“I’ll take care of the wash today,” I said to Granny once we got settled at Miss Peggy’s. I usually did the wash on Saturday mornings, but since I was going to be gone this Saturday, I wanted to get my wash done early. The last thing I wanted to do on Saturday was spend it feeling guilty that I had left Granny with my share of the workload to finish. I just wanted to enjoy the day and be all carefree like all of the other young folks.
“Just make sure you don’t overdo it,” Granny said. “I don’t want you down in the bed again.”
I promised her I wouldn’t, and I got busy with the wash. All in all, I was feeling pretty good physically. My bruises had nearly completely healed, and the knot at the back of my head was gone. But my mental pain was something else altogether. I dreamed bad dreams all last night. I should have been dreaming about Cedric and me, but instead I was back on that road, getting pushed into the bushes by a faceless white man. I didn’t want to alarm Granny, though, so I just told her what I knew she wanted to hear.
“Granny, I’m fine,” I said before she went back inside for what seemed like the hundredth time. “I ain’t gonna make myself sick. I promise.” Finally, she believed me.
I was going to work until two o’clock at Miss Peggy’s, and then I was going to go over to Miss Lovenia’s and find out exactly what she wanted me to do and maybe get started working some before it got late. I promised Granny I would finish up at Miss Lovenia’s in time to get home by six. Uncle Myron said he would drop me off and pick me up. I didn’t dare tell him I could walk. I knew my walking alone days were over and done with as far as my family was concerned. As far as Cedric was concerned too. That detail should have made me feel good, but I was already missing the solitude of my walks.
I always felt closest to God when I was out walking alone. When I was a little girl, I would sometimes walk for hours, having imaginary conversations with my mama or God. I wouldn’t go far; I would just go from one end of Colored Town to the other. Always staying in eyeshot of an adult, but still feeling like I was alone with my thoughts. Other times I would walk out to the peach orchard and curl up underneath a tree and daydream about what being a grown-up might feel like. But now, thanks to this unknown attacker, I wasn’t going to have that same freedom anymore, and it made me both sad and angry.
I started hanging up the last of the sheets from Miss Peggy’s bed when I turned around and found Jimmy Earl standing behind me. I let out a startled sound as I backed up, almost falling, but he reached out and steadied me. I pulled away.
“Lord God, Jimmy Earl,” I said. “You trying to give me a heart attack?”
“I’m sorry, Bean,” he said, his face genuinely concerned. “I thought you heard me calling out to you.”
“Well, you thought wrong,” I snapped, reaching into my apron pocket and taking out my handkerchief. I mopped the sweat from my forehead. My hair was tied up in a scarf, but the scarf was soaking wet. I would need to replace it when I got through with the wash. Realizing how harsh I must have sounded, I took a deep breath. “It’s okay, Jimmy Earl, and please, stop saying you’re sorry. I’m truly okay. I’m just a bit nervous still, I guess.”
“I’m sor . . . shoot. I am sorry, Bean. You know—”
“I know,” I said and lightly touched his arm. I knew he didn’t mean for any of this mess to happen. Jimmy Earl had been one of my closest friends through the years, and I wasn’t ready for that to end over some evil folks that had nothing to do with him.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked, lifting his baseball cap from his head and fanning himself with it.
I smiled a little. “Like somebody who’s been beat up.” I reached down and got one of the wet towels out of the basket. When I looked back up, I caught the look on his face.
“I was just joking, Jimmy Earl. I’m better. I feel pretty much back to normal,” I said. “This heat is awful, but it was awful before . . . well, before all that happened.”
“You’re right about that,” he said. “I ain’t never remembered it being this hot before. You sure you need to be out here doing this alone? I could go wake up Mama and get her to come help.”
I shook my head. “Don’t go bothering Miss Corinne. Your gran said Miss Corinne was restless last night. I don’t want you disturbing her rest over no wash. I can take care of it.”
“I guess you’re right about waking Mama. I wish Mama . . . well . . . you know. It ain’t like we ain’t talked about Mama and her ways before.”
