How to Use the Power of Networking
to Enhance Your Zero-Resistance
Selling Experience
If I had to name the single characteristic shared by all the truly successful people I’ve met over a lifetime, I’d say it’s the ability to create and nurture a network of contacts.
—Harvey Mackay
* * *
When frustrated and unsuccessful people complain about their lot in life, they often say that “it is not what you know but who you know that counts.” and comment on how unfair this is. Hidden inside their misplaced frustration are clues for sales professionals striving for Zero-Resistance selling.
First of all, the whole idea of fair vs. unfair is something worthy of very little thought or attention. Resentment toward conditions you perceive as unfair can only sap your own energy. In order to succeed in life, you must learn how life works, and find ways to work with it. I can vividly recall all the things I noted in medical school that were terribly unfair. There was favoritism, nepotism, unreasonable demands, and abusive and dictatorial doctors who lorded their power over the students and interns. Impossibly long hours. Those of my peers who grew so frustrated and angry with this situation washed out. Those of us who found ways to cope, and, in some cases, turn the situation to our advantage, became doctors.
Let’s just set aside the subject of fairness for the time being. With that done, we can acknowledge that “who you know” can be very important. In a great many cases, you’ll never get the opportunity to demonstrate what you know without entre arranged for you by someone you know who knows the someone you need access to. This is the way of the world.
Further, if you focus on eliminating resistance, then the benefit of introductions multiplies in importance. Let’s assume you sell certain investments and financial services, and wish to make a presentation to the president of a large company in your city. It will be very difficult to even get to this person “cold.” But if you devise some combination of marketing strategies, maybe a series of clever letters, a “white paper” that interests him/her, and so on, you can probably persist and secure the desired appointment. And then you can go in and make your presentation. Contrast that with having someone that corporate president knows and respects calling him up or jotting him a note, introducing you and suggesting that you might have important information for him. In the first instance, where you get the appointment through your own efforts, when you begin your presentation, where will the level of resistance be? Very high. But in the second instance, where an introduction has been made for you, where will the level of resistance be? Very low.
This is why the most successful sales professionals I know have fat, bulging Rolodexes. Their network of contacts allows them to “pre-eliminate” resistance when they want to get to a certain person or certain type of person, as well as to do that favor for others.
I have gotten to know a great many super-successful people in my life, including sales professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, collegiate and pro coaches, literary agents and publishers, and, well, you name it, and if there is one thing they all have in common it is the fat, bulging RolodexTM.
I think the importance of networking is obvious. Yet most people do not do it at all, or if they do, they do it haphazardly and casually. Over the years, I’ve made a point of asking salespeople, doctors, accountants, and others if they actively work on their networks of useful contacts and, if not, why not.
The Three Reasons Why Salespeople
Fail at Networking
The most common excuse for not networking is lack of time. But when people say “I don’t have enough time,” what do they really mean?
No one has enough time to do everything they need or want to do. Everyone makes choices, and finds the time to do some things while finding no time to do others. We all choose. We all prioritize. “I don’t have enough time” is the excuse furnished by the Servo-Mechanism when you really don’t want to do a particular thing. When you hear yourself say “I don’t have enough time,” you need to stop, go look in the mirror, and ask yourself for the real reasons why you wish to avoid doing that particular thing. After all, we should strive to use creative Psycho-Cybernetics to be truthful with ourselves. If you aren’t going to tell yourself the truth, how will you have the courage to tell others truth or to hear truth from others? The truth can set you free, but not if you hide from it!
The first of the real reasons why people avoid networking is ego. As I’ve said before, unchecked, the hungry ego is a formidable enemy of success. There is such a profound difference between having a healthy self-image and an unhealthy ego! Egotistical people make lots of noise but really live in fear. So the egotist fears rejection to such a degree, he or she would rather never ask anything of anyone. This is crippling, because the exchanging of favors, in the case of networking, the exchanging of contacts and introductions, is what human commerce is all about. We create, build and strengthen friendships by exchanging favors. We build strong business relationships by exchanging favors. Not that you do it in a quid pro quo consciousness. I don’t suggest that. But that you freely and cheerfully give information or contacts another person needs and can benefit from, certain in the knowledge that benefit will come back to you, and be willing to call on that person at some future time if he/she might be of help to you.
