By the time we decided to head home, I’d become quite the shopper.
I’d gotten a few candles for Audrey. She was due back in two days with Tyler—who had been a prisoner with us on Abaddon, but was now her boyfriend—and I couldn’t wait to see her. It felt like too much had happened while she was away, but I was glad she’d taken time to see her extended family. I wanted to have something for her when she got back, and now I did.
And once I found stuff for other people, I started to find a few things for myself—some pocket weapons, a cool ring that was shaped like a firedrake. For some stupid reason, I thought the firedrake had Lorne’s smile but no one else saw it. Ashino pretended to, but he was just being nice.
My favorite purchase was a backpack loaded with hidden pockets and zippers and yet feather light. I already had enough go-bags stuck everywhere, but this backpack was next level and I couldn’t leave without it.
And the bracelets. That was another favorite. They were those Lorne had been telling me about that could store power. They were one inch wide and made of some kind of flexible metal. They wrapped around my wrist, hugging it like a second skin. They’d been silvery at first, but by the time the ship landed at the estate, they were glowing with a warm white light. Only a tiny bit of silver was left around the edges.
I held them out for Lorne to see. “Look. They’re working.”
“Hmm.” He tapped the one on my right wrist, and it blinked fast five times. “Good. They’re fully charged.”
I dropped my hands to my sides. “You don’t think it’s cheating?”
He gave a nod to some of the security as we entered the estate. “No, it’s not cheating. Not unless you use them all the time.”
I stared down at them as we walked through the halls, winding our way to our suite. “So, should I take them off?”
“You can now that they’re fully charged. These you should store for later, but you can put on the other pair we bought when you’re doing something that might cause you to lose control. For most people, the bracelets would syphon off enough power to make sure they’re not dangerous, but honestly, you have so much inside you that if you really lost control, they wouldn’t help that much.”
“Oh.” That was disappointing. “Then, what’s the point?”
We passed one of the kitchen maids—I couldn’t remember her name, but I was pretty sure it started with a D. Or maybe it was a B? Shit. I needed to get better about remembering the names of the staff.
I raised my hand to give her a quick wave, which made her stumble for a step.
Whoops. Maybe I should’ve nodded like Lorne, but that felt weird.
Lorne raised a brow, which told me he’d noticed the exchange and he was laughing on the inside.
“Shut up,” I whispered to him.
His aquamarine eyes were glittering with laughter, and I poked his side. “Back to the bracelets.”
“Whatever you want.” He took the next right, and I recognized the hallway. Almost to our suite.
“The bracelets are really for anyone who is weak in power.”
“Which I am not.” So what was the deal? “I’m confused. I thought they’d save my power so that I could use it later, but also keep me from blowing everyone up.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“But… that’s not a weak power kind of a thing.” I was so confused.
“They’re not just for someone with fighting abilities. They’re not a weapon. They were designed to help any Aunare get a little power boost.” He paused for a second to nod to someone who bowed to us.
Was I supposed to nod, too?
No. That was totally for him. I didn’t need to.
Did I?
Shit. I was going to have to ask Lorne about that later.
“For instance,” he started again, as if the whole bow-nod thing and my awkwardness to acknowledge it never happened, “say you’re a cook who’s not as good as Nori, but wants to be better. They might activate their fao’ana when they’re just sitting around wearing those.” He tapped the one inch piece of flexible metal wrapped around my wrist. “That power will get stored in the bracelet, and when it’s maxed out, the bracelet will start to glow. Like yours are now. Then, they take them off. When they’re cooking and need that extra bit to push them from good to great, they put them on. Suddenly they have that little extra to make them great. It’s temporary, but it’s a way people of lesser power can have a bit more.”
“But I have a lot of power.”
“Yes. So for you, we want you to have them empty when you’re about to lose control. It’ll take away some of the power, but if you truly lose it, you could fill up twenty bracelets and not make a dent.”
“So, they’re useless?” Because I wasn’t about to put on twenty sets of these bracelets. That wasn’t practical at all.
