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HE WAS UP WITH THE sun. The sky was clear, with high clouds that did nothing to screen the morning light; Theo’s face was painted brightly as he sat on the bench outside the front door, staring to the east. There’s something there, he thought. He hadn’t figured out what it was yet, but ever since yesterday afternoon he’d been nagged by this feeling, like an itch he couldn’t quite reach.
He could feel it pulling at him, drawing him along like a kite on a string. If only I could remember what it was. He’d laid awake for hours trying to figure it out, but up to now he could only name things that it probably wasn’t. Home, for instance. He had left Massachusetts behind forever, as far as he was concerned. It wasn’t family, either. He had always had a stormy relationship with his folks, which was a large part of the reason he’d said goodbye to Massachusetts in the first place. What could it be, then?
He swirled the coffee in his cup and downed the last swallow, absentmindedly chewing on the grounds, then got to his feet and headed for the field. If there was something waiting for him eastward, he might as well start by inspecting things out that way.
~ ~ ~
THE ONLY GOOD THING about going to bed without him was that she’d had more room than normal, which was a real treat with her belly as big as it was. There was nothing good about waking up without him, though. It made her feel alone in the world.
She felt a kick deep within her belly. Well, not entirely alone, she thought. She threw aside the covers and pushed herself to a sitting position, then let her feet drop over the side of the bed. There was another quiver in her tummy as the baby kicked again.
“You’re hungry, honey? Mama is too,” she said softly as she rubbed her belly, then got out of bed. She dressed as quickly as she could and went out to the kitchen. The table was bare. She was confused—shocked, even—for only a moment.
It’s not his fault, she told herself. He didn’t know. She hurried to the stove and got the fire going, then sliced some bread, buttered both sides and tossed it into the skillet. She tried to ignore the nausea that was welling within her.
Polly was at the point where she needed to eat immediately after waking, otherwise she felt sick the whole day long. Theo was wonderful about making sure that breakfast was waiting for her: boiled eggs, toast with a jar of jam alongside, a teapot kept warm under a towel. At least, he had been wonderful about it.
She flipped the bread to toast the other side and ladled water into the teakettle. At least he remembered to fill the bucket, she thought. But I guess he was doing that before I came along. While she waited for the water to boil, she ate her toast with scoops of strawberry preserves, then made tea, then fried some eggs. It was a strange, drawn-out breakfast, but by the time she was finished eating she felt somewhat normal again. After washing her dishes, Polly went out to enjoy the cool morning air.
He was nowhere to be seen, as she scanned the fields, and she let out a long sigh as she settled onto the bench. I don’t see how I’m going to rekindle my relationship with him if he’s going to keep out of sight all the time. The doctor hadn’t been able to offer much advice, other than to take it easy and to spend time in familiar surroundings. Taking it easy might be somewhat difficult; memory problems or no, a man like Theo wasn’t going to just sit around the house. He was almost always in motion, as if he were allergic to wasting time. As for familiar surroundings, there was nothing he knew better than the farm. So far, however, the results were underwhelming.
Lord, how quickly a life can change. She knew that as rough as things seemed right now, there were plenty of people who had it far worse than she did. She had her health, the baby seemed to be growing right along, and there was still the hope that Theo would recover. She had no right to complain, really. But it was stunning to think that only a day ago, she still had her husband both in mind and body. Only three days ago, he had begun work on a crib, which was still a pile of half-sawed boards in the barn, and only a week ago the yard had been full of guests when they’d had one of Theo’s barbecues.
A barbecue. Her jaw dropped open slightly as a thought flashed into her mind. That would be a familiar surrounding, for sure. It couldn’t hurt, anyway. She got to her feet and stepped inside for her parasol, then set off for Johanna’s house.
~ ~ ~
“ARE YOU SURE YOU REMEMBER how to cook these?” Nelson asked. “I can do it if you want.”
Theo laughed. “Grilling, I remember,” he said, as he tossed another steak onto the platter. Nelson had supplied a sirloin for the evening, but that was as far as Theo was prepared to let him go. “If we need some shoe leather, then I’ll have you do them.”
“They weren’t so bad last time I cooked.”
“Well, calling it shoe leather wasn’t quite true,” Theo admitted. “It was a couple of nice doorstops we ended up with, though. I still have one out in the barn. Not even the rats want it.”
“So disrespectful,” Nelson said, shaking his head slowly, though he was grinning all the while. “How about I start the fire?”
