Twenty-six

Anna

Anna got up early on Saturday. It was clear what she needed to do. She pulled out her suitcases and quickly packed them. Then she lugged them downstairs, trying not to be too noisy but at the same time not caring. Why should she? Megan appeared with a cup of coffee as Anna was rolling her two suitcases across the living room.

“Are you taking a trip?” asked Megan.

“No.” Anna scowled as she parked her bags by the door.

“Oh.” Megan looked confused.

“If you must know, I’m going home.” Anna pulled on her coat, buttoned it up, then looped her purse strap over a shoulder with a sense of finality.

“Home? As in back with your parents?”

“Yes.”

“For good?” asked Megan. “I mean, are you really moving out?”

“I’m not sure. All I know is I can’t live under the same roof as—a certain person who shall go nameless.”

Megan rolled her eyes. “Save the drama. We know who you mean.”

“Yeah,” said Kendall as she came down the stairs. She had on her bathrobe and was carrying the little white dog that had been keeping Anna awake at night with its never-ending whining. “Nobody likes a drama queen, Anna.”

Anna felt her temper bubbling to the surface again. Still, she was determined not to lose it. Gil had already told her that he’d sign her up for anger management counseling if she didn’t get a grip. That’s why she was going home—to get some control and, more importantly, to help her mom. She probably should have told her housemates all about her mom’s illness by now, if nothing more than to get a little sympathy. But her mother had sworn their immediate family to silence until after Christmas, when her treatments would begin, her hair would fall out, and she would need Anna’s help. Anna was even considering quitting her job. The way things were going at work, they’d probably be relieved to see her go. Still, she didn’t want to think about that now.

“So you’re running out on us?” asked Kendall after she let her dog out into the backyard. “You do remember that you signed a lease, don’t you?”

“That lease didn’t include a noisy dog,” Anna pointed out. “A dog that’s been keeping me awake at night.”

Kendall blinked. “Tinkerbell keeps you awake?”

“Yes,” snapped Anna. “Don’t tell me you can sleep through that constant whining?”

Kendall smiled and reached into her bathrobe pocket, then pulled out what looked like earplugs. “With these I can. Want me to give you a pair?”

“No.” Anna just shook her head. “I’ve had it with this house. And, as far as the lease goes, well, you may be hearing from my lawyer.”

Kendall laughed. “Oh, come on, Anna. Don’t be such a—”

“Don’t tell me what to be!” Anna shouted at her.

Kendall held up both hands. “Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down either!”

“Want me to help with your bags?” offered Megan.

“I can get them.”

“It’s okay,” said Megan as she picked up the larger of the suitcases and went out the door.

“Stay in touch,” said Kendall lightly. Anna wanted to hit her. She honestly wanted to walk right up to her, take a big swing, and just let her have it. And why? Because her dog was a pest? Because she was sloppy in the bathroom? Because she was Kendall, a spoiled, self-centered, shallow mess of a person?

Anna turned and without saying a thing, grabbed her bag and headed out the door. She slammed it on the way out. But how could she not?

Megan was waiting by Anna’s car. “I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad, Anna.”

Anna pressed her lips together as she unlocked her car and stuffed her bags inside. They barely fit, and she struggled to get the door closed, hoping that Megan might just go back into the house. But she was still there, just looking at Anna with what seemed a sympathetic expression—something else that Anna didn’t need right now.

“I hope things get better,” said Megan. “And I’m sorry if I wasn’t very understanding. If I don’t see you before next week, have a good Christmas with your family.” It almost looked as if Megan was close to tears.

Anna didn’t even know how to respond or what to say. In fact, she didn’t trust herself to say anything. She was a nuclear warhead about to explode in every direction. Maybe Gil was right. Maybe she did need anger management. Or maybe she just needed to get away from this nuthouse, make her big escape from Bloomberg Place. She looked up at that house with a lump in her throat and then simply nodded at Megan. “Thanks.”

Anna got in her car and slowly drove toward home. It’s not that she didn’t want to get there, but it was hard to let go of that tiny bit of independence she had gained, in spite of its headaches. But she knew her mom would be thrilled to see her. She would assume that Anna was coming home for good. Maybe she was. Maybe that would be the best for everyone. After all, Anna had struggled a lot, living away from home. She’d managed to alienate herself from all of her housemates. Even Megan seemed bewildered by Anna. She’d made a permanent enemy of Lelani and had even tried to drive a wedge between her and Gil. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t help herself.

Maybe it was true that pain loves company. Or maybe she was just a drama queen like Kendall had said.

To be fair, sometimes Anna had to admit that she was relieved when Jake broke up with her. Well, relieved and furious. She knew that made no sense, so she’d clung to the furious part, turning on anyone who questioned her, which was just about everyone. Well, everyone except her mother. Mama understood. Mama comforted her.

“What are you doing here?” asked Gil as Anna dragged her bags into the house.

“What does it look like?”

“Like you’re losing it?”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Seriously, Anna. What are you doing here?”

“Obviously, I’m moving back home.” She closed the door behind her.

“Anna?” He frowned down at her and shook his head like he was questioning her sanity. “Why?”

“You know why.”

“Because you’re enraged at Lelani?”

“No, because of Mom.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I want to be here for her treatments, Gil.”

“Which don’t start until after Christmas.”

“I want to be home for Christmas.”

“Right. And this has nothing to do with Lelani?”

Anna pressed her lips together. Somehow she had to keep her temper controlled. Somehow she had to contain this rage. She’d never been like this, never been the one to fly off the handle, to lose control of her emotions. But that was before.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Gil said, “Lelani refuses to see me until this thing with you is resolved.”

Okay, that was it—the trigger. “How dare you lay that on me, Gil?”