“She’s been doing better, Jimmy Earl,” I lied. From the time we were little children, Jimmy Earl and I had compared notes on our mothers. My notes didn’t consist of much. No one ever talked to me about MayBelle when I was young, and by the time I got older, I didn’t want to talk about her. Jimmy Earl had his mama around, but sometimes his situation seemed worse than mine; Miss Corinne was here, but then she wasn’t here.
“I’m almost done,” I said. “Granny is getting breakfast ready. You should go up and eat before you have to go to work at Mr. Lowen’s.”
“I’ll go. I can see you’re trying to get rid of me,” he said, but with a smile.
I thought he was going to head back to the house, but he kept standing and I stopped what I was doing and waited for him to speak again.
“Bean, do you remember anything yet?” he asked, taking the towel from my hand and hanging it on the clothesline. Jimmy Earl hadn’t helped me with the wash since before he went away to college.
“No. I don’t remember nothing. Sometimes I think I can call up the memory, but then everything gets murky. It’s a terrible feeling to know that something so awful happened to me and I can’t remember who did it.”
“Bean, I talked to Skeeter. I had to see if he knew anything about what happened to you the other day.”
I got quiet for a moment. “What did he say?” I would be lying if I didn't admit that Skeeter had crossed my mind. I just chose to ignore the thought.
“He said he would never do that to you. He said he was angry at me for even thinking such a thing.”
“And you’re satisfied with his answer?” I asked. I thought back to Sunday when Skeeter threatened to break into my house after he got finished burning down Granny’s chicken coop.
“Bean, I can’t imagine how scared you must have been the other day. And I know my cousin can be a son-of-a-gun, but I would like to believe that even he has his limits,” Jimmy Earl said.
“Jimmy Earl, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It just makes me anxious.”
Before Jimmy Earl could reply, his dog, Levi, ran over. Instead of going to Jimmy Earl, he came to me and started licking my hand and brushing himself against my leg.
“Levi, stop all of that,” I said, but I laughed. “He’s acting like it’s been years since he seen me.”
Levi started jumping up and wagging his tail. “That ole mutt loves you a heck of a lot more than he does me,” Jimmy Earl said, laughing too.
“He loves attention, and with you being away at school, I’ve been the only one paying him any mind. Sometimes your mama will play with him, but Granny and Miss Peggy can’t stand him jumping and slobbering,” I said, still smiling. “Lay down, Levi,” I ordered in my stern voice. He slowly sank to the ground.
“Well, will you look at that,” Jimmy Earl said. “He ain’t that quick to obey me.”
“I got the magic touch,” I said and laughed again. I watched as Jimmy Earl’s face got serious again. “What is it, Jimmy Earl? Is there something you want to tell me?” I worried that it was Miss Peggy.
“Bean, Lori Beth came by here yesterday to apologize to you for the article,” he said as he picked up another towel from the basket. “She wanted to go over to your house, but I told her not to. She didn’t mean to hurt you. She was just trying to help. She cried so hard I thought she was going to make herself sick. Her daddy has forbidden her from writing for the newspaper indefinitely. She is truly upset that she hurt you.”
I couldn’t say anything at first. Mainly because I was furious that he would come telling me some mess like that. First he was trying to plead the case for his cousin not being the one who hurt me, and then here he was making excuses for that nosy white girl, Lori Beth Parsons. I didn’t care none about how Lori Beth Parsons was feeling, and I was angry that he cared.
Finally, I reached over and snatched the towel from his hands. “White folks always thinking they know what’s best for Colored folks,” I muttered as I hung the towel on the clothesline. “Then when they mess up, they try to act all sorry. She did this to herself and to me, not to mention my family. She can take her ‘I’m sorries’ somewhere else.”
“Bean,” Jimmy Earl said, his face looking hurt. “Why would you say that? All white folks aren’t bad. I’m not bad and Lori Beth isn’t either. You know this. You and I have been friends since you were in diapers. Lori Beth thought she was doing the right thing. She was just trying to help.”
Once again, I was the one who was hurt, but suddenly Lori Beth Parsons was the victim. I had to work hard to measure my words. I didn’t want to hurt Jimmy Earl’s feelings, but he was hurting me now and he didn’t even seem to notice.