The person whose ego is determined to safeguard him/her from ever hearing the word “no” takes all the creative power away from the Servo-Mechanism almost as dramatically and completely as a big chunk of glowing green Kryptonite turns the comic book character Superman into a weakened mortal.
If the ego is not getting in the way with its damnable fear of rejection, it is interfering in another way—insisting that you ought to be above needing anyone’s help. “I can make my own way in the world,” one struggling, financially embarrassed salesperson once told me, indignantly, when I suggested she begin networking in earnest. “I don’t need to be kissing up to other people left and right to get ahead. That’s not how a real woman goes through life. Besides, my products and my proposition ought to stand on its own merits.”
This woman has obviously had some rather limiting ideas ingrained in her self-image. She has a preconceived notion that networking is a degrading process. And her ego would never permit admitting the need for another’s help. She probably never says “thank you” either.
The Secret Power Phrase That Removes
Resistance Instantly
Ego deprives people of benefit from one of the most powerful resistance-melting techniques ever invented: asking for help.
One of the most powerful phrases in all of selling, in all of life, is “I wonder if you could help me with something. . . .” This phrase breaks down barriers and melts resistance like a heated butter knife. It turns icy, stiff and formal secretaries into warm, friendly conversationalists eager to give you all manner of information. It turns busy, high-and-mighty executives into unhurried conversationalists, happy to share their secrets of success, industry knowledge and contacts. Why does such a simple phrase have such a profound impact on people? In some cases, because it flatters their egos! In some cases, because it appeals to their good nature. A sincere, simple request for help is magic. But the person ruled by his/her own hungry ego can never utter this phrase. The person caught in the vice grip of an insatiable ego can never sincerely ask for help.
If you are now out of balance on the ego side, can you admit that to yourself, as a result of reading this book? If you can, then you can use the techniques of Psycho-Cybernetics to replace ego and fear with a healthy self-image and genuine self-confidence!
I’m Just Not Good at Meeting People
The second impediment to networking holding most people back is an acquired awkwardness for meeting new people. I notice that even a silver-tongued sales pro, confident and effective when selling in the environment he or she’s used to, clams up and becomes a wallflower in search of a potted palm to hide behind, in a setting he/she’s unfamiliar with. As an author and a speaker I’ve become very comfortable with meeting lots of new people, but I’ll admit that they come up and introduce themselves to me, not vice versa. In my early days in practice, though, I made a point of getting out and about, to civic events and social events, to meet and befriend new people. I made a kind of a game out of seeing how many people I could meet and get to know in a day or an evening or at a particular event. I am very aware of how many people find this simple activity intimidating. If you are among them, you must understand that “shyness” is not genetic or natural or unchangeable. Because it is an instruction being given by the self-image to the Servo-Mechanism, it is very changeable.
Just as the ego can cause fear of rejection for some people, a weak and vulnerable self-image can cause the very same fear for others.
I remember talking to another doctor years ago about his reclusive nature. Although Rob was very well-to-do, and successful in practice, and we lived in the same neighborhood, we never saw him at medical association meetings, city activities, social affairs or local clubs. I once asked him if he made a point of building up his contacts, and he said that he did not; he avoided interaction with groups, and he and his wife kept to themselves.
I wonder how many other people have similar hang-ups. Insurance salespeople, auto salespeople, waitresses, department store sales clerks, and on and on. When Psycho-Cybernetics was in its first heyday and just about everybody had heard about it, and I was introduced to a group of people as its author, there was almost always a wiseguy who would call it psychological mumbo-jumbo or ask how it felt to be a modern-day snake-oil salesman. I took my share of negativity first as a plastic surgeon, then later as the creator of this self-help information. I never let it drive me into fearful seclusion. In fact, I responded to it as a challenge, and sought ways to rise above it. I even occasionally got a bit sharp with people.
