A week later, Greg and I went out to dinner with one of his colleagues and his wife. In the taxi back I burrowed against him for the warmth. Although the snow still hadn’t arrived, the forecast said it was imminent: the temperature outside had dropped below freezing and the streets were almost deserted. The driver put the heater on and it blew hot air at our feet. I was mildly drunk and Greg laughed at me as he pulled me inside his coat and we kissed. He was leaving in the morning to spend the rest of the week working onsite with a client, a light-engineering firm outside Birmingham. We hadn’t spent a night apart since we moved into our flat and neither of us was looking forward to it, even though he would only be gone for three days. I wanted to wind myself around him like ivy now so that he couldn’t go.
When we reached home, there was a figure standing on the pavement. I watched him as Greg paid the fare. The street was badly lit and I couldn’t make out his face. He was wearing a heavy coat that hung from his shoulders as if from a wire hanger that couldn’t cope with the weight of it. A knitted hat was pulled down close to his eyes. He was agitated, walking in small circles, shooting glances at our cab as if he were waiting for us.
The driver noticed him, too. ‘That your house? Sure you want to get out?’ he asked. ‘I’ll take you round the block, if you like, see if he disappears.’
‘Thanks,’ said Greg. ‘I think we’ll all right.’ He hopped out of the cab and I got out behind him, a little afraid even though he was with me. As we got closer the figure stopped pacing and stood still. ‘Hello, Lucas,’ I heard Greg say.
Upstairs Lucas sat in the middle of our sofa. The coat was like a shell, such an integral part of him that neither of us tried to get him to take it off. He seemed so fragile I worried that without it he would disintegrate, just crumble into bits. He kept the hat on, too, and underneath it, his eyes were wide. I was reminded of his father on the night that he turned up at the house: he had that same febrile look. It was hard to calculate how much weight he had lost. He had been lighter than usual for the past year but now his body seemed to have changed completely. He was properly thin, the sort of thinness that comes only as a result of neglect. His skin had always been soft and smooth but now it looked papery and there were several nicks along his jaw, the result of the poor shave that he’d had about three days previously.
‘Can I get you anything?’ asked Greg.
‘Could I have a cup of tea?’
I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. I was glad that I had told Greg the truth about Patrick’s death. It was a secret that I hadn’t been able to keep from him. He wouldn’t let Lucas suspect that he knew. While the water boiled I stood at the window. It looked out on to the silent street and the tree whose bare branches reached back towards the house as if to touch it with entreating fingers. The street seemed to be waiting for something, perhaps the snow.
When I gave Lucas his tea, he slopped half of it on to the carpet. He seemed hardly to notice. There was a slight tremor in his lovely artistic hands as they cradled the mug and his nails were bitten down to their quicks. I felt a sudden urge to put my arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be all right.
He must have felt me looking at him because he glanced up and gave me an uneven smile. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘For turning up like this. I had to see you.’
‘That’s OK,’ said Greg. ‘It’s no problem.’
‘I needed to apologise.’
‘For what?’
‘Being such a nightmare. For all this shit about my family.’
‘Lucas, it was beyond your control. It was between Patrick and your father. You’re not to blame,’ I said.
He let his gaze drift around the room, taking in the new rug that my parents had given us for Christmas and the lamp that had been by the bed in Greg’s old flat, now promoted. Seeing the place through his eyes, I saw that it must look settled. We had an orchid on the mantelpiece – that had been Martha’s housewarming present – and photographs on the side table, including one of Greg and me that my brother had taken at my parents’ house. I had seen Lucas notice it earlier. I knew he would recognise the background.
He seemed to come out of his reverie and his eyes met mine again. ‘I also wanted to tell you that things are going to change. I’m sorry for making things difficult between us. And I see what you mean now: I shouldn’t live at Stoneborough all the time. You’re right: I can’t go on like this, cut off from real life. Can I smoke?’
I passed him an ashtray and he lit a cigarette and drew on it avidly. ‘I don’t want to be like my dad,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to drink and drink until I lose everything that matters to me. I came very close to that.’ He looked at me again and I had to look away.
‘But that’s not all. I see what you mean about Danny now. All this time you’ve been warning me about him and I wouldn’t listen. You were right, Jo.’
It seemed too much to hope for that now, when I had almost despaired, Lucas should finally see. ‘What changed?’ I asked. I could feel my heart lifting in my chest.
‘He has. I don’t know why. You know he’s split up with Elizabeth?’
I nodded, although I didn’t tell him how. I didn’t want to raise the subject of Diana now, when it seemed we were about to broach the topic that had been verboten for so long.
‘He flies off the handle. This morning I refused to give him money and he went into a rage. I’ve never seen him like that. It was frightening. He’s always been mercurial, I know. But I never thought it would be directed at me.’
‘What did he do? Did he hurt you?’
He looked at me solemnly. ‘No. Not this time. But he’s asking for more and more money. I don’t know what he’s spending it on. It’s not Elizabeth any more so what is it? Maybe it’s drugs – maybe that’s why he’s so irrational. To be honest, I’m scared. I feel like I can’t say no to him in case …’
‘In case what?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I’m overreacting. I just thought I should tell someone, that’s all.’ He stood up suddenly. ‘I should go. It’s time for me to stop keeping you up all night with my problems.’ He grinned apologetically.
‘It’s late. Why don’t you stay? Look, I’m working in Birmingham tomorrow. I’m aiming to be there by ten. I could take you back to Stoneborough first thing,’ said Greg.
Lucas looked at him, seeming to weigh it up in his mind. For a moment I thought he was going to agree.
‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Stay. I’ll bunk off work tomorrow and we can spend the day together. I’d like that.’
‘No. I should go back tonight. And I’ve got the car here anyway.’
‘Don’t drive now,’ I said. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘I’m fine. I haven’t been drinking.’
He was at the door. ‘I’ll see myself out,’ he said.
‘Lucas …’
‘Yes?’
‘Wait a minute. Come here.’ I went towards him and put my arms round him. Despite his thinness, he pulled me against him with surprising strength. My nose was against the shoulder of his coat. He smelt clean, the smell of his soap powder as familiar to me as my own scent. I returned the pressure of the hug and found I didn’t want to let him go. ‘I’m so glad things are beginning to straighten themselves out,’ I said. ‘It’s really good to see you a bit happier.’
‘I am happier,’ he said. ‘And thank you.’
‘There’s nothing to thank me for.’ I raised my face and looked at him. His large eyes were fixed on mine. ‘You know that you mean the world to me.’
‘I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ he said, smiling.
‘Good to see you, Lucas, and look after yourself.’ Greg shook his hand as we moved apart. ‘We’ll see you soon.’
Lucas turned to go and then paused to look back at us again. His face was like a pale moon across which a shadow was slowly moving. He nodded goodbye and then he was gone. I heard his footsteps drumming on the three flights of stairs down and then the slam of the front door, softened by distance. I pushed up the sash window and called goodbye to him again but I was too high and the breeze took my voice before it could reach him. He crossed the street to the Jaguar, which I hadn’t seen earlier, got in and pulled away. I watched until his tail lights disappeared around the corner.