“No.” He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Not at all. I wouldn’t have bought them for you if I thought they were useless. I think they’ll give you a little extra time to gain your balance whenever you’re out of control. Think of them as a warning. If they suddenly go from dull to glowing in one instant, it’s probably time to take a walk. It’s also a good idea to keep a few stored with your power. Because if you’re in a fight and start to strobe, then the bracelets could save your life.”
“But I shouldn’t wear them when I train with you or my guards?”
“No. Because when you’re there, you’re safe. And you need to learn how to regulate your power without the bracelets. In that way, they could become a crutch.”
Okay. That makes sense. “Got it.”
“Since these are charged, we’ll save these for a fight. The other ones we bought, you can either carry them with you or give them to Eshrin, and put them on when you’re about to lose it. Either way, when it’s time for the next High Council meeting, having them handy might not be a bad idea.”
“Right.” The next High Council meeting. That killed my mood instantly.
I didn’t like thinking about going to another one, let alone remembering that it might be a daily event.
There were definitely some things that I liked about having this job. The biggest one was getting to marry Lorne. I wasn’t sure what the rest were exactly, but I knew something would show up and make ruling worth it.
Maybe.
Ashino stopped us before we entered the suite.
“Yes?” Lorne asked.
“You have company. I was alerted when we arrived.”
Company? I looked at my wrist unit. I had to be up early if I was going to get in a decent workout before all the meetings Roan had on my schedule. “Who?” I asked.
“Your father.”
I glanced at Lorne. “This is probably going to be bad news. Right?”
Lorne shrugged. “Maybe not, but it doesn’t seem good.” He pressed his hand to the security panel, and the door to the suite whooshed open.
I didn’t know my father well enough to be able to read his moods, but he was sitting on the couch watching the vid screen. I glanced over at it and saw nine different stations playing, which was how Lorne and I usually watched it. Only one station had sound, but it was Aunare and I didn’t understand anything other than their tone. A picture of me was next to Captain ni Eneko’s on some of the stations, and I was suddenly confused.
Were they trying to say that I’d had a romantic relationship with him? That was absurd, but I wouldn’t put it past them to spread a lie like that.
I glanced at Lorne, but his expression was suddenly blank. His king mask was firmly in place.
Okay. That wasn’t great. “What’s happened now?”
“The press has somehow found out that you’ll be training a team with Captain ni Eneko to take down SpaceTech spies, and they’re mad,” Lorne said.
What? “How could they be mad about me protecting them? That’s insane. Isn’t that my job?”
“Yes,” Lorne said.
My father shot him a look. “No.”
I wanted to laugh or scream or something, but none of that would help. Instead, I placed my hands on my hips and waited for more of an explanation.
When nothing came after a minute, I stood in front of the screen. “Well? Who’s right?”
“We both are.” My father paused all the channels with one Aunare command. “They’re saying that it’s not the job of the High Queen, but that’s not exactly right. For the last three generations, the High Queen has been a consort to the High King. So, queen in name only. He rules. They’ve been a figurehead. The Aunare are unhappy with the queen taking risks with her life, but that’s not you or what your queenship will look like. You and Lorne are like the kings and queens of old—sharing every responsibility because, unlike the last three High Queens, that’s what you’re fao’ana show. It seems as if they’ve forgotten our past, our history, and how much it benefits them to have a true High Queen. ”
Oh, that was truly insane. “So, I’m not fit to rule. Not fit to marry him. But they don’t want me fighting. And all of this before I’ve even done anything with Captain ni Eneko.” Something was seriously off with that reasoning. “No. This is bull. Someone is scared. They don’t want to be found.”
My father nodded. “Yes. That’s exactly right, but it almost doesn’t matter because now everyone is in agreement about you becoming High Queen as a consort only. The talk of you is consuming the news and—”
“And it’s a good thing that none of this matters,” Lorne moved across the room to sit on the couch. He plopped his feet on the ottoman, relaxed back, and it would’ve seemed like he didn’t care, except his skin was suddenly glowing bright.
Damn it.
A big part of me didn’t care what any of the reporters were saying, but there was this other side that worried.