I vividly remember the first time I was ridiculed for being a plastic surgeon, in a circle of people, at a cocktail party. “So you cater to peoples’ vanity, right doc?” the man said. “What price vanity?”
I thought about that and the next time a similar situation occurred, I quietly but firmly responded. I said, “Well, you are right that many people who have very trivial physical deformities but giant egos come to see me and sometimes I accommodate them. But what is more interesting, I think are, say, the burn victims, like the 9-year-old boy who lost half his face and had terrible scars all over his arms from a home fire. Restoring his good looks and self-esteem seems worthwhile to me. Now what is it you said you did for a living? As I recall, I drove one man away but made several new friends in that little conversation circle that evening!
Anyway, I sat down with my dentist friend and said, “Listen, you’ve magnified this negative attitude about dentists that some people have into a giant self-image-eating monster that is ruining your life. You’ve done this. Admittedly, Mary isn’t helping, but she’s really just reflecting back your own fears and insecurities. You became a dentist for good reason. You provide an important service. You do work you’re proud of. But you can’t blame people for saying they don’t like going to the dentist. They’ve been conditioned to feel that way and even to say it. Let the truth set you free. Acknowledge that many people do have fears and negative feelings about dentists, and that’s that. You need to be a confident and persuasive ambassador for dentistry, changing peoples’ attitudes, not a coward hiding behind your couch with the blinds drawn. We can create some simple attitude-altering responses for you to use in conversation, as strategy, if you’re willing to use them. I hope you will be. You’re a professional deserving of respect and admiration. You must first decide that you will have the respect you deserve.”
I’m delighted to tell you that my neighbor “saw the light” and began circulating. He has since, to my knowledge, joined a country club and became active in at least one nonprofit organization. He sent one member of his club, a marketing executive for a large sporting goods company, to me, and he hired me to speak at their convention. I referred an investment broker I’ve used for years to the dentist a few months ago; the broker had a new pension product I thought might interest the dentist. Networking.
Finally, there is one more reason some people avoid networking: guilt. These people focus on the quid pro quo aspect and say that they find it offensive. With probing, though, I usually find someone with a self-image that feels undeserving of others’ respect and cooperation, undeserving of great success, and afraid they have little to offer and therefore have no right to ask and receive from others. You must understand that you and everyone else definitely has a great deal to offer to others around you.
Everyone brings something to the table. You have knowledge, experience, contacts that the businessperson across the street from you does not. And you can certainly take steps to strengthen your networking assets. If you have not given much thought to networking up until now, you probably have assets you are taking for granted, but that someone else might prize highly.
I believe the universe itself rewards those who give—whether the giving be financial, a leg up, advice, reassurance, encouragement or a useful introduction—in multiples. You don’t have to worry about getting a return on your gift directly from that particular recipient. You are guaranteed a generous return by certain universal, spiritual laws of life. As a practical matter, this does not mean you can suddenly give all your money to the poor and sit under a tree waiting to hit the lottery via divine intervention, nor does it mean you can give all your productive time away to any and all who will take it, and then expect money to fall from the sky over your head. One of the great challenges of life is to balance philosophy and practicality. While generosity is a virtue, sloth is a sin. So we must work smart and hard, and we must steward and use our resources wisely, so as to achieve meaningful goals. But generally speaking, frequently giving little bits of kindness, compassion, encouragement or even useful information to others takes little from you yet can bring abundant rewards to you.
Certainly if you do a favor for someone, you can reasonably expect a good response if and when you need to directly call on that same person for a favor. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing to feel guilty about in doing that. But you can rise far above that “tit for tat” approach and use networking in a much greater way.
