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Holding the shank in my hand behind my back, I zeroed in on my victim. This felt good. Too good. The blood that was already on my hands shouldn’t have felt so damn perfect. These men. These vile human beings. They deserved everything that was given to them.
“Kill him and we’ll protect you.”
I didn’t believe those words but listened to them just the same. It wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter. It was kill or be killed and I had a woman who was pregnant with my baby to get home to. I would do anything to get back to her and unfortunately these men knew that. How they did was beyond me. But I wouldn’t put it past the mayor to let that little tidbit slip into unwanted ears.
My dad told me to keep to myself, to stay safe and not get into trouble. Keep my nose clean so to speak. But when I was jumped last week by three larger fuckers and put in the infirmary, I’d had enough.
These men needed to know that I was not one to be messed with. That I would kill them first and ask questions later.
Cross me and die.
My eyes popped open, memories of my nightmare slithering over my skin.
I placed my hand on my chest, trying to ease the racing of my heart.
Turning onto my side, I stared at Piper’s sleeping form. She was on her stomach, her head facing the other way. The covers had ridden below her ass, showing the curves of her rear that the pajama bottoms couldn’t cover.
My palm twitched, itching to reach out to her. To hold her. To tell her everything. How I felt. What I had to do to make it back to her. To tell her that I loved her.
I leaned over, placed a soft peck on her shoulder, and slid from the bed. Pulling a pair of gray sweatpants out of the bag my mom had given Piper, I slipped into them and left the bedroom.
A part of me expected Piper to want things back to the way they were. But were they even good then? I fucked her three times. Once in another country after stalking her beautiful ass, once in a bar, and the last time was in a car. Although, I probably shouldn’t have done that, she never complained.
Heading to the living room, my eyes landed on the box on the floor by the couch. Maybe I should read more of those journals, then I can get to know her better. I could figure out what she needed. What both of them needed and maybe I could figure out what I needed just the same.
Taking the box with me, I headed to Brynn’s room. I opened the door quietly and slipped inside. I never had a chance to tell Piper, but I loved the design of the room. It was warm and inviting. With a soft yellow for the walls, white furniture, and pigs of all shapes and sizes everywhere.
I smiled, my heart thumping hard at the love you could feel just by standing within the four walls.
Brynn was sleeping soundly in her crib and as much as I didn’t want to disturb her, I needed to feel her in my arms. I had heard that a baby could bond with their parent from having skin on skin contact. It was worth a shot and I was willing to try anything to help Brynn know exactly who I was.
Gently taking off her onesie without disturbing her, I lifted her in my arms. She cooed, stirring awake.
“Hey, baby girl,” I murmured, holding her against my chest.
She sighed, sucking on her soother. Her deep gray eyes fluttered closed, another sigh leaving her.
I chuckled, bringing her to the rocking chair in the corner of the room and kicking the box closer, so I could read while holding her.
Getting comfortable, I rested an ankle on the opposite knee, grabbed a journal, and began reading.
I felt the baby kick for the first time today. It was an odd feeling. Kind of like butterflies fluttering around in my belly. I was alone when it happened, so I couldn’t really celebrate with anyone. But I called up Luna and gushed and she did the same about her baby. I can’t believe we’re pregnant at the same time. I wish I could see her.
I frowned, wondering why she couldn’t see one of her best friends.
I turned the pages until I came across one that was dated after Brynn was born.
I had no idea what to name our daughter. I went on Pinterest and spent hours trying to find something unique. I came across Brynlee and fell in love. It’s perfect.
I agreed, running my hand in circles over Brynn’s back.
I hope Jaron likes it. I also hope he doesn’t mind that I gave her his last name.
My eyes widened. She didn’t.
I lowered my leg, placing Brynn on my lap on her back and searching through the box until I came across what I was looking for. Her birth certificate.