“Well, Jimmy Earl, she thought wrong and she shore nuff didn’t help me none. She could have gotten me or all of Colored Town killed. It wasn’t but just a few days ago that the Klan rode through and burnt down my granny’s chicken coop. It could be one of the same ones who hurt me, including your cousin Skeeter. This ain’t about bad or good. It’s about respecting folks’ wishes,” I said. “It’s about respecting Black folks’ wishes. It’s about trusting that we know what we’re talking about.”
“But—”
“But nothing, Jimmy Earl Ketchums,” I yelled. “I told her to leave it alone. I told her this wasn’t none of her affair.”
Jimmy Earl folded his arms across his chest. “Dang it, Bean. I don’t understand why this has to be about Black or white. This isn’t like you. Yes, the South is still a racist place, but don’t you think things are getting better? Don’t you think we are heading toward better days between the races?”
I looked at him with the shock of all my ancestors on my face. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. He was smart as a whip when it came to book sense, but clearly Jimmy Earl didn’t have a lick of common sense when it came to issues related to race relationships right here in Parsons, Georgia.
I turned toward him, feeling like fire was coming out of my ears, nose, and throat. “What else is it about if it ain’t about Black or white, Jimmy Earl Ketchums? Them Klan folks didn’t march out here to your land and burn crosses and kill your livestock. It wasn’t your precious Lori Beth Parsons who got beat like a dog the other day, left for dead in a ditch. So if it ain’t about Black or white, what is it about?” All that book learning and Jimmy Earl Ketchums didn’t know a cotton-pickin’ thing. “You just tell your precious girlfriend to not try and help me anymore. Her type of help will get a body killed.”
I tried to make my way around him, but I stumbled a bit. Jimmy Earl grabbed me to keep me from falling.
“Bean, you okay?” he asked. “Dang it. I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you okay?”
I couldn’t speak at first. I felt light-headed all of a sudden, and I felt my knees begin to give way.
“Opal. Opal!” I could hear him calling out to me as he continued to hold me up. I tried to answer, but it was taking everything I could do to keep from passing out completely. “Take slow breaths.” He guided me to the bench Mr. Tote had made for Granny to sit on when she was out helping me with the wash. “You okay?” he asked, kneeling in front of me once he got me sitting.
I nodded and gradually I did start to feel better. “I’m okay,” I managed to say. “I must have moved a bit too quick. Don’t tell Granny, Jimmy Earl. If she hears I had an episode, she won’t let me go to the ballgame tomorrow.”
“Bean, you don’t need to go to no ballgame. That heat is gonna be brutal. You probably need to go home now and rest, or go up to the house and lie down,” he said.
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Please, just let it go. I’m fine.”
“Bean, you could have died the other day,” Jimmy Earl whispered, taking my hands in his. “We could have lost you. I’m a numbskull. A complete and total numbskull. I shouldn’t have said any of those things. You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Lori Beth could have gotten you killed, and that’s that. I wasn’t trying to take her side over yours. You’re family to me. You mean more to me than any silly old girl like Lori Beth.”
I pulled my hands away. I didn’t want to think the thoughts I was thinking or feel the emotions I was feeling. What kind of person was I? I shouldn’t be having thoughts about any boy but Cedric. Not more than a few hours ago, I was sitting on the porch kissing Cedric, and now here I was feeling warm inside over Jimmy Earl’s kind words. I looked around but I didn’t see anybody. I was grateful for that. I was determined to get back to the safety of the kitchen, where Granny was. I would get her to pray over me or something. Clearly, I was as awful as my mother. Nothing but a Jezebel like it says in the Bible. There was no doubt that I needed my granny’s prayers before I did something both Jimmy Earl and I regretted.
“I should go inside,” I said. I tried to speak in a strong and forceful voice, but my words came out in a hoarse whisper. I tried to stand, but the dizziness continued and I felt myself about to fall again. Jimmy Earl caught me, and this time he held me tight against him.
