i feel like I’m sitting with a bunch of snobs.
I sat at a large round table at the sorority Halloween party, my Scarlett O’Hara gown billowing out all around me. About 120 girls were sipping lemon-ginger tea from delicate china cups decorated with pink rosebuds. None of them seemed the least bit motivated by the dynamic speech the state superintendent was giving. I was so fired up I felt like standing and cheering. But most of the other girls were slouched in their chairs. Some were talking and a few were even yawning.
Jill, who was sitting to my right, leaned in my direction. “Enough talking already,” she said under her breath. “When do we get to eat?”
Maybe I hadn’t joined the right sorority after all. A few seconds later, Jewels, who sat on my left, whispered, “All this pep talk stuff may work for the losers around here, but I just need to find a great man with a big expense account, get married, and have a bunch of kids.”
I shot her a quick glance, hoping she’d be quiet so I could listen to the speech.
“Hey, don’t take this wrong,” she continued, not getting my hint, “but with this face and body, I won’t have any trouble finding a man who will give me everything I desire.”
The two sorority sisters sitting on the other side of Jewels frowned at her. The closest one looked like she was about to lash out at her, so I grabbed Jewels’s elbow and asked her to go to the ladies’ room with me.
“Why did you do that?” she whined when we entered the little room. “I was in the middle of talking.”
“You know, Jewels, you really need to think before you speak your mind.”
She checked her appearance in the mirror. “I meant every word I said in there, OK? And I’ve already got my eye on someone who can give me everything I want.”
“Oh, really?” I said, putting one hand on my hip. “And who might that be?”
She looked at me in the mirror. “You’re not going to like it.”
I knew she was thinking about Branson, but I didn’t want to hear it. I’d seen him and Jewels together around campus, and I’d been wanting to ask her about their relationship. But I didn’t feel like this was the time to talk about that. Jewels’s cocky attitude had to be dealt with first.
“You know, there’s a big difference between self-esteem and arrogance,” I said.
“There is?” she joked.
I met her gaze, and she lowered hers.
“Don’t worry,” she said softly. “I’m not going to put anyone down. That thing with Anna really hurt me and I’m still trying to get over it. But I need to focus on me. If anyone gets mad because I love myself, that’s their problem.”
She washed her hands, dried them on a paper towel, and threw it in the trash. Then she nudged me back a little and walked out.
After the party, when I returned to my room that night, I read a few more pages of Secret Keeper, the book Mom had bought me. It was really helping me to understand who I was in Christ.
Just as I was getting into the chapter, I heard a slight tap on my window. I went over and pulled up the shade, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Branson stood there lip locked with Jewels! She winked at me, like she’d tapped on the window just so I could see her with him.
As much as I cared about her, and as much as I wanted to believe she had changed after the Anna ordeal, I couldn’t let this kind of thing go. She was hurting my feelings, and I would have to talk to her about it. Soon.
I pulled down the shade, turned off my light, and cried in the darkness for hours.
The next day, at gymnastics practice, my body wasn’t functioning as well as it usually did. I barely felt awake.
“What am I doing wrong?” I asked Nadia.
“Looks like you’re trying too hard,” she said. “You’re letting the pressure of making the team get to you. You’ve got to relax. Or just stop trying.”
“No way,” I blurted. “I want to be here. I want to make this team more than anything.”
“Then you’ve got to start enjoying gymnastics again,” she advised. “Have fun with it and don’t worry so much about what other people think.”
Her words encouraged me and so did the assuring smile she gave me. I strutted up to the uneven bars, determined to put Nadia’s advice to the test.
As I finished my first flip on the bars, I noticed a black girl standing in the doorway watching us practice. “Who’s that?” I asked Nadia, who was spotting me.
She followed the direction I was pointing with my chin. “I don’t know,” she said. “But she’s been hanging out with Summer all morning. I think they might be roommates.”
“Is she planning on trying out?” I asked, dropping from the bar.
“I don’t think so,” Nadia said. “She’s probably just here to support her friend.” Nadia hopped onto the bar I’d just vacated, and I started spotting her. “Maybe you should get one of your friends to come out and support you,” she suggested as she gracefully flipped between the two bars. “Having someone on your side might make you feel a little less uncomfortable in this hostile environment. Could help you relax you a little.”
“I don’t need anybody to make me feel comfortable,” I grumbled.
Summer sauntered up to me, wiping her face with a towel. “It’s almost the end of the semester,” she reminded me, as if I had forgotten that time was coming close for the coach to make her decision about that last slot. “I’m doing more difficult moves every day, and you’re still doing the same old stuff you did in high school. I don’t think there’s much question about which one of us is gonna make it on the team and who’s gonna be asked to leave.”
