breakfast is ready,” my mom said as she peeked into my room. “You want to help me set the table?”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, brushing my hair. “I forgot to tell you; Branson wants to take me to breakfast. He says he needs to talk.”
I half expected my mom to say I couldn’t go. But I was in college now, making my own decisions, and I didn’t really have to ask permission from my parents anymore. Still, I was back home and I wanted to show respect for them. So I asked, “Is that OK with you?”
“Absolutely,” my mom said. “You look beautiful.”
“It’s just breakfast,” I said, blushing at her compliment. “Branson and I are just friends, and I’m fine with that.”
My brother Luke came into the room and handed me the phone.
“Hello?” I said after he and my mom left.
“I’m out in your driveway,” Branson said. “Should I come to the door? Or am I on your family’s bad list?”
I chuckled at his thoughtfulness. “I’ll be right out.”
“Your family hates me, don’t they?” he asked.
“No,” I assured him. “I haven’t told them all the details of what we’ve been through.”
“Thanks,” he said.
“I’ll be out in a sec,” I told him, then hung up the phone.
Any other time I would have wanted Branson to be a gentleman and call for me at the door and say hi to my parents and my brothers. But things like that didn’t matter to me like they had before. We weren’t dating, so there was no need for the formality.
I ran a brush through my hair, then scurried down the stairs. As I opened the front door, my dad asked, “Where are you off to?”
“Branson and I are going out to get a bite to eat,” I said. “I won’t be gone long.”
“I hope not,” my dad said. “We’re heading off for Arkansas first thing tomorrow morning.”
“I know.” I kissed his cheek. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too.”
Branson got out of his car and opened the passenger door for me. “You look great.”
“Thanks,” I said, blushing as I fastened my seat belt.
“Thank you for going to breakfast with me. Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?”
“O’Charley’s?” I suggested.
As Branson drove to the restaurant, I wondered what he had in mind. Was he trying to smooth talk me for some reason? I hoped not, because I wasn’t ready for anything with him but a good breakfast.
When Branson parked the car, I quickly opened my door. I didn’t want him to think this was a date.
The restaurant was crowded but cozy. Branson ordered French toast and I asked for eggs Benedict. While we waited for our food to be delivered, I talked about my sorority, the football team, what classes I expected to take next semester.
“You’re not letting me get a word in edgewise,” he said. “You’ve been dominating the conversation, but you haven’t said anything about us.”
I hesitated, not sure what to say. Should I be direct? I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I hushed up and let him speak.
“My first semester at Georgia,” Branson said, “I thought about you a lot. I kept thinking that if I had you in my life, my grades wouldn’t be so bad. And maybe I would have tried out for the football team.”
“I thought you were planning to do a walk-on,” I said, remembering the day we went to the college together over the summer and spoke to our separate coaches.
“I didn’t have the courage without you in my corner telling me I could do it. It was like my cheerleading squad was gone. I’ve really missed you, Laurel. I mean, you live right around the corner from me, and every time I drive past your dorm I want to stop and see you. At first I thought I was just lonely. But then I realized that what I was feeling for you was real. I know we have our issues to deal with, especially about how far to take our relationship sexually. But I have finally realized that I want to be with you, even if all we can do is hold hands and talk.
“Laurel, I’m not going to lie to you. I have … been intimate with other girls since we broke up.”
I gulped, taking in the impact of his statement. “Thanks for being honest,” I finally said.
“But it was really disappointing because it wasn’t with you. A couple of times I imagined I was with you even while I was kissing someone else.”
A few months ago hearing that he’d had sex with other girls would have destroyed my heart. But the confident, self-assured feelings that flooded my soul confirmed that I was completely over him. I was sure of who I was in Christ. Because the Lord was everything to me, I didn’t have to settle for anything less than His perfect gifts for me. And Branson wasn’t that.
