i couldn’t believe I was sitting in the campus library listening to a college guy talk about the Lord with zeal, love, and respect. It gave me goose bumps.
“I hope I’m not boring you,” the guy I’d nicknamed Charlie said.
“No way,” I said quickly.
“I know you came to the library to study,” he said in an apologetic tone, “and here I am going on and on about my Christian beliefs. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said. “I like listening to you talk about God. Please go on.”
Charlie rubbed his hands over the soft leather cover of my Bible. “I can really relate to what David wrote in Psalm 10. At the beginning he was angry with God. He wanted something but wasn’t getting it.”
“I know what you mean,” I said, remembering how many times that psalm had ministered to my heart.
“In the middle of the psalm, David praises God even though he still doesn’t have what he wants. Then, in the last couple of verses, God blessed him for trusting Him.” He looked up at me, his eyes intense. “There are things I want that I don’t have. So I wonder what I’m doing to block my blessings.”
I’d never thought of life that way. Could I be doing something to block my blessings too?
“I’m starting to feel a little like Job,” Charlie went on. “I’ve got my life pretty much on track. Because of my full college schedule, I can’t go to church as often as I’d like, but I go to Sunday services every week. I don’t have a job, so I can’t tithe money, but I get up early and give the Lord the first hour of my morning. I feel confident that my heart is pure. And yet most of the time I feel like I’m still learning what it means to trust the Lord. I guess I’m in kind of a growth period. Have you ever felt like that?”
I realized he wasn’t asking me about doctrinal issues but about my own Christian walk. As I contemplated how to answer his question, I pondered a few things about myself. Did I feel like all the stuff I’d been going through over the last semester happened because I brought it all on myself? Or did I feel like a model Christian just going through trials because God wanted to teach me to trust Him through them?
“I can relate,” I assured him. “I mean, I’m not perfect, of course. But most of the time I feel compassionate toward people around me who are suffering. You know, like Hanson, the kicker. I don’t even know him, but I really empathize with him because I understand the pressure he’s under. My roommates are going through a whole bunch of difficult stuff, and I try to listen and respond to them in love.”
He leaned closer, listening intently.
“I had a boyfriend last year,” I told him. “But we broke up because I wanted to stay pure for God, and he didn’t understand that.”
His eyes flashed. “Hey, any guy who can’t understand you wanting to please God above pleasing him shouldn’t be in your life.”
I could have reached over and hugged the guy, and not just because he was so cute. He understood my battle with temptation and agreed with my decision.
“I’ve fought the desires of the flesh too, but I finally conquered them through prayer and a strong focus on God. Now I feel like I’m in control of my temptations to sin but still going through painful trials.”
“I feel that way too,” I said, amazed that we were in such similar places in our spiritual walks. I can practically hear God telling Satan, ‘Whatever you do to her, she’s still gonna love Me.’ But then Satan breathes on me and I go crying to God, ‘Why me?’ I can feel His Spirit inside, and I know He’s right there with me. Trials don’t necessarily come because of anything I’m doing wrong. Sometimes it’s just my cross to bear. When I think about Jesus carrying His cross all the way to Calvary for me, my burdens don’t seem so hard, especially when I give them all to Him. Does that make sense?”
“Perfect sense,” he said. “I can be thankful that God is with me and that He’s faithful in carrying me through my trials.”
An alarm started beeping, and Charlie checked his watch.
“Aw, man, I’ve got to go. I have a 10:00 curfew.”
“Oh, gosh, so do I,” I said, shocked that the time had flown so fast.
We started packing up our books, and before I knew it, Charlie was gone. I stood there for a moment, then closed my eyes and bowed my head to pray for him. Just before I said Amen in my mind, I felt the presence of someone near me, interrupting my silent prayer.
When I opened my eyes, I was pleased and surprised to see Charlie standing there grinning at me.
“Were you praying for me?” he asked.
“Wow,” he said. “God really is in my life. I’m glad He sent me here to meet you.”
I tried not to blush. “Why did you come back?”
“I realized I hadn’t wished you a Happy Thanksgiving. So I came back to give you that blessing, and I got a blessing instead. That’s pretty cool.”
It felt so good that he considered me a blessing, I didn’t know what to say.
“I have to confess,” he said, “I came back for another reason too.”
“What’s that?”
“To see if I could walk you back to your dorm.”
“Oh, no, thanks,” I said. “I think I can find my own room.”
“It’s getting pretty late,” he argued. “I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I’ll be OK,” I said, chafing a little at the implication that I wasn’t capable of taking care of myself or at least trusting God to take care of me.
He hesitated, and I realized that he hadn’t meant to imply anything negative about me. He seemed to genuinely want to walk me to my dorm just to spend more time with me and out of concern for my welfare. Besides, it probably was unwise for me to wander around campus alone so close to curfew.
“All right,” I said, gathering my stuff.
