engaged?” What kind of woman would have left a man like Micah when he needed her most?

He stirred his tea with the straw, causing the ice cubes to spin like a whirlpool in his glass. “Cassidy and I were together for two years, and our relationship had grown serious. Once I became addicted to pain pills, I wasn’t the same. I didn’t see the changes, because I was too blind to my own needs. When Cassidy threatened to break up, I purchased a diamond ring, thinking if we were engaged, she’d stick around.”

“But she didn’t.” Alice clenched her hand around the cold glass set on the table.

“We had a fight, and she said things I didn’t want to hear. She walked out, and I didn’t stop her.” He brushed a hand down his face. “After I got clean, I realized the extent of the damage I’d done. By that time, Cassidy had moved on with her life…without me.”

“Have you moved on?” Jealousy snarled like a protective dog inside her chest. She was no relationship expert, but even she could tell he held on to a dream. Maybe guilt held him hostage, or he really did love her that deeply. Either way, he needed to let go.

“Let’s just say my feelings are complicated.” He sighed. “The destruction of our relationship is my fault.”

Her quick temper wouldn’t allow his statement to go unchallenged. She leaned in. “And she gets none of the blame? She left you when you needed her the most?”

“I don’t blame her for walking away from the pain I caused her.” Micah dropped his head, gazing at the glossy wood tabletop.

“Well, I do.” If Cassidy had been with Micah for two years prior to his injury, she should have known him well enough to realize he was worthy of another chance. Alice pressed together her lips, stopping further comment. No use beating the point to death.

Their server approached and set two bowls full of lettuce topped with colorful, fresh vegetables on the table.

After they ordered their meals, Alice dug in, starting with the tomatoes, her favorite.

“I believe the score is three to two.” Micah raised a full fork to his lips. “You’re in the lead. Final round.”

“Okay.” She considered what truths she’d admit. “I’ve been engaged. I’ve been to five of the seven continents. I used to run a mile in five minutes flat.”

“After seeing you run, I’d guess the last one is a lie.” Micah grinned. “Just kidding. I’ll say you haven’t been to five continents.”

She narrowed her eyes at his running comment, but a corner of her mouth twitched with humor. Her favorite friendships were ones of playfulness and teasing. “I’ve never been engaged.”

“How come someone hasn’t snagged you yet, Alice?” He rested his forearms on the table and leaned in.

“I’m not a relationship kind of girl.” Shaking her head, she broke eye contact and glanced away toward the front windows of the restaurant. Outside, the sky had grown darker, rain clouds blocking out the setting sun. “I have no interest in marriage. I don’t believe most people can commit to forever and mean it.”

“Wow.” Micah lowered his eyebrows. “Haven’t you read stories of wonderful marriages that have lasted decades? What about your parents?”

Her parents were the last people she’d ever look to for marriage advice. “I would never combine the words wonderful and marriage to describe my parents.” Thoughts of her family sickened her stomach. Not good while dining out. She anticipated her steak too much to risk losing her appetite. “Back to our game. You realize you have no chance of winning, right?”

“I still get my last turn.” He poked at a mushroom with his fork. “I love playing football in the snow. My favorite month is September. I have six toes on my left foot.”

Her belly hurt from laughing. “I’ve seen your feet. You don’t have an extra toe. Which means I called your lie, and you’re waking up at five a.m. tomorrow morning.”

“Oh well.” He shrugged. “At least I got to know you better. I consider that knowledge a win.”

If one day she’d ever settle down, her partner would be a man like Micah—funny, confident but not condescending, and easy on the eyes. Though she’d committed to never handing over control of her life to anyone. No matter how perfect he might seem.