I did want to show him God’s love, however, and not act like a snot. “I’ve missed you too, Branson. At the beginning of the semester, I felt really depressed about us not being together.”
His eyes lit up.
“However, I have come to realize that I don’t need to be dependent on you. I have to depend on the Lord. I can’t afford to take any more gambles in my life, and you and I getting back together would be a major gamble.”
He stared at his plate. “Why did you agree to have breakfast with me?”
“I don’t want us to be strangers. Besides, I thought this could be the beginning of us figuring out what kind of relationship we can have.”
I expected him to say, “Forget this; you can walk home,” like he did in high school when he left me in the parking lot after I refused to have sex with him in the car.
“Friends, huh?” he said. “OK. I’d rather have that than nothing.”
I got up from my chair, went over to his side of the table, and gave him a friendly hug.
I was so excited. I had taken a stand for Christ and gained a friend.
_____________________
“What do you mean, you’re tired of school?” I said to Brittany over the phone later that afternoon.
“College is hard work,” she said, “and it seems pointless. I mean, HIV could end my life tomorrow. It just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the effort.”
I’d always admired Brittany’s strength and courage. But the disease she contracted in her senior year of high school had chipped away at her strong personality. Since we didn’t go to the same college, I hadn’t realized how low her confidence level had sunk.
“You’re right,” I said, sprawling across my bed. “You did mess up pretty bad.”
“Thanks a lot,” she said.
“But that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. You still have a future. You’re taking your medication, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And who’s to say that scientists won’t find a cure any day now?”
“That sure would be great,” she said, her voice filled with hope.
“Besides, none of us know how long we have to live. I could be hit by a car or something.”
“How can you say that?” she said.
“Because God has promised me a better life than the one I’m living now. I don’t have to worry. I can just live for today. I’m excited about what He’s given me, not concerned about what I don’t have.”
I paused to say a quick prayer for guidance, then continued. “You know, I used to envy the fact that you always had new clothes and lots of money and you could do whatever you wanted. But then I realized that my worth wasn’t in material possessions. My worth is in Christ.”
“I wish I had your confidence,” she said.
I shot up another quick prayer. “Britt, remember when you accepted Christ last year? You said you wanted to change some of your ways. You were so full of passion for God that you wanted to follow Him with your whole heart.”
“I remember,” she said. “But I didn’t stick to my vow.”
I sat up on my bed and took a deep breath. “You didn’t change at all after you gave your life to Christ. Becoming a Christian doesn’t take all your problems away, but if it’s real, it makes you different.”
“So I’m not a saint,” she said defensively.
“I’m not saying you need to be perfect,” I explained. “But you’ve got to put some effort into your relationship with Christ in order to get something out of it.” I paused, waiting for her to speak.
“I’m listening,” she said. “Go on.”
“God wants to do so much for you. He wants to live and reign and to be sovereign in your life. He wants the Holy Spirit to shine bright through you.”
“How can I make that happen?” Brittany asked.
“You’ve got to let Him show you that you’re worth something. Pray, go to church on a regular basis, get in a Bible study group, things like that.” I started pacing around my room. “A lot of freshmen flunk out of school. But you got Bs. That’s great! You need to go back next semester focused—not on other people but on God, yourself, and your dreams.”
“My doctor told me that people with HIV need to try to stay upbeat so the cells won’t take over.”
“All the more reason to remain positive,” I said, sitting back down on my bed.
“You’re right,” she answered.
“Now, go and grow with God, girl. Read the Word. Let Jesus Christ reign in your life. Ask Him to show you what He wants you to do. If you look at your life through the Lord’s eyes, you won’t have to worry about tomorrow.”
“When you get back from your grandma’s, we’ve got to hook up,” she said.
“I’d like that.”
After we hung up, I went outside and found that my family was barbecuing. As I started to set the backyard table with plastic plates and cups, an unexpected visitor showed up. It was Robyn, my black friend from high school. I raced up to her, gave her a huge hug, and told her how glad I was to see her.