The black girl from the doorway strolled up beside Summer and looked at me with her hands on her hips. “So this is your competition, eh, cous?” She snorted. “You got no problem, girl.”
I couldn’t believe she had said that to my face. I didn’t even know her. “And who are you?” I asked.
“This is my cousin Starr,” Summer explained.
The girl extended her hand. She was beautiful, with fair skin and long, wavy ginger-brown hair.
“I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings,” she purred. “You seem a little flushed.”
“Not at all,” I said, trying to sound confident. “Your words just give me more motivation to do better. There’s no question that the best gymnast will get on the team.”
I walked away, hoping no one noticed my knees shaking.
The next day, I woke up with a positive attitude. I was determined to make the team and not to let anything get me down. I’d set the alarm for 5 A.M. so I could get to the gym for an early workout.
When I turned the knob on the bathroom door, I found it locked. I figured Jewels must be in there going through her many primping stages. Usually, she didn’t get up until five forty-five.
“Jewels, I need the bathroom,” I whispered, trying not to wake up my roommate.
Payton moaned, rolled over, and snuggled deeper under the covers.
I opened the door and there stood Anna. She was much slimmer than before, which under normal circumstances would have been a good thing, but I wondered if the weight loss had happened because of her emotional problems. If so, that wasn’t the right way to do it.
She wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet quickly.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“Nothing,” she mumbled without looking me in the eye.
“When did you get back?”
“Yesterday.” She turned on the water and splashed some on her face.
“Can I have a hug?” I asked, wondering why she was acting so distant.
“Not right now,” she said, rubbing her face with a towel. “I’m going back to sleep.” She walked into her room and closed the door.
The bathroom smelled sour, so I sprayed a little air freshener. It didn’t help much.
A couple of days later, I was sitting on the floor of my dorm room doing stretches when the bathroom door opened slowly and Anna crept in. “Do you have a sec?”
“Sure,” I said. “Come on in.”
She shut the door behind her and sat on the floor beside me. “I want to apologize about the other day. I was feeling really bad. I guess I’m not fully adjusted yet.”
“I understand,” I assured her. “I’m just glad you’re back.”
“Thanks.”
“Look, I know you’re dealing with a lot. And I want you to know you can talk to me about it whenever you’re ready to.”
She gave me a disgusted look. “Why would I want to talk to you about my problems? You didn’t even visit me while I was in the hospital.” She picked at the carpet. “Nobody did.”
“I wanted to go see you,” I said. “I’ve just been really busy.”
I realized how lame my excuse sounded. I was acting just like Jewels. She always had to get her point across in any conversation, even if it meant blocking someone else out. I wasn’t so different. I tended to believe that what I had to say should be heard because I thought I knew how to make people’s lives better.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” I said meekly. “You were right to call me on that. I’m just going to sit here and listen to whatever you want to tell me.” I prayed God would give me the right words to say to her when the time was right.
Anna smiled and took a deep breath. “I had a long talk with Payton,” she said. “She told me you felt guilty for not talking to me more. I just wanted to tell you that if it hadn’t been for you, I probably would have tried to kill myself a lot sooner. Your kind words helped me battle the depression I’ve felt for years. Your friendship means more to me than you know.”
Her eyes started to swell up and get red. “Laurel, the main reason I came over here today was to ask you to keep praying for me.”
I got all choked up inside. I wanted to tell her, right then and there, how to accept Jesus Christ into her heart. But God let me know in my spirit that it wasn’t the right time yet. So I just nodded to let her know I understood.
“Laurel, I realize you’re hurting too.”
I looked at her with a quizzical expression, not sure what she was referring to.
“I know you saw Jewels and Branson kissing outside the window. Laurel, Jewels is trying to hurt you. Please don’t let her. She doesn’t understand your faith, but for some reason she wants to tear it down, just like she broke me down. Don’t fall for it. If the God you believe in is real, ask Him for strength.”
“Oh, Anna!” I cried out, unable to remain silent. “God is real. And He has been giving me strength to get through everything that’s been happening in my life. Even when one of my best friends felt so bad about herself she tried to end her own life.”
Anna broke down in my arms and we wept together. After several moments, she wiped her damp cheeks with the back of her hand. “I think I’m ready to know that God of yours.”
Suddenly Branson and Jewels weren’t a bit important to me. God had given me the opportunity to lead this girl to Christ. What an honor! What a blessing!
I grabbed her hand. “There’s a verse in the Bible that says that God loved the world so much, He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him can have everlasting life.”
“I’ve heard of that,” Anna said. “It’s John 3:16, isn’t it?”
I beamed at her. “That’s right.”
“But how do I ask Him to come into my life? Do I just say, ‘Come in, Jesus’?”
