It’s odd the way memory works. The familiar sights as we’d walked through Heiðra Eilífa had tugged at my mind, but I’d let the thoughts drift in and out like the tide.
But as soon as we passed through those gilded doors the familiar scent of juniper and wild herbs almost brought me to my knees. The earthy incense burned throughout this tower, and clung to your skin and clothes long after you left.
It was the smell of home.
A part of me broke at the realization, and I stumbled as the dark magic seized the opportunity to regain the ground it had lost earlier at Niall’s touch. Only the fae warrior’s grip on my arm kept me from falling.
“You’ve grown weak, daughter,” a strong voice announced.
“Daughter?” Niall looked at the tall valkyrie who waited for us front of another set of ornate doors, these already pulled open to display the throne room beyond.
Ignoring the sharp pain in my chest, I straightened to my full height and held my head high. “Hello, Mother.”
“I didn’t think it was possible for you to disgrace yourself more. But here you stand”—she made a point of looking both Niall and Badb up and down, distaste causing her features to pinch together—“clutching the arm of a devourer freak while the shifter whore stands at your side. Such a disappointment you turned out to be.”
The Valkyrie Queen turned and headed into the throne room as if she couldn’t stand to look at me a second longer.
I had been prepared for my mother’s vitriol but even then, the look of absolute revulsion in her eyes hurt far more than the hateful words she had spewed.
A breath rattled in my chest as my lungs struggled against the dark magic that was doing its best to choke them. It looked like my short reprieve thanks to the healing session from the fae was coming to an end.
If my mother denied me help, I’d have to hope that Kaysea was strong enough to heal me or at least buy me more time. Maybe the daemons could assist me. Healing magic wasn’t their forte, but they knew their way around dark magic. Whoever I went to, my time was running out. This needed to be mended, and fast.
“What the fuck was that?” Niall growled, his eyes locked on the open doors that my mother had passed through.
“My mother,” I said lightly. “She’s a real charmer.”
“Your mum’s a bitch.” Badb chuckled; something about the sound was distinctly feline. “I will say it gives me hope for my relationship with Nemain. Suddenly, our relationship looks downright healthy.”
“She tried to gut you last time you were in the room together,” I said dryly.
“Yeah.” Badb gave me a quick grin. “But the threat of violence is a statement of love in our family.”
I snorted. “This is why Elisa says we all need therapy.”
“She’s just saying that because she’s become friends with that empath girl.” Badb waved me off.
We were still standing in the entrance hallway, and I appreciated that they were giving me time to brace myself before entering the throne room.
And doing round two with my mother.
“What’s therapy?” Niall’s attention fell back on me, his eyebrows bunched together.
“According to Nemain, it’s whiskey,” I said, finally cracking a smile. “Let’s get this over with.”
Niall and I fell in line beside Badb. She was the one here on official business, after all. Once she was done, I’d speak my piece about Gullveig and also ask for help with the nidling bite.
Given the warm reception I’d received thus far, I wasn’t holding my breath to get any help, but there was still a chance. While my mother might hate me, as the Valkyrie Queen she couldn’t be ruled by her emotions. I’d just need to convince her that it was worth healing me so that I would be in fighting shape against Gullveig.
No guards were posted outside the throne room. Nobody made it this far unless the queen wanted to see them, and she was more than capable of protecting herself.
Badb lazily waltzed through the room to where my mother waited for us on her elaborate gold throne. I couldn’t see Badb’s face, but I imagined she was wearing a sneer at the ridiculous show of opulence.
But gold was common here and across most of the Yggdrasil realms. On its own, it was too soft to use for weapons, but like silver, gold readily absorbed magic. Most of the weapons crafted in Yggdrasil had gold plating or engravings that strengthened them with magic. The fae did the same, but they preferred to use silver.
This throne had been made by the dwarves thousands of years ago. Two crossed axes rose from the back of the chair above my mother’s head, a nod to her preferred weapon in battle.
This throne had been made for her, and she had fought off all challengers for almost three thousand years.
