we’ve got to get up to our room,” I said to Jewels. She looked as petrified as I felt.
All kinds of thoughts tumbled through my mind. What had happened in our dorm? Burglary, rape, kidnapping, fire? Did someone pass out or get shot? Who had just been driven away by ambulance to the hospital? Was it someone I knew? Could it be Payton or Anna?
We tried to enter our building, but the campus police weren’t letting anyone through.
“I’ve got an idea,” I said, grabbing Jewels by the arm and heading around the side of the dorm.
“Where are we going?” Jewels asked.
“To our room.”
She blinked at me. “The front door’s that way.”
I rolled my eyes. “Our window is this way.”
“What are we going to do? Bust the glass?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I said with a grin, remembering my first day on campus when Payton’s ex-boyfriend Dakari put his fist through the window trying to hit her other ex-boyfriend Tad.
When we rounded the corner of the building, I stopped. I couldn’t even see our window. People were crowded around it like there was a free concert going on in our room.
“What is everybody staring at?” Jewels wondered out loud.
“Hey,” I yelled, trying to get someone’s attention. “Does anybody know what’s going on?” A few girls turned their heads briefly, then refocused their attention inside.
Judy, the dorm monitor, pulled away from the crowd and came up to us with a sad and worried face. “Girls,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion, “I’m afraid it’s Anna.”
Tears stung my eyes. Lord, I prayed, please let my friend be OK.
“You two had better get inside,” Judy said. “If the press finds out you’re her roommates, they’ll swoop down on you like vultures.”
“Can’t you tell us what happened?” Jewels whispered as Judy ushered us toward the back of the building.
“Is Payton all right?” I asked.
“Payton’s fine,” Judy assured me.
“What happened to Anna?” Jewels persisted.
Judy led us to a back door with a maintenance sign on it. She looked both ways to make sure no one saw us, then dug through her pockets for a key ring loaded with keys. After locating the right one, she rushed us inside and relocked the door.
Judy sighed, looking at us with a pained expression. “Anna tried to commit suicide tonight.”
“What?” I squealed.
I turned to Jewels, expecting to see a horrified expression on her face. But she just stood there with dry eyes, apparently unmoved by what our dorm monitor had just said.
I turned back to Judy, my knees trembling. “You said tried, right?”
“She was alive when the ambulance left,” Judy explained, “but she was very weak.”
“Is she going to make it?” I choked out.
“We’re not sure.”
I hugged Judy and thanked her for telling us the news.
“Come on,” she said, heading down the narrow corridor.
When we turned a corner and stepped into the hall that led to our dorm room, I saw several girls with mops and buckets and sponges in their hands going in and out of my room and Jewels’s. Their jeans were soaked and their faces looked weary.
Did Anna try to drown herself in the bathtub? I wondered.
I hurried down the hallway, tears flooding my eyes. “Thanks, you guys,” I whispered to the girls with the mops. Jewels came up slowly behind me, still not saying a word.
I entered my dorm room, stepping carefully to avoid slipping on the layer of water that covered the floor. I glanced around. Besides the wet floor, everything looked just the way I’d left it. Payton wasn’t there, but I noticed a note lying on her bed. I picked it up and unfolded it.
Dear Laurel,
I’m sorry I can’t be here to tell you what happened in person, but my dad came by and insisted I go home with him.
After you left for your dance, I decided to take a quick nap before my party. When I woke up a few minutes later, I heard water running. I got up and went to the bathroom. When I opened the door, I found Anna lying in the tub, unconscious, with the water still running. A handful of pills were lying on the floor just below her right arm.
I screamed for help and someone called 911. Thankfully, Anna was still alive when the ambulance came.
The paramedics said Anna’s going to be OK, so I guess I got to her in time to save her. But I don’t feel very good about it. I knew for a long time that she was hurting, but I refused to get involved or try to help her. If I’d shown her friendship and kindness before, maybe she wouldn’t have done what she did today.
I hope you and Anna can forgive me.