I wasn’t sure what kind of ruler I wanted to be or how I would contribute—other than by fighting—but if they didn’t even want that, if they didn’t want me working with Captain ni Eneko to help protect them, then what was left?
I wasn’t sure I wanted the job where I just sat next to Lorne and went along with whatever he said. That wasn’t me. I couldn’t do that.
“The High Council is calling a meeting with you—without Amihanna there—to discuss what she can and cannot do.”
For a moment, it was like all the air in the room was sucked into deep space. I couldn’t breathe. There was nothing to breathe because if they did that, then I’d have no freedom. No freedom to fight, to protect, to rule. No freedom to be me.
No. This couldn’t happen.
I forced myself to find some air. It wasn’t done yet. I could still stop this from happening, and maybe it wasn’t even something to worry about.
But the way Lorne’s skin brightened a little more told me either it was true or else it really pissed him off.
I tapped Lorne’s feet, and he moved them from the ottoman so that I could sit on it across from him. “They can’t tell me what to do. Can they?” I stared into Lorne’s eyes, hoping for something from him that would make this okay, but I didn’t see anything good. “I’m not great at following rules. Especially ones I don’t believe in.”
“I’ll fix this,” Lorne said.
I wanted to ask how, but something about Lorne’s tone worried me. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Otherwise, I might try to stop him, and that probably wouldn’t help me.
I should let him fix it, and yet, that wasn’t how I wanted us to work. Judging from the cold look he was giving the vid screen, I was pretty sure that waiting a few minutes to bring that up would be best.
From the way my father moved in slow, deliberate steps to block the screen, I knew I was right to wait.
“Lorne.” My father’s tone held a soft warning. “It would be best for everyone if you—”
“I appreciate your concern, Rysden, but I’m not worried.” Lorne’s gaze slid from the vid screens to my father to me, where they lingered. “They’ll learn who she is with time, and with time they will accept her. They will know what we see in her and why she will rule.”
I looked at my father, but his face was blank. He was too good at that for me to even attempt to read him. It was almost as if my father had two sides. The one who laughed at the dinner table while I was eating worms, and this other man. This cold man who seemed incapable of emotions.
But I knew that was wrong. If he was this stony, then that had to mean he was truly angry and didn’t want to show it.
At least I hoped that was right. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be related to someone who could flick off all emotions with a switch.
Lorne turned off the vid screens with one quick command, and I wished it was so easy to turn off all the questions I had in my mind.
“How are we going to turn this around?” I asked.
My father’s gaze darted to me and his eyes widened just a little, as if to warn me away from saying anything more.
But I wasn’t so good at listening to warnings. Not when I needed to say something. “You guys seem to be upset about the news and the High Council calling a meeting, but I’m not as worried about that. Not when I have to wonder who told the press about the meeting with Captain ni Eneko and the fact that I’m now being used as a distraction. If I’m too busy in High Council meetings, then I won’t be looking for whoever is afraid of being found. I can’t let that happen.”
Lorne was quiet for a long moment and then his skin started to dim. “You’re right. I get angry, and I… but you’re right.” Lorne rose from his spot on the couch.
“This is a distraction we don’t need.” I kept my calm, in command, even though it felt like everyone and everything was against us. “So, we’ll hunt down the spies. We will find who is leaking information to the media and twisting it against us, and we will get rid of them.”
“We will, and I think when we do, the people will see what I see.” He stepped closer to me. “I want you to have time to learn how to be a leader, and I’m going to give you as much time as possible. But you’re right. This—” he waved a hand at the vid screens, “—is a distraction. Not just for the Aunare, but for us. So, you have to shut out all that and do your job.”
“And what is my job exactly?”
“To lead. To fight. To command our people. We will do it together.” Lorne turned to my father. “It’s late. We’ll meet in the morning, but for now, let’s call it a night.”
My father pressed his fist to his heart. “Goodnight, your majesty.” Then he turned to me. “I am proud of you. No matter what anyone else says. I hope you know that.”
My father gave me a compliment?
I was pretty sure that’s what he’d done, and it was nice. It wasn’t like he was always critical of me or really said much about what I did or didn’t do, but over the last couple of days, he’d started to slip in compliments here and there.
