The glow on the horizon mocked me. It was nearly ten at night, and we were on the front porch of Chuck’s cabin, staring at Washington twinkling in the distance. Just a few days before, it had shone like a beacon of salvation; now it had become a symbol of despair.
Susie stared out at the lights. “I can’t believe it.”
I held out my phone. “Look at the pictures.”
She shook her head. “I’ve seen them. I mean, I can’t believe this has really happened.”
Luke was still up, and he was playing by the fire in the pit out front. He was poking a stick into the flames. “Luke,” called out Lauren, starting to get out of her chair. “Don’t—”
I grabbed her arm, urging her to stay seated. “He needs to learn for himself. Leave him. We might not always be here to protect him.”
She looked like she wanted to disagree and push me off, but then stopped herself. She sat back down, still watching Luke but keeping quiet.
The night before, I’d gotten lost trying to find my way up the mountain in the dark, even with my headlamp. Everything looked the same, and in the end I’d lain down in the open, piling leaves around me for warmth, waiting for the sun to rise. It had rained again, but somehow I’d dropped off to sleep, and when I’d awoken, I was barely able to move, my arms and legs nearly paralyzed with cold.
When I’d stumbled into our makeshift camp in the early morning light, Susie had almost shot me. They were expecting a rescue convoy, helicopters and hot food, but all they got was me, half-frozen to death and delirious. I’d been dangerously hypothermic, exhausted, mumbling about the Chinese, spewing nonsense.
We’d gone back to the cabin and started up the woodstove, and they’d curled me up in front of it on a couch under some blankets. They let me sleep until the late afternoon. When I woke up, the first thing I did was tell Lauren how much I loved her, and then I played with Luke on the couch for a while, trying to imagine what his future would be like.
Everyone wanted to know what had happened, but I’d asked for a little time to myself, to process, to figure out how to explain that there was no help coming, that we were on our own.
That maybe we didn’t live in the United States anymore.
In the end, I’d simply shown everyone the images on my phone. There were a lot of questions, but I didn’t have answers.
“So they just let you go?” asked Chuck.
His injuries weren’t healing very well, and being out in the woods for two days had made things that much worse. Susie hadn’t been able to get all the buckshot out of his arm, and his bad hand looked painful too. His whole arm was in a sling.
“Yeah, they did.”
“You saw our military, our police there? And nobody was doing anything?”
I thought back to my walk into Washington. Everything I’d seen took on a new meaning once I’d seen the Chinese army base. I was replaying everything in my mind, trying to tease out the truth of things I’d seen but perhaps not understood.
“Our police were there, definitely Americans who were directing the stream of refugees. I saw some military on the road, but I think they were Chinese.”
“Did you see any fighting?”
I shook my head. “Everyone looked beaten, like it was already over.”
Luke was finished poking his stick into the fire and ran up the stairs into Lauren’s lap.
“So no bombed-out buildings? It was all intact?”
I nodding, trying to remember all that I’d seen.
“How could they have just given up without a fight?” said Chuck. He was having a hard time accepting it. He believed me, but he couldn’t fathom how it could be over so quickly. I still couldn’t believe it either.
“It would be hard to fight back if the Chinese incapacitated the military’s communications and weapons systems electronically.” I’d thought about it. “We’d be reduced to cavemen trying to fight back against a modern army.”
“So Washington just looked normal?” asked Lauren, cuddling Luke, trying to get her head around it. “Did you go to the Capitol?”
“No. Like I said, I was scared. I thought they were funneling us into a detention camp. I didn’t think I would make it back.”
“But there were people, Americans, just walking around. Driving around?” said Chuck.
I’d described the people I’d seen on the streets, some of them walking around as if nothing had happened, and told them about the cowboys who had driven me up here.
Susie sighed. “It’s hard to imagine, but I guess life goes on.”
“Life went on in occupied France during the Second World War,” I said. “Paris gave up without a fight too. No bombs, no fighting, just free one day and then occupied the next. People still went out and bought baguettes, drank wine—”
“It must have all happened when we were in New York,” said Lauren. “It was over a month that we were isolated. It explains the strange lack of information, the way things happened.”
It did explain a lot.
There was no snow anymore, but it was still winter, and there weren’t any bugs or crickets singing in the dark forests. The silence was deafening.
I sighed. “No matter what, it’s better that we got out of New York. It looks like they’re going to let it rot.”
“Bastards!” yelled Chuck, standing up from his chair. He was waving his good fist at the bright smudge on the horizon. “I’m not going down without a fight.”
“Calm down, baby,” whispered Susie, standing to wrap her arms around him. “No fighting for now.”
“We’re barely surviving,” I laughed. “How are we going to fight back?”
Chuck stared at the horizon. “People have done it before. The Underground, the Resistance.”
Lauren glanced at Susie. “I think that’s enough for today, don’t you?”
Susie agreed. “I think we should get some sleep.”
Chuck’s head sagged, and he turned toward the door. “Tell me when you head to bed, Mike, and I’ll come down and stand watch.”
Lauren leaned down to kiss me.
“I’m sorry I missed your birthday yesterday,” I said.
“You coming back safe was the greatest gift I’ve ever had.”
“I wanted so much—”
“I know, Mike, but what’s important is that we’re together.” She kissed Luke and stood up, cradling him in her arms. He was asleep.
I sat silently. Looking up at the door frame, I saw that someone had stuck the Borodins’ mezuzah on it. “Who did that?” I asked, pointing at it.
“I did,” Lauren said.
“A little late, don’t you think?”
“It’s never too late, Mike.”
I sighed and returned my gaze to the horizon. “I’m going to stay down here for a while,” I said to her. “Is that okay?”
“Come to bed soon.”
“I will.”
I sat and stared at the glow of Washington in the distance, rolling through the images of the trip there and back in my head. I’d been gone just two days, but it seemed like years. An eternity had passed in my mind, and the world had changed.
I sat for an hour or so, anger simmering inside me. Finally, I got up, turning my back on Washington, and walked inside.