“Opal,” he said in a tight voice. He brushed his lips against my cheek and I shuddered . . . not from revulsion but from something else. “Opal, I—”
“We can’t do this. I need to go inside,” I said, but I didn’t move. I didn’t want to move, and I felt awful about myself. His lips brushed my cheek again, and just as he was about to drag his lips from my cheek to my mouth that was already ready to receive his, someone began coughing behind us. Loudly. We both pulled away like the awful sinners we were.
“Mr. Jimmy Earl,” the voice called out. Jimmy Earl and I both turned. It was Mr. Tote. He had his face turned away from us like we were Adam and Eve naked in the garden. I dropped my head, staring at the ground, wishing the ground would swallow me up. “Mr. Jimmy Earl,” he said. “That ole mule done fell out dead. Too hot out here. I’m gone need some help getting him buried.”
“Ah, yes, Tote. I . . . I . . .” He stopped and looked at me, and his voice went tender again. “Do you need me to take you back up to the house?”
I shook my head. I could barely speak, but I managed to find my voice, desperate for him and Mr. Tote to leave. “I’m fine. I’ll sit here a spell and then I’ll head up to the house. Breakfast will be ready soon.” I kept my eyes looking down. I didn’t want to see Jimmy Earl’s eyes, and I surely didn’t want to see Mr. Tote looking at me like I was the criminal on the cross.
“All right then,” he finally said. “Let’s go, Tote.”
I sat there and breathed in and out until I was sure they were gone. After a moment I made my way back to the back porch leading into the kitchen. When I got in the kitchen Granny was making some hominy. She was dripping with sweat just like me. She looked up and smiled, but then her smile went away when she saw the look on my face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. I went to her and she wrapped her arms around me.
“What’s wrong?” she asked again. “You feeling bad? We need to call Doc Henry?”
I finally shook my head. “I’m awful. I’m awful, Granny.” The tears poured down my face.
“What you mean, chile?” she asked, pushing me away so she could look in my eyes, but by then I was almost overcome with the emotions I was feeling. I buried my head in her chest.
“Pray for me, Granny,” I finally choked out. “Please.”
Granny reached around me and turned off everything on the stove, then guided me to the pantry.
“What’s done happened?” she whispered. “What happened to you out there?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to put it into words that twice in one week, I had feelings for two different boys. The MayBelle spirit was on me. The spirit of my mother. The fallen angel of our family. I was becoming her, and I hated myself in that moment . . . I hated her and her awful genes. I wanted to be like my granny. Not like MayBelle.
“Did somebody do something to—”
I shook my head even harder. “No, Granny. This is about me. I need you to just . . . to just pray for me. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.”
Granny pulled off my wet head scarf. “You done got yourself all worked up. You burning up. Probably even got a fever. I knowed I shouldn’t have let you leave that house today.”
“Granny, I’m evil,” I said in a quiet voice. “I’m just like my mother.”
“Have you been with a boy?” Granny asked in a gruff voice.
“No ma’am,” I nearly wailed. “I didn’t mean that. I just mean I have feelings. Evil feelings.”
Granny shook my shoulders. “Don’t you say that no more. You ain’t evil. You ain’t even close to being evil. You listen to me, Opal Pruitt. You is a normal young girl. Girls have a nature about them, just like boys. I know I ain’t talked to you about things the way I should have, but I can’t have you going around here thinking you evil just ’cause you have feelings. Feelings ain’t evil. Actions is evil. You just growing up, and your nature has got you twisted all sorts of ways. You is just how you is supposed to be.”
Granny reached out and wiped the tears from my face. “Now, I’ll pray for you, but not because you evil. I’ll pray because you is so full of goodness that I don’t want anything in this world to change that. Do you hear me?” she asked, pulling me tight. “Jimmy Earl has been in your life since you was a baby. Granny ain’t been walking with her eyes closed. I’ve seen the looks y’all have shared since he’s been back from school. Innocent looks, but dangerous all the same. What you both have to realize is y’all can’t step over the line. When Colored and white step over the line, bad things happen. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I won’t forget,” I said to Granny, and for a while, she and I stood holding each other. She said soft prayers underneath her breath until finally I felt the peace I had been seeking for the entire week.