I’m carrying Jessica through the woods.
Slowly.
I’ve brought her back to my chest, pressing her body to mine. Her arms haven’t left my neck. When I tried to separate us, her grip only tightened around my throat. Her arms are now a noose around my neck, choking me if I ever let go.
So I carry her.
Cradle her.
There’s a mewling at my chest. Like a congested lamb. It sounds far too wet, the sound she’s making, but there’s a certain contentment to it. I can feel it hum through her skull and resonate into my chest, the slightest of vibrations. Purring, almost. Such happiness.
Such love.
I don’t know where I’m going. Not for certain. But I stop worrying about my way. I’ve walked these woods so many times, night after night, dream after fetid dream, that I don’t need to know for sure.
We found each other, didn’t we? We’ve come this far…So I stop worrying. Stop. I let my feet simply lead the way and I let them, I let them. I let them. Let them take me home.
Take me home.
Take us home.
Home.
home
home
This is the role I was meant to play.
Born to play.
I’ve been preparing for this part my entire life, haven’t I? All these years of drug-induced stasis, of emotional paralysis, of lies…they have all been leading to this moment in time.
Showtime, folks…Time to shine.
Time to be a star.
My life has merely been a dry run. Now it’s time to play.
For keeps.
Like the tagline says, Jessica wants to play…with you!
As a child, I played the part of Jessica Ford long enough to reunite her with her mother.
Just for a moment. Just a breath.
Now I am Ella Louise. For Jessica’s sake. It’s a phantasmal family reunion come full circle. And it’s so easy to slip into this role. I’ve done my preparation, I’ve gone over my lines. I know them by heart.
By heart.
I’ve lived this part.
I’m ready now.
Born ready.
We come upon the clearing before I even realize it. It opens up to us so quickly, the pines pulling back and suddenly I’m stepping out into an open patch of crabgrass and thistle.
I’ve been to this clearing before. I know who’s waiting for us here.
Who’s buried below our feet.
Am I humming?
I’m humming a song. A lullaby. It’s the opening theme music to Don’t Tread on Jessica’s Grave. I hadn’t even realized I knew the score, but there you go. Just a little something to keep Jessica calm. Keep her hands from choking me. She won’t let go. Her arms feel like serpents, like snakes wrapping their way around my throat. The charred flecks of her burnt flesh scrape at my own skin, snake scales grating against my flesh. No—not snakes. Film strips. Her skin feels like the tangled reel of a movie, my movie, its brittle celluloid noosed around my neck.
That’s all this is. It’s only a movie, I keep repeating to myself as I make my way to the center of the clearing. To the patch of scorched earth waiting for us both. It’s only a movie…
Only a movie…
Only a movie…
Only a movie…
Only a…
Only…