Name: Brynlee Emma Mercer
“Fucking hell,” I whispered. She did. She actually gave her my last name. I never expected it, knowing we weren’t married. It wasn’t even hyphenated with both of our names. It was my name. Only.
Picking Brynn up, I put the onesie back on her and placed her back in her crib. My feet carried me to Piper before I knew what I was doing. It was like I was looking down at myself and watching.
She was still sound asleep, but I didn’t give a shit.
Turning on the lamp, I knelt on the bed and rolled her onto her back.
Her eyes popped open. “Jaron? What’s wrong? Is it Brynlee?”
I shook my head, not sure what I wanted to do or say. Thank you was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t know how to voice it. It was stuck, the words a dead weight between us.
“Jaron?” She frowned, sitting up. “What is it?”
Instead of answering, I pulled her against me and wrapped my arms around her.
Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for giving me a daughter. Thank you for this gift that I can never repay you for.
As much as I wanted to voice my thoughts, I couldn’t, so I held her instead.
A shuddered breath left her.
Running my hands through her hair, I gently tugged her head back and stared intently into her eyes.
Something passed between us. We knew how the other felt even though we hadn’t said it yet. But those feelings suddenly turned into something more. They became dark, feral. I needed her in ways I had never felt before. It went far past just love. It became possessive, bordering on insanity. The thought of her being taken away from me left me on the verge of snapping.
“You’re scaring me,” she whispered but I knew she could feel it too. Her nipples hardened, her breathing picked up. We had always been attracted to each other, but this took on a whole other meaning.
Piper licked her lips, wetting the full pout of her mouth.
My body vibrated, my skin tightening over my muscles.
“Hey.” She ran her hands down my stomach, dropping them to my sides. “Talk to me.”
“I had a nightmare,” I finally said. “And then I went to see Brynn. I needed to hold her. I also continued reading your journals. I found the one where you gave her my last name.”
“Oh. Well, I thought it was only right. You weren’t there to help me name her and you weren’t there for anything else. I thought it was only fair. And I know...we are...we’ll be...”
“What?” I needed her words. Her feelings. I needed her to tell me that she loved me. I tightened my hold on her head. “What?” I repeated, my voice lowering.
“What’s going on? Are you mad?” She cupped my face. “Please don’t be mad.”
“Fuck, baby. I’m not mad. I’m far from being mad. I’m turned the fuck on, and I have no idea whether I should rip you open, make love to you, or go take a cold shower. It’s driving me fucking crazy because I can see your nipples through your tank top, and I can...” I closed my eyes, taking a deep inhale, the sweet scent of her desire wafting into my nose. “I can smell your pussy,” I growled.
“Oh.” Her breath caught. “I’m...sorry?”
I chuckled, leaning my forehead against hers. “I just...I need a moment.”
“Jaron.” She ran her hand over my crotch, her fingers grazing the line of my thick cock.
Another growl escaped me. “Piper.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with you but I’m here. For whenever you’re ready. You can make love to me, fuck me, rip me open...” She tilted her head back. “Whatever you want. I just want to make you happy.”
“I...” A tremor of something unknown rushed through me. Instead of taking her up on her offer, I released her and jumped off the bed. Pacing back and forth, I shoved a hand through my hair, avoiding her eyes but needing her to look at me just the same.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?”
“Fuck, Piper.” I spun on her, making her jump. I blew out a slow breath, trying to take control of the sudden rage rushing through me. What the hell was going on with me? “First off...” I took another deep breath. “You don’t need to make me happy. Do you understand?”
“What?” She shook her head, her hair brushing her shoulders with the movement. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m saying that I’m happy. I am happy. Yes, I’m fucked up. But I’m happy and no, you didn’t do anything wrong. You could never do anything wrong. I’m so fucking confused right now...I just...I need...” I didn’t know what I needed but this wasn’t right. She didn’t need to worry about making me happy because it didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. Her happiness came first and foremost. That was all I cared about. Nothing more. Nothing less. Her happiness was it.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you but you’re the one who suggested sex, Jaron.” Piper pulled the blankets up to her chest, shielding her nipples from me. A growl was on my tongue. A demand for her to not hide herself from me threatened to fall from my lips. But like the stupid ass that I was, I didn’t say shit.