Just as the paramedics were loading Anna into the ambulance, my dad came. He said Judy called him. I wanted to stay and help clean up the water mess in our room, but he convinced me to go home. You can call me there if you want.
None of this made sense. Sure, Anna was a little overweight. And she hadn’t been accepted into a sorority. She didn’t get the attention of the guys like Jewels did, and she didn’t have perfect grades. But she still had so much to live for. She was young, intelligent, and humble. She had goals and dreams. I remembered a lengthy conversation we’d had once about her wanting to become a pharmacist. She’d even interned at a drugstore in her hometown. Her heart was pure and earnest. The world needed more folks like Anna around.
I wished I hadn’t been so focused on trying to change Jewels. I should have spent more time building Anna’s selfesteem instead. Perhaps I could have helped her believe in herself. Even more important, I wished I’d have talked to her more about Christ, so she could find hope in Him.
I punched my hand into the wall. I didn’t make a dent in the plaster or anything, but my fist turned crimson and started to throb. That just made my tension rise.
I shot out into the hallway. “Anybody seen Jewels?” I asked, a dozen emotions churning in my heart.
“I think she went to the lobby,” one of the girls in the bucket brigade answered.
“Thanks,” I said, then raced off to find her.
Jewels was sitting in an overstuffed chair in the corner, her head in her hands. I ran up to her.
“This is your fault, you know,” I railed. “If you hadn’t nagged Anna so much, she wouldn’t have wanted to kill herself. All you had to do was say something nice to her once in a while. But you kept telling her she was nothing until she started to believe it. You don’t care about anyone besides yourself, do you? Well, I hate to tell you this, but the world does not revolve around you.”
Jewels finally looked up at me, and I saw deep despair in her eyes. Tears streamed down her cheeks, falling in little drops from her chin. Filled with compassion, I knelt beside my suite mate and she cried in my arms.
I suddenly felt bad for the harsh words I’d said. I needed to lift my friend up, not tear her down like she’d done to Anna. “It’s going to be OK,” I whispered in her ear.
God gave me an opportunity to share the gospel with Jewels. I told her that Christ died for her sins, and if she would accept Him into her heart, she could be saved. I couldn’t tell if she was understanding what I said, but I felt good about telling her anyway.
“How can you believe that God answers prayer?” Jewels asked in a sincere voice. “What about Anna?”
“God woke Payton up from her nap before it was too late to get to Anna,” I explained. “He sent Payton to save her.”
Jewels’s eyes brimmed with tears.
“He’s working in your heart too, Jewels. I can tell.”
She looked all around, as if she were uncomfortable. I could tell God was calling her to Himself. She wouldn’t have peace until she gave in to Him.
Another tear dropped down her cheek. I sensed that she was close to giving her life to Christ. But I didn’t want to force her. I waited for her to ask me what was next, but she didn’t. I prayed silently that God would keep knocking on the door of her heart.
At that moment I felt pure peace in my heart. My world had turned upside down, but I was finally putting God first in my life. Hope had come into a hopeless situation, and I was able to smile in spite of my pain.
When Jewels and I returned to our rooms, the water had all been mopped up. The girls who had pitched in to help had done an outstanding job. The place looked cleaner than I’d ever seen it.
“I can’t stay here,” Jewels told me. “I think I’ll go to the sorority house and spend the night with my sister.”
“I’ll be praying for you,” I said as she walked out the door.
After Jewels left, I collapsed onto my bed. The room was completely quiet. No girls chatted in the hallway. No suite mates bickered in the next room. My roommate wasn’t snoring in the bed next to mine.
In the silence I prayed that God would help Anna recover from her physical pain. I asked Him to help her heal emotionally as well. I prayed that Jewels would turn to Christ in her guilt and that He would free her from it.
I prayed for hours, unable to sleep. I focused on listening to whatever God might want to say to me in this crisis. What did I need to hear? What message did He have for me?
About two in the morning, it dawned on me. God wanted me to keep praying to Him in the midst of my circumstances. And not just for myself but for my friends too.