The Man Who Brings Others Together
About ten years ago, after a lecture, I met a man who specifically asked I not identify him by name in my writings or talks. He is one of the richest and most successful entrepreneurs in America, up from very humble beginnings, in relatively few years. When I asked his secret of success, he said “I am the man who brings others together.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“It’s really very simple Dr. Maltz,” he replied. “I’ve long made it a point not to focus on my businesses but instead to focus on everyone else’s. I spend more time matchmaking than anything else. I have a client or an investor I don’t know, just someone I meet like you, and I learn through conversation that this person owns diamond mines in Africa and is having considerable problems with the government over import tarrifs, or I learn that this person is an avid New York Yankees fan, or I learn that this person is of Greek heritage and longs to visit the Greek Islands but cannot afford to do so; then I may drop notes to him and another contact I have who is an expert in import/export, or I may get someone I know in the Yankees organization to send this fellow a ball autographed by one of the players, or I may have my travel agent, who happens to be Greek herself, and knows of many inexpensive ways to tour Greece to call this person. In this way, I put people together. This person with that person, that person with this person. Sometimes it involves something important, sometimes something trivial. I find that doing this, more than enough money comes my way.”
“How?” I asked.
“In so many different ways, I cannot count. A stock or investment tip here, a door opened there. You see, by placing myself in the center, with all these people and interests circling around me, and me causing them to pass me to meet each other, I become part of everything. I suppose people feel obligated, although I have never once directly asked for quid pro quo.”
I gave this man an autographed copy of my book when we parted.
Yes, there’s a more to this story. A few months later, I got a call from the CEO of a very large direct sales company, with over 30,000 dealers scattered all over the United States, Canada and Europe. He said he wanted to buy copies of my book Psycho-Cybernetics for all of his company’s dealers, and wondered if I would come and speak at their national convention where the books were to be given out as gifts. When I asked how he had obtained the book and learned about me, he named this fellow—the man who brings others together.
“I mentioned to him in casual conversation that we were having difficulty keeping our sales troops motivated,” the CEO said, “and a week later he sent me over a copy of your book and suggested I read it. I did and it is obviously what we need.”
I sent “the man who brings others together” a nice thank-you note, and then for years, sent him the occasional card, postcard or news-clipping, and he did the same for me.
At one meeting I attended, I met a young man with a clever invention for the plumbing industry, but no money, and no idea how to go about getting his invention to market. I remembered that “the man who brings others together” also owned a hotel chain. I figured: he must know somebody in a big plumbing product company because of all the products bought for his hotels. So I sent the young inventor to him. He, in turn, got the young inventor to the right company, the product was a success, the young inventor grew rich, and “the man who brings others together” later sent me a thank-you note and a fine bottle of wine, mentioning that he had bought stock in the plumbing products company because of his confidence in this new product, and had done very well on his investment. It so happens that I had bought a bit of that stock too, at the suggestion of the young inventor.
“The man who brings others together” lives a simple principle often voiced by the famous motivational speaker Zig Ziglar: “You can get whatever you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want in life.”
How This Consultant Becomes “The Talk of the Town” by Bringing Others Together
Somers White is a very interesting fellow. He is a former bank president, management consultant, consultant to speakers and authors, and a professional speaker. Almost every year, he is “the talk of the town” at the National Speakers Association Convention because of the by-invitation-only networking dinner he hosts.
A night or two before the convention, Somers hosts a formal, elegant dinner for 50 to 100 people. He invites past and present clients, peers, friends, and people with unusual expertise. He assigns the seating, so people meet each other—spouses do not even get to sit together! He even gets each person to stand up and he briefly interviews them about their businesses and interests. For every person at that dinner, he creates a Grade A+ networking opportunity.
As these people go out into the general population of the convention, they are all talking about this unusual event, and everybody who was not invited and included is curious about what went on there, and how they might get invited the next year. It is a brilliant strategy that many people could borrow and use in their own industries, professions or communities.
How to Be a Master Networker
These days, networking has become the trendy thing to do. Most cities have breakfast, lunch and cocktail hour “lead clubs,” where businesspeople and sales professionals gather for the express purpose of networking.
Whether it’s in such intentional settings or in other, less direct situations, there are a few characteristics that are shared by those deriving the greatest benefits from all this networking, and here they are:
First, a healthy self-image. Would you expect me to list anything else first? Of course not! Remember that your self-image absolutely controls your possibilities. If you see yourself as an outgoing, likeable, friendly person who easily meets others and who others are eager to talk to, then that is exactly the experience you will have.