“I need a moment,” I mumbled, leaving the room. Shutting the door behind me, I leaned against it and blew out a slow breath. It had been less than two days since I had been home. I thought that we would have a happy reunion and that would be it. But I was wrong. I was so very wrong.
Piper
I didn’t sleep well after Jaron left my room last night. I knew I had to have patience with him. I got it but it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt any less.
“I’m fucked up.”
He had always been grumpy, saying exactly what was on his mind, but this time was worse. He changed and I understood why. Not that I needed him to be exactly the way he was before, but I did need him to see that we were meant to be together. He told me he felt he didn’t deserve me. It made me wonder if he still felt that way.
Letting out a hard sigh, I saw that it was pushing five in the morning. Brynn would be up in a couple of hours, if she wasn’t up already.
Not being able to sleep, I quietly made my way out into the living room.
Jaron was on the couch with his arm over his eyes.
I walked up to him and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch.
He dropped his arm, staring up at me.
No words fell between us. Instead, we had a silent conversation. One that neither of us could ever say no matter how much we tried.
He rolled over onto his side.
I sat on the couch and laid down, snuggling up to him and wrapping the blanket around us.
Jaron curled his arm around my middle, pulling me tight against him. He shifted, his body becoming tense.
“What is it?” I murmured.
“Take this off,” he demanded gently, giving the hem of my tank top a tug.
I stood from the couch and stripped completely.
He pulled his sweatpants off and tossed them to the floor.
Laying back down, the tiny hairs on my body tingled when his cock pressed up against my ass. But even though we were completely naked, he never took it further.
Jaron kissed the side of my throat, letting out a soft sigh, his body finally relaxed. Brushing the back of his knuckles down my side, he ran his hand back up to just beneath my breast. He repeated the movement, as if he was committing me to memory much like I had done when I touched his face earlier. His hand moved to my stomach, his fingers leaving light feathery touches.
My body tensed that he was touching a part of me that I had become self-conscious about ever since I gave birth to Brynlee.
“This is my favorite part of you,” he murmured, his deep voice so soft, I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly. “Do you know why?”
“No,” I croaked.
“Because you grew something that belongs to both of us. That’s a part of us. Our best parts. You did something that a lot of women can’t do but wish they could. You grew another person. A baby. Our baby.” He kissed my shoulder. “I’m in awe of you, Piper.”
A hard lump formed in my throat, my eyes welling at his unexpected words. “I couldn’t have done it without everyone.”
He pulled me tighter against him, his length twitching against my ass. He grunted, reached between us, and adjusted himself. “You’re squishing my dick, babe.”
“Oh.” I laughed. “Sorry.”
He chuckled, pulling me even tighter against him.
“I thought I was squishing you.”
“It’s fine.” He hooked his arm that was under my head, around my chest. “He’s not used to having a beautiful woman pressed up against him. He’ll get over it.”
A hard laugh escaped me. “Well, tell him I’ll kiss him better if it ends up hurting too much.”
Jaron growled in my ear, his cock pushing up between the cheeks of my rear. “I think he likes that idea.”
A breathless giggle left me. “We can go to bed. Might be comfier.”
“No.” Jaron brushed his fingers down my side before gripping the back of my thigh and pushing my knee up to my chest. “You’re too far away in bed. This is better.” He pushed the tip of him up against me.
I sighed, a shiver rippling down my spine.
He was hard where I was soft.
“Jaron.” As soon as his name left my mouth, he thrust into me. I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying out. “God.”
“Shhh...” He kissed my cheek and pulled my leg over his waist, but he didn’t move. “I know you feel insecure about the added weight from the pregnancy. But you are beautiful, Piper, and I still want you. I will always want you.”
