ELLIE sat in frozen animation on the floor, the boxes of books she’d started to open surrounding her. A searing knife-like pain had just throbbed through her skull, and in the midst of her unpacking she’d stopped still, willing it not to repeat itself. Assuring herself it was probably just a stress headache after what had happened at the shelter, she felt her breath catch at the disturbing scene that was starting to unfold in her mind—like a scroll she was slowly rolling opened to read the writing right to the end…
It was a repeat of the disturbing dream she had had about Sasha. But this time it went beyond the point where he was begging her to drive him to his friend’s. His dark handsome face was contorted with frustration and irritation, and the baby was crying in his arms. He swore savagely beneath his breath, and then, realising he wasn’t helping his case, regrouped himself and flashed Ellie one of his most disarming boyish smiles.
‘What if I promise you that after this…after you drive me to my friend’s…it will be the last time, the very last time, I ever take anything—drink or drugs—and I ask Nikolai to get me some help? What if I do that, Ellie? It’s what you’ve always begged me to do, isn’t it? Give me this one last chance and I’ll show you that I can get clean. Please, Ellie! Don’t condemn me when I’m ill! Addiction is an illness, you must know that! My friend’s place is only about a mile away. I want to see him because he’s let me down, Ellie. He sold me some bad gear and I’ve got to speak to him!’
‘Maybe you need to go to the hospital rather than your friend’s, Sasha? What have you taken? What did he give you?’ Alarmed, Ellie honestly feared for him if she left him to his own devices. He had a disturbingly frantic look in his eyes and clearly wasn’t capable of making rational decisions right now. If only he would ask Nikolai for help then everything could change, Ellie thought fervently. Given time, he might even come round to seeing how precious and important his baby girl was, and at last forge a real loving bond with her just as Jackie would have longed for him to do.
Arina’s cries turned to a snuffly whimper and Ellie longed to hold the child and comfort her.
‘I don’t need the hospital! I just need to see my friend and sort things out!’ Sasha slurred, his balance wavering a little as he held the baby.
Ellie stared at him in horror. ‘Give me Arina, Sasha…Let me take her and then we can get in the car and go. I promise I’ll drive you, but let me take the baby first!’
‘I am sorry, Ellie…But I need you to do this for me, and the baby is my insurance! Here are the car keys.’ Sasha dragged them out of his jeans pocket and pressed them into Ellie’s hand. ‘Let’s go.’
He marched towards Nikolai’s smart gold coloured Mercedes parked kerbside, and she realised that he had taken his brother’s keys. She had no choice but to hurry after him. Arina was her first and most urgent concern. She had to get her away from Sasha soon, before the worst happened and he dropped her!
The quiet street seemed to be free of passersby that afternoon, but even if she stopped someone for help there was no telling what Sasha might do in his current state of mind. He was right. He was ill. She didn’t think she had ever seen him quite this bad before. So, with the car keys he had shoved into her trembling hand enclosed in her palm, Ellie climbed into the driver’s seat, her gaze nervously on the wriggling baby in his arms, sick to her stomach at the volatile and potentially dangerous situation she found herself in.
‘If I’m going to drive anywhere you need to put Arina in her baby seat. We can’t travel with her on your lap. It’s too dangerous. You absolutely have to do this!’ she said firmly.
‘Don’t fret,’ Sasha said impatiently. ‘I’ll put her in the car seat—don’t worry. But then we’ve got to go.’
Swallowing hard, Ellie felt her hands clammy with fear as Sasha fumbled to get the baby in her car seat, then returned to the passenger seat and told Ellie to start driving.
‘Have you strapped her in properly?’ she demanded, twisting round to see for herself.
‘Yes, yes!’ Sasha replied. ‘Now let’s go!’
The scene started to fade, and—still kneeling on the carpet in her bedroom—Ellie pressed her palms to the sides of her face and briefly shut her eyes tight. She breathed out heavily. This time she knew what had just been revealed to her was no dream. It was pure shocking memory, and it had left her reeling, occurring out of the blue like that.
Knowing for certain that she had not willingly got into the car with Sasha that day, had only done so because he’d been high and she’d feared he might do himself or the baby harm if she didn’t—Ellie felt immense relief roll through her. But how she would relate this unpalatable record of events to the man she had now agreed to marry she had no idea.
There was no doubt in her mind that Nikolai had loved his brother, despite all his faults—that was surely why he sought to avenge his death by blackmailing her, she realised. But the truth would surely test that love, and possibly make Nikolai feel more strongly than ever that he had somehow failed Sasha. Knowing the level of responsibility for his brother that he had always taken upon his shoulders, Ellie didn’t doubt that. But being able to reveal the truth to him at last might not exactly endear Ellie to him either—for all that she’d longed for her memory to return.
