Chapter 14
“I can do this,” Nicole told herself. “If I can pull it off, it’ll be worth it.”
With its motor running, Nicole sat behind the wheel of a rental car. It was Friday, around ten in the evening. Her eyes were focused on a two-story house in Fresno, the one where Rashad used to live with Kiara. A radiant full moon hovered overhead. Gray clouds moved across the sky, and Nicole hoped the night looked dark enough to shield her from curious eyes.
Kiara’s car sat in the driveway. Nicole hoped that meant the woman was inside. She rummaged through a tote bag and removed a heavy brick and a black permanent marker. She had stolen the brick the other day when she’d passed by a new home development. Dozens of bricks were lying around. The workers were gone for the day. And before Nicole knew it, she got out her car, picked up one brick, and ended up taking it with her.
Nicole flicked on the interior light of the car and scribbled on the side of the brick: LEAVE RASHAD ALONE.
With brick in hand, she quietly got out of the car. It was a black standard rental. She walked to the rear of the car and knelt beside the trunk. She reached inside her jacket pocket and took out an index card and a roll of invisible tape. She arranged the white card so that it partially hid the two right numbers of her license plate. She applied tape over each edge so that the card would remain secure.
Nicole returned the tape to her pocket and rose up. Both of her hands were hidden inside thin leather gloves. She surveyed the area and didn’t notice a single neighbor walking around. Pure quietness surrounded the area except for the sound of the swirling wind. Nicole headed up the path that led to Kiara’s front door, then she made a quick left and was soon standing on the side of the huge two-story house.
When she’d secretly scoped out the house the other night, there was ample room between this house and the one next door. Taking a deep breath, Nicole stood right next to the kitchen window. She prayed that Kiara’s kids weren’t in that room. She drew back her hand and flung the brick with all her might. The brick crashed into the window. She immediately froze when the sound of shattering glass pierced her ears. Several dogs began barking. The yelping sounded like it came from the neighbor’s backyard. Startled, Nicole turned around. Her feet quickly moved as she zoomed between the houses and headed for the rental. Wearing brand-new black gym shoes, she cut across the damp grass. She got in the car and closed the door; the engine was still running just as she’d left it. She pulled the lever into reverse and prayed no other car would be driving down the street.
The front porch lights of Kiara’s house flicked on.
“Shit.”
At the same time, headlights from an approaching vehicle illuminated the street. It was just about to pass Kiara’s driveway. Nicole felt trapped as she waited on the older car with the bad muffler.
“Hurry the fuck up,” she said, nearly yelling.
A tall figure emerged from inside Kiara’s front door. He stood on the porch, then began to approach Nicole. She ducked her head and burnt rubber backing out of the driveway, almost hitting the older car. She put the car in drive; it wildly lurched forward. She heard yelling and looked in her rearview mirror.
Eddison Osborne raced behind her car. “Hey, wait.” He waved his hands until he decided to stop running. Nicole watched him in the mirror and felt relieved; she hoped that the little piece of paper she’d used to cover the license plate was still holding up. That little piece of paper would save her.
Soon Eddison’s image became smaller and smaller.
Thinking of her plan, she knew it would only work if Kiara Eason got the message loud and clear: “Stop trying to play two men against each other. If you want that stupid-ass Eddison Osborne, keep him, but leave me and Rashad the hell alone.”
It was her last small attempt to abandon the idea she’d presented to Ajalon. If she could scare Kiara into leaving Rashad alone, she was sure he’d come to his senses. She could tell Ajalon never mind, there was no need to kill Rashad. But time would tell, and Nicole was running out of it.
* * *
Kiara knew something was terribly wrong. She had been enjoying a bath when the loud crash scared her. She asked Eddy to go check things out. After ten minutes, Eddy returned to the bathroom.
“I saw a woman who looked like Nicole backing out of the driveway.”
“Are you serious? Are you sure?”
“I could swear it was her. But when I tried to wave her down, she drove off like she’d just robbed a bank.”
“But why would she throw something through the window?”
“I don’t know, but maybe this will tell you why.” Eddy showed Kiara the brick. It was covered with tiny glass particles.
Kiara read the words that asked her to leave Rashad alone.
“What’s that all about?” Eddison asked in a clipped voice.
“You already know. That bitch is nuts. I’m going to report her to the police.”
“But does she have a good reason to go to these extremes, Kiara?”
“Eddy, she busted my fucking window. I’m going to have to file a claim.”
