Chapter 18. Meditating as Sri Chinmoy’s Disciple

What gives life its value if not its constant cry for self-transcendence?

YOUR OWN PERSONAL GUIDE

Each Master has his own way of teaching his students to meditate. I ask my disciples to begin their meditation by repeating the word “Supreme” a few times. The Supreme is our eternal Guru. If you chant Aum soulfully, it will also help you. In the spiritual life, gratitude is of paramount importance. Early in the morning when you first begin your meditation, take three very deep slow breaths, and while you are inhaling, offer your soulful gratitude to the Supreme for having awakened you and given you the inner urge to meditate. Out of millions of people on earth, He has chosen you to enter the spiritual life; so naturally you are grateful.

You may say that you do not know how to meditate. But I wish to say that once you become my disciple, once you enter into my spiritual boat, then it is the problem of the boatman to take you to the Golden Shore. After you are safely seated in the boat, you can lie down, you can sing, you can dance, you can do anything. But first you have to enter into the boat. Occasionally I give instructions outwardly to disciples who need it. But to most I do not give individual meditations. Instead, when I accept a disciple I concentrate on his or her soul and give the soul an inner form of meditation. I bring the soul forward, and the soul actually meditates in and through the seeker. The soul also convinces the heart and mind to do the right thing, so that eventually the entire being—body, vital, mind, heart and soul—will be able to properly meditate. When I concentrate on the disciple’s soul, the disciple is bound to receive my inner instruction. But if the disciple can consciously create a pure vibration and keep a sincere attitude, then it is easier for his soul to remain at the fore and to receive everything from me.

Individualised meditation

In the ordinary life if ten students come to the same class in school, the teacher gives them all the same lesson. But in the case of a spiritual Master it is different. When he meditates on his disciples, the consciousness that he gives to one will not be the same as what he gives to another.

When I meditate on my disciples, I motivate and inspire each individual according to his acceptance of me and according to his capacity to receive and manifest the light that I am offering him. Out of God’s infinite bounty I have the capacity to enter into each person’s consciousness and soul to see what that particular individual needs most, and how he wants to manifest the divinity within himself. One individual’s soul may want to realise and manifest the truth through divine power. Another individual may want to realise God through love, devotion and surrender. So first I see what the soul wants, and then I can tell the person inwardly, “You follow this method.” I may not tell him outwardly, but inwardly I say, “This is the way you have to realise and manifest the truth.” Then the soul may take a day, a week or a few months to convince the rest of the being how to meditate. The mind may not understand, but for meditation the mind is not at all necessary.

From time to time I may outwardly tell an individual how to meditate. But the meditation that I give is given in strictest confidence, and it is meant only for that particular individual. If he tells others and they try to use the same method, that will be a serious mistake.

Each person must go his own way during meditation because each has a particular role, a special mission on earth, to fulfil. In God’s divine Play, each one has been allotted a particular part, and to perform that part one has to meditate according to one’s own inner necessity.

If you feel that you are inwardly drawn to me but you have not received an individual meditation, do not worry. The best type of meditation comes when you enter into my consciousness by looking at a picture taken of me when I am in a high meditative consciousness. While meditating on my picture you do not have to think of anything. Just try to throw your outer and inner existence into my consciousness with utmost aspiration. If a thought comes to you, whether good or bad, just throw it into my picture. Each time a thought strikes your mind, feel that it is an attack, and let me have the attack. Do not encourage any thought whatsoever. In this way you can keep your inner vessel absolutely empty. If you empty yourself and give me all your thoughts and undivine qualities, then I can fill you with peace, light and bliss.

The Guru accepts

I am ready to accept from my disciples everything that you have and everything that you are. If you only want to give me the good things, that is not right. You should give me both the good and the bad. If you have fear, doubt or any negative thoughts, look at my picture and throw all your obscurity and impurity into me. Do not worry about me. I will throw these negative forces into the Universal Consciousness. But if you hold on to these things, you will only suffer. Today you will have one wrong thought, tomorrow you will have a hundred wrong thoughts and there will be no end. When these negative thoughts enter into your mind, you have to know that you actually become weak. It is as if a heavy burden has been placed on your shoulders; so naturally you become tired and exhausted.