“Lay what on you?”

“Blame me for Lelani not wanting to see you. How dare you?” She was seething now. “Lelani shamelessly flirts with Jake—right here in our home in front of our parents—and then she decides to quit dating you and you have the nerve to blame me!”

“Shh!” He put his finger over his lips. “Keep it down.”

“Don’t tell me to keep it down after you blast me with something like that, Gil! I’m sure Lelani is telling you all sorts of lies about—”

“Lelani hasn’t said one bad thing about you.”

“Yeah, right.”

“She’s told me a thing or two about Jake and—”

“See, that’s how sneaky she is. She’s trying to play the victim. She’s turned everyone against me. Back at the house and even in my own home!” Now Anna was sobbing.

“What is going on out here?” demanded their mother. She came into the foyer looking sleepy and disheveled, pulling her robe on and peering curiously at her children. Anna was sure they probably looked like they were about to engage in a fight like they sometimes had as kids. She wasn’t even sure that she wasn’t about to lunge at her younger brother and pummel him with her fists.

“Anna is losing her mind, Mom.”

“What is wrong, mi’ja?” asked Mom as she put her arm around Anna and pulled her close.

“I’m moving back home,” sobbed Anna. “And Gil is trying to make me feel bad—he’s blaming me for—for whatever’s happening between him and Lelani. Everyone is blaming me for everything.”

Her mom patted her head. “It’s okay, Anna. This whole mess with Jake and Lelani, well, you know it’s hard on everyone. Let’s not speak of it. It’s very upsetting to me, too.”

Anna stepped back and looked into her mother’s face. “Do you blame me too?”

“No, of course not.” She looked at Gil now. “I think we all know who is to blame here. But, please, let’s not speak of it.”

“Right,” said Gil in a sharp tone. “We won’t speak of it. We’ll just pretend that it’s Lelani’s fault, even though we all know that Jake is a total jerk, even though everyone except our mixed-up little Anna here is happy to see him go.”

“Gil!” Their mom’s voice held a warning tone.

“And since Anna is moving back home to help out, I think it’s a good time for me to look for someplace else to live.” Gil put a hand on his mother’s shoulder. “Just to keep the peace around here.”

“Oh, Gil,” said their mother sadly. “Don’t do this.”

“I think it’s for the best,” he told her. “I’ll see you at the restaurant, and if you ever need me, you know how to reach me.” He was avoiding Anna’s eyes now. And she knew he was mad at her. She also knew she probably deserved it. But it was like she was on this runaway train, like she wouldn’t be able to get off until it wrecked.

“I’m going to my room,” she told her mom. To her chagrin, Gil grabbed both her bags. Before she could stop him, he lugged them up to her room, dumped them on the floor and, without saying a word, left.

Anna closed the door and looked around her room—or what used to be her room. She’d taken all her bedroom furniture to Bloomberg Place, and Mom had refurnished this barren space to serve as an additional guest room. Though it was spacious and attractive, well, in that over-the-top way that Anna’s mother was famous for, it didn’t feel like Anna’s room anymore. She didn’t feel at home. She hadn’t felt at home in Bloomberg Place either. Maybe she wasn’t going to feel at home again ever.

She flopped down on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

The weekend passed quietly at the Mendez house. Gil had, as promised, moved out. As far as Anna knew, he was staying with a friend until an apartment became available. Her parents quietly went about their normal activities, and by Sunday evening, Anna almost felt like she’d been through a time warp: like she’d never moved out, like her mother wasn’t sick, like she and Gil still got along. That might’ve been a good thing, except that it felt like going backward.

Anna reminded herself that this was different, that it had been her choice to come back home, that she was only here to help with her mom, and that she was still an independent woman with her own life, her own career, her own autonomy. And yet she felt somewhat trapped.

So when Monday finally came, despite the stresses that waited for her at the office, Anna was actually relieved to go to work. She tried not to think about the Ramsay Rowan project as she drove to work, tried to block out the fact that Ramsay, the wild child fresh out of rehab, had decided she hated the children’s book that Anna had been “helping” her to write. “It’s unoriginal and unauthentic,” Ramsay’s agent had informed Anna’s boss. Her day had gone downhill from there.

“How are you doing?” asked Edmond with concerned eyes. It was the first time he’d said anything even slightly personal to her since their breakup.

She shrugged. “Not so great.”

“Sorry. Still feeling bad over the Rowan train wreck?”

“That and life in general.”

He nodded. “Well, I was sorry to hear the Rowan book fell apart, Anna. I told Rick that it wasn’t your fault.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. That’s the truth. You did everything you could to make that book fly. It was doomed from the get-go.”

“Maybe.” Anna didn’t really want to think or talk about it.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m really sorry.”

She peered curiously at him now. It was almost as if he knew more than he was saying. Was he trying to clue her in on something? “Do you think I’ll be fired?”

He looked like he didn’t want to answer that question. Or maybe he just didn’t know. But he simply shrugged. “No, I don’t think so, Anna. They wouldn’t do that. Not just a few days before Christmas, anyway.”

“That’s not too comforting.” She wanted to say something more. In fact, she wanted to apologize to him. But for what? She’d already told him she was sorry for hurting him when she’d broken things off. Now she was sorry that she’d let him go. What had she been thinking? How could she have chosen Jake over Edmond? What was wrong with her? As he slowly walked away, she watched. She liked the way his loose khaki slacks were a little too long. She liked his tweedy jackets and nubby sweaters. She even liked his dark-rimmed glasses and shaggy hair. Why had she given that up? Edmond was good for her. She’d been happy with him. And then she’d thrown it all away for Jake. Jake the Snake. She was such a little fool!