“Alright fearless leader, where are you taking us today on our adventure?” I ask after we drop Avery off at school. Jenna’s routine is to work out immediately after drop off and then go home, shower, and begin her work day until she has to pick Avery up. I swear she is superwoman, as I don’t know how she functions sometimes with her schedule. I’m usually completely useless directly after a workout.
“Hmm, I believe I need to torture you for teaching my daughter about a certain type of juice.” She squints her eyes at me while tapping her fingers against her smirk while she contemplates what route to take for our walk.
“Every day with you is torture,” I joke, which is the furthest from the truth.
“And yet, you keep coming back for more!” She laughs and I can’t help but join her as she’s right. “Let’s walk along the shore today for some peace and calmness.” Jenna’s bodyguard, Mason, nods his head silently at her request and walks ahead of us toward the path to Lake Michigan. Cal employed Mason to be with Jenna when he’s not around, especially since the paparazzi were aggressive with her when the story of her and Avery first came out.
I’m about to ask why she needs peace and calmness today when I look over at her and notice for the first time the purple bags underneath her eyes before she conceals them with her sunglasses. My gaze travels down her body and the looseness of her leggings confirm my suspicions of weight loss. Since it’s not her busy season with her event planning business, the only reason for her stress would be the absence of Cal.
“What’s going on, Jenna? You look like shit.” I was never good at sugar coating my words, nor did I ever try to be.
“How kind of you to think so,” she remarks sarcastically. “I’m fine, just tired.”
“Late night talks with your boyfriend will do that to you.”
“That would be the case if I could get ahold of him.”
“What do you mean?” I ask in alarm, hoping that this isn’t a repeat performance of what they went through before.
“The director is trying to play catch up from delays, so they’ve been shooting scenes non-stop. I barely get to talk to him and when I do, it’s usually in the early morning hours due to the time difference. Text has been the consistent communication since he tries not to wake me because when he’s free, we are usually sleeping. But I want to hear his voice, so I tell him to call no matter what time, but sometimes he’s even too busy for that. Avery hasn’t physically talked with him in over two weeks. They communicate by sending videos to each other.”
“Has he told you how much longer they will be filming?” I ask, partially in concern for her and selfishly for me since I need to know how much longer I get her to myself.
“He doesn’t know,” Jenna says as she shakes her head. “They’ve been filming for three months already and are now in their last filming location, so hopefully soon.”
Three months! I had not realized he’s been gone that long already.
“Are you sure being tired is the only thing that is going on?” I probe, as we finally reach the start of the path to the shoreline.
“I don’t know, Layla,” she says with a shrug. “I guess I just feel lost…I have no clue what I’m doing when it pertains to my personal life.” She sighs and picks up her walking pace.
“Wait, what does that mean?” I ask again, feeling like a broken record with my line of questioning.
“I have never done this type of long distance relationship before and I thought I was cut out for it, but I don’t think I am.”
“Um, news flash, you were in a long distance relationship before or does Jax Morrow not count?” I remind her. It was only a year ago that she was dating the handsome hockey player, who spent most of his time in the minor leagues during his hockey season, which was two hours away from Chicago. He would also spend his summers in Canada with his daughter from his previous marriage. Robert and I both knew this was not a serious relationship for Jenna, as she barely acknowledged they were dating. When she did decide to become more serious about Jax, Cal showed back up in her life.
She stops short and stares at me, her mouth hanging open in shock. “Oh my God! How could I have forgotten about Jax?” she practically screams in hysterics.
“Jenna, is everything okay?” Mason turns back to us, his voice filled with concern at her uncharacteristic outburst.
“Oh, she’s fine, Mason. She’s just realizing what a cold-hearted bitch she is,” I joke with laughter, but quickly stop at Mason’s questioning look.
“I really am a bitch!” Jenna says and I know from the sound of her voice that tears are starting to well up in her eyes. I immediately grab her hands and squeeze them.
“Jenna, you are not a cold-hearted bitch. It’s understandable that you would have forgotten about Jax,” I reassure her in hopes to make her feel better.
“How is that understandable? I shouldn’t have forgotten about him! Jax doesn’t deserve that — nor did he deserve how I treated him,” she says and I see her take a deep swallow of guilt as she has a quick mental trip down memory lane.
“You have a lot on your mind right now. Personally, I think we need to blame this all on Cal since he has consumed your every waking thought since his arrival.”
“How could I have forgotten? Jax was my boyfriend. We had sex together!” She starts to walk again, her strides quick and angry.
“Oh please!” I say with a wave of my hand. “I don’t remember most of the people I’ve slept with. So see, no big deal!”
She looks at me incredulously. “That statement makes me sad for you.”
“Why?” I ask. “Guys can screw whomever they want and aren’t expected to remember.”
“Those guys are scumbags and I have higher expectations of you.”
“Yeah well, you shouldn’t,” I huff, wanting to change the conversation away from my flaws. “This discussion is not about me — it’s about you and why you don’t think you’re cut out for a long distance relationship.”
“You were the one who brought it up,” she counters back.
“Well, my plan to make you feel better is backfiring on me,” I grumble as she laughs at me. “I don’t necessarily think that you can’t handle long distance relationships. I think you can’t handle the one you are having with Cal.”
“Why would you say that?” She looks at me with confusion.
“Besides his job taking him halfway around the world, he consumes you! He is so… so alpha!” I say with a hint of disgust. I’m not a fan of men who take control over their women’s lives and feel Jenna is on that path with Cal. “I just feel that you’re going to have to give up your life for him.”
