May 2013
Stumptown Coffee on SW 3rd Ave., Portland, Oregon
I was calling the cable company to see about changing my plan. Here’s the situation: I pay for way more television than I watch. I don’t want to cancel cable. I like being able to watch the local news at times (you know, especially during Vanderbilt baseball season), and yet I also would like to keep Food Network because that Pioneer Woman can cook somethin’ fierce. Also, Bravo — The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sorry, I’m not sorry.
So I was on the phone trying to figure out if there is a way to have the actual services I want from my cable provider and not pay a gazillion dollars for a hundred channels that just get between me and Kim Zolciak. (Also, The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is married to an Atlanta Falcon, which is a goal I have pursued my whole life. So I like her for that too.)
The cable company put me on hold. And there I sat — for twenty-eight minutes.
In those moments, I never know when to hang up. I could be the very next caller they speak with, or it could be another half hour. And if I sit here, will they get to me soon, or if I hang up and call back, will I somehow skip over the line of customers on hold and immediately get to speak to a customer care representative? (To which I’d also like to say that they play fast and loose with the idea that they “care” about the “customer.” But that’s neither here nor there.)
Worst-case scenario? I will sit on hold all day long, waiting to speak to someone, only to realize I have been forgotten.
When do you hang up? For me, it was minute twenty-nine. And I’m still paying more for cable than I want to.
When you come to that crossroad, the moment when you could hold on or let go, what do you do? How do you know what to do?
More than with every other word you’ve read in this book, I hope you remember this: The road to courage is lit by God’s wisdom. His word in the Bible and through the Holy Spirit to you and through others is how you know. You tap into that. You ask for that. You dig into that.
His word is a lamp for your feet (Psalm 119:105). Your feet. Right under you. Look down. Take that step. It’s right in front of you.
And when it comes to holding on or letting go, I think you look down and see where the light leads you.
The prophet Isaiah writes, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’ ” (Isaiah 30:21).
It’s his still, small voice deep in your knower. It’s godly wisdom from a friend. It’s a verse or a quote or a moment of clarity when you just know. You will know which way to walk. I promise you will.
I say all that to say this. Only you can know the right time in your unique story, but may I push you and encourage you and say, Please hold on?
I’m a quitter. It comes way too easy for me to walk away from something that feels hard, whether it’s a gymnastics class, a friendship, or a diet. But as I mature and grow up, I’m learning that courage builds when I hang on.
Listen. I’ve wanted to walk away from this career a lot. And I mean a lot. It gets hard and lonely and frustrating (along with all the good things — don’t get me wrong!). But I’m hanging on because I see the light at my feet telling me to keep walking and writing.
Joy Williams has a song called “Golden Thread,” and when things seem to be stretching me too thin, I loop that song like nobody’s business. Because it reminds me that when I feel like I am just hanging by a thread and it all seems to be unraveling and to simply cut it would be the best bet, that thread may be gold. And it may be worth holding on.
Things can get sticky here. You’re in an abusive relationship? I’m not telling you to stay. You’re trying to make it out in LA as an actress, and you’re literally out of money? I’m not telling you to stay.
Look for the light. The light at your feet. And follow it. And when you know it’s right to hold on, hold on. Grip tightly until your hands are sore. But don’t let go.
If you’re tired of fighting for that prayer that seems to never be answered? Hold on. If you want to walk away from your marriage to a godly man because it has become something different than you thought it’d be? Hold on. (Get counseling, but hold on.) If you have applied to the college of your dreams but haven’t heard back yet? Hold on.
Hold on to hope. That’s the thing we can’t stand to lose. You can let go of jobs or people or hurts, but don’t let go of hope.
This book isn’t about me being single, but if you think it’s been easy to hold on to hope as I’ve watched my friends pass me in life phases over and over again, oh, friend. Not so much. It’s one thing when they get engaged or married. It’s another when the babies come. And another when the kids go to school — and I’m still alone at night.
Amy Stroup sings a song called “Hold Onto Hope Love” that has been my companion more nights than I can count as I’ve cried to God about the rough patches on my hands from holding on so tight to the cliff of hope when it feels like it would be easier to just let go and fall into hopelessness.
And the truth? It would be easier.
But it wouldn’t be brave.
It’s not the story God is writing with my life. It’s not the story God is writing with yours either.
So please. Hold on.
Don’t let go because it hurts or because it is hard. Don’t let go because you feel like it is ridiculous to hold on. It’s not. Hold on.
My friend dreams of adopting, and yet multiple babies come into her family’s lives only to go home with the birth mom. But my friend holds on. Christy is tired of running miles and miles every day, but she wants to run a marathon, so she doesn’t quit. She holds on. Mike and his wife run a camp for students where the buildings get run-down, the staff turns over, and the pool always smells a little off (just a little). It gets hard to have their jobs. But they see Jesus show up for students every week during the summer, so they hold on. Beth stays home with her four kids under five years of age and sees the dishes pile up and the laundry pile up quicker than she can clean. She has days when she wants to stay in bed or walk away. But she holds on.
Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we’re not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God . . .
So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
2 CORINTHIANS 4:1 – 2, 16 – 18 MSG
We just have to hold on. Not a day goes by without God’s unfolding grace.
I hate it when people say, “God will never give us more than we can handle,” mainly because I don’t think it’s true and it isn’t in the Bible. The Bible says no temptation will come to us that we cannot endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13), but it never says that God has a limit on our swell line and knows not to cross it.
You have to be brave enough to hold on, even when your struggle feels like it’s more than your hands can handle.
I want to grab your shoulders, look into your eyes, and say it again. Hold. On. Don’t give up on life. Don’t give up on God. Don’t give up on yourself.
Hold on to hope, love.