I got up and walked over to Payton’s bed. I laid my hands on her pillow and prayed out loud for her. “Lord, give my roommate sweet, sweet slumber tonight and cover her in Your love.” My voice felt small in the quiet, empty room. But I knew the words were ascending to a big, powerful God.
I strode into the bathroom and prayed over the tub. “Lord, may Your Spirit reign freely in this place. Drive out the demons of despair.”
Then I went into my suite mates’ room. I lifted my hands as high as I could. “Holy Spirit, fill this place. Dwell inside the hearts of those who live here.”
Feeling that my job was complete, I returned to my bed, wrapped in the warmth of God’s peace. But I was still unable to sleep. I knew there was something else I needed to do.
I peered over at Payton’s empty bed. Feeling a strong need to check on her to see if she was OK, I looked at the clock on my bedside table. I hated to impose on her at 3 A.M., but I simply had to hear her voice.
I picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hey, girl, it’s me, Laurel,” I said. “Hope I didn’t wake you up.”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” she said. Her voice sounded strained but not like she’d been asleep.
“Thanks for leaving the note. I’m glad you were able to save Anna.”
After a long pause, she said, “I was almost too late.”
“But you got to her in time. I wish I could have been there.”
“I’m glad you weren’t,” she said. “Seeing Anna like that…” Her voice trailed off.
“It must have been awful. But I’m glad you were there. I’m even more glad that God was there with you and Anna.”
“Do you think He’s really with her, even though she doesn’t believe in Him?”
“Yeah, I do,” I said. “And who knows? Maybe God will use this incident to bring her to Christ.”
“Maybe,” Payton said, although she didn’t sound convinced. “So, where was that no-good sorority sister of yours? You know, I feel like yanking out all that precious red hair of hers strand by strand.”
I couldn’t believe the anger and hostility I was hearing. I wanted to talk Payton out of that attitude. But the truth was, I’d had some of those same feelings myself before I spent some time with God. I was still mad at Jewels, but I knew she was truly sorry for the way she’d treated Anna.
“How could God let something like this happen?” Payton wailed. “Why didn’t He do something to stop it?”
“He did,” I said, realizing that Payton’s anger wasn’t just directed at Jewels. She was also mad at God and maybe herself as well. “He used you to help Anna.”
Her anger subsided, and we talked until almost dawn. We finally decided to try to get some sleep, although we both knew we wouldn’t get much.
Life can be like a typhoon sometimes, I thought as I lay on my bed. Crazy, sporadic, hectic, and horrible, even deadly. But in the midst of all that, the Lord can restore order if we choose to let Him lead.
I thanked God for my Christian roommate. Anna and Jewels were not yet part of God’s family. But I believed the Lord wanted to use Payton and me to help them. If all this drama was leading up to that, I would be extremely happy about it all.
_____________________
The following weekend, my dad came to the college to be a guest speaker for Youth Day. In an auditorium full of hundreds of students, he spoke about having a purpose and knowing God’s plan for our lives.
As I sat there listening to him, I kept wondering if I was doing what God had called me to do. How could I make sure I was doing what He wanted me to do?
I knew the Lord had a plan for me. But instead of trying to figure it out, I’d been stressing over all the stuff that had been going wrong in my life. I didn’t know how much more disaster I could take.
After the talk, my dad and I went to the Cracker Barrel, where Mom joined us. The warm, familiar restaurant felt cozy after being out in the cool late-October air.
“Laurel, you’re shaking,” Mom said when she saw me walk in the door. She wrapped her arms around me. Dad took off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders. I reveled in their attentiveness.
While we ate our dinner, we talked about all the things that had been happening in my life. After discussing the girl who was murdered and Anna’s attempt to kill herself, Dad asked how things were going between me and Branson.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do about that,” I said. “He told me to leave him alone, that he wants me out of his life for good.”
“Really?” Mom sounded happy about that, but she didn’t want to rub it in.
Dad swallowed a bite of pork roast. “Well, you have a lot of other things to focus your energy on besides that young man.”
“We’ve been praying for your future mate since the day you were born,” Mom reminded me. “You can trust that God will give you the right guy in His time.”