I didn’t need his approval, but having it meant a lot. It was more than I could wrap my head around, especially right then.
I knew I wanted to say something, but before I could think of anything, he was gone.
Lorne put his arm around me, leading me through the suite to our rooms. “Are you okay?”
“I think so.” I tried to take a quick inventory, but so much had happened today. From the failure of the High Council meeting, to training—complete with mini-meltdown over Eshrin’s offhand comment, to meeting with Captain ni Eneko, to our date, and now this… I wasn’t even sure what I felt.
There was something I was missing—something bothering me—but I couldn’t find the words.
I kept trying to figure it out while I changed into a pair of shorts and loose tank made from the same silky material and got ready for bed, but it was like there were too many thoughts bouncing around in my head. I couldn’t catch any of them. It left my head feeling fuzzy and gave me a faint buzzing in my ears.
At my bathroom counter, I finished brushing the fancy braids out my hair that Almya had put in, but I still couldn’t grasp any one thought. “Something’s wrong. I can’t seem to process everything that happened today. I think I’m—”
Lorne cut me off by hugging me tight, resting his chin on top of my head. “You’re exhausted. You have to be because I know I am.” He pulled away, and I looked into his eyes, searching for answers.
And I didn’t find them.
But I did find love.
He pressed his lips to mine, and the worry and the fears and that feeling of I-don’t-know-what faded away, and all that was left was him.
His hands reached under my tank, and I raised my arms, letting him pull it off me.
He tugged it slowly, slowly up, up, up and over my head, and then from one second to the next, we were both undressed, on the bed, my skin tingling everywhere we touched. Glowing so bright that it hurt my eyes.
I ran my hands down his stomach and wondered how this was possible. How I’d found this kind of happiness.
He gripped my hips and his thumb caressed my tattoo. The one of his firedrake. “I love that you have this.”
I laughed. “I’m not obsessed with you.” He thought the fact that I’d branded his emblem on my skin meant that I was a big fan, but that wasn’t why.
I actually had no idea why, except that maybe a small, hidden part of me remembered him.
He grinned. “Yes, you are completely obsessed with me. Admit it” He moved to hover over me, and I felt him against me and I wanted more. I wrapped my legs around his hips and I felt him press against me, and then away. There and gone.
“Stop it.”
“Admit it.”
He was teasing me and I couldn’t help but love every bit of him. “Okay. I’m obsessed with—”
He kissed me and as he slipped into me I gasped.
It was too much. This feeling of love and contentment grew until it nearly consumed me, and I knew that no matter what we faced tomorrow and the next day and ten years from now, it would be okay.
Because we were together. And when we were together, it was like my soul was whole again.
I never realized how broken I was until I’d found him, but I was okay.
I was better than okay.
His fingertips slipped up my ribcage, spreading warmth through my body, and I gasped. “You still with me?” he asked.
All I could see were his aquamarine eyes as they stared down at me, and I knew whatever happened, everything was going to be all right.
I reached up, pulling him down closer to me so that I could kiss him. “Your eyes are still my favorite color. That’s how obsessed I am.”
His already bright skin brightened a little more as he pulled away, searching my face. “They are?”
“Yeah. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.” I was with him. I was with him for whatever came next.
And I would find a way through whatever came at us.
He cupped my face in his hand. His thumb brushed back and forth against my cheek.
I leaned into the warmth of his hand but didn’t look away from his eyes. I gave him a small nod because I wouldn’t lie. Especially about that. Especially not right now, when we were together and so close it felt like we were inside the same skin.
“I love you,” I said because I had to. The feelings I had for him were building up to be too much for me to hold inside, and I didn’t want to hold them.
His skin lit bright. Like a beacon of his love for me had lit him from within.
He didn’t need to say the words—I could see them in his eyes—but he said them anyway. “I love you.” He muttered something in Aunare, and I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew it was good.
He began to move again, and I wanted to ask him what he’d said, but everything disappeared except me and him and us and wave after wave of feeling until I couldn’t do anything but surrender to him.
And he was good.
He was better than good.
He was amazing.