“I see.” Eddison studied her curiously. “Is Rashad worth all of this drama?”
“Surely you can’t take a brick that she wrote on seriously.”
“I don’t know how to take it, Kiara. I want to trust you.”
“You want to trust me? I can’t believe you said that. What about your own mysterious behavior?”
“I have no mysterious—”
“Bullshit. You give me half answers when I question you about parts of your life. I want to trust you, Eddy, God knows, I do, but sometimes I’m not sure.”
“But is your reason for sometimes acting like you do because you are still in love with your ex?”
“No,” she cried. “That’s crazy. You know damn well he and I aren’t together.”
“You aren’t together, but it won’t necessarily stop you from loving him.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
Kiara wanted to tell Eddison about Rashad’s recent confession of his love to her. She wanted to tell him that her ex asked her if she still loved him. But she couldn’t tell Eddison. Because if she truthfully retold the whole conversation, her man might want to know why she didn’t just tell Rashad no. Why couldn’t she just tell Rashad that she didn’t love him anymore?
Eddy stared at Kiara as if he was trying to see inside her heart.
Kiara sputtered, “Eddy, you know that Nicole Greene is bat-shit crazy. I don’t know why she does things like that.”
“Nicole Eason, Kiara.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t forget. She’s not Miss Greene anymore.”
Kiara nodded miserably and said the words she hated to speak. “Nicole Eason.”
“If she’s as crazy as you think she is, maybe it’s because you’re driving Nicole to be that way. She’s still not sure that her husband is really her husband. And maybe it’s because you have a hard time completely letting go of Rashad.”
“What the fuck? Eddison, now you sound nuts. I don’t want him any more than the man on the moon.”
“I hope not, Kiara.” He stared at her with tired eyes. “Look, maybe I should cut out early. Go back to my house and think about things.”
Kiara rose up in the water and stood up in the tub. “No, baby, no. Don’t let Nicole’s insane ways make you think untrue things about my love for you.”
Eddison turned around and headed out the door.
“We’re still good, aren’t we, babe?” she yelled.
The next thing Kiara heard was the loud banging of the door. He’d left her. Kiara couldn’t believe it. In that moment she felt so incredibly angry. Things had been going considerably well for her. Lately she had been in a happier space. She had her kids, her health and strength, a great job, but did she still have Eddison? She sat back down in the tub and sank under the warm, soothing bubbles. Her cell phone was sitting near the table close enough to reach. She grabbed it carefully so that it wouldn’t fall into the water. She speed-dialed Eddy. Straight to voice mail.
She then texted Rashad with trembling hands.
You need to handle your bitch or else I’ll be forced to. Why did she come over here and throw a brick in my fucking window talking about leave you the hell alone?
Kiara thought twice about whether to press SEND or not. Two seconds later she sent it.
She threw her phone to the floor and leaned back against the tub, trembling uncontrollably.
She kept hoping Eddy would call her or come back to the house so they could talk. But he didn’t.
Kiara decided that no way was she about to lose the best man that had ever happened to her, due to the worst woman that had ever happened to her.
* * *
Distraught, Nicole drove on and on until she saw a Super Walmart. It was twenty minutes till midnight; she still had time to take care of some important business. She unscrewed the cap from the bottled water that she purposely placed in the rental car earlier that day. She took a piece of tissue paper from her purse and poured a tablespoon of water on it. She removed the new gym shoes from her feet and wiped off any mud, grass, and other residue. She placed the shoes inside an empty shopping bag. Then she reached in the backseat, picked up a pair of flip-flops, and put them on her feet. She grabbed her purse and the shopping bag and went into the store.
The customer service department was about to close for the day. Nicole approached the counter, aware that all kinds of cameras were stashed in the ceiling watching her every move. She tried to look calm and act normal. Soon it was her turn.
“Hi, I want to return these shoes. Here’s the receipt.”
The cashier asked if anything was wrong with the shoes.
“No. I just don’t want them. I—” She hushed her mouth, not wanting to say too much.
“Do you want your money back in cash or on a gift card?”
“Huh? I thought I automatically get the cash, right?” She felt annoyed at that point. The lady needed to hurry. Nicole wanted to make another purchase before midnight.
The cashier completed the transaction and finally handed Nicole her refund. She hurried off to the back of the store and picked up a case of beer.
When she returned to the front of the store and stood in line, she felt fine until the cashier carded her.
“I’m over twenty-one,” she snapped.