“In what way would I have to give up my life for him? He hasn’t asked me to give up anything yet!”
“Yet is the keyword here! I can’t walk and have a serious conversation like this. Can we sit down for a second?” I don’t even wait for a response as I plop down on the bench we were about to pass in order to collect my thoughts and breath.
“Mason, we’re going to take a break,” Jenna calls out to him. He gives us as much privacy as he deems acceptable, which is no privacy whatsoever in my opinion. Jenna sits down next to me and we both take a moment to collect ourselves while staring at Lake Michigan.
“I’m going to be completely honest with you, because I love you like no one else.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “Cal is an actor, so therefore, he’s used to people catering to him and his needs. Going four weeks without seeing him is not a sustainable relationship with a man like Cal. He seems to be so intense…so needy.”
“That’s an interesting assumption considering you’ve barely been around him,” she says, with a knowing look.
“He just seems to always demand your attention,” I whine.
“Layla, we’ve barely hit the year mark together! Of course he’s going to demand a lot of my attention,” she says, annoyance laced in her tone.
“He moved in right away! How could you know if you even liked each other enough to move in together?” I was in complete shock when she told me two weeks after they started dating again that he had moved in. What pissed me off even more was that I was alone in my sentiments as her parents and Robert were one hundred percent supportive of the idea.
“Why should we start slow? We already have a child together. If anything, we need to make up for lost time. And Cal doesn’t move slow. When he wants something, he goes all in.”
“You don’t even know his quirks. What if he’s a slob? What if in his down time he plays video games all day long? Have you watched how he chews his food yet? Does he smack his lips together while he chews so you can see all his food in his mouth like this?” I smack my lips together, poking my tongue out as if I’m chewing invisible food openly.
She stares at me with a look of astonishment on her face. “What the hell is wrong with you right now? Are you really concerned about my relationship or is this about you being worried he is going to take me away from you?”
“Both!” I yell, loud enough for Mason to look back at us.
Jenna sighs and takes her sunglasses off to rub at her eyes. She looks exhausted and I suddenly feel guilty for my outburst. I should have kept my mouth shut, but when it comes to Jenna, I can never keep my opinions to myself. She’s my sister from another mister and I would take a bullet for her — that is how deep my love for her is.
“My relationship with Cal has not started out normal or easy, and if it was any other person, I might have not given them another chance. But Cal is different. This relationship is different. My feelings for him are completely different from what my feelings for my ex-husband were. It’s a different kind of love. My love for Cal is so intense that sometimes the thought of losing him hurts like no other pain I thought I had experienced.” She places her hand over her heart as if just speaking those words are causing her pain. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to respect my decisions and my relationship.”
“I do respect your decisions and I’m trying to respect your new relationship, but I don’t want to see you lose yourself into a man. And how can you say you don’t expect me to understand? I buried the love of my life!”
“I’m not saying you don’t understand loving someone, Layla,” she say sternly. “What I’m trying to say is that you can have different types of love with different people. You can’t compare your love for Charlie versus my love for Cal. Love is love and comes in many different forms and styles.” She sighs and takes my hand. “I need you to trust that I know what I’m doing with my heart. I appreciate your love and thank you for sharing your concerns with me. I just ask that you give him a chance. I really want this to work with him and I’m realizing that with his profession, I too am going to have to make some sacrifices.”
I’m about to interrupt her, to tell her that is exactly what I’m worried about when she holds up her hand for me to stop and looks at me intensely. “The sacrifices I have to make, Layla, might take Avery and I away to be with him while he is on location. But in no way shape or form would I ever sacrifice our friendship — our sisterhood - for a man.”
I squeeze her hand and swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. I know I should never have doubts about our relationship. I should be confident that we will always be best friends. But I have seen men come into women’s lives and change the dynamic of their relationships with their friends and I can’t help but be concerned it might happen to us. When Jenna was dating her ex-husband, I felt like I was dating him too, because I got to spend time with him as well. I have barely spent time with Cal and a lot of that has to do with both of our schedules. When he’s in town, I’m usually traveling, and vice versa. He deserves for me to give him a chance as he does make my best friend very happy.
“I’m sorry, Jenna, I just can’t help but feel I’m going to lose you,” I say, my voice cracking from the emotions that I am trying to hold back.
She pulls me into her and hugs me as tight as she can. Jenna always hugs the people she loves tightly, so I can feel her trying to wrap her arms around me even tighter than her usual hugs. “You are not, nor will you ever, lose me, Layla!”
We stay like this for a little longer and finally pull away, both of us dabbing at the tears falling from our eyes.
“I know you’re afraid of me losing myself, but I’m more afraid for you. You have been doing so great these past four weeks and I’m scared that with Cal coming back, you’ll lose your way. Please promise me that you’re going to stay strong and keep working on yourself, mentally and physically?” She grips both of my hands and squeezes, forcing me to look at her.
“I promise I will try, Jenna. I will try to stay strong. And, I will try to give Cal a chance.” She smiles confidently at me and I silently pray that I don’t let her down.
“Good! Now, can we please continue on with our walk?”
“Only if we can grab a donut on the way back. I need some carbs and sugar to soothe over my emotional state, as that was way too adultish of a talk at this time of the morning.”
“Absolutely!” she says, surprising me with her agreement. We laugh, grab each other’s hands and start swinging our arms together as we walk, exactly how we used to do as kids.
And in this moment, everything seems like it will be okay.