I wasn’t sure how much Badb knew about my mother. If she even knew the valkyrie who looked no older than nineteen was close to the fae queens in age. The way Niall’s gaze kept bouncing between me and the Valkyrie Queen, I knew he was trying to see bits of my mother in me and failing.
The only thing we had in common was our rich dark brown skin. My mother was several inches shorter than me with a leaner build. The brown eyes that looked at me with such disdain were several shades lighter than mine, and they sat on a pretty face with delicate features.
The Valkyrie Queen was stunning. It was easy to forget that she was a warrior who had survived multiple wars.
I was beautiful, but no one would ever mistake me as anything other than a warrior. That was the first thing they saw. And often the last.
Despite her age, my mother carried a youthfulness about her. She had risen as a valkyrie on her nineteenth birthday, whereas I was almost thirty before I had chosen to rise. It had been one of the many choices that had annoyed my mother. A valkyrie didn’t come fully into her powers until she died a mortal death and woke to an immortal life. But I hadn’t been in a hurry, and at nineteen I had been tall and gangly.
By my early twenties, I had filled out, but then stubbornness had set in, and I had wanted to defy my mother.
Even before Ragnarok sent me on a path there was no coming back from, our mother-daughter relationship had been strained. It was hard being the daughter of the first and only Valkyrie Queen.
It was even harder being the exiled daughter of one.
“Greetings, Róta.” Badb swaggered up to the throne, stopping a few feet away. “Thanks for the warm welcome. I can just feel the generous hospitality in my soul.”
“It’s Queen Róta to you,” Eylif snapped from where she’d taken up a position behind the throne.
My mother held up a hand to silence her second-in-command, but I could tell Badb’s fragrant disrespect irked her. It was probably petty of me, but I took a little joy in that.
“Queen Elvina”—my mother’s eyes narrowed further at the emphasized use of queen—“wishes to know why you haven’t responded to her request.” Badb had the audacity to inspect her nails as she if was already bored with this conversation.
“Because my answer hasn’t changed since the last time she offered,” Róta said tightly. “We’re not afraid of the devourers, nor do we fear this exiled fae king that has them so concerned. If they come to these realms, we’ll slaughter them all.”
“Not all devourers are so easily dispatched.” Badb’s eyes flicked up from her nails to peer at the Valkyrie Queen. “Your people will die by the thousands.”
“Then the halls of Valhalla will rejoice in welcoming their fallen brethren.” I sucked in a sharp inhale as my mother leaned back in her throne, as if she was completely unbothered by this possibility.
“And what of the regular people?” I demanded, the rage in me causing the breath in my lungs to rattle against the dark magic squeezing them. “Will Valhalla welcome the farmers who die in such slaughter? The artisans? The elves who have sworn off violence?”
“There are always causalities in war.” Róta’s sharp gaze cut to me.
“You may be known as the Valkyrie Queen,” Badb said coldly, “but it was my understanding that after Ragnarok, you came to be the queen of all the Yggdrasil realms? Is that not true?”
The Aesir had never fully recovered from losing the most powerful among them. Sooner or later, I was sure some would rise to challenge my mother. Even in my exile, I’d heard whispers of those who were unhappy with the rule of the Valkyrie Queen.
My mother sat on her throne with a bored expression, completely unmoved by our words. I shouldn’t have expected any better.
Frustration and anger made my blood boil. Even though Yggdrasil was no longer my home, and the valkyries would kill me if they could, I’d never turn my back on these realms. I may be an exile, but I still cared about the people of Yggdrasil. Apparently, more so than their queen.
“What is it that the fae queens are offering?” I twisted to face Badb, who was staring at my mother like she was contemplating slitting her throat.
“Placing a protective ward around Vanaheim and Asgard in exchange for an alliance against Balor,” Badb said. “Standard stuff, promises to fight against him, not offering safe harbor to any of his ilk, trade deals that benefit both sides. The documents detailing everything were sent here months ago.”
“All the realms,” I said firmly. “The fae queens will extend the protective ward around all the Yggdrasil realms.”
