IN THE cab on the way home last night, after he had left Ellie, Nikolai had reached another major decision. He had decided to let her see Arina. He was fairly certain that once she had set eyes on her sister’s child again it would be practically impossible for her to refuse the marriage of convenience he had suggested. But Nikolai had a hidden agenda. Suddenly…shockingly…since spending time with her again he’d found himself impatient to make Ellie his wife.
Of all the women he could desire, want, need…she was the one who crowded thoughts of any others out. It hardly made sense to him, believing as he did that she had betrayed him with his brother and risked both his life and Arina’s by driving the car that day, but Nikolai could not deny to himself what he felt.
When she came out of the television studios that afternoon he was waiting for her, with the declaration that he was taking her home to see her niece. Her bewitching emerald eyes swam with tears, but she quickly wiped them away and got into the car, simply murmuring ‘thank you’ and after that falling silent.
Electing not to say very much himself on the short journey to the house in Park Lane, Nikolai dwelt on the upcoming meeting between his daughter and her aunt, her former nanny, instead. They would clearly all need time to adjust to the new situation he was proposing, but he prayed that Arina would quickly learn to accept Ellie as her new mother once they were married, and as a result grow more confident with a more permanent female influence in her life.
His daughter’s happiness meant everything to him. And even if it meant that for him there would never be the prospect of truly falling in love with a woman again—he was willing to make that sacrifice to guarantee his daughter’s well-being.
Turning his focus to the plan he was devising for Ellie’s long-term presence in their lives, he told himself it was only right that she should sacrifice some of the freedom she had stolen to pursue her chosen career when the child she had deserted had needlessly suffered because of her. And it wouldn’t be for ever…just until Arina had left home and was forging a life of her own. After that Ellie and Nikolai could go their separate ways…
As his chauffeur steered the car into a waiting space in front of the elegant Park Lane residence, Nikolai turned to the woman at his side. She was not quick enough to hide the anxiety in her eyes, but he swiftly banished any treacherous urge to be sympathetic. ‘She is just like any other normal healthy six-year-old girl,’ he heard himself explain tersely. ‘But obviously we will all have to take things one step at a time.’
A delicate frown creased Ellie’s smooth brow. ‘I’m not expecting her to accept me on sight! Relationships take time to build.’
‘Good.’
‘I just want to do what’s right for her.’
‘Then in that case…our aims are in perfect concord.’
It was impossible for Nikolai to keep the brusque tone from his voice. There were simply too many charged and chaotic emotions coursing through his blood for calmness to be a remotely viable option…
Inside the marble-floored hallway, Ellie met the privileged and wealthy air of her surroundings with a bittersweet upsurge of both happy and painful recollection. For long moments she was battered by emotion. Aware that Nikolai’s steely-eyed gaze barely left her, she took a deep breath and grimaced. ‘Everything is just the same as I remember it.’
‘It was only six months ago that I had the place completely refurbished.’
‘The décor may have changed, but the house itself feels just the same to me.’
‘Then you must have a good memory after all, Ellie. I was quite certain it was a case of out of sight and out of mind as far as we were concerned!’
His imperious gaze mocked her mercilessly, and Ellie experienced a strong urge to get this daunting and emotional reunion over with as soon as possible. Not because she didn’t want to see Arina—she was desperate to do so, and had been quite overwhelmed when Nikolai had turned up at the studios and told her where he was taking her. But his unforgiving and punishing attitude towards her was seriously beginning to get to her. Did he imagine that Ellie had no feelings at all about entering this house again? Did it never even cross his mind for one moment to realise that it was as difficult for her to confront the past as it was for him?
‘I haven’t forgotten anything about my time here.’ She lifted her chin. ‘Up until the accident I was very happy here, and contrary to what you might believe I haven’t concocted some convenient story about losing my memory to escape whatever retribution you think I deserve! I genuinely have no recall of what happened that day.’
‘That is a topic of discussion for another more appropriate time, I think. Right now it is Arina who should be our first concern. Follow me. It is almost her bedtime, and at this time of the day she will probably be playing with her toys or listening to a story read by Elsa…the au pair,’ he explained.
Walking behind Nikolai’s tall, straight-backed figure up the grand sweeping staircase, with its sumptuous carpeted tread and Georgian elegance, Ellie didn’t have a hope of calming the nerves that seized her. Everything was simply too raw…too achingly familiar and affecting for the skills in psychology she had painstakingly acquired over the years to be of any use to her whatsoever.