We walked out of the library together. Chatting all the way, I began to feel like I’d known Charlie my whole life. In the moonlit night I felt a strong urge to place my hand in his, even though our relationship wasn’t at that level.
When we got close to my dorm, he stopped and said, “Thanks. I feel really blessed that God allowed me to meet you.”
“I feel blessed by you too,” I said.
“Good night.”
For a moment I wished he would kiss me. But he turned slowly and walked away. I watched him for a while, then went into the dorm building.
It felt great to be able to give someone advice that was good for me as well. My first semester hadn’t gone the way I’d planned, and maybe that meant I needed to get myself more seriously connected to God. Then again, maybe I was doing fine. Either way, I was going to have trials until the day I joined Him in heaven. As long as I called on the Lord every second of the day, every step of the way, I could bear any burden. My Savior loved me more than life itself. And for that, I was truly thankful.
_____________________
I went home for Thanksgiving weekend, and seconds after my arrival, my old friends Meagan and Brittany came over. I was so excited! They had missed me as much as I missed them, and they couldn’t wait to whisk me off somewhere to hang out and have fun.
My mom seemed disappointed that I was taking off as soon as I arrived. She probably would have been happy if I did nothing for the whole break except stay by her side.
“A bunch of us are getting together at the bowling alley,
Mrs. Shadrach,” Brittany said sweetly. “I promise I’ll have Laurel back soon.”
Mom hesitated but finally said, “All right. I know you
girls need your time together too.” Then she turned to me. “Try not to stay out too late.”
I rolled my eyes but promised to get back at a reasonable hour.
“I love your tans,” I told my friends as soon as we were bundled into Brittany’s Mustang. “That Florida sun must suit you.”
“We’ve been lying on the beach every day after class,” Meagan confessed with a giggle.
I had a fleeting moment of jealousy, but deep in my heart I was glad my friends were happy.
We drove first to the Dairy Queen for chili dogs, french fries, and ice cream sundaes.
“So, who’s gonna be at this bowling party?” I asked, scraping the last of the hot fudge out of the plastic cup.
Brittany rattled off a list of names of people I remembered from high school. When I heard Branson’s name, I sat up straight in my seat.
“I don’t want to be anywhere he is,” I said. “Not even close.”
“Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport,” Brittany said. “You can ignore him if you want.”
“Don’t you get it?” I practically shouted. “I don’t want to go if he’s going to be there.”
“Come on, Laurel,” Meagan begged. “It’ll be fun.”
I took a deep breath. “If you guys want to go, that’s fine. I’ll just walk home from here.” I grabbed my purse and headed out the door.
Brittany and Meagan followed me into the parking lot. “All right,” Brittany said, grabbing my elbow. “What’s been going on between you and Branson?”
I looked at Meagan, hoping she would help me out by changing the subject. But she looked just as curious as Brittany.
I really didn’t want to go into my lack of a love relationship with Branson. But I didn’t see that I had much choice.
“I kind of had a rerun of what happened with you last year, Britt.”
“One of your new friends is going out with him?” Meagan asked, almost smiling.
“I wouldn’t call her a friend exactly, but she is one of my suite mates, and yes, she and Branson are dating.”
“Oh, then we are definitely going to the bowling alley,” Brittany said, pulling me toward her car. “That boy needs to be told off.”
She stuffed me into the backseat and drove to the bowling alley parking lot. I spotted Branson’s blue Camaro right away. “I’m not going in there.”
My friends begged and pleaded for me to change my mind, but I held my ground. “You know, this is how we got into all that trouble last summer at the fraternity house. I insisted on going home, but you two talked me into going with those guys who tried to attack us.”
“Hey,” Brittany said, “you can’t blame that on us.”
“Laurel’s right, though,” Meagan said, steering away from a rehash of one of our most frightening experiences together. “If she doesn’t want to go in, we shouldn’t force her.”
“You two can stay in the car if you want,” Brittany said, hopping out of the driver’s seat. “But I have something to say to that jerk Branson. After all the heartache he put Laurel through in high school, he’s not going to do it again. Not to my friend. No, sir.”
She slammed the door shut, leaving Meagan and me in her car. I was glad the fall weather was mild because she didn’t leave the keys. We couldn’t have turned on the heat or the air conditioning if we’d needed to.
“Now, why did she have to do that?” I hollered, my stomach churning. “It’s over between me and Branson. He’s humiliated me for the last time. I don’t need her to fight my battles.”
“Just calm down,” Meagan advised me.
“I can’t,” I said, feeling queasier by the minute. “Every time I think Branson Price is out of my system, he gets me all worked up again.”
“Take a few deep breaths,” she suggested.
I knew Meagan was right. I didn’t want Branson back, but questions of self-doubt flooded my mind. Why did he keep turning to other girls, especially ones who were close to me? Wasn’t I good enough for him? Did he do it just to spite and hurt me?