How do you throw negative thoughts into me? Let us say that you are jealous of someone. When you are jealous of someone, you are inwardly communicating with that person and offering him your jealous thoughts. In your mind you are formulating thoughts or ideas, and then you are consciously directing them to him. In the same way you can throw these ideas into me instead. The moment you talk to me inwardly, you have to know that you are giving me your thoughts.

When you do your morning meditation, if your sleep was not disturbed and you have not accumulated any mental garbage during the night, then there may be nothing undivine that you have to give me. At that time you can enter into me with joy, love, peace and all divine qualities. When you do this, it is like a child dealing with his own father. A child goes to his father with such joy to give him a penny that he has found in the street. The child could have used the penny to buy candy, but he felt the necessity of giving it to his father instead. And the father is so pleased that his child has given him his own possession that the father gives the child a dollar.

For my disciples, I am your spiritual father. If you give me something good or positive—a little love, a little joy, a little gratitude—then immediately I will give you boundless love, joy and gratitude in return. I will give you immeasurably more than what you have offered me. But if it is something bad that you are giving, then it will enter into my inner ocean and I will take care of it.

Meditating on Sri Chinmoy’s picture

When you meditate on my picture and enter into my consciousness, you should not feel that you are entering into a foreign element or a foreign person, but that you are entering into your own highest part, your true self. You have a mother and a father, you have a husband or wife, you have children; now you can add one more person to your family. You have to feel that here is someone who is your own—not only for this life, but forever. If you feel your oneness with me, if you feel that I am not a foreigner but a member of your own family, then automatically your consciousness, your soul, will try to associate with mine. This very association will be meditation for you.

If you look at a tree, you become one with the consciousness of the tree. If you look at a flower, you become one with the fragrance of the flower. Similarly, if you look at a picture of me in a very high consciousness, you become one with my inner divinity and reality. Sometimes when you see the ocean of light inside me, you may feel that if you enter into the ocean you will be drowned, overpowered, destroyed. At that time light is trying to enter into you and you are trying to hide. But you have to know that divine light will not expose you; it only wants to illumine you. The more light you receive, the sooner you will be illumined.

But if you feel fear, then it is better for you not to try to enter into me. Instead, you should allow me to enter into you. You can say, “Let the ocean of light come into me in a very, very small quantity, or let just a few drops of light enter into me.” Your inner progress depends on your strength and receptivity, on how much of my spiritual food you can eat. If you have great inner strength, if you feel that you are strong enough to swim in the sea of light and bliss, then enter into me. Otherwise, let me enter into you. But this is only for seekers who want to follow my path.

Those who are not my disciples may think that it is the height of folly for anyone to meditate on my picture. Perhaps they feel that I am shamelessly proud. But I can assure you, a picture taken of me when I am in a very high consciousness, when I am totally one with the Supreme, does not represent my physical body or human personality. It does not represent Chinmoy Kumar Ghose. When my disciples meditate in front of my picture, they feel that they are meditating not in front of me but in front of their real Guru, who is the Supreme. The Supreme is the eternal Guru—my Guru, your Guru, everybody’s Guru. But I represent Him in a personal, accessible way for those who have faith in me, just as there are other Masters who represent the Supreme for their disciples.

So when you meditate on my picture, please do not think of it as a picture of a human being. Think of the achievement and the consciousness that the picture represents. For my disciples, at least, my picture represents someone who has attained oneness with the Highest. If anyone concentrates on my picture with real devotion and aspiration, I have to help him. To serve mankind is the only reason I am here on earth.

Those who are my real disciples should not meditate on anybody’s photograph but mine. Your Guru is the farmer. He is constantly cultivating the field, which is your inner life. If you do not allow him to cultivate, if you consciously or unconsciously turn to somebody else, then you are only delaying your own progress. It is not that I will mind if you put up a picture of some god or goddess in your room; I am very fond of the gods and goddesses. But if I am to carry you to the Golden Shore, then you have to be in my boat. For concentration, for meditation, for contemplation, for all inner guidance you should come to me, for you have a direct inner connection with me.