I loved and hated when he spoke to me while he was fucking me. It was like as soon as he slipped into my body, all of the truths were revealed because he was right. He said it before, and I was sure he would say it again. Sex was the most vulnerable position. For us anyway. Because as much as we had trouble talking, we spoke with our bodies.
“Tell me you don’t feel how hard I am right now, Piper.” His mouth brushed along the length of my neck. “Tell me you can’t feel every vein, every ridge, every fucking pulse. My heart beats for you, baby, and I know you can feel that beat in my cock.”
An unexpected release hit me. I gasped, arching against him, my thighs shaking as the orgasm rippled through me.
Under normal circumstances, I was sure that I would be embarrassed over the fast release, but the growl that left from somewhere deep inside Jaron shoved the embarrassment away.
Jaron slipped out from beside me and turned me onto my stomach, all the while keeping his body connected with mine. He fisted my hair, sinking his teeth into my shoulder.
Our fingers joined, linking together as we spoke a silent confession.
“Your body knows that it was made for me, Piper.” He kissed my temple. “Now I just have to remind the rest of you.”
***
After we finally fell asleep with Jaron still inside me, I woke a few hours later alone on the couch. Grabbing my clothes, I trudged to my bedroom but not before I heard Jaron in Brynlee’s room. I peeked through the door that was slightly ajar, finding him sitting in the corner in the rocking chair with her on his lap. He was reading her a story. My heart warmed at the sight before me. Not wanting to interrupt their little moment, I went to the bathroom.
Once I was done taking a quick shower, I got dressed. Deciding on something comfortable, I ended up choosing gray leggings and a dark green long tank top that hid some of the baby weight I still carried around the middle.
My body still burned over the words Jaron had said a few hours ago. He still wanted me. He would always want me. A part of me knew that I had nothing to worry about when it came to his attraction to me, but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t concerned any less. I had been skinny before having Brynlee. Maybe too skinny at times. It wasn’t like I never ate. My metabolism hadn’t caught up with me yet clearly.
Throwing my hair up into a messy bun, I gave myself a once-over in the full-length mirror sitting in the corner of the room. I had started doing home workouts while Brynn napped, and I did some short runs while pushing her in the stroller. But it still didn’t stop me from feeling insecure about my curves.
Although Jaron looked at me like he wanted to devour me whole, I was still nervous to be naked around him.
Leaving my room and heading to the kitchen, I was swiping lip gloss along my lips when I was stopped short by Jaron feeding Brynn.
His head popped up, his gaze flicking my way. They roamed down the length of me, the deep gray orbs, darkening even more.
My heart fluttered. I looked down at myself. Was I not presentable? When I met his stare again, I lifted my chin defiantly.
He smirked, gave me a wink, and went back to feeding our daughter.
I huffed, heading into the kitchen to make some coffee.
“Coffee’s made,” he called out, his voice rough.
“Oh.” The heavenly aroma wafted into my nose. “Thank you.” I made myself a coffee and joined him at the table. He was feeding Brynn breakfast, dishing a spoonful of the grape jelly baby food that even I loved tasting from time to time, into her mouth.
She smiled at me, her face a mess while she played with what was in her mouth and slapped her hands against the tray of the highchair.
I kissed her head before sitting at the chair across from her.
“I made her a bottle,” Jaron said, still not looking at me. “Did you know that shit is fucking disgusting?”
“You tasted it?” I asked, my eyes widening.
He looked my way then. “I did. I wanted to know what I was putting in my baby girl’s belly. We need better food for her.”
“I...I really have no idea what to say.”
“Have you tried it?”
“I have. Breast milk tastes better,” I told him, still finding it hard to believe that he actually tasted her formula.
He placed the dish on the table in front of him. “How long did you breast feed her for?”
“For the first three months but I dried up pretty quickly. I did what I could, but she wasn’t getting the nutrients she needed, so I put her on formula. There is better tasting stuff out there, but I haven’t been able to find it. There’s so many different kinds, it’s unreal.” Shame weighed heavily on my shoulders that I couldn’t give her the best of the best.
