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Now it was me who would be the cause of loud pounding on a hotel room door. After the gravity of the situation sunk in I tossed my phone aside and stormed over to Hayden’s suite beside me. I didn’t care one bit what I would have to resort to now. It had officially gone too far. As soon as Hayden opened the door, I shoved him back and stormed in with my face scrunched in anger.
“What the hell?” Hayden said in complete shock.
“How could you do it?!” I rounded on him, hot tears streaming down my face. I was furious and devastated all at once.
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, please!” I yelled and began to stomp toward him. He stepped back and held his hands in front of him. That was when I realized what I had just done when I entered his room, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I stepped away and curled my fists tightly, resisting the urge to make a mess of his room. “Don’t act innocent. Just give it up, Hayden. I can’t believe you’d stoop so low. It’s too much, even for you.”
“Listen,” Hayden said, quickly trying to calm the situation down, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I scoffed. I reached down for my phone only to realize I wasn’t only in pajamas, but I had left it in my room. I whipped my head around to see his phone on the surface of the nightstand and without a second thought I stomped over to get it. “What the fu–“
“Shut up! Just wait,” I yelled before shoving the phone roughly into his hand so he could see the headlines and articles with his own eyes. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped when he looked at me.
“Just stop!” I cried out, “Your game is everywhere but you still resorted to this just to gain more publicity. I really can’t believe you.” My chest heaved with every breath I took.
Hayden stared at me. He was still in shock. “Ali, I really had nothing to do with this. I swear.”
I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, replaying his last statements in my mind. He sounded so honest. And he looked genuinely shocked when I showed him the articles. Was it possible he was telling the truth? I opened my eyes and met his gaze trying to pull the answer out from the depths of his light blue gaze. Something in my gut told me he was sincere. I practically ran out of his suite feeling completely embarrassed and totally mixed up inside.
I went quickly back to my room and locked the door before burying my head in the bunched up blankets on the bed. To say I was upset would be an understatement.
I drew in a deep breath and looked up and out the window to see the most gorgeous view I had ever seen before. It was the first time I had actually looked out of the window. It was a spellbinding mountain view. I stood up to trudge over to the window and look out at the view. My gaze traced over the beautiful greenery with the mountain peaks poking out behind. Gorgeous white clouds peacefully drifted about in the sky.
I knew what I had to do– I needed to clear my mind before coming up with a plan. All of my negative emotions needed to be mellowed out before I could do anything else. So I got dressed and packed up my small backpack before walking out of the lodge to go see the ruins of Machu Picchu alone.
Sometime later, after struggling to clear my mind, I finally arrived at the Sacred Plaza of Machu Picchu. The numerous tourists surrounding me made absolutely no difference in how I felt. I was alone all the same. Every thought I had came with an avalanche of emotions I couldn’t sort through.
I took a long drink of water and shut my eyes, trying to focus all my energy on the feel of the air on my skin. I wasn’t on level land in a familiar place. I was in a historical area, far removed from anything I knew, completely alone. For once, I thought maybe it wasn’t so bad to be completely alone. Being alone meant I didn’t have to be stared at for looking like Via Mace. It also meant I didn’t have to offer any sort of explanation about anything or try to keep calm during an argument. It was liberating, really. That was the sort of thing I had hoped for when I decided to trek to the ruins of Machu Picchu on my own. Although I hadn’t come to the destination as a tourist, I was still enjoying the sort of magic a place like this could have.
My eyes roved over the peaks of the neighboring mountains enshrouding the area. I looked around at the panorama, clouds hanging low like fog blanketing the peaks of the highest mountains. The weathered stone structures were a testament to their strength and age. I felt so small, but so hopeful at the same time. I was placed in the middle of something so much bigger than myself, but it brought me the reassurance that I could weather the storm.
Perhaps it was the clarity that came with the long trek and physical exertion, or maybe it was being surrounded by such beauty with deep cultural and historical roots, but I had finally calmed down. I knew going back to the real world, which started at the lodge, would bring back a lot of my feelings. But now I felt better able to deal with them. I walked forward and made my way through the ruins of stone buildings until I felt as if I was on the edge of the world. I stared at the view from the Sacred Plaza and down into the abyss off the mountain. My moment of clarity and silence was interrupted by a familiar voice calling my name.
I turned to see none other than my old college friend Ferris David! His goofy smile hadn’t changed over the years, but he had certainly grown into his features, fiery red hair one of his strongest selling points. I waved at him slowly, still wondering if he was really there. After all, what were the odds?
“Wow,” he said as he approached me. He was as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “Ali, of all people to run in to! And of all places! Unbelievable!”
“That sounds awfully familiar,” I joked, referencing one of his band’s famous lyrics.
His goofy smile softened into one of someone who was touched. “You remember,” he said.
“Of course I do,” I responded, finally meeting his gaze. My stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t know how to take this chance meeting, with Ferris of all people.
He told me his band The Close Callers had performed there a few days ago as we looked at the beauty surrounding us. We made small talk on how spectacular the location was, but it didn’t last long. There was something he wanted to say to me, but he was holding back. I prodded, against my better judgment.
“You know I messaged you that day for a reason.” I nodded. I knew exactly what day he was referring to. “The moment I saw Via Mace I knew it was you.” I looked at him and made a face of protest so he shook his head and quickly added, “In looks, Ali. Even you can’t deny she looks exactly like you. Then when I saw her dimple, that same dimple you have on your right cheek, it triggered something. All the old feelings I had for you back in college came rushing back.”
“Ferris.” I wasn’t sure how to respond to him. Of course I had known he had a crush on me back then—we had almost dated, for goodness sake. I never knew how deep his feelings had run, much less for how long. But he was letting me know now. It was odd, but I was finding comfort in it. Ferris was someone who had known me for years and Via Mace had done nothing to taint the way he looked at me. If anything, it had made his feelings come back to life just as strong or even stronger than they had been in the past. It was refreshing and touching.
“You don’t have to say anything to that, Ali. Just that seeing you and being here together, even if by chance, made me feel like I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to confess all of this to you.”
Without knowing why I was doing it, I stepped forward and hugged Ferris. “It has been so hard to deal with all this,” I confessed, lips brushing against his chest.
Ferris drew his arms around me and pulled me in close. “I know,” he muttered. “You were thrust into the spotlight without ever asking for it. Me? I chased it, at least in a sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful for the success of the band. Music has always been my passion and we’re one of the lucky few bands to hit it big. But it is hard to go around never knowing when you’ll be left alone.”
I pulled back and looked into his eyes. Of course Ferris knew how this felt. Being that we had kept in touch over so many years I mostly forgot he was in a famous band. I guess I never registered it fully. We rarely got to hang out because he was in the studio or on tour. But in my mind, he was just Ferris David from college. He was the only person I was close to who could understand what I was experiencing. I could tell him everything I felt about the pitfalls of stardom, no matter the source of it, and he would get it. He was absolutely right; I had never asked for any of this. I had been shoved into an incredibly bright limelight crudely out of the blue and now it had rained down a torrent of bad news for me.
“What is it?” Ferris asked, as if he could see my mind racing.
As a single tear slid slowly down my cheek I realized he couldn’t see the chain of thoughts racing through my head, but he could see the effects of them. Without holding back, I told him everything that was on my mind before burying my head in his chest and weeping silently.
It was the first time I had cried since the whole ordeal had started. I had no idea it would be so therapeutic for me. After my little outpour, the two of us were locked in a tight embrace for a while, just taking solace in each other’s understanding.