If you have a beautiful picture of a god or goddess, you can use this picture for inspiration. But if you concentrate and meditate on it, you will create tremendous confusion in yourself. One day you will look at this picture and meditate, the following day you will meditate on another goddess, the third day on somebody else and the fourth on me. Then I will be helpless. So I always tell my disciples to approach me inwardly, and I will always help them.

Love, devotion and surrender are the cornerstones of my philosophy because they make up the true sunlit path which can lead the aspirant to the Goal very fast and very safely. If you want to enter into my consciousness while looking at my picture, the best approach is that of love, devotion and surrender. If you offer your heart’s love, devotion, and surrender, then you will feel my presence inside your heart. When someone becomes my disciple, he has to feel my presence in his heart and also his own presence inside my heart. When a disciple meditates on my picture, it automatically helps him in concentrating on the heart. And if he concentrates on his heart, then he will find it very easy to enter into his highest consciousness.

Meditation does not only mean sitting in front of your shrine. If you read my writings soulfully, you immediately enter into my consciousness, and entering into my consciousness is the highest form of meditation for those who consider themselves my disciples. Dedicated service is another form of meditation. When you work for me and think of me while working, my consciousness enters into you and your own consciousness is elevated. This is one of the best forms of meditation.

If you want to follow someone else’s path, that person may give you different instructions. But this is what I tell my disciples. I am a spiritual teacher, but I am not the only spiritual teacher on earth; there are a few others. If you want to follow my path, I will be able to offer light to your soul. If you study my writings, if you come to our meditation meetings regularly, and if you concentrate on my picture during your own daily meditations, then I will be able to help you in your inner journey. But if you follow someone else’s path, then naturally that teacher will teach you how to meditate in his own specific way.

Q&A

Question: One of your pictures frightens me.

Sri Chinmoy: A spiritual Master is not an X-ray machine. As soon as you stand in front of an X-ray machine you are totally exposed. When you stand in front of me I also can see everything, but I will be the last person to expose you to anybody or complain about you to the Supreme. If somebody has done something very wrong, then he may be afraid that I shall expose all his inner defects and secret misdeeds. But I am not going to expose you. On the contrary, my compassion—like a mother—will hide your imperfections. When I accept someone as my disciple, I accept all his imperfections as my very own.

So you should never be afraid of me. I am not a tiger or a lion. I am not going to devour you. Never! Even if you feel that you are darkness itself and I am the sun, no harm. The sun which shines within me is the inner sun, which only illumines. It does not expose. If it shines on darkness, it transforms it into light, and then offers this light to the world at large. So there is nothing for you to worry about.

Please, please never be afraid of me. You can be afraid of anything on earth, but do not be afraid of me. I will never harm you in any way. On the contrary, it is my business to transform your imperfections and mould and shape you into your own divinity.

Question: My friend is not a disciple, but she has begun to meditate on your picture, and now she feels great fear.

Sri Chinmoy: Very often people say that they are frightened by my picture. But they are not afraid of my picture. It is only a question of whether they are ready to give up certain things. Inwardly they are unwilling to give up their old habits and old life. They look at my picture and feel an ocean of uncertainty, because they are uncertain themselves about whether they really want the spiritual life, and they are afraid of what will happen if they give up their old habits. Your friend’s experience may be interpreted in this way.

If one can forget the past and be ready to enter into the new, the ever-new, consciously and wholeheartedly, then one will see that the new also has its own reality—a more fulfilling reality than the past. At that time there is no fear. Fear comes only when one is unwilling to give up one’s old life or is uncertain about accepting a new way of life. But usually people are unconscious of the fact that they do not want to give up their old life. Because part of them sincerely wants to be spiritual, they feel embarrassed that they are still cherishing mundane things. They do not want to admit it, even to themselves.

Question: When you gaze directly at me during meditation, or when you ask us to come in front of you to meditate, I sometimes get a little nervous or frightened. I’m not sure what you are doing. Could you explain?

Sri Chinmoy: When I look at you during meditation, or when I ask you to sit in front of me and meditate, at that time I am entering into you to observe what your inner and outer being want. I enter into the physical, the vital, the mind, the heart and the soul. If I see that a particular person is crying for peace, then immediately I bring down peace from above. If I see that someone else wants light, then I bring down light. According to the aspiration, necessity and receptivity of each individual seeker, I bring down different spiritual qualities from above.