“Really?” His eyes burned into me, setting my heart a flutter.
“I had it the once when someone gave it to me as part of a present for my baby shower but ever since, I haven’t been able to restock because the stores around here don’t carry it,” I explained. “People have offered to go to another city to try and find it, but the company changed the name, and I can’t seem to locate it anywhere.”
“We’ll find it. If I have to go to another damn country, I’ll get it for Brynlee. I’ll order it online if I have to and try every single type of formula until we find the right one. Alright?”
I nodded quickly, a flush of heat washing over my skin at how he had claimed her as his and so quickly.
“Good girl.”
Those two words made my body burn even more.
Clearing my throat, I picked my mug up off the table and headed back into the kitchen where I could drink my coffee in peace. Although Jaron never followed me, my thoughts sure did.
Passion. Lust. Fear.
I was scared of the feelings I had for him because I knew that I would rather he fuck me than talk about our problems. It wasn’t normal. None of this was.
A warm body came up behind me. Jaron reached around me, placing his mug on the counter beside mine. He didn’t touch me, but he was standing so close, he might as well have. My skin tingled, my body vibrating with want. With need.
“Cyrus and Sammy are coming over for supper on Friday,” Jaron said, his voice taking on that delicious rasp whenever he was on the verge of losing control.
My throat went dry. All I could do was nod.
With a shaky hand, I poured some more coffee into my mug. “What was your nightmare about last night?” That was a safe topic at least and it would get my mind off of all the things I wanted him to do to me.
“Shit I had to do to survive, baby.” His voice took on a low dangerous timbre. He trailed his finger down my arm, a path of goosebumps following it.
“But you did it.”
“I did what?”
I took a chance and turned in his arms, staring up at him. “You survived.”
His jaw ticked. It did that whenever he was pissed or thinking about something serious.
I reached up, running my fingers along the muscle, the beating of it in tune with my heart.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“I have to get Brynn cleaned up,” he murmured, closing the final space between us. “But I want you to remember.”
I let out a soft sigh at feeling him pressed up against me. “I remember.”
“Do you?” He stared down at me.
I looked away, fidgeting under his scrutiny.
“No.” He gripped my jaw in a rough move, forcing me to meet his dark eyes. “Tell me that you remember that we belong together. That I’m not going anywhere. That you need me and that I need you. Tell me, Piper.”
“I remember,” I gritted out. “I also remember your dirty and filthy words. Your delicious way that you like to use me to make you feel better. Your need to dominate—”
Brynn took that moment to start crying. She usually fussed right after eating. I was surprised she waited this long to interrupt us.
I shoved out of Jaron’s grip and stepped around him. No matter what happened or how much we fought, he was my safe place. He pissed me off, turned me on, and treated me like I was the only thing that mattered.
“Cyrus and Sammy used to come over for supper once a month,” I told him, grabbing a cloth to clean up Brynn. “We would talk about you and they would fill me in on everything they could. Sammy also told me that he tried convincing you to let me come and see you. But you never agreed.”
“I didn’t want those bastards seeing you. It’s bad enough I have to deal with friends who fucked you and probably wish they were still fucking you.”
I stared up at him, scanning his face. “You can’t seriously be jealous. I gave birth to your kid, Jaron.” I could feel the rage burning through me and I waited for it to blow, but luckily for us both, his next words stopped that from happening.
“No, I’m not jealous.” Jaron leaned down until he was eye level with me. “You want to know why? Because you gave birth to my baby. I’m the only man you’ve let fuck you without a condom and I went to Paris for you.”
“I never asked you to do that.” He couldn’t possibly be blaming me for something I never suggested.
“I know that,” he said, his voice rough. “Fuck, Piper.” He pulled away from me and leaned against the wall opposite me. “Listen, I went to Paris because I needed to know that what I felt for you wasn’t just one-sided.”