If you want to get better at networking, you must pull together the evidence of your having a networking-oriented personality and use this to program your self-image for these desired results. Your self-image must be strong enough to shrug off occasional rejection, so that you can be free of fear.
Second, a genuine, keen interest in other people. What makes them tick? What do they know about that you know little about? People are, by far, the most interesting creatures on earth. Take 100 people and you can find 100 different backgrounds, 100 different fascinations, 100 different foibles.
Just as an aside, you want to avoid the “3×5 card interrogation” approach to “working a room.” This is when you ask each person the same list of questions, as though gathering data for a file card. Instead, follow your genuine interests. Ask open-ended questions and let people talk to you about what interests them most or what is on their mind at the moment.
Third, a good memory. Of course, you may think you do not have a very good memory, but that, too, is a self-image issue, and, in turn, a command to your Servo-Mechanism. Memory can be developed and strengthened by choice. One of the best networkers I know has a terrible memory for names and faces, but is terrific at remembering peoples’ “stories”—little details about them. I also once met a U.S. Senator who had an assistant at his elbow throughout the cocktail party. When someone gave him a business card or told him something, he would say “Quite frankly, Bob, I have a terrible memory. But what you’ve told me is important and I want to follow up on it, so I want Barbara here to jot down the details.” I’m not sure there is any one way that is best. But one way or another, and in a way that is flattering to others, you need to capture information about the people you add to your network.
Fourth, a relaxed personality. What do I mean by this? Well, I don’t think you are effective if you appear to be trying too hard. We’ve all heard the person who laughs a bit too loud and too long at every joke, who has the bone-crushing handshake.
The Man Who Wrote the Book on Networking’s Best Advice
The man who “wrote the book” on networking is Harvey Mackay. If you do not know who Harvey is, you just haven’t been paying attention. He is the owner of an envelope-manufacturing company in Minnesota—hardly a glamorous business—who made himself into a bestselling author largely on the strength of his own networking skills and his giant personal network of contacts. He reveals some of that in his third book on networking, titled Dig the Well Before You’re Thirsty. Here’s what I consider to be Harvey’s best advice on networking:
“Network members who call you when they have something that might be an opportunity for you, rather than when they need something from you, are ‘A-listers’ by definition. By the same token, you’ll make a lot more A lists yourself by being proactive on behalf of your network rather than reactive.”
Harvey suggests that there is immense power to be had by doing favors for people before they ask. Inevitably, some people will have disappointingly short memories, never display gratitude, and never reciprocate directly. But you cannot let that color your judgement. Overall, Harvey’s advice is absolutely certain to pay off.
The title of Harvey’s outstanding book Dig the Well Before You’re Thirsty comes—whether Harvey knows it or not—from Confuscious. It is ancient wisdom. With regard to networking, it means that if you wait to develop your network until you need it, it’s too late. So when is the right time in your career to make networking a high priority? Now.
Three Types of Networks You’ll Want to Grow
and Nurture
Most sales professionals will be well-served by networking within their own company or organization. You need cooperation from people in administration, production, and shipping, from managers, and from other salespeople. From time to time, you’ll need a favor. Will someone in shipping push your order out the door ahead of schedule, ahead of others, so you can bail an important customer out of a jam?
Do you know people in every part of your company on a first name basis? Do they know you?
In his book, Harvey Mackay tells the story of Bruce Foraker, who was head of the Bell Telephone Company in New York City, back in the 1920s. A typical “Foraker story” is Harvey’s, of Foraker emerging, tuxedo-clad, from a manhole on a cold winter night, at 42nd and Broadway, to the surprise of passers-by. Foraker had come out of the theater, noticed a manhole cover opened and Bell employees working there, so he went over and “dropped in” to visit with them. Foraker was called “the man of 10,000 friends” because his employees held him in such respect.
