Did you know that, in the seventies, there was a movement to change the name of the astrological sign Cancer to eliminate the negative association with the disease of the same name? The alternative name suggested was “Moonchild.”
When you spend all your free time on the Internet searching the same few words, you wind up discovering twists befitting the puzzle magazine Settimana Enigmistica.
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Did you know that a study done by researchers in the Department of Applied Climatology of the University of Duisburg-Essen shows that one of the most carcinogenic places on earth is a church. Churches contain high levels of toxic microparticles, which are generated by candles and incense. The concentration of these substances in churches is eight times higher than outdoors, and it remains elevated until a full day after the end of Mass.
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Did you know that there are smart bras that can diagnose cancer? In clinical testing, the Breast Tissue Screening Bra attained a rate of accuracy of roughly 92 percent; it functions by monitoring temperature variations in various points of the breast. This makes it possible to identify tumors six years earlier.
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Did you know that oral sex can cause cancer? This is the oropharyngeal tumor, whose frequency has been increasing exponentially over recent years. Use of prophylactics reduces but does not eliminate the risk of infection.
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Did you know that marijuana fights cancer? In this case, we’re in the presence of a paradox: the cannabidiol that marijuana contains reduces the pain and nausea and slows the growth of the tumor cells, but the fumes produced when you smoke the marijuana contain nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, cyanides, and nitrosamines, all of which are potentially carcinogenic. The classic serpent biting its tail.
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But I never do find the news report I’ve been hunting for more than a month now: “Japanese scientists discover a new and infallible cure for tumors.”
Still, I don’t give up—somewhere out there must be a modern Leonardo da Vinci who, one fine day, will wake up and say: “Hey, guys, I just figured it out: all you need to do to cure cancer is to take two tablets of ginger, thyme, and garlic together before every meal!” Maybe the cure has always been there, right out in plain view, just like Edgar Allan Poe’s purloined letter.
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The closer I get to summer, the more Rome seems like what it once was. I feel the urge to walk. I wander around through the ghetto, then I walk down the steps to the banks of the Tiber. I sit down to watch this cloaca of a river flow through the city I love best.
And I happily smoke a joint.