Sometimes I see that a seeker does not want anything; there is no aspiration at that time. It is not that the seeker has everything; it is just that he does not have the inspiration and aspiration either to draw something from above or to receive something from me. In these seekers I just try to kindle the flame of aspiration.

In some instances you may have a better meditation when I am looking at somebody else than when I am looking at you. While I am looking at someone else, if you are in a high consciousness and you look at me, at that time like a magnet you can pull my light. Although I am looking at somebody else, more of my light can be going to you than to him. On the other hand, while I am concentrating on you, if you are thinking that all the others are now looking at you, or if your mind is counting how many seconds I am looking at you and comparing this with how long I looked at others, then you will receive very little.

Sometimes when I am blessing someone and bringing down the Supreme’s infinite Compassion, that person is absolutely unreceptive. But someone who is sitting somewhere else, whose inner being is fully awake and who is most devotedly meditating on the Supreme, is receiving most powerfully. He is taking all the light that I wanted to give to the other person. At this time I am not at all displeased with the person who is receiving my light. If the person to whom I am offering it is not receptive, then naturally if someone else has the capacity, he should take it. Then, when I meditate on that person individually, if he has the capacity to receive still more, I give him more.

But sometimes it happens that when I come to that person, as soon as I look at him and meditate on him, he becomes nervous and receives nothing. Sometimes you feel that you cannot meditate properly when I gaze into your eyes or when I ask you to sit in front of me. You become frightened to death. But why should you be afraid of me? I am not a snake or a tiger. You are afraid of me because you feel that your ignorance will be exposed. Unconsciously you may think, “In the morning I told a lie or did something else wrong, and now Guru will catch me.” Or wrong forces may suddenly attack you. Before you saw me, you were fine, but as soon as you stand in front of me, suddenly all the evil thoughts in the world come forward in you. But you have to know that you always had these enemies, only previously you were not aware of them. Now they are coming forward for transformation.

Do not think of me as an X-ray machine which will expose all your inner imperfections to the entire world. Instead, think of me as a mirror that will let you see what you are doing in your spiritual life. When you are in front of me, you will be able to see your own inner reflection. Whatever you have come with will be visible to you. Good thoughts as well as bad thoughts will immediately be reflected. But if you feel afraid and try to hide, or if you try to make me feel that you are this or that, then you are making a serious mistake. I know what you truly are; I know the mark you are going to get. By trying to impress me with your aspiration, you only lose whatever sincerity you have. Even if you come with only one cent of aspiration, give me that one cent with utmost sincerity. If you come with wrong thoughts, feel that these are your enemies, and separate your existence from them. Either you have to reject them and say, “They are not mine,” or you have to say, “Yes, they are mine, but I am giving them to you. These are my possessions, and I am giving you all of my possessions.” Then I can take these forces from you. But if you are afraid of being exposed or of receiving what I am giving you, then you will not receive at all.

I have not come into the world to expose you and judge you. I have come only to love you and perfect you. When I look at you and concentrate on you during meditation, do not worry about what I am thinking of you. I am not thinking anything of you. I am only offering you my spiritual love, light and concern. When a child sees his mother coming to him, even if he is covered with dirt and mud, he will not be afraid. He knows that his mother will not slap him or insult him; she will only make him clean again. The moment you think that you have done something wrong—either in your mind or in your actions—feel that my concern to perfect you is infinitely greater than your concern to perfect yourself. Fear comes because you feel that you will be exposed by my light. But if you can feel that my light will only illumine and perfect you, then there will be no fear no matter how close or penetrating the light is.

Another reason you may sometimes become nervous when you meditate in front of me is because you enter into the nervousness and uncertainty of others around you. It is as if you were all students in front of an examiner. Instead of paying attention to your own inner wisdom, you look around to see what page of the textbook the other person is studying. You think that the question will come from the page that he is reading, and you also want to read that particular page. Then you start to become nervous, not because you are trying to read the same passage he is reading, but because the other person himself is nervous. He is reading a passage, but he also feels that perhaps this is not the right passage. When you start to read his passage, you enter into his consciousness and take on his uncertainty and fear.

Question: Do you recommend meditating with folded hands?