My mom invited her to join us, and she happily accepted a plate with hot dogs and potato chips. Then she whispered to me, “Can we take our food over to the hammock? I need to talk.”
“I hate my school,” she blurted out when we were alone. “I don’t want to be there anymore.”
I couldn’t believe I was hearing the same words Brittany had just said.
“I want to go to Georgia.”
“Why?”
“Well, for one thing, I miss my old boyfriend, Jackson. Do you ever see him?”
“Of course,” I said. “He’s on the football team.”
“He’s probably got plenty of girls around him all the time.”
“You can’t choose a college just because you want to follow some boy,” I said, then popped a chip into my mouth.
“That’s not the only reason.” I swallowed the salty snack. “What else?”
“I really like my all-black school, but I’ve done nothing except party there.”
“Oh, so your grades have been taking a nosedive, huh?” I took a bite of my hot dog.
“Actually I have a 3.69.”
I almost choked on my food. “You mean your GPA is higher than mine and you haven’t studied?”
“It doesn’t take much effort for me to do well there. But that’s the problem. I need to be challenged more. Basically I’m just repeating the stuff we did in high school.”
“I like that reason better,” I said.
“I thought going to Fort Valley would help me discover who I am. But now I realize that I already know who I am. I’m excited about being black. I don’t need to be in an isolated environment to feel that way. I want to be in a college that’s more like the real world.”
“If that’s your reason, I support it,” I said, setting my plate on the ground. “So, are you going to apply for a transfer?”
“Already did. And I got accepted into Georgia. I’m gonna be with you next semester.”
“Really? That’s great!” We gave each other a high five.
“I don’t know if I’ll be happier there than at Fort Valley, but I want to at least try UGA.”
I hugged her. “I can’t wait to introduce you to my roommate, Payton Skky. She’s a black girl and she reminds me so much of you. I’m sure the two of you will hit it off really well.”
We both went back for more hot dogs. Then we played a game of kickball with my brothers. Before Robyn left, she promised to pray for my grandpa. We agreed to get together when I got back from Arkansas.
Later that evening Meagan came over to pick me up for Christmas Eve service. I could tell from the red in her eyes that she’d been crying. When we got in the car, I asked her what was wrong.
“I’m dropping out of school,” she said.
My heart was heavy. I knew a lot of freshmen dropped out in the first year, but I couldn’t believe that three people I knew all wanted to leave. “Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she said.
I didn’t press. I decided to wait until she was ready.
When we got to the church parking lot, Meagan broke into tears. “I’m pregnant.”
I didn’t know what to say. I reached out and held her hand.
“At Thanksgiving, when I thought you were pregnant, I was actually excited about it because I didn’t want to be alone.”
“Who’s the father?” I asked.
She lowered her head. “I’m not sure.”
“What?” I shrieked.
“I only did it a couple of times,” she said quickly. “But
each time was with a different guy. So I’m not sure which one got me pregnant.”
“Meagan,” I groaned.
“I wish I’d listened to God’s Word and waited. Brittany’s experience should have taught me about consequences. But it didn’t.” She buried her face in her hands.
“What are you going to do now?” I asked, wondering if I would have to talk her out of considering abortion. “I’m dropping out of school to have this baby.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said.
“Come on, Laurel,” Meagan said. “I don’t want go back to college and hang out with my friends while I’m pregnant.”
I could see her point. Meagan and I cried together some more. Then I prayed with her. “Lord, please give my friend strength and courage. Forgive her for her sins, as You’ve forgiven me for mine. Somehow make this wrong turn out right. Make something good come out of this. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
“So I guess you’re going to have to get a job so you can raise your child, huh?”
“Actually, Laurel, I’ve decided to give the baby up for adoption.”
“Really?” I said. “How does that work?”
“I found a Christian agency that helps young mothers go through the process,” Meagan explained. “They’ll help me with everything I need, even a place to stay and emotional support. The social worker there has been a real blessing.”