Moving in silence down a corridor lined with beautiful and expensive art, they stopped outside a once familiar door. Ellie’s insides clenched hard, but without saying a word to her—as if any thoughts or feelings she might have were totally irrelevant to him—Nikolai rapped smartly on the cream painted oak and opened the door. Inside a large bedroom that was a little girl’s dream, a small, pretty dark-haired girl sat on an exquisite hand-made bed, beautifully decorated with fairy princess imagery and a lilac and white quilted bedspread. Next to her sat a kind faced, big-boned young woman, with smiling brown eyes and sandy-coloured hair.
She immediately got up when Nikolai and Ellie entered, her smile open and generous. She seemed genuinely pleased to see them both. ‘Welcome, welcome! And how are you today?’ Her accent was definitely from one of the Scandinavian countries. ‘We have just been reading one of Arina’s favourite stories…The Princess and the Pea!’
She beamed, and Ellie sensed herself immediately warming to Arina’s au pair. Nikolai’s attention had immediately been captured by the child who was busy launching herself off the low-sided bed into his waiting arms.
‘Papa!’
Ellie sensed tears prick the backs of her eyelids. Seeing the child was a double-edged sword for her. First of all she was poignantly reminded of the beautiful baby she had loved as if she were her own, and whose growing-up years she had sadly missed because of her flight to Scotland. And second the shocking realisation hit her that the six-year old Arina was a perfect miniature of Sasha, with her big china-blue eyes and rich dark hair. There was very little resemblance to her beloved sister Jackie at all.
The younger Golitsyn brother had looked like a hero from some ancient folk tale, with his lustrous dark locks and ethereal light blue eyes. The pity was that his addictions had started to take their toll on his remarkable good-looks, and taint the charm that had always drawn others so effortlessly into his sphere. Something that Ellie knew to her cost.
Now, watching Nikolai swing the little girl up into his arms and kiss her soundly on both cheeks, she was struck by what a breathtaking picture of unity and happiness they made together, and an inexplicable pang of loneliness and envy went through her. Addressing his daughter in Russian, Ellie heard him mention her name—it seemed that he had decided to stick with Ellie and not Elizabeth after all. Returning the child to her feet, he scraped his fingers through the regimented short thick strands of his dark blond hair and smiled—simply because he couldn’t seem to help himself.
The sculpted features that already had the power to command instant attention wherever he went, because they were so striking, lit up even more when backed by the inner glow of pure pleasure behind them, Ellie discovered—and she couldn’t help but stare.
‘Ellie used to look after you when you were very small, Arina…just a baby. Say hello.’
‘Hello.’
The big blue eyes moved up and down and all over her as if noting every facet and detail of Ellie’s appearance and storing it to memory. Finally, she grinned, and hopped from one foot to the other—clearly pleased with what she’d discovered.
‘You look just like a fairy princess!’
‘That’s just what I was going to say about you!’ Ellie replied, stooping low so that she would be on the same level as the little girl. Gently she touched the tips of her fingers to the child’s silky-soft pink-bloomed cheek and felt something inside her—some psychic bond of love that had never been broken—leap for joy. ‘In fact, I think you must be the prettiest fairy princess I’ve ever seen—especially as you have the loveliest black hair…just like Snow White!’
‘I like that story,’ Arina solemnly replied, then leaned towards Ellie and confided, ‘But I like the story about Cinderella better! I don’t like the way her ugly sisters were so horrible to her. Papa says they were jealous because Cinderella was kind and beautiful and they were ugly and mean and wanted to marry the prince—but in the end he married Cinderella and they lived happily ever after!’
‘What a sensible prince! I think he made the right choice, don’t you? And I do so like happy endings!’ Ellie smiled.
‘Then maybe one day you’ll meet a handsome prince and live happily ever after too!’ came the child’s ingenuous reply.
Feeling Nikolai’s azure-blue gaze burn with a deep blue flame as he silently observed her, Ellie went hot and cold all over. There would be no happy ending for her in this mockery of a marriage she was being forced to contemplate…she knew that. And suddenly along with that painful realisation came the knowledge that her work helping others have better relationships—with themselves, with others—would be all she could ever really hope for in that area. Even in her own opinion she was simply too messed-up ever to sustain a long-term relationship with any man.
She had been abandoned by her father and had her faith in men compromised by her sister’s widowed husband, and now there was this intimidating proposal of marriage from Nikolai. How was she supposed to feel confident in any potentially intimate relationship with a man? Her faith and trust had been shattered and her self-esteem demoralised.