“I know, but by law if you look like you’re under forty, I have to ask you for a valid ID.”
“That’s messed up.”
“Don’t blame me. I just work here.”
“May I see a manager?”
“Sure, but what good will that do?” The cashier glanced at her watch. “You better make up your mind about whether or not you’re going to show me ID, because I can’t sell any liquor after twelve, whether you’re forty years old or a hundred.”
“What a joke,” Nicole said under her breath. She didn’t want this woman to look at her name, see her address, or notice any info that might cause her to remember Nicole.
Reluctantly, Nicole flashed her ID. The salesclerk took a long time to review it. It was as if she was giving Nicole a hard time on purpose.
Nicole snatched back her ID, furious that the entire evening seemed to be going from bad to worse.
But once she left the store and got back in the rental car, she felt happier. At least she was able to return those gym shoes with no problem. She drove on to her apartment. As soon as she got inside, she opened the case of beer. She raised one can to her mouth and took a generous swallow. She finished off one can and quickly popped open another, and alternately drank from a bottle of whiskey that she’d already had but never finished.
Nicole felt out of control and nothing could soothe her right then except the alcohol. Her life was a mess, and regardless of all the advice given by her mother, her former best friend, and even a church woman, she had no idea how to fix things. Just that fast, she felt regretful about the vandalism, but she knew it was too late to take back her reckless actions.
She opened up the music app in her phone and began to play a K. Michelle song titled “Cry,” paying special attention to the lyrics.
With the song on repeat, Nicole heard the words in the darkness of her living room. “You understand my feelings,” she said, addressing the singer even though she knew the woman could not hear her. “You’ve been through all kinds of shit with men, just like I have. Hell, I could have written this song.”
Nicole felt woozy, like the room was spinning around. She talked to herself. “You gonna suffer for everything you did, Rashad. If you hadn’t dogged me out, I wouldn’t be here right now.” She felt love and hate for him at the same time.
“Don’t call me, either, begging for forgiveness.” Her words were slurred, but her meaning was clear. “But if you call me in the next ten, fifteen minutes, and apologize to me, we will forget any of this ever happened.”
At twelve thirty in the morning, her phone rang. Unlisted number. She thought it might be Rashad or even Ajalon.
She picked up. “Hello.”
“You sick-ass bitch.”
“Who is this?”
“Nicole, why did you come to my house, causing trouble?”
“Oh, it’s you.”
“You damn right it’s me. You must be out your motherfucking mind.”
“Watch the profanity, boss lady.”
Kiara sighed. “You are crossing lines, Nicole, dangerous lines that are about to get you in a world of trouble. Do you want another case? Another arrest? Do you?”
“Look, Kiara.” Nicole realized she did not want to get in trouble over a stupid brick. “I am sorry. But blame it on Rashad. He isn’t acting normal. And everything that’s happening is making me feel insecure.” She didn’t want Kiara to know that he’d threatened to divorce her. She had to downplay everything. “I had a stupid moment, but only because of the way he’s been acting lately.”
“I don’t care what he’s doing. Leave me the hell out of it.”
“But you see, he was fucking with my mind and he point-blank told me that he was in love with you.”
Kiara felt undone. Why was her ex going around telling people that he loved her? She felt so resentful toward Rashad that she could scream. Why couldn’t her ex-husband just remain her ex-husband? The craziness of it all was making her feel stressed.
“And,” she heard Nicole continue, “Rashad even said that you two may get back together. He said that he may buy you a bigger house than the one you already have. So, do you understand that when my husband said things to hurt me, I couldn’t help myself. Surely you can understand how things like that would make a wife feel.”
Kiara was astounded. A side chick who forgets her side-chick ways is doomed to repeat them. Rashad and Nicole truly deserved each other.
“I don’t know why he would tell you that, Nicole. That man is not completely stupid, but he does some stupid-ass shit. He’s lying. That’s all I can say. I don’t know his motives. Truly I don’t. But you can’t take him at his word. Don’t let that man drive you crazy and mess up your life. You have your child to think about. And shit, come to think of it, so do I. Nicole, I-I am so sorry for everything that’s going on with him, because he’s simply not worth it. No man is worth this type of drama. I hope you realize it and stop letting him make you do things that keep you having to apologize for your actions. So, leave me out of your mess, please. Fuck!” she yelled. And Kiara hung up.