Today, Herb Kelleher, the CEO of Southwest Airlines, has this kind of reputation. He may appear one day, working with baggage handlers, loading the belly of an aircraft; the next, on a plane, joking with crew and passengers or serving soft drinks and peanuts. Inside the Southwest organization Kelleher has a well-developed, thoroughly nurtured, fine-tuned network of “loyalists” at every level that he can rely on for information when he needs it, for support for a new idea or policy when he wants it.
How’s your inside-the-company network? You will find value in developing a network inside your industry. Befriend competitors, top performers, experts. Be known throughout your entire industry for your initiative, healthy curiosity, and willingness to help others.
One of my co-authors is sort of a “center-point” of information flow in his industry. Clients call upon him for advice, opinions, and information frequently. His peers and colleagues call to give him inside information and ask for his opinions or his introductions to important contacts. He says he makes over $100,000 a year just by being alert to the opportunities that surface in this flow of communication.
Develop your broad-based, all-encompassing network that includes your business contacts but also includes doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, people in your community, and so on.
But I’m Just Not the Country Club Type
In counseling a salesman, I spent a bit of time asking him about his involvements in civic activities, business groups, and so on—I was evaluating his networking effectiveness. He would have flunked Harvey Mackay’s test on networking. When I pressed this issue, he said, “Look, I’m just not the country club type. Getting all dressed up and making small talk with people I don’t know well all night isn’t for me.” I suggested that we dissect and analyze his position.
First, what is the country club type? I told him about some of the people who belonged to my country club. The owner of a pest control firm, that sprayed buildings for bugs. A podiatrist. A veterinarian. A real estate salesperson. Even a retired executive, now driving a limousine, as a chauffeur, to stay active. I said that if we mixed these people in with a crowd on a street corner, he’d be hard-pressed to pick out “the country club types.”
“But even if you won’t set foot in a club room,” I told him, “you can network just about anywhere. There are certainly things you and your wife must enjoy doing, such as antique collecting, ballroom dancing, going to auctions, playing tennis?”
Second, let’s tackle “getting all dressed up.” Again, there’s no law that says you must do your networking in a setting mandating formal attire. There aren’t too many tuxedos at the bowling alley or out at your daughter’s Little League games. But then again, what’s wrong with getting dressed up once in a while and going to a formal affair, the theater, or an art gallery opening? I happen to think it’s inspiring to the self-image to put on your “Sunday best” now and then, and hob-nob with classy people in a classy environment. I like the old joke about the guy with his ordinary mutt on a leash at the Westchester dog show. When asked derisively if he had any illusions about the mutt getting a ribbon, he said “No, I just wanted him to meet a better class of dogs.” Remember, variety is the spice of life.
Next, “small talk.” Quite frankly, I’m not much for “small talk” either. Discussing the price of eggs or the unreliability of the subway is boring to me. I like to talk about “ideas.” But I can also be interested in others’ travel experiences, hobbies, businesses and occupations, and other interests. And I find it easy to steer conversation into the areas that interest me, just by asking the right questions. This is easily learned; you can do it too.
I suggested to this fellow that he was not “a type” at all. People, I told him, are very complex creatures not to be pigeon-holed as just one type or another. Instead, I urged him to creatively look for a variety of new and different experiences, to expand his horizons and find out whether there were things that interested him that he didn’t even know about yet.
I would suggest the same to you. Don’t pigeon-hole yourself. Experiment. Why not? What have you got to lose, an evening here or there?
A Final Note About Networking and Zero-Resistance Selling
From a very practical matter, it’s this simple: What others say about you is infinitely more credible and persuasive than what you say about you. So, anything you can do to engineer positive comment about you from one person to another pre-empts and eliminates the resistance that most sales professionals face when going in “cold.” Networking is the smart way to set up both general, positive word-of-mouth as well as specific referrals, introductions and endorsements.
In addition to this very pragmatic truth about the value of networking, I commend it as a self-image building and strengthening activity. Everything you need to do to be a good networker automatically strengthens and empowers the self-image. Paying attention to others, acquiring new knowledge and information, forming friendships, using your memory, giving of yourself; all these things reinforce a positive, healthy self-image. Further, won’t having a growing, thriving, diverse network as an asset enhance your self-confidence? Of course it will!