Something flickered in Badb’s eyes, and she hesitated. “That means they’d have to ward eight realms instead of two. That would require a lot more power.”
“Vanaheim and Asgard are the realms most likely to survive against an army of devourers. The other realms are primarily made up of peaceful people who will not stand a chance. It’s all the realms or none of them.”
Badb pursed her lips but jerked her head in a nod. “Deal.”
“Deal?” Róta laughed coldly. “There is no deal. I am queen. My daughter has never spoken for me before, and she certainly does not now.”
“You will do this,” I said in a tone that left no room for argument. The air around us grew charged with static, and Eylif shifted uneasily.
“I will not.” My mother rose from her throne and closed the distance between us. “Neither you nor that blasphemous weapon you carry frightens me. You are barely standing. A few more minutes and the only thing you’ll be capable of doing is lying on the ground, whimpering from pain as the dark magic ravages your body.”
She wasn’t wrong. Only my rage was keeping me upright at this point. Every single tendon felt like it was being shredded, and every breath felt like fire in my lungs.
“Gullveig is back.” I raised my chin and fought against the trembling that was starting to stir in my muscles.
My mother’s eyes narrowed. “This is your desperate attempt to get me to agree? A pathetic lie?” she scoffed.
“Not lying,” I ground out. “I’ve spoken to her. She possessed a Vanir girl and came to my realm.” I left out her recent possession of the seraph because Niall didn’t know about that and I had no doubt he would react poorly to the news. “All these centuries, she’s been collecting followers and plotting.”
“I destroyed her once, and I can do so again.”
“At what cost?” I sucked in a painful breath.
Niall was suddenly at my back, wordlessly giving me support.
I let myself lean against him, trusting him to not let me fall. “Last time, she recruited valkyries to her side. She’s likely to do so again. Are you prepared to kill valkyries again, Mother?”
My words struck true, and she inhaled a sharp breath. For all my mother’s faults, she loved her people—the valkyries. The civil war during Ragnarok had come close to breaking her. Her compassion towards the rest of the beings that called Yggdrasil home was far more tenuous.
“What are you proposing?” she asked tightly.
“Heal me.” Darkness encroached on my vision, and I leaned more of my weight against Niall, one of his arms snaking around my waist. “I will kill her once and for all.”
“And if you fall?” There was no hint of sorrow in her voice, merely a queen considering backup plans.
“Then I will,” Badb said smoothly. “Agree to the deal, and we will see to it that Gullveig dies. And stays dead this time.”
After a few beats of silence, the Valkyrie Queen looked at me. “Deal.”
For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, I passed out.
Awareness slowly crept back in. My wings were wrapped around me like a cloak and I was cocooned in soft fabric. An arm was draped across my chest, pulling me back against a warm body.
Grogginess still tugged at me, but I opened my eyes and blinked a few eyes to clear them.
A familiar room welcomed me and I looked at it with an odd sort of detachment. The large bed took up most of the space, and the frame was made of the same dark, rich wood that the floor and walls were.
There wasn’t much in the way of personal possessions in the room, aside from two paintings on the wall. One was of me in my early twenties with two other valkyries.
A tall blonde with ice-blue eyes, high cheekbones, and full lips that were always fixed in a mischievous grin.
On my other side was a valkyrie with light brown skin, unruly russet brown hair that she usually wrestled back into a bun, and forest-green eyes that had always viewed the world with such inquisitiveness.
Herja and Skuld. Two of my best friends.
Both had perished during Ragnarok.
I stared at the painting for a few minutes. My last memory of them was finding them on the battlefield, almost burned beyond recognition, their lives already snuffed out.
I didn’t want to remember them like that. I wanted to remember them as the friends I’d grown up with. The ones who hadn’t been the least bit intimated by befriending the daughter of the Valkyrie Queen. Who hadn’t treated me as a political stepping stone and instead had dragged me on one misadventure after another.
The arm around me shifted, and I blinked several times to clear the tears that where threatening to fall. Twisting around, I looked into Niall’s light blue eyes that always saw too much.
