Dear Lars’s diary, this is Will. Lars’s mind is taking a vacation, so I’m assuming diary duties for him. “Will, you’re a peach,” you might be saying to yourself, but the truth is, it gives me something to do. How exactly did he lose his mind, you ask? I’d be delighted to tell you. That bastard always seemed a bit unstable to me, especially after the first few months. He wouldn’t let me watch any of the transmitted footage he was sent, and then he destroyed it, which I’m hoping means the Terrans lost. At least, I’m assuming that’s the reason for his mental decline. Hoping. Otherwise, what’s to stop it from happening to me?

—Will (should I even be signing my name??)

My dose was late. I had no idea what time it was, but my body craved it, agitation making my hands restless even as my mind gained focus. Ailith and the others must be close. Soon, she’d said. Soon.

My fingers traced on my arm. Garden. Hour.

It was time. Maybe with the celebration of Fane’s impending capture, they’d be distracted enough to forget my dose and make this easy for me.

No such luck.

The door opened, and Lexa came in, the syringe in her hand. I gauged my coordination. Could I manage to knock it out of her hand? Break it? Gain myself more time? Once the effects of my last dose wore off, I would be able to think, to move.

I was still clumsy, still soft. But my mind was sharp enough to understand that I didn’t want to cause a scene…otherwise, Ethan would be injecting me himself, and I would never make it down to the garden. Maybe it was time to see which side Lexa had truly chosen.

“Lexa, do you think we could skip this one?”

“I’m sorry, Tor, I—”

“Please, Lexa.” I looked at her meaningfully.

She stared at me for a minute then nodded and lifted the syringe to her own arm. “Clumsy me, letting you grab the needle.” I helped her onto the bed, where she lay down. “There’s one man, right outside the door,” she whispered.

Soon. My finger traced the words on my arm again. I had to get to the garden. I eased myself off the bed, careful not to jostle Lexa, and fell to my knees. I winced, feeling every ounce of my weight. I crawled to the door and braced myself on the doorframe so that I could rise.

The guard must’ve heard me hit the floor, because the door suddenly opened, and we stood face to face.

“Where do you think—”

Even with the remnants of the drug in my system, I moved much faster than he did. And harder. I caught him on the way down then dragged him back into the bedroom and eased him to the floor.

I stepped over him then closed the door behind me and staggered down the hall, pushing against the wall for support.

The effects of the medication were dissipating rapidly as the nanites got the upper hand, and I started to get better control of my muscles. My footsteps were increasingly silent, my mind increasingly clear. At the sound of raised voices from downstairs, my hunter’s instincts kicked in.

Act drugged.

I stopped at the top of the final steps to the main room. Kalbir and Ethan were at the bottom, arguing about Celeste.

“You’re sleeping with her,” Kalbir accused him. She stood as I’d seen her stand before, hands planted on her generous hips. Ethan had better be careful; even with her ability dampened, Kalbir could inflict a lot of damage.

“Of course.” He smirked, enjoying her anger.

“How could you? I thought—”

“You thought what? I mean, for a cyborg, you’re hot. And yeah, it did turn me on when you betrayed your own kind to sit at my feet. But you’re a cyborg.” His gaze travelled down her body with an air of contempt. “She’s pure human, beautiful, and fully believes in my vision. You’re a lot of fun, Kalbir, but—”

“You know she used to sleep with Oliver, right? She loved having his cyborg co—”

Ethan drew his hand back then caught himself and grimaced. “I’m not going to do this with you. I’m going to join the party, Kalbir. You do what you want.”

I stumbled down the stairs, loudly. Kalbir and Ethan looked up in alarm, and Ethan stepped behind her. I fell to my knees, one hand on the floor.

“What is he doing here? I thought Lexa sedated him?” Ethan demanded. “And fucking Dan is supposed to be watching him.” Anger had replaced his shock.

Kalbir sneered at him. “He’s probably getting pissed at your stupid party.”

I blinked slowly. “Garden. I want to see…her garden,” I slurred.

Ethan looked disgusted. “Sort him out. God, I hope they show up to claim him soon. He’s pathetic. And tell Dan I want to see him.” He turned on his heel, leaving me to Kalbir’s mercy.

She glared furiously at Ethan’s retreating back. “We’re not done yet,” she called after him. Turning to me, she said, “Okay, Tor, let’s go back upstairs.” She spoke slowly, as to a child. She put my arm around her shoulder and lifted me to my feet, the only person strong enough to do so.

“Please. Just a few minutes. I want to be…close to her.” I pawed at her shoulder, my hands clumsy.

“Fine,” she said, looking exasperated. “But only for a few minutes. And only to piss Ethan off. I’m not doing this for you.”

“Thank you.” I smiled blearily up into her face.

She shook her head and looked away.

We stumbled down the stairs and through the door together, into Ailith’s garden. I was glad she wasn’t here; she would’ve been devastated.

Ethan didn’t believe that growing new plants was worthwhile, it seemed. Everything she’d planted was brown and withered, dying of thirst and neglect. The precious seedlings were long-dead in their trays, and the remaining heirloom seeds that she’d treasured were tossed to the side in disorganized piles.

Kalbir saw me taking in the damage and shrugged. “Yeah, he doesn’t think nature is the way forward, so he put Lien on plant duty. Obviously, she couldn’t care less. But whatever, Ailith stole most of the seeds on her way out anyway.” Admiration tinged her voice. Enough to soften me. A bit.

I pushed away from her and leaned over the table, bracing myself on my hands. “I’m sorry about Ethan.” I dropped my head to the coarse wood, as though keeping it up took too much effort.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” she said, her tone brittle. “He’s right. She is human.” She grinned. “And frail. He’ll grow bored of her soon enough. Despite his loathing for cyborgs, there’s a part of him that’s turned on by my ‘abomination.’ Besides, I’ve made my bed, and I’ve never been one to complain about lying in it.”

Did she believe that? Or was it just bravado? “You could leave. Go find the others.”

She snorted. “They’d never take me. Not after what I did. Besides, living rough, always on the run, isn’t to my liking. I’ll be fine here. I can deal with Ethan.” Her expression was resolute as she started to take the seat across from me.

“Can I be alone? Please,” I said quickly when it looked like she was going to refuse.

She rolled her eyes, but not before I saw the hurt in them. “Whatever. You have one hour,” she warned as she closed the door behind her.

I locked it and sat down to wait.