Nicole held the phone for a long time afterward. It was an odd but badly needed conversation. So her man was lying to her. Kiara obviously did not care about Rashad, or else she would have fought for him. But she didn’t. Good. That meant that Nicole still had one more chance. She wasn’t ready to walk away simply because he thought he didn’t want her anymore. All because she shopped too much. That was so fucking dumb. If they could calm down and work things out, maybe, just maybe, they could get past the hurt and pain and petty arguing. Maybe they could find a way to love again. Take things slow. Give Nicole her dreams back and be happy again.
But, she thought as she swallowed another shot of tequila, if the dumb fuck still refuses to make up with me, I must go through with my Plan B.
By one thirty, Nicole still couldn’t fall asleep. She wiped her mouth, went and got a rag from the bathroom, wet it with soap, and wiped the tearstains from her face.
A few days ago she’d paid cash for three separate burner phones. She found her leather gloves in the hall closet. She put on the gloves and retrieved one of the phones from a kitchen drawer.
She had already warned Ajalon that she could be calling him at any time from an unfamiliar number.
At first he did not pick up. But she called him twice more before he answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ajalon, it’s me.”
Silence.
“I said, it’s Nicole. Are you busy?”
“Um, sort of.”
“Were you asleep, or did I interrupt you?”
“Um, kind of both.”
“I’m sorry. Babe, I can’t fall asleep for nothing. I am still trying to figure out what to do, you know, about my situation.”
He said nothing.
“And I wanted to talk to you.”
“Right now?”
“Yeah, is that all right?” she asked, feeling offended.
“I”—he yawned—“I am sleepy, Ni—”
It sounded as if he was about to say her name, but then he suddenly stopped.
“Are you alright, Ajalon?”
“Just sleepy. I’ve had a rough night.”
“Well, okay, sorry for bothering you. It’s just that when you make me feel like I’m something special and I call you with a problem, I don’t expect to get blown off.”
“I can talk to you much better after I get some sleep. I’m sorry. We’ll be in touch.”
“But, Ajalon.”
“Yes.”
“One more thing. I-I still haven’t made a final decision about what we talked about. But I think I will give Rashad an ultimatum. That way, based on his behavior, his future is totally up to him. If he forgives me, his life will resume. If he doesn’t forgive, his life will change. You know what I’m saying?”
“Uh, yeah. Talk later.” Then he hung up.
Nicole sighed and carefully placed the prepaid phone inside a gallon-sized zipper storage bag.
At first she went to her kitchen and tossed the plastic bag inside of a black trash bag that was already filled with garbage. But then she thought about the other items in the trash bag that would point straight at her if the contents were ever discovered: food that she’d cooked but didn’t eat, an empty soda can covered with her lipstick stains, credit card receipts that she’d carelessly thrown away, an empty bottle of her prescribed medicine with the label still attached. No. Somehow she must figure out a way to get rid of that cell phone without it being tied to her.
After first contemplating several foolish plans, Nicole ran to her bedroom closet and pulled off all her clothes. She then fiddled through the clothes on the hangers and found a black active wear top, some black shorts, and a plain navy jacket with two pockets on the side. She laced up her running shoes, put on the leather gloves, grabbed the zipper bag with the phone, and left the apartment and headed outside for the rental car. She stuffed the bag in an interior pocket of her jacket and zipped it carefully so it wouldn’t fall out. She took her time and drove over to a big neighborhood park that had a bayou alongside the walking trail. She got out of the car and began to run. She ran and thought about the things she’d do to try to keep the man whom she really loved.
This is nuts. It’s insane. But if I can convince Rashad how much I love him, I can slowly return to my right mind. I can be the woman that he needs me to be. He can give me a second chance and I promise not to blow it.
Nicole knew she looked crazy running and wearing leather gloves. But she took a moment to slow down. To her surprise she saw two teenagers standing and talking. What were they doing there? It was so late. The teens didn’t pay her any attention. So she felt it was fine to unzip her pocket, take out the plastic bag with the burner phone, and walk to the edge of the bayou. She stood next to the water. It looked deep. So she casually tossed the bag into the water and watched it disappear.
She was trembling by the time she walked back up the small incline and returned to the jogging path. The two teens stared at her curiously. She smiled and waved, then broke into a sprint. She was running again—racing toward the things that she desperately wanted.
* * *
Nicole had returned home and gone straight to bed. The next morning, when Rashad showed up outside Nicole’s apartment a little before seven, she was ready. She heard her doorbell ring. She ran and looked through the peephole and saw that it was him.
“Oh yeah, give me a minute to freshen up.”