“It sounds like God is working things out for you,” I said.
Meagan nodded. “I just wish I wouldn’t have messed up, you know?”
“Don’t worry about the past. Most girls who mess up don’t make up for what they did wrong by doing something so right.”
“Do you really think I’m doing the right thing?” she asked, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“Absolutely. You’re not ending the life of that little person inside you just because you’re afraid he’s going to ruin your life, like some girls do. You’re going to make sure he has a good home with parents who will love him and take care of him better than you can at this stage in your life.”
“Do you think my child will hate me someday?”
“No way,” I assured her. “He’d probably hate you if you never gave him a chance to live. But you’re not going to do that. When you see him in glory, he’ll be really excited that you gave him the opportunity to live. I’m proud of you, Meagan.”
She took a deep breath. “I’m not proud of myself for what I did. But it does feel good to do something unselfish for someone else.”
“Have you told Britt yet?”
“I don’t know how to. She can be so judgmental.”
“Don’t worry about it. She’s got her own stuff to deal with.”
“Thanks, Laurel,” Meagan said, her eyes wet with tears.
“Just remember,” I said, “God is a God of grace. Your sin is as far as the east is from the west.”
_____________________
All through the Christmas Eve service, Meagan stood close to me. I kept smiling at her and assuring her that everything was going to be OK.
“You are a child of the King,” my dad preached to the congregation.
It felt good to be back in the familiar sanctuary of my family’s church. As we worshiped the Lord through praise music, I raised my hands high, thanking the Lord for His many blessings, full of joy that He didn’t hold our sins against us. He’d sent His Son to die for me so my sins could be washed away with the blood Jesus shed for me on Calvary. Celebrating Christmas, Jesus’ birthday, was a wonderful thing.
“In this life,” my dad said, pulling my focus back to the message, “there will be turmoil. That’s just the way of this world. So how can we have joy? How can we be happy when we’re surrounded by sadness and sickness and death? When you’ve lost your job, or you’ve been betrayed, when you go through a divorce, where there’s no food on the table? How can we feel joy when we can’t meet the financial needs of our families, or when we let our friends down? When we sin, how can we feel good about ourselves? It’s easy, in such times, to feel like we’re unworthy to be in God’s family.”
I looked at Meagan, sitting beside me. She seemed totally absorbed in the message.
“God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to earth to conquer the grave. Our joy comes not from our circumstances but because of who God is and what He has done for us. We can be happy in spite of the despair all around us because the Lord is with us through the turmoil. We can praise Him even when there’s not a song in our heart because we know our heavenly Father is in control of every phase of our lives. Happiness isn’t found in our circumstances. True joy is in God.”
My dad was putting into words exactly what I’d been feeling for the last few weeks. I had been seeking God daily, and because He was first in my life, I was happy. He was allowing me to minister to people. He was making an impact in this world through me. He provided me with my daily bread. I was thankful that He had adopted me into His family. I was a child of the King!
My first semester of college had been crazy. Leaving my family, losing my boyfriend, doing horrible in gymnastics, studying extra hard just to get a decent grade, dealing with a roommate from another race and a suite mate who was in a different economic class, having a person I knew try to commit suicide, and another person in my dorm murdered because of poor life choices. Going through all that, I had gotten my perspective back to where it needed to be. God went with me to college, but I had fallen away from Him. When I started walking with Him again, I let Him carry me through the valley.
I couldn’t be sad about it all. I could only see God’s light. I knew Christ had died for my sins. I could feel the Holy Spirit inside me. I could do anything. I was not going to waver anymore. I was going to be the Christian God wanted me to be. I didn’t know what would happen next semester or the next day for that matter. But I knew, at that moment, I was possessing true happiness.
Laurel Shadrach Series from
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Greg Thornton
Kathy Ide
Julie-Allyson Ieron, Joy Media
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