I felt the Dairy Queen chili dog threatening to come up, so I opened the door and squatted on the pavement. Sure enough, within seconds, my dinner was all over the parking lot.
“Are you OK?” Meagan asked, handing me a Dairy Queen napkin from the car.
“Does it look like I’m OK?” I said, wiping my face with the napkin.
Just as I was about to get back in the car, I felt my stomach churning again. I turned back around, and more of my meal came up.
“Meagan,” I said, my head pounding, “can you go in there and get Brittany? Tell her I need to go home.”
Meagan looked at me with a curious expression. “Oh, my gosh, Laurel, are you pregnant? Is that why you’re so bummed out about Branson? Is he saying it’s not his kid?”
“No,” I grumbled, climbing into the backseat. “It’s nothing like that.”
“I thought you were going to be a virgin until you were married. I guess college really does make people grow up fast.”
I didn’t have the strength to continue arguing with her. I just lay on the black leather interior and moaned.
“I wasn’t gonna tell you this,” Meagan whispered, “but I lost my virginity too. Thank goodness he used protection. But I didn’t really enjoy it. Did you?”
“Meagan,” I groaned, “I’m not pregnant, OK? I’m still a virgin.”
“Oh, I see,” my friend said as if she didn’t believe me.
“Look, can you just go get Brittany? Please?”
“All right,” she said. Meagan got out of the car and closed the door gently. I lay back in the seat, holding my stomach. Stupid chili dog, I thought. Who’d have thought anyone could get food poisoning from the Dairy Queen? Then again, maybe I was just getting the flu or something.
But the more I thought about it, the more sure I felt that my problem wasn’t food poisoning or flu. My stomach was just reacting to all the pressures in my life.
While I waited for Meagan to get back with Brittany, I prayed, my whispers sounding loud in the enclosed car.
“Lord, You’ve got to help me. I can’t even have a good time with my friends without feeling knots in my stomach from anxiety, stress, and worry. I try to focus on You, but all these little roadblocks keep getting in my way.”
A knock on the window startled me. I looked up and saw Brittany standing beside the car, with Meagan behind her. Brittany opened the door and whispered, “Branson’s coming this way.”
For some stupid reason, I felt an overwhelming desire to fix myself up. I pushed my hair back so it wouldn’t look so mangled, straightened out my wrinkled clothes, then grabbed a mint out of my purse and popped it into my mouth.
I had no idea what he wanted to say to me, or why I cared so much. His actions had said everything already. When I saw him walking toward me, I took a deep breath.
“I don’t want to talk to him,” I said to Brittany from the backseat.
“You need to,” Brittany said. “He’s got some things to say that you need to hear.”
When Branson got to the hood of the car, Meagan placed her hands against his chest, stopping him. He continued pushing, but she held him back with a determined look on her face.
“She’s got it all wrong,” I heard Branson say. “Please let me talk to her.”
“I’m sorry,” Meagan said, her voice full of understanding and compassion. “But she doesn’t want to talk to you right now. Maybe tomorrow. You guys definitely need to straighten things out between you before you go back to school.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “You’re gonna at least have to decide what to do about the baby.”
I couldn’t believe she’d said that.
“Laurel’s pregnant?” Branson cried out, his eyes wide.
“Oh, my gosh!” Brittany squealed, bending down and leaning into the car. “You’re pregnant!”
“No, I’m not—” I started, but the look in her eyes told me she didn’t believe me any more than Meagan had. She stood and glared at Branson.
“Brittany,” I moaned, still feeling too sick to my stomach to get out of the car, “I don’t want to see him.”
She walked over to him anyway and yanked him to the side of the car. With my head pounding and my stomach churning and my forehead sweating, I lay back against the seat and closed my eyes.
Branson climbed into the front and looked at me from between the bucket seats. “I can’t believe this. We broke up because you wouldn’t sleep with me, and then you just give yourself to the first boy you meet at college? Who’s the guy?”
“Why should I tell you anything?” I said, peeved at his demanding attitude.
“Because I deserve some answers. That should be my baby you’re carrying.”
Brittany and Meagan were staring at us like they were watching a soap opera. The looks on their faces made me want to laugh.
I knew my friends cared about what happened to me, and Branson obviously did too. I didn’t want him back, but it felt good to know he still cared.
“Look, you guys,” I said, “I’m not pregnant, OK? I just got sick on a chili dog.”
Branson blinked a few times, then looked outside at Brittany. They both gazed at Meagan. She shrugged and tried to look innocent. Then everyone’s attention came back to me.
“You should all see yourselves,” I said, starting to giggle at their confused expressions. Brittany’s lips curled into a smile, then she began chuckling. Pretty soon we were all laughing like hysterical idiots.
Yeah, this Thanksgiving wasn’t going to be bad at all. It didn’t matter what else happened because I was enjoying the break.