From inside her bag, which lay on the bed, her mobile phone rang. Still in a bit of a daze, she jumped up to answer it. Having not rung her father yet, to tell him about the situation with Nikolai and that she had moved back into his house, Ellie thought for a worried moment that it might be him. But the caller was Paul from the shelter.
‘Ellie? Just wanted to let you know that the cleaning crew your fiancé arranged turned up and did the most amazing job on the place you’ve ever seen! It looks even better than before. I know that’s not saying much, but everyone here is over the moon! Say thanks from us all, will you?’
Dropping down onto the edge of the bed, Ellie clutched the phone to her ear with relief. Now at least the kids who’d been staying there would not have to sleep on the streets tonight. Nikolai had indeed done a wonderful thing.
She frowned at the wave of longing that suddenly swept through her at the thought of him, and her cheeks burned as she remembered that disturbing game of catch in the park, when he had caught her and kissed her…
‘Of course I will,’ she told Paul. ‘I’m just so pleased the place is habitable again! It means we can think about our plans for improvement—as we’d hoped we could before this happened.’
‘It’s just a thought…but I wondered if you fancied meeting me for a quick drink? I’m in Leicester Square with a couple of friends of mine, and thought you might like the opportunity to celebrate everything turning out so well?’
Grateful for a chance to distract herself from thoughts of Nikolai, and the disturbing revelations about Sasha her returning memory had revealed, Ellie didn’t hesitate to accept Paul’s invitation. ‘Sounds good. Give me about an hour and I’ll join you. Where will you be?’
In the kitchen, having cleaned up after dinner, Miriam was having a final tidy round before she retired to her own rooms for the night.
‘Miriam? Do you know where Mr Golitsyn is?’ Ellie asked, her heart thudding at the very real chance Nikolai might suddenly appear from wherever he’d gone after putting Arina to bed and take her by surprise. She had kissed the little girl goodnight earlier, after he had suggested Ellie might like to finish her unpacking.
‘He has gone into his study to do some work, Dr Lyons…I mean Ellie.’ The older woman smilingly grimaced, remembering that Ellie had told her to use her first name. ‘He asked me to tell you that he would be busy for a couple of hours and to help yourself to anything you need in the meantime.’
Breathing a soft sigh of relief, Ellie released the blonde curl she had been absently twirling round her finger and did up the buttons on the three quarter-length jacket she wore over her jeans. ‘Well, I’ve just had a phone call from a friend of mine, inviting me for a drink. If Nikolai wants to know where I’ve gone, would you tell him? I’d rather not disturb him if he’s working.’
‘Of course! I hope you have a nice evening.’
‘Thanks very much…Goodnight, Miriam.’
‘Good night, Ellie.’
It was useless trying to work when his concentration was shot to pieces! Why was he even bothering to attempt to read his letters when his secretary could look them over for him in the morning at his office?
Throwing down his fountain pen on the desk, Nikolai rose to his feet and circled his shoulders forwards and then backwards, moving his head from side to side to try and erase some of the strain in his ridiculously tense muscles. All his thoughts had been preoccupied with Ellie…that was why he could not work. Deliberately removing himself from her company shortly after dinner, to read a bedtime story to Arina, he had told himself that some time spent without her lovely face and sultry perfume distracting him was just what he needed to help straighten out his mind about her.
Seeing the shelter today, and learning that it was Ellie who had set it up in the first place, had made Nikolai seriously reflect on why a girl he had accused of stealing a valuable necklace and aiming to run off with his charming but reckless brother would spend her time helping disadvantaged teenagers sleeping rough on the streets. It did not make sense. If she was only interested in acquiring money and living a more wealthy existence herself. The two behaviours just did not tally.
Doubt started to creep into his mind about Sasha’s behaviour in the past. Had Nikolai overlooked too many of his less than charming character traits and perhaps extended him too much benefit of the doubt because he had felt so responsible for him and loved him? With both their parents gone, what else could he have done? Yet who knew what might have really occurred that fatal day of the accident? Thinking too about Ellie’s obvious affection for Arina, Nikolai felt something deep down inside him telling him that what she had said was true…She would never have knowingly or willingly put the child at risk…Not even for Sasha, if she’d cared for him!
Shaking his head, he uttered her name out loud in sheer frustration. His body throbbed with the need to hold her, and that kiss they had shared earlier in the park had only poured petrol on the fire that already simmered hotly inside him. If he did not get her into his bed soon he might have to seriously consider ringing up one of his previous lovers after all! He knew that he wouldn’t. Since seeing Ellie again it was impossible for him to even think of being intimate with someone else.
There was a knock at the door. Scraping his fingers through his hair, Nikolai found himself tensing even more at the idea it might be Ellie. When he saw his small rotund housekeeper in her wrap-around floral apron standing there instead, in the softly lamplit hall, disappointment crashed in on him like a wave.
‘Yes, Miriam?’
