RUNNING OUTSIDE, DOWN the steps, I spilled onto Fifth Avenue, gulping down the putrid night air full of awful synthetic perfumes, sweat, kebab meat, and stale hot-dog water. I took it all in—anything to drown out his scent.
It wasn’t until I reached the park, the safety of the trees, when I felt like I could breathe again.
“Ash, slow down. I can’t run that fast.” I heard Beth trailing after me.
“How did you—”
“Dane told me where to find you, said you needed me.”
Reaching for the comfort of the ribbon, I panicked when I realized it must’ve fallen off somewhere, but I wasn’t about to go back for it. Good riddance. “You can’t help me, Beth. No one can help me. You should’ve stayed at the party. You don’t want to be around me right now.”
“Don’t be silly. I belong with you. I told you that. Until the end.”
A shiver of pain rushed through me. Suddenly, I knew what she meant. It wasn’t until the end of my life, because that day would never come. It was until the end of hers. One day, I would be all alone, nothing but this ache in my bloodstream to keep me company. The thought was unbearable. I’d wasted a year of Beth’s life, and for what? Rhys was still missing, on some immortal killing spree; I was crazier than ever; and Dane still had his hooks in me. I slumped to the ground under a massive oak.
Beth settled next to me, but didn’t say a word.
“Rhys is in trouble,” I finally admitted as I grabbed a rock, scratching a symbol in the earth. A circle with a cross in the middle. The alchemy symbol for chaos. “Dane told me Rhys has teamed up with Spencer. They’re using his blood to kill immortals, and now the immortals are trying to kill him.”
“Oh,” Beth said, but she didn’t seem that surprised.
“Dane said he can help me find him, if I come to Spain and pretend to be Katia, but there’s something I don’t understand. Dane has my blood. And I can definitely feel him. You have my blood, and I feel you. Rhys not only has my blood, but we’re twins, for God’s sake. Why can’t I feel him? When I reach out for him . . . all I feel is . . . numb.”
“Maybe that’s how Rhys feels right now,” Beth said softly. “Lost. I know what Spencer’s like . . . what he did to Dane . . . to me. Who knows what kind of lies he’s feeding him to make him do this. But if Dane says he can help, I believe him.”
The dark feeling rose to the surface of my skin. I tried to rub it from my arms, but it was no use. It felt like it was in my bones now.
“You don’t trust him?”
“I don’t know if I can trust anything about how I feel anymore,” I said. “It’s Dane. I could feel him in tiny gestures—the way he touched me, his posture, his gait—but there were other things that didn’t feel quite right.”
“You’ve been hurt before, but you can’t let that stop you from experiencing love.”
“Beth.” I let out a deep sigh. “That’s a line from the Facts of Life episode we watched last night.”
“See, I told you Mrs. Garrett gives great advice.”
“I don’t think you get it. There was a moment when I asked him about Rhys, and his muscles tensed. And I knew he was hiding something from me. I called him on it and he came clean, said he was only trying to protect me.” I clenched the rock in my fist. “But what if that’s a lie, too? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
“Oh, that’s good. That must be another Mrs. Garrett line.”
“No, it’s . . . never mind.” I scraped away the symbol in the dirt. “It’s deeper than getting my heart broken. Ever since Quivira, I’ve felt something simmering in me. A darkness. I don’t know how to explain it, but seeing him did something to me. Awoke something in me. Whatever’s inside of me, it feels like it wants us to be together.”
“Like hormones?” Beth asked.
“Maybe. I don’t know,” I said as I threw the stone into the brush. “But being around him feels like a drug. And unfortunately, there’s not a twelve-step program for ‘I gave my sacred blood to a guy I’d known for seven days and now we’re blood bound for all eternity.’ I don’t even know what to call him, Dane? Coronado?”
“Danado.” Beth let out a gentle sigh.
“What?”
“That’s how I like to think of him. He’s a Dane and Coronado sandwich.” She shrugged. “A Danado.”
It started so small, a tiny tickle in the back of my throat. I tried to clamp down the feeling, but it spread through my head, my limbs, my chest. A lightness I hadn’t felt in months. “Dañado?” I burst out laughing. “Do you know what that means in Spanish?”
“Does it mean hump-able?” she asked.
“No.” I was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face. “It means ‘damaged.’”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“No. It’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect.” The laughing died down, but the tears continued to flow.
As scattered and spacey as Beth was, I envied her. The way she saw the good in everything. “I wish I could give you my immortality. You’d use it to make a difference in the world. All I’ve done so far is amass a shit ton of gold and wallow in agony like some bitter spinster.”
When Beth didn’t reply, I glanced over to find her staring off into the distance, a hazy smile across her face, her palms held out in front of her. “It’s snowing,” she murmured.
“Beth? Are you okay?”
“But it’s not cold,” she said as she got up and started twirling around.
That’s when I realized she was having a vision.
“And we’re all together again. Like we were in Quivira.”
“Where, Beth—where are we?”
“There’s trees with silvery leaves and a big stone house.”
“When?” I squeezed her shoulders. “When is this going to happen?”
She blinked hard, before focusing in on my face. “I don’t know, but we’re going to find him. We’re all going to be together,” she said with an excited giggle.
I grabbed her and hugged her tight. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, but I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming with me, sticking by me all this time.”
“You’re stronger than your blood,” she said, sending a chill across my skin.
“How did y—my mother used to say that.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Beth shrugged. “She talks to me sometimes.”
“Wait. What do you mean talks to you?”
“Most of the time she just tells me where to find wooden spoons and such.”
It pained me to think of my mother in this moment, but maybe it was a sign. I’m the same girl who tracked her mother across the country. Survived a hostile takeover from a vengeful ancestor. I could make gold. Dane was immortal because of me. Because I chose to give it to him. The old Ash was still a part of me. Yes, there’s loss and grief and heartache and despair and so much darkness, but there’s also love and determination and faith. I have to believe we’re going to find my brother. I have to believe that I can be around Dane without losing myself. I’m stronger than my blood. I have to be—for Rhys, for Beth, for myself, and for all the Larkin girls who’ve fallen before me.
I’m scared. But that’s how I know I’m still alive inside.
Beth’s backpack began to buzz. She opened it, revealing mounds of sweets she must’ve lifted from the party. Digging through cookies and cake, she pulled out her phone, answering it.
“Are you with Ash?” Timmons’s frantic voice boomed. “Is she okay?”
“We’re fine and dandy,” Beth replied.
“Why is the connection so bad . . . where are you? I can barely hear you.”
“Oh, it’s frosting,” Beth said as she licked it off the microphone. “Is that better?”
“Timmons?” I grabbed the phone.
“Ash, thank God. I just received a call from Dane Coronado, from your cell phone.”
I checked my pockets and then I remembered the Arcanum guards had confiscated it. “Of course you did.” I rolled my eyes.
“Everything he said checks out. I’ve looked into it and Spencer Mendoza is on the surveillance footage from the murders we’ve been tracking. He must be delivering Rhys’s blood to the victims.”
“We have to find Rhys before the other immortals do. The council—”
“Dane explained everything. He has a private plane waiting at the airport. Should I tell him we’re on our way?” Timmons asked.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t know if I could really trust Danado, but this was Rhys we were talking about. And Dane was my best shot at finding him right now.
“I’ll go . . . I’ll hear him out. But I’m not riding on a plane owned by the Arcanum. If I’m doing this, it has to be on my own terms. I’m calling the shots from now on.”