“Really?”
“I did. When I told Cyrus and Sammy why we were going to Paris, they jumped on the idea. I only told them that I was going after you and they never asked any more questions. Even Sammy, and he hates the idea of a relationship. Or he did at the time anyway.” Jaron ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a huff. “What I’m saying is that,” he took a step toward me, “it’s you and me against the world, baby. I knew this would be hard, but I didn’t realize just how hard.” And that was the most honest thing he had said since he had been home.
“Do you think we’d still be here if you never went to Paris?”
He tilted his head, thinking a moment. “I’m not sure,” he finally said. “I’d like to say that if it was meant to be, which I know it was, then we would be here whether I went to Paris or not but maybe we’d have a harder time of it. Or you would be with someone else and so would I. But I’d like to take you back to Paris one day.”
“Since it started it all,” I finished for him.
“Exactly.” He closed the distance between us and placed a soft peck on my mouth. “It started everything.”
I cupped the back of his neck when he went to pull away and tugged him down harder, needing to feel him against me.
“Listen, I’ll go to the grocery store and grab some new formula,” Jaron murmured against my lips. “Anything else you need? What did you want for supper?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if we could go out for dinner, but I hadn’t been out in so long, just the idea of being around people, sent a nervous flutter racing through me. Maybe over time that could happen.
“What is it?” he asked, tilting his head.
“I just...I want to go on that date.” My face burned at my confession.
He gave me a small smile.
Much to my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me, pushing his face into the crook of my neck like he always did.
“I want to go on that date too, baby,” he whispered.
My heart stuttered. Returning the embrace, I pulled him tighter. “You do?”
“Yes.” His mouth found the side of my throat, placing a soft peck there.
I sighed, wishing we could stay like this forever. Just him, Brynn, and I but I knew we would have to face reality sooner than later.
Jaron leaned back, cupping my face and placing a soft kiss on my forehead.
My eyes fluttered closed.
“We’ll get through this.” His voice was soft. “I promise we will.”
I believed him. I had to. We had to take this one day at a time. While we needed to talk some more, for the moment, I just wanted to give Brynn a bath and snuggle with her while watching some mindless show on TV for the day.
While I got Brynn ready for her bath, I made it a mission to find out everything I could about Jaron. What his hobbies were. Did he have a job? His mom had told me that he worked for his Aunt Zillah at her auto repair shop but that was all I knew. His hands weren’t stained with grease from a car. Not like Shade’s hands.
“Hey, baby girl. Are you ready for a bath?” I lifted Brynn out of her highchair, getting a babble of baby chatter. I laughed at whatever it was she was trying to tell me.
Before I could bring Brynn to the bathroom, Jaron kissed my cheek and placed a peck on her head.
He kissed me one last time before leaving the house.
My stomach fluttered.
Placing Brynn back in her highchair, my feet carried me to the door before I could stop myself. Groceries could wait. I needed him. This was more important.
“Jaron,” I called out before he could get in the car.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, closing the driver’s side door.
I ran up to him and threw myself around his middle, hoping for the moment that it was enough.
“Piper.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, hugging me against him.
“I never told you to drive safe.” I grabbed the collar of his hoodie and pulled him down to meet my mouth. “And I also wanted to tell you that you don’t have to go now. We can go together in a few days.”
Jaron hugged me tighter, every hard line of his body pushing up against me.
I leaned back, cupping his cheek.
“I should go. I won’t be too long.”
I nodded but we stood there like that for a few minutes, just staring at each other.
“The sooner I go, the sooner I can get back to you, baby,” he whispered.
My heart stuttered. I kissed him one last time before pulling away and running back to the house.
When I reached the front door, I looked back at him.
Jaron stood there, staring at me. He lifted his hand, giving me a small wave.
I blew him a kiss and headed back into the house. With my back to the door, I let out a slow breath, a small smile creeping on my face.
***
