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“You are so much fun. You know that?” Ashley asked.
She bopped my nose as I helped her outside, her arm around my waist.
“You are a bit of fun yourself,” I said, chuckling.
“Thanks for uh, doing the dance and all that, too. Lance is really handsy, and Patrick hates it when I piss off his—
Her drunken hiccups cut off her statement, but I knew what she meant.
“You’re just fine. Let me get you into this car and the driver will take you back to your hotel,” I said.
“Or they could take me back to yours,” he said, grinning.
“You’re a lot of fun, but I’m not looking for anything like that right now.”
“Coulda fooled me,” she murmured.
I rolled my eyes as I helped a very drunken Ashley into one of the cars lined up outside. The wedding was finally winding down after almost three solid hours of dancing and draining the bar dry. Thankfully, the event coordinator had thought of everything. And there were two lines of cars outside waiting to take the drunken wedding guests back to their hotels or homes. Ashley had been on me like a cheap suit and, frankly, it was embarrassing. Especially after what had just transpired between myself and Mira.
But, when she told me that dumbass groomsman had been groping her all night, I stayed with her to make sure he stayed away.
Though I wasn’t interested in Ashley, no woman deserved to spend her entire evening batting off a man like that.
I made sure she was buckled in, then made sure she gave her address to the driver. Then, I closed the door and tapped the top of it. I stood by and made sure the car carrying Lance had the address for his hotel and not Ashley’s. Then, I stuck my head through the window and softly clued the driver into what was happening. I told him about his incessant need to be by the woman he was trying to get the driver to go see, and he reassured me the only place he’d be going was his own hotel.
Or the police station, if he became irritable.
After seeing both cars off in opposite directions, I rushed back inside. I knew Mira was there somewhere. I just had to figure out where. I scoured the hallways, ducking myself into each and every door I came to. I rushed into the reception hall and began asking around. Seeing if anyone had seen her. I wanted to apologize. Who knew if she saw me dancing with Ashley, and I wanted her to know it wasn’t anything like that. Not by a longshot.
Plus, I wanted to say goodbye. And I wanted to do it in a way that would be memorable for us both.
I didn’t want the last memory of us together to be her pushing me away and saying this was all a mistake.
Because I damn sure knew it wasn’t.
I paused in the middle of the reception hall as the lights began to die down. The truth hit me like a mac truck and left me breathless. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want to let Mira go. If tonight had taught me anything, it was that I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to let her go and I wasn’t ready to go back to California. I wasn’t ready to get back to work and go home to an empty beachfront house with no one to share it with.
Running my hand through my hair, I looked around the darkened hall.
“Mira!” I exclaimed.
My voice bounced off the corners of the room. I ran through a side door and made my way quickly to the back of the winery. I ran all the way to the edge of the grapevines, wondering if Mira had disappeared into them again.
“Mira!” I roared.
I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t figure it out. I came to my best friend’s wedding fully expecting to leave thinking I’d never come back. And in the process, I’d fallen in love with her sister. I’d only been back a week, but it was enough to know that Mira and I weren’t finished.
People thought we had to be, but I refused to accept that.
“Mira!” I yelled.
My voice echoed through the vineyard. Rows and rows of grapes received my yelled offering, but Mira was nowhere to be found. I stalked back to the winery itself, walking around the front to my car. All the cars were gone. No one else was standing outside. And my car was the only one in the parking lot.
Mira wasn’t there, and disappointment rushed over my entire being.
I wanted to ask her to come back to my hotel. To spend the night with me, wrapped up with me. We could watch movies and order room service. We could crack open the bottle of wine I bought from the winery to commemorate our time well spent in that damn utility closet. Yes, I wanted to make love to her all night long. Yes, I wanted to bury my face between her luscious thighs. But, I also wanted to hold her. Cuddle her. Pull her close and wake up with her in my arms. I wanted to talk with her while we fed each other slivers of food and explain my hesitation to her. I wanted to level the playing field with her so we could come up with a plan to move forward.
Together.
With our hands intertwined.
We were young, with bright futures ahead of us. Mira was headed for the stars, and I wanted to be part of that journey with her.
My mind spun as I walked to my car, but the sounds of giggling caught my ears.
I walked around to the front of my car and found Jacy, drunk as fuck, laughing with the other groomsman that had asked Mira to dance. I eyed him carefully as he looked over at me, then I saw Jacy turn her head toward me. Her eyes were glassed over, filled to the brim with alcohol. And as she leaned up from the hood of my car, she stumbled into the man next to her.
“This your car?” she asked lazily.
“It is. Where’s yours?” I asked.
“I’ve got an Uber on the way for us,” the man said.
I eyed him hotly. He was obviously not as drunk as Jacy was. I sent him a warning, making sure he understood who was coming after him if he took advantage of her.
“Jacy, do you know where Mira went?” I asked.
She wagged her finger at me. “Ah-ah-ah! You really should keep your hands to yourself.”
Her words were very slurred, but I caught the gist of what she was saying.
“I saw her briefly a couple hours ago, but I haven’t seen her since,” the man said.
Disappointment washed over me as I put two and two together. Shit, she must’ve seen me dancing with Ashley and left. That was the only explanation as to why she wouldn’t have come back into the reception. Then again, I didn’t wait for her like I said I would, either.
I guess we were both at fault for being idiots.
You’re an asshole, and you don’t deserve a woman like her.
“Mel’s gonna hate you,” Jacy said, giggling.
“Make sure she gets back to her hotel room. Alone,” I said.
“Party pooper,” Jacy murmured.
“I’ll make sure of it,” the man said.
I didn’t even bother to remember his name. I’m sure I knew it, somewhere in the recesses of my mind. But, I wanted to get out of there. This was it. The final curtain call. And I wouldn’t have a chance to make amends. I wouldn’t have a chance to change things. My flight left tomorrow at nine in the morning, and I wouldn’t have a chance to properly say goodbye to Mira. Like she deserved.
She deserves better than you.
And I figured the voice in my head was probably right.
I opened the door to my rental car and cranked up the engine. I was fully sober, and wishing I wasn’t. I pulled away from Jacy and the one-night stand I knew she’d probably have tonight and headed back to my hotel. Back to the empty space that wouldn’t ever know the sounds and smells of Mira again. I made my way into my room and began packing. I laid out my traveling outfit for tomorrow, then cleaned myself up in the bathroom. I went ahead and took a shower. I went ahead and brushed my teeth. I got everything ready so all I’d have to do is throw on my clothes and get my ass to the airport.
But, when I came out of the bathroom in the boxers I’d wear for my flight tomorrow, I couldn’t crawl into bed.
I looked at it and saw a phantom of Mira’s memory. I saw us writhing around in bed. I heard her moans bouncing off the walls. I stood there, looking at it. I saw the smile on her face. I saw the smile on mine. I watched the memory of us tangled up in one another fade into nothingness, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
“The couch, it is,” I grumbled.
Leaving the bedroom, I flopped down onto the couch in the living room. I pulled a blanket over me and used my arm as a pillow, then turned on the television mounted on the wall. I flipped through the channels until I found a mindless movie to leave on. Some dumbass love story between a baker and a girl. Or some such nonsense. I rolled my eyes as I turned over, keeping my back toward the television. And as my eyes settled on the couch cushions in front of me, I sighed.
I never should have come back to Portland in the first place.