Slowly she rose to her feet, unable to resist ruffling the top of Arina’s silky dark head as she did so. The child was gorgeous, and already Ellie knew she had the kind of naturally sweet temperament that would melt even the hardest heart. She was a daughter any mother would be proud of…
‘That is another thing about Arina.’ Bending his head, Nikolai captured his daughter’s hand and kissed it extravagantly. ‘She is one of life’s optimists! She always looks on the bright side. Don’t you, my angel?’
‘Did you really look after me when I was a baby?’ The child turned a curious long-lashed gaze back to Ellie.
‘I did, sweetheart.’ Pursing her lips, Ellie wanted to smile back—but emotion locked her throat painfully tight, and she didn’t want to display what she was sure Nikolai would only see as another undesirable flaw in her character if she should suddenly give way to tears.
‘Why didn’t you stay with me? Did you get fed up with me?’
The question stunned Ellie. Looking to Nikolai for help was futile when all he was intent on doing was watching her constantly—as if waiting for her to somehow trip up and further prove his negative opinions about her.
Ignoring him, she dropped back down to the child’s level and folded her hand carefully in her own. ‘Of course I didn’t, darling! You were the most adorable, wonderful baby that ever was, and I was so sad when I had to leave you. But I was in an accident, and…’ She glanced up at Nikolai and silently he shook his head, indicating that his daughter knew nothing about the car accident and that Ellie was not to elaborate. ‘I got hurt, and I was in hospital for a while. Afterwards my father took me away so that I could properly get better. But I missed you so much when I left, and I thought about you all the time!’
‘And now you have come back!’ The child’s smile was huge…as if to say that’s sorted, let’s get onto something else! Pulling her hand free, she danced across the room back to Elsa. ‘Can we finish my story, please?’ she begged, her father and Ellie more or less forgotten.
‘Why, of course! But then you have to brush your teeth and get ready for bed, because you have to get up for school in the morning!’
‘We will leave.’ Moving across the room to kiss his daughter an affectionate goodnight, Nikolai turned back to Ellie. ‘I think it is time for us to go and have dinner.’
‘I didn’t realise you expected me to stay and eat with you.’
‘You need to eat, I need to eat…of course you will stay to eat dinner! We also have some important business to complete…yes?’
Dinner was a fairly tense affair, with Nikolai at one end of the grand highly polished dining table, in the dining room with its stately windows overlooking the well-tended and manicured garden, and Ellie at the other. After his initial enquiries as to what she thought of Arina after not seeing her all this time it seemed her host was not disposed to make conversation.
It was obvious that some deep contemplation about the situation was preoccupying him, and Ellie could not really attest to minding the silence that descended between them. She was thinking hard too. Mostly wrapped up in the memories she did recall of her time in the Golitsyn household—she was quite relieved to let the time drift by with no mention of the marriage of convenience Nikolai was proposing. She knew it was only a temporary reprieve from what was looking more and more inevitable, but strangely, after a sleepless night contemplating it, and now after seeing Arina, some of her apprehension was calming down.
When Miriam brought them their coffee at the end of the meal, Nikolai suggested they take it into the drawing room. Finding herself alone with him after the attentive presence of his housekeeper and the young maid who had been helping to serve the meal, Ellie glanced round her and saw the exquisitely appointed drawing room had indeed been refurbished since she had seen it last. With its original Georgian box sash windows and sumptuous velvet drapes, it took the words ‘elegance’ and ‘good taste’ to a whole new level. Visually, it was absolutely stunning. It was a room in which to have tea in the very best fine bone china, amidst a backdrop of ever so polite conversation, Ellie decided privately. It definitely wasn’t the kind of space where you could just throw down some comfy cushions on the floor and chill out, watching your favourite programme on TV!
Not that she could ever imagine a man like Nikolai indulging in such a commonplace pastime! He was a man made for more high-class pleasures…like fine wines, the best restaurants, and yachts in the South of France. He would most likely scorn the simple pursuits that interested Ellie.
Sighing, she let her gaze move round the room some more. With its innovative mix of contemporary and vintage furniture, and desirable art decorating the walls, it made Ellie’s little flat in Hackney resemble some kind of hermit’s retreat! However, the notion of envy didn’t enter her mind for even a second. At this point in her life she was merely grateful to be alive and doing a job she truly loved—a job where she had a real opportunity to make a difference to young people’s lives. Compared to that, Nikolai’s beautiful house and staggering wealth hardly even signified.
