“You realize things are about to change, right?”
Change. A word that triggers warning bells in my head. I don’t do well with change and for Robert to suggest it as imminent makes me uncomfortable. I loudly gulp down the delicious cider that my taste buds were soaking in and look at Robert with raised eyebrows. We are sitting in our favorite Irish pub, O’Malley’s, treating ourselves to some cocktails and bad food due to the whirlwind of a day it has been.
“If you are referring to me winning the lottery so I don’t have to work anymore, then I gladly welcome that change.” I give him my best signature smirk and stuff my mouth with some French fries. It has been an emotional day starting with my conversation with Jenna on our walk this morning and then the arrival of Cal. I wish I could say I was happy to see him, but his appearance signifies the end of my alone time with my best friend. Selfishly, I’m not ready to give her up yet.
“I’m referring to Cal being back in town. Did you see the way his whole face changed when he saw her? He was ready to pounce on her and he didn’t care who was around. It was so fucking sexy!” Robert sighs and I can’t help but roll my eyes at him. Robert is the optimistic romantic — wants love for everyone and is always on the search for his future boyfriend, but Cupid’s arrow keeps missing him. His last couple of boyfriends just ended up in lust, not love, and Robert is quick to cut it off if he sees no potential future.
“Why are you rolling your eyes? Aren’t you happy for your best friend?” he asks incredulously.
“Of course I’m happy for Jenna, but I just don’t think this is a healthy relationship for her.”
He narrows his eyes at me and gives me a condescending smile. “Layla, I love you and don’t mean any disrespect, but with the way you’ve been carrying on in your personal life, you aren’t one to talk about knowing what a healthy relationship is.”
“Exactly and that is why I’m perfectly fine being alone. But we aren’t talking about me, we are talking about Jenna, and you asked me my opinion. I still have trust issues with Cal and I don’t like how he consumes her whole world.”
“Why don’t you trust him? Because he’s a celebrity?” Robert asks while stealing some fries off my plate.
“I still can’t get over how he made decisions for her without telling her. I don’t like that and think it’s wrong,” I say a little too loudly and with more force than I mean to.
Now it’s Robert’s turn to roll his eyes at me. “Layla, he did that for her safety! And he already admitted he was wrong and apologized.”
“How do we know that it won’t happen again in the future?” I question.
“C’mon Layla, you see how in love with her he is. He didn’t give up all the times she kept pushing him away. Why would you think he would mess that up by repeating past mistakes?” He leans back and crosses his arm against his chest. “I think there’s something else going on with you.”
“Oh yeah? Let’s hear it!” I challenge. I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself as Robert’s intuition is usually crazy accurate. He tilts his head and looks at me. This is Robert’s signature move before he decides to unleash tough love on you. He assesses you in silence and then makes his move when given permission.
“I think you’re afraid Jenna is going to stop needing you. That Cal makes her so blissfully happy that she’ll forget about you. You want Jenna to be happy, but you also want her to always need you. You’re afraid he’ll take your spot in her life and therefore, you refuse to accept him.” He leans forward and places his elbows on the table. “You’re also scared that without Jenna mothering you, you’ll slip into your old bad habits of drowning your sorrows in alcohol and fucking any penis that comes your way. You aren’t blind — you see that the looks of pity that you used to receive from your friends and family have now turned to disgust with the reputation that you have created for yourself.”
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat from his truth and try to interject, but he raises his hand to stop me.
“You are not fine with being alone, Layla. That’s complete bullshit! No one willingly wants to be alone. It’s an excuse to guard your heart from finding someone just as wonderful as Charlie was and them leaving you or worse, dying again.” He sighs and grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Life is so crazy, beautiful, fucked up and fragile. But I believe that people can have more than one true love of their life. Some people are lucky to live the rest of their life with one. That’s not going to be your life and you need to accept that. I do believe there is another love out there for you, Layla. You just need to start believing that you are worthy of it.”
Damn him and his intuition!
“Jenna, Avery, and I love you so much, Layla. We only want to see you happy. This past month, we started to see that in you. You are so much stronger than you think! We will never stop helping you, but you need to continue working on you.”
“I’m trying, Robert. I really, really am,” I softly say, drinking in his words. The old Layla would have refused to listen and become defensive. I’m learning that I don’t want to go back to being the old Layla. I want to move forward. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy.
But it’s so much easier said than done.
“We know you’re trying, Layla. We’ve seen that from your actions this past month and it’s given us so much hope. Of course it’s going to take time and you’ll have some more bad days ahead. That’s life! But you’re not alone. You never have been and you never will be. We will always be here for you.”
I can’t hold back the tears that cloud my vision. I give him a small smile and squeeze his hand back. “Thank you, Robert. Thank you for always caring. For being there for all of us. I truly don’t know where our lives would be without you.”
“Ah well, thank you, but it goes both ways as I don’t know what my life would look like without you ladies as well. We need to thank Jenna for paying me so well that I stick around.” He winks at me and we laugh at his joke. We both know he could probably make more money somewhere else, but wouldn’t get the flexibility, creative freedom, or the love that he gets with a boss like Jenna.
“We need to make a toast,” he yells to Nico, the bartender, for two more drinks. Nico quickly gets us more cider and delivers it to us. “To you, Layla! Cheers to your determination and strength to lead you on the path of health, wealth, love, and happiness!” We click our glasses together and drink.
“I’ve started looking for other jobs. I know my job is unhealthy for me, but I don’t know if I’m ready to ease myself back into the dating world quite yet,” I tell him as I put my glass down and take another bite of my food.
“Start off slow. I know, let’s create an online dating profile for you!” he says with excitement as he claps his hands together. I look at him with unease, dreading the fact that I might need to tell him I already have an online account that I used in order to find one nights stands.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet, Robert. Let me continue working on myself for a little bit longer and then I’ll consider online dating.” I make a mental note to delete my current account so he doesn’t see it. Robert is definitely the type of friend who would create one for you behind your back and start playing matchmaker.
I watch his eyes leave me as they fix on something past my shoulders. A slow, evil smile spreads his lips as he looks back at me. “Forget online dating. I think the perfect person to help ease you back into the dating world has been underneath our noses this whole time.”
I give him a questioning look and turn around to see who he is referring to.
Imagine my surprise to see Chase Wilson staring back at me.