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The Ashbury Online News: Gabby’s Gossip Column

Mysterious goings-on in the Year 11 wing today! Students headed to afternoon rollcall, unaware of the transformation that awaited them. Soon, they would become aware!!

As the students flooded into the wing, aiming for their lockers, a gasp of horror rose up. It was a gasp that could probably be heard as far afield as the Castle Hill RSL!

(Which reminds me of a certain last Friday night . . . Did someone say the words ‘fake ID’? Not mentioning any names, but try borrowing your sister’s ID next time, Flick—not your boyfriend’s!)

Anyway, back to the Year 11 wing. The gasp was for this reason: the room had been transformed!. The walls, windows, lockers and doors were covered in HUGE colour photographs. The photos were of certain Year 11 students. They were the size of enormous posters! And they had WORDS written across them in red letters! (‘Huh?’ we all said to ourselves.)

If that shock wasn’t enough, further excitement was about to unfold. Bindy Mackenzie (famous for having a computer instead of a brain, and for her popular [?] lunchtime seminars of yonder years, on ‘Taming the Teen Monster Inside You’ (did someone just say the word ‘huh?’. . .)

Anyway, enough of the asides, Bindy Mackenzie came storming in with a crazed expression on her face, and started ripping the photos down!! This led to chaos as some of us hadn’t had a chance to look properly, and wanted a bit more time. ‘Hang on,’ we said, reasonably enough, ‘let us look.’ But Bindy was a machine!!! To everyone’s amazement, she had the posters crumpled up into spit-wad-sized balls before you could say the word ‘blink’.

(Which reminds me of a certain last Saturday night . . . Did someone say the words ‘stolen property’? Not mentioning any names, but Marty, how many pint glasses do you reckon you can fit down your pants before somebody notices? You’re not that much of a legend!!!)

ANYWAY, as I was saying, your trusty gossip columnist has asked around and thinks she can confirm that the following faces were hanging from the walls of the Year 11 wing. And these words were splashed across the faces:

Toby Mazzerati—frog (or maybe cane toad)
Emily Thompson—dragon (or maybe kimono)
Briony Atkins—sea-cucumber
Elizabeth Clarry—butterfly?
Astrid Bexonville—sea wasp
Sergio Saba—platypus.

So far, no-one has claimed responsibility for this strange photographic display. Our beloved Year Co-ordinator, Mr Botherit, was heard commenting, ‘I don’t know who put the posters up. I expect it was some kind of natural phenomenon that we’ll never explain, like a cyclone or like Stonehenge. Anyway, they’ve come down now so it’s not serious. Let’s forget about it.’

Mrs Lilydale, our beloved (?) Year Co-ordinator from last year, was heard commenting: ‘Well, how can he be sure it’s not serious?’ She then added, thoughtfully: ‘Thank goodness for the quick wit and good citizenship of Bindy Mackenzie.’