Sri Chinmoy: Yes, I do recommend it. If you fold your hands soulfully, it will definitely help you meditate better. If you want to increase your devotion, then always you should try to do something on the physical plane so your physical mind will be convinced. When you pray and meditate with folded hands, your reluctant, unwilling and stubborn physical mind and your entire physical being become more devoted. Everything in you becomes one-pointed.

If it is physically tiring and you are in pain, you have to know that this pain is not going to bring you satisfaction. You can pray and meditate and still go into a very high state of consciousness without folding your hands. But if you fold your hands soulfully, it definitely does help your aspiration.

Some people feel that they get ninety-nine dollars from their inner aspiration, but they need one dollar more in order to reach the destined goal. They know that folding their hands may give them that last dollar. If there is something that they can do which will immediately give them that missing dollar, then they will do it. Others feel that they do not need to fold their hands. They feel that by increasing their aspiration they will automatically get the last dollar. They are also right.

Just because so-and-so folds his hands or because you are worried what someone thinks of you, that is no reason to fold your hands. But if you feel that it increases your aspiration and receptivity, you should fold your hands. But if you do it without any spontaneous inner urge, only to impress others, then you are making a deplorable mistake. After a few days or a few months your own sincerity will come forward and make you stop. Again, just because once upon a time you were folding your hands out of deception and now you have realised your folly, that does not mean that you should necessarily stop folding your hands. It is like curiosity. Some people enter into the spiritual life out of curiosity. They do not have sincere inspiration or aspiration, but out of curiosity they come to our meetings and join our activities. Finally they see that their curiosity is getting them nowhere. At that time they stop their life of curiosity and begin to aspire sincerely. So there is no hard and fast rule.

Question: Why do you sometimes ask people to look at you when they meditate?

Sri Chinmoy: You are looking at your hands, but your hands will not give you realisation. I am a Master. God- realisation-consciousness is written on my face and in my eyes, not on your fingertips. You will receive much more inspiration from looking at me than from looking anywhere else.

If you can make a conscious contact with my soul, then you can rest assured that my existence on earth will act like your slave. Once anyone makes real contact with my soul and sincerely wants my help, then I am at his or her service forever. But this contact must be transformed into identification, and from identification into oneness. If a seeker can establish oneness between his soul and my soul, then I shall be always responsible for that particular human being. This is my soul’s assurance.

Question: Sometimes even when I am meditating with you, I like to keep my eyes closed. Is this never a good thing to do?

Sri Chinmoy: When I am meditating in front of my disciples, I always ask them to keep their eyes half open, because one of the ways they can receive from me is through the eyes. Sometimes I am bringing down infinite peace, light and bliss, and distributing it through my eyes. If the disciples can see these divine qualities with their own eyes in my face and in my eyes, then their physical mind will be convinced, and they will be more receptive. What I bring down you can see not only in my eyes but also in my whole face. It is like a glow that radiates around my body. If your eyes are open, then you are bound to see something.

Question: When a Master brings down more light or peace than those meditating with him can absorb, what happens to it? Is it all lost?

Sri Chinmoy: It is not all lost. It enters into the earth atmosphere and becomes the earth’s possession. When spiritual Masters bring down divine qualities from above, Mother Earth assimilates them as her own. Then, when someone is aspiring, he will get this peace and light from the earth-consciousness, but he will not know where it is coming from.

Question: Since I started meditating with you, I have felt that my consciousness is in a different place, and I just wondered if you could comment on that.

Sri Chinmoy: Since you have been coming here to meditate with us, your consciousness has begun functioning more from your heart than from your mind. Formerly, your consciousness was in the mind. When you stay in the mind, all of life seems like a dry piece of wood. But when you stay in the heart, life is turned into a sea of pure love and bliss. If you can stay there, you will gradually begin to experience a spontaneous feeling of love and oneness with God and God’s creation.

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The fulness of life lies in dreaming and manifesting the impossible dreams.

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Anything that binds you, unlearn it. Anything that blinds you, unlearn it. Anything that limits you, unlearn it. Anything that awakens you, learn it. Anything that liberates you, learn it. Anything that fulfils you, learn it.

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If you want guidance, then look up with a pure heart. If you want guidance, then look within with a doubt-freed mind.