I chuckled. “Sounds too easy, doesn’t it? But it really is that simple. Jesus did all the work to pay for our sins by dying on the cross, so all we have to do is accept what He did and ask God to send His Holy Spirit into our hearts.”
I held her hand tight, and tears fell from our eyes onto our knuckles. “Can I pray the prayer of salvation with you?” I asked gently.
She nodded. My heart was filled with joy as we bowed our heads.
“Jesus,” I started, “my dear friend Anna is ready to know You. Please hear the words of her heart and come into her life and love her as only You can.” I squeezed her hand and waited for her to speak.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
“Try this. Dear Jesus …”
She paused, then repeated after me in a hesitant voice.
“Thank You for dying on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins.”
She said the words, stumbling a little over them. But I could tell she was sincere.
“Please come into my heart. Help me to believe in You. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit and bring me peace in my circumstances.”
As she repeated each sentence, I felt the Spirit of the Lord fill the room. I knew He was answering my friend’s prayer. The God who created the universe and everything in it was coming to dwell in Anna’s heart. And I knew she would be changed forever.
After we said amen, we hugged each other tight. I had a new sister in the Lord, and the angels in heaven were having a party!
_____________________
The next day, as I was returning to the dorm after a particularly grueling day of classes, I saw my dorm monitor, Judy, sitting behind her desk crying. As tired as I was, I had to stop.
“What’s the matter?” I asked as I stood at her desk.
She looked up, her face wet with tears. “Someone hit my car,” she choked out.
“Were you hurt?” I asked, ready to call 911.
“No,” she said, taking a deep breath to calm her sobs. “I wasn’t even in the car. When I went to the parking lot to go out for dinner, I discovered the rear end was totally smashed.” She looked up at me, her eyes looking more angry than sad. “Whoever did it didn’t bother to stick around or come and find me or even leave a note.”
“Won’t your insurance cover the damage?”
“I only have liability. Laurel, there’s no way I can afford to get it fixed. But I can’t drive it the way it is. What am I going to do?” Her anger was quickly turning back to despair.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, coming around the desk to put my arm around her shoulder.
“It’s not your fault,” she said with a shrug. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked.
“No,” she said, her slight smile telling me she was glad I offered anyway. “I’ve got to call the police and report this.”
I went up to my room and told Payton about Judy’s accident. She acted like she didn’t even care. As a matter of fact, she didn’t respond to anything I said. I finally decided to leave her alone. I sat at my desk and opened the textbook for a test I had to study for.
A few minutes later, Payton rushed to the bathroom. I could hear her crying through the door. I figured she must have been upset about Dakari and Tad again. I took a deep breath, preparing to hear the whole romantic sob story.
I knocked twice on the bathroom door. Finally Payton let me in. Her hair was mangled and her hands were shaking.
“Laurel,” she blurted out, “I’m the one who hit Judy’s car.”
“What?” I said. “How?”
“Well, it wasn’t really me. My friend did it. But she was driving my car!”
“Why did your friend leave instead of calling the police or trying to find the owner?”
“I didn’t want her to tell anybody because I was afraid my dad would get mad at me and take away the car.” Payton fell to the floor.
I got down in the tight space with her and held her in my arms. “It’s all right, Payton. We all make mistakes.” I stroked her dark hair. “But you have to tell Judy.”
“I know,” she said. “I want to pay for the damages. I shouldn’t have let my friend drive my car.”
“You’d better tell her soon. Judy’s about to call the police.”
“No!” Payton cried, her eyes wide with fear. “I could go to jail for leaving the scene of an accident!”
“I’ll go talk to Judy with you if you want,” I offered.
“Thanks,” Payton said, breathing a small sigh of relief.
We walked down the hall to see Judy. Payton’s steps were slow and hesitant. I knew this was the last thing she wanted to do. But I was proud of her for doing it.
When Payton told Judy the accident was her fault, she was furious. She yelled at her for being irresponsible and fleeing the scene of an accident. But when Payton told Judy she was sorry, she calmed down and they started talking about how to work things out.
Payton didn’t tell Judy that someone else had been driving her car. But since she was taking responsibility, I didn’t get involved.
When it looked like they could handle things without me, I headed to the gym for practice. As I hurried down the hall, I started talking to God in my mind.
Lord, I thought college was supposed to be fun! There have been some joyous moments, but for the most part everything has been catastrophic. Is this going to get any better?
Everything was weighing me down: gymnastics, Jewels and Branson, my grades. It would be easy to get really depressed. I knew I could just let it all out to God, but I felt incredibly burdened at the moment.
Help me, Lord, I pleaded as I neared the gym door, because I’m having no fun.