‘I have a message for you from Ellie, Mr Golitsyn.’
‘Well?’ he snapped impatiently. ‘What is it?’
‘She has gone out for a while with a friend. She did not want to disturb you. As I was just on my way up to bed, I thought I had better come and tell you.’
‘Who is this friend? Did you see him or her?’
‘No, Mr Golitsyn.’
‘When did she leave?’ Nikolai demanded, his mind and heart racing at the idea that Ellie might be running out on him and Arina again, and berating himself for starting to see the good in her instead of the bad.
‘About half an hour ago, Mr Golitsyn.’
‘And you are sure she did not mention who this friend was?’
‘No. I am sorry.’
Wishing that Miriam had come and told him all this earlier, still Nikolai realised he could not blame his good-hearted housekeeper for Ellie going out. And in spite of the agreement they had made he could hardly keep her prisoner in what was now her home…could he? Yet the steel-like muscles in his stomach cramped painfully at the idea that she had gone out with some unknown male admirer.
‘Go to bed, Miriam. I will wait up for Ellie. Sleep well.’
‘Yes, Mr Golitsyn.’ Unable to banish the concern that she had somehow done something wrong, the housekeeper sighed and lifted her shoulders in a resigned shrug.
‘Did you have a nice evening?’
Rising from the armchair he had been sitting in whilst waiting for her return, Nikolai did not know how he managed to keep his tone so calm and civilised. It was after midnight, and he had endured wave upon wave of fear and doubt that Ellie had left him for good.
Perhaps she had concluded that it was worth the risk of her and her father going to prison after all to get away from Nikolai? Now, his worsening mood poised on a precarious knife-edge, he let his gaze flick in reluctant and helpless admiration over her appearance. With the lamp light from the hallway outside the sitting room wreathing her hair in a halo of gold, in contrast her pale skin appeared almost luminous—whilst her emerald eyes glinted like dark fire as they registered her surprise at seeing him.
‘Nikolai! You didn’t need to wait up for me. It’s late, and I have the key you gave me to let myself in.’
‘Where have you been?’
‘Didn’t Miriam tell you?’ Ellie frowned, ‘A friend of mine rang and invited me out for a drink. I would have told you myself, but you were working and I didn’t want to disturb you.’
‘And this friend of yours…Was it male or female?’
‘What?’
‘You heard me perfectly well, I am sure.’
‘I don’t believe this! Are you going to cross-examine me every time I set foot outside the door? Maybe next time you’ll make me take Ivan as well! Then you can spy on who I’m with and keep me prisoner all at the same time!’
His temper finally spilling over, Nikolai swore savagely beneath his breath, his hands clenched into fists of tension and fury down by his side. ‘You go too far!’
‘No!’ She took several strides towards him and jabbed her finger in the air. ‘It is you who go too far!’
Reacting instinctively, Nikolai caught her slender-boned wrist and gripped it tight.
She gasped. ‘Let go of me!’
Seeing fear in her eyes, he stared at her in stark cold horror as he realised she thought he was going to strike her. Before he could let her go, her face crumpled, and she moved her hand across her eyes to hide her distress. Again, acting purely on instinct, adrenaline pumping through his veins like white water, Nikolai impelled Ellie urgently into his arms.
‘I wasn’t going to hurt you. I swear to you I would cut off my hand before I laid it on you in anger, devochka moya!’ My little girl… It was the same endearment he used sometimes when speaking to Arina, and it had slipped out quite naturally.
Nikolai’s hand was smoothing over the silken fall of Ellie’s alluring shampoo-scented hair—faint notes of sandalwood and orange—and, unable to resist, he kissed the top of her head…Once, twice, three times. The contact only deepened his frustration and desire. It was nowhere near enough to satisfy the building need in him for complete fulfilment…not when his lips ached to kiss and taste and explore every exquisite inch of her and his body longed to be one with hers. If previously Nikolai had been angry, then what he was experiencing right now was light years away from that emotion and silently, devastatingly, it shook him to his very foundations.
Trembling, Ellie pressed herself closer into his chest with a sigh. ‘One of my foster fathers hit me across the face once when he was angry…I’ve never forgotten it.’
‘I am sorry that you experienced such brutality from a man who should have protected you…Let me assure you that I would never, never do such a thing to you!’
‘I know…’
Softly pliant and warm, and no longer defensive, Ellie let her hands come to rest either side of Nikolai’s hips. Even though her touch was feather-light, it burned through the tough material of his jeans. Volcanic heat pulsed through his bloodstream and made him hard. Cupping her face, he let his hungry gaze briefly scorch her before he lowered his mouth and claimed her softly opened rose-pink lips in a kiss that transported him far from this world…‘Come with me…’ his voice beseeched her, when he could finally bear to tear his lips away from the sweet wild honey taste of hers. ‘Come with me, and for a few hours we will shut out the world and think only of each other.’