I was glad that both of my parents had a strong relationship with the Lord.
After dinner, my parents dropped me off at the dorm. As I watched them drive away, part of me wanted to leave with them. Truth was, part of them would always be with me.
_____________________
Judy, the dorm monitor, kept us girls up-to-date on Anna’s progress. I’d been lifting Anna up in prayer continually and was thankful to hear she was recovering. A few times Payton and I talked about visiting her in the hospital, but we never did. I guess we both felt guilty for not doing more to stop the incident from happening in the first place. We were also extremely busy with schoolwork and social activities.
My sorority was planning a fun Halloween party, and I’d really been looking forward it. I looked in the mirror and smiled. I was wearing the prettiest antebellum dress I had ever seen. I thought I looked just like Scarlett O’Hara from Gone with the Wind. I even had the wide-brimmed hat, long white gloves, a pearl necklace, and a fake diamond ring.
“You don’t see anything wrong with that getup?” Payton asked.
“Why are you being so negative?” I asked. “It’s Halloween. Have some fun.”
“I can’t have fun knowing you and your little white girlfriends are all prancing around looking like you own a plantation.”
I suddenly realized what her problem was. I was dressed up like a Southern belle during the time in our country’s history when white people owned black slaves. I sighed. Why did everything have to be racial with her?
“It’s just a costume,” I said. “It’s not like I’m wearing a pointy white sheet over my head.”
Her nostrils flared. “You really don’t understand why that outfit offends me, do you?”
I sat on the bed beside her. “No, I really don’t. I mean, you’re not a slave. Your parents weren’t slaves. The Civil War ended a long time ago. Slavery was abolished, and everyone has equal rights now. What difference does it make what happened years ago?”
I could tell my words had pierced Payton’s heart. But I really wanted to understand her.
“I had to do a paper about a hero for one of my classes last week,” Payton said, her voice softening a little. “I picked Rosa Parks, the black woman who was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white man. You know, it was only about fifty years ago that colored people couldn’t use the same water fountains as white folks or go into the same restaurants. They couldn’t even try on shoes in the same stores where white women shopped, wearing dresses like the one you have on now. My ancestors had to trace their kids’ feet on paper bags and take the drawings to the shoe store to see which shoes matched. Then they prayed the shoes they bought would fit because they weren’t allowed to take them back.”
“Payton, I’m just going to a sorority party. Everyone is dressing like this. It’s nothing personal.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but this sort of thing just makes me mad. I’ve tried not to get agitated about the past, but it isn’t easy. Can’t y’all just wear normal dresses? Why does everybody have to dress up as a Southern belle?”
“People wear costumes on Halloween. It’s a fun tradition.”
“Well, that costume is offensive to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, returning to the mirror. “But you really need to get past that. Yes, slavery was wrong. But I’m not condoning prejudice just by wearing this. It’s a beautiful dress, and I feel like a graceful, charming woman in it. Now, if you want my advice—”
Payton stood abruptly. “I don’t need any advice from you!” She picked up her purse and stormed out of the room. After she slammed the door, I sat on my bed, but the hoopskirt flew up and practically hit me in the nose.
I maneuvered into a lying position across my bed, the
hoopskirt sticking straight up in the air. “Lord,” I prayed, “forgive me for offending Payton. Help me to understand her better so I can be more sensitive to her. I only want to say and do the things You want me to say and do.”
_____________________
As my sorority sisters and I sipped lemon-ginger tea and mouthwatering pastries, we listened to the state superintendent, who was also an Alpha Gamma Delta, Ms. Kathleen Tinny. She was very inspiring. She told us how she had worked her way up from being an elementary schoolteacher to personally assisting the governor of Georgia. I’ll never forget the last words she said to us. “Life might not always take you where you want to go,” she said, “but if you know your final destination, you won’t stop until you get there. Ladies, never give up on your dreams.”
I was deeply moved. I felt God had sent her to encourage me personally. Even with the bumps I’d received in my life, I was moving forward. I was holding life steady.