“Hi,” I said awkwardly.
It’d been a long time since I’d woken up with a man in my bed. We hadn’t done anything, but that somehow made this more intimate.
“Hi,” Niall said, a faint flush darkening across his cheeks, drawing a smile out of me.
“Going to tell me why you’re in my bed?” I arched an eyebrow at him, and the color staining his cheeks deepened.
“The healer your mother sent in was able to rid you of the dark magic from the nidling bite,” he said. “But they didn’t heal your body. I got the impression it wasn’t because they couldn’t do that, but because the queen had only ordered you to be healed of the dark magic and nothing more.”
I snorted. “Honestly, I’m surprised they didn’t stab me after healing me.”
He grimaced. “My presence might have been the reason for the lack of stabbing.”
“Ah,” I said and chewed on my bottom lip. Niall hadn’t released me, and I hadn’t pulled away either.
“This was your room?” His eyes scanned the space before lingering on the painting of me, Herja, and Skuld before going to the second painting. I didn’t miss the hitch in his breathing as he took it in. “Who?”
My attention finally went to the space on the wall I’d been avoiding looking at since I woke up.
This one was also of me, although I’d been older. The painting was of the day I performed the ritual to rise as a valkyrie. I stood in front of a cliff, the sun cresting in the sky behind me.
In front of me was an impossibly tall and broad-shouldered man. We were both in profile, but he still exuded strength.
Even in the painting, there was something about him that pulled at you. In real life, that pull had been so much more intense. I wasn’t the only one who felt it; so many had followed him, trusting him absolutely with their lives.
Other memories may have faded, but I remembered that day perfectly. Standing there, in nothing but a thin shift with my braids loose around me. For once, he had let his own blond hair fall to his shoulders instead of tying it back. Deep blue eyes had looked at me with love and devotion as he held a dagger to my heart.
“I choose you, Sigrun. And I accept this bond.”
“I choose you, Thor. And I accept this bond.”
As if my body remembered that day, my hand moved to rest over my heart. It remembered Thor slipping that dagger into me. My life blood pouring out as he held me before I took a few wobbling steps to the cliff and let myself fall.
And rose as a valkyrie. Bonded to the most powerful Aesir to ever walk the realms.
“It’s not what you think,” I said softly. “His name was Thor Odinson, and he wasn’t my lover. But he was the beginning and end of me in so many ways.”
“I think I can understand that.” Niall looked at me, meeting my eyes with his own, and I believed him.
Our situations might be different, but he understood what it was like to give yourself to someone completely and then have to piece yourself back together when that fell apart.
There were some wounds that you had to heal on your own. Pieces of your soul that only you could truly restore.
But what I’d failed to realize in my long life was that sometimes other people could help you with those broken pieces. My mother rejected me. The valkyries no longer wanted me.
But that didn’t mean I was alone, nor did it mean I had to continue existing with a shattered existence.
I had the unyielding loyalty and love of so many. Gunnar and Viggo. Nemain and Magos. Mikhail would follow those two anywhere.
And Bryn. My stubborn but resilient apprentice who had known enough about me to know that choosing me meant never joining the valkyries. Meant never finding out who her mother had been.
She’d known all that… and still chosen me.
Niall had chosen me. I felt the truth of it in my soul. It didn’t matter that we’d only known each other for barely a week.
The intensity of my feelings for him had once frightened me. But now that I accepted them, that fear slipped away, and instead I only felt how right this was.
He was the last piece I had been missing.
“Hjartað mitt. My heart.” I raised a hand to cup his face, and he leaned it without ever taking his eyes off me. “I’m ready for a new beginning if you are.”
Niall went still beneath my touch, something dark and hollow flitting through his eyes before he blinked and it was gone. That glimpse of something wrong that I’d occasionally see before he’d hide it away from me.
I opened my mouth to question him but the words died on my lips as he ran his fingers across my jawline before cupping the back of my neck and pulling me close.
“Deal,” he promised before his lips crashed against mine.