“Hurry the fuck up, Nicole.”
She begged Rashad to give her a minute. She ran to the closet and got dressed in a red negligée and nothing else. She came and opened her front door, anxious to throw her arms around his neck. But when she saw him, he shoved her to the side and moved past her in a rage.
“You,” he said, “need to stop the bullshit. I got this crazy text from my ex about what you did last night. Leave Kiara Eason alone, okay? She’s off-limits. My kids are off-limits. Hayley is off-limits. Anything I own is not for you to toy with.”
“You own them? Are you serious?”
“They all have my name. Leave them alone. You have no right.”
“Rashad, I did it because I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you want or don’t want.”
“But baby—”
“I’m not your baby. Don’t you get it? I am done with you, Nicole. Do you really think pulling sorry shit like that would make me want you back? Make me love you?”
“But, Rashad, did you ever love me?”
Now was the time to tell the woman the truth.
“Put it like this. The morning that I was to marry you, Nicole, I felt nervous and unsure of myself. So I drank a lot. I took this pill. It was supposed to clear my head, but it made me feel sick, like I was wasted. I wanted to go straight to the ER, not to that church. But by then it was too late. I had to go through with it. Too much was on the line. So, as bad as it sounds, I married you, Nicole, for the drunken hell of it.”
Nicole rushed at Rashad with a raised fist. She had strength enough to clip the bottom of his chin. Her knuckles hit his chin bone. He moaned. Then he reeled back and squeezed her cheeks between his fingers. She watched him with wide-eyed anticipation. Furious, Rashad screamed and rammed her body against a wall. She gasped in surprise.
“Did you forget I’m pregnant?”
“Damn, this shit is messed up. Sorry,” he apologized, feeling instantly remorseful. “This isn’t even like me. I-I didn’t mean to shove you.”
“Hit me,” she told him. “Since you hate me so much, go ahead and beat my ass.”
“No, I’m not going to do that. I-I don’t hate you, Nicole. And if you believe that I do, then that’s sad.”
“Everything is sad.”
“Which is why you need to come to your senses. Forget those fantasies you have. Face the reality that we just can’t be together.”
But Nicole could not hear what he said. “It’s all right, Rashad. Let it all out, babe. I have probably stressed you out so much you can’t help but want to take things out on me. So, go ahead and hit me. Do it one time only and get it over with.”
He threw up his hands and for a rare moment he wished he could cry. But he was too exasperated to shed a single tear. He knew he had to seriously end things with her whether she wanted to accept the situation or not.
“Nicole, I will not hit you. I don’t want to. What I want is for you to get yourself some professional help. Hitting you won’t solve a thing. Go get help, dammit. Emmy needs you.”
Rashad turned and walked away. But before he went through her door one last time, he turned around. “I gave you a chance, Nicole. You blew that chance time and again. So do not blame me for wanting to divorce you. This is as much your fault as anybody’s. Yours and that Cornell Cantu’s fault or whatever the fuck his name is.”
“So you mean to tell me you want to put an end to us because you are holding a grudge against me for supposedly cheating on you?”
“No, it’s not that simple. I tried to make it work but it didn’t. And everything that happened—even the stuff before we got married—has contributed to the failure of us.”
“Rashad, listen to me, please.” For once she believed him. In her heart she knew it was over. He stared at her and waited for her to speak.
“Babe, maybe I wasn’t perfect, but at least I was sincere. I was your day one. But you, Rashad, it sounds like even before March twelfth, you pretended like you wanted to marry me. I’ve never heard of anything like this in my life. And I don’t quite know how to take it. Why use me for your stupid-ass games? My heart was involved, but you never cared. You hurt me, Rashad, and now you will know how it feels to hurt.”
“Wait, what? I did not pretend to marry you. I wanted to do it, but maybe I should have waited and thought things through. Maybe I still had love in my heart for Kiara, and if I failed you in any way, then that’s how I did it.”
“So you’re telling me that you divorced a woman you still loved?”
“I always loved her.”
“Stop. You’ve hurt me long enough. You’ll never hurt me again. I promise you that.”
He decided to shut up.
Nicole couldn’t continue.
She was done. No more pleading words for her uninterested husband. From now on, what she needed to say would be shown—through conclusive actions.
Rashad turned and left.
Her mind was made up. She grabbed a second burner phone from the drawer and placed another call to Ajalon.
“It’s me. Do what you gotta do,” she said. “Ciao.”