“That you can do,” Theo said. “Thanks.” He finished slicing up the sirloin as Nelson went to the fire pit and got to work, then wiped his hands as he looked around the yard. He wasn’t sure that he even wanted to have a get together when Polly suggested it earlier, but she was right. It was good to see everybody; it felt like he hadn’t seen his friends all together like this in...well, over a year.
Johanna and her baby—Connie, if he remembered correctly—were at the table with Polly; the women were trying to get Connie to walk from one to the other, but the girl was having none of it. They said that he’d already seen the baby many times, but it was still odd to think of Johanna as a mother.
Rita and Joe stood talking to Nelson as he worked on the fire; Rita was also expecting, though a bit behind Polly. Almost everywhere he looked, in fact, there was nothing but growing families. It was easy to feel a bit left out.
Except I’m not, he had to remind himself, as he threw a glance to Polly’s swollen belly. It just feels like it.
“How’s the fire going?” he called to Nelson.
“All set.” Nelson slid the grate into place over the fire pit.
Theo brought over the steaks and arranged them on the grate, then turned to Rita. “Would you excuse us for a little bit? I have to talk to the guys about something.”
“Of course,” she said. “I’ll go see what the girls are up to.”
Theo watched as she went to the table and took a seat on the bench opposite from Polly. They were a good ways away—definitely too far to hear—but he still lowered his voice. “All right,” he said, his gaze drilling into Nelson and Joe. “Now I need to hear it honest from you two. How did I end up with Polly?”
~ ~ ~
“SO HE REALLY DOESN’T remember you at all?” Rita asked. “How horrible.”
“I feel like I’m at the end of my rope,” Polly said. “If his memory doesn’t come back, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Right now it’s like I don’t have a husband, and the baby doesn’t have a father.”
Johanna reached out to squeeze her wrist. “I’m sure everything’s going to work out,” she said. “You just need to be patient.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Polly said as she briefly massaged her temples. “It’s just hard to remember that at the moment.”
“Hasn’t he been asking about how you met, or anything like that?”
“He doesn’t seem interested,” Polly said. “He’s very distracted. I suppose that’s to be expected after what he’s been through, but it’s not making it any easier. I mean, how am I supposed to make some connection with him when he’s out in the field all day?”
Johanna drummed her fingers on the table. “That’s a good question,” she admitted. “But here’s a thought. How did you two get together in the first place?”
“Our letters,” Polly said. “You know that.”
“So why not try that again?”
~ ~ ~
“YOU AND POLLY SEEMED to hit it off right from the start,” Nelson said. “When you told me you proposed, you had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.”
Joe shook his head. “Nah, he had a bigger smile after she said yes.”
Nelson laughed. “I suppose that’s true,” he said. “You two wrote letters to each other. Started last summer, and she came out in October. She’s a heck of a girl, Theo.”
Heck of a girl, huh? Theo turned to look at Polly. He might not recall much about her, but he could clearly remember their kiss. Of course, he hadn’t had so many kisses in his life that he confused them, but he would have remembered hers regardless. She had the most beautiful red hair, hinting at unseen fires within, and her eyes were warm and full of light. Whether it had been from the kiss or the way she looked, his heart had skipped a beat then.
And he had to admit, he couldn’t think of a single thing that he’d learned about her that he didn’t like. She had been as patient as he could imagine any woman being, given the situation; she had a bright smile that she showed often, and she even knew how he liked his eggs. Nelson might be right.
“So I wanted to marry her, then?”
Nelson laughed. “Well, if you didn’t, you sure put on a good show at the wedding,” he said. “And after the wedding, well...I never saw a man more satisfied, I reckon.”
Theo nodded, forcing a smile. “Thanks, guys,” he said. “Just one more thing. What’s back East?”
Joe and Nelson exchanged blank looks.
“I need to go there,” Theo said. “But I don’t remember why.”
Nelson shrugged. “I couldn’t say. You never mentioned a thing about that to me.”
“Me neither,” Joe said. He nodded toward the fire pit. “How about we turn these before they burn?”
Theo knelt alongside the fire and flipped each of the steaks. Fat spilled into the flames, sending up sizzle and smoke, and he watched as the fire rose and fell. It was surprising that his friends didn’t know what might have been pulling him eastward. Surprising, but entirely possible. He stole a glance toward the far horizon. It might have been a secret I was keeping all to myself, he thought.
~ ~ ~
THE NEXT DAY, THEO was up with the sun. Again the sky was clear, and again the morning light shone in his eyes as he stared toward the horizon.
There’s something in the East. Or someone. And I’m going to find out what it is.