‘I’m going to have a cognac with my coffee,’ he announced, interrupting her thoughts with the smoky gravel-edged tones of his compelling voice. ‘What about you?’ Pulling his silk tie free of his pristine shirt collar, he moved across to the burr walnut cocktail cabinet and opened it.
‘Nothing for me, thank you.’
‘Why not?’ He raised a quizzical eyebrow.
‘Because I need to try and get a good night’s sleep, and alcohol doesn’t really help me do that. I’m working with two new clients for the TV programme and I need to keep a clear head.’
‘One small cognac will not hurt. You look like you could use a drink to put some colour back into those pale cheeks of yours!’
Knowing the colour always seemed to drain out of her whenever she was tired, but surprised that he had noticed, Ellie shrugged. ‘Okay…Just a small one, then.’
‘So…did seeing Arina again fulfil your expectations?’ After handing her a crystal goblet-shaped glass, the amber liquid inside it glistening in the subdued lighting of the various elegant lamps dotted round the room, Nikolai went and stood by the white marble mantelpiece that was above the stunning fireplace—every inch the Lord and Master of all he surveyed.
From her position on the supremely comfortable sofa, Ellie breathed a small sigh of relief that he hadn’t joined her. ‘It was the strangest experience…All this time apart and yet everything about her felt so familiar…as though I’d never left at all.’ She shook her head in wonder. ‘I thought she was adorable and beautiful! She’s grown into the loveliest child, Nikolai!’
‘I agree. Nobody would guess that her early beginnings were less than they should have been. My only wish now is that she will grow up into a happy and well-adjusted young woman. To achieve this, I have long realised, a girl should have a mother as well as a father. That is where you come in, Ellie.’
Hardly knowing what to say, Ellie fell silent. What he was proposing set her heart racing, and she tried to imagine what her life would be like living on such intimate terms with a man like Nikolai Golitsyn. The word ‘intimate’ conjured up particular dread for her, and she prayed that this ‘convenient’ marriage he was set on would not include what were her very worst fears. Surely he would find some other ‘means’ of satisfying that aspect of things without involving her? she thought, panicked. But her heart was torn with a longing that contradicted that hope.
Lifting her gaze, she found herself yet again under the ever-watchful surveillance of those azure-blue eyes. Had he guessed what was going through her mind just then? Her cheeks burned like a brand at the idea that he had. Self-consciously adjusting her position on the sumptuous sofa, Ellie took a tentative sip of her cognac. Its searing warmth had an immediate effect, and she sensed her cheeks tingle with even more heated colour. She made a mental note not to drink any more.
‘From what I gleaned after the way you looked at me upstairs, when I mentioned being hurt in an accident, I gather that you haven’t spoken to Arina about what happened?’
‘No, and I do not intend to until she is much older! Thankfully she remembers nothing of that day, because she was too young. She only knows that her father died, and so far she has not asked me why.’
‘What about her mother? Has she asked about her?’
‘She knows that Jackie died giving birth to her, and that that was when you came to the house to live with us and help take care of her.’
‘And what about the fact that I’m her aunt, Nikolai? Did you tell her that? Or am I supposed to keep quiet about that and act as if I am just a stranger who came to look after her when her mother died?’
‘I will tell her soon who you really are. Like I said before…we need to take things one step at a time.’
The fierce look in his eyes reminded Ellie of a proud male lion defending its offspring against predatory hunters, and she flinched at the evidence of reluctance in his voice. It was further proof of his lack of trust in her, and Ellie couldn’t deny that hurt. Yet beneath her pain was the steadily growing vow that she would show him that she could be trusted—would strive daily to prove it.
‘Nikolai? I loved seeing Arina again, and the idea of becoming her mother…Well…it’s an overwhelming privilege, as well as the greatest responsibility! And perhaps the very least I could do, considering her mother was my sister. But when it comes down to the reality of the situation, I really think this idea of yours about us getting married and me living with you couldn’t possibly work!’
‘One can make anything work if one is committed and dedicated to the task, Ellie.’
Nikolai moved across the room to stand in front of her, and his sudden close proximity and the disturbing clean sharp scent of his expensive cologne made Ellie’s muscles go rigid with tension. Glancing up at him, she saw he really was quite formidable right then.
‘And seeing the way that Arina responded to you even after all these years has convinced me that what I am proposing is absolutely right! If you do not make up your mind to do as I ask then you leave me no choice but to start legal proceedings against you! Do not make the foolish mistake of imagining I will not follow through with what I say, Ellie. I am completely serious about this!’