THE LAST WORDS

THE FAME GAME – A SELECTION OF QUOTES

‘So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?’ – Christina Aguilera

‘I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying’ – Woody Allen

‘There are two types of actors: those who say they want to be famous and those who are liars’ – Kevin Bacon

‘I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet’ – David Beckham

‘You would think a rock star being married to a supermodel would be one of the greatest things in the world. It is’ – David Bowie

‘Talking about art is like dancing about architecture’ – David Bowie

‘Fame means when your computer modem is broken, the repair guy comes out to your house a little faster’ – Sandra Bullock

‘My favourite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail’ – Steve Buscemi

‘I love England, especially the food – there is nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta’ – Naomi Campbell

‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff’ – Mariah Carey

‘One day there may be a wife, but for now I’m just interviewing for the position’ – 50 Cent

‘The problem with beauty is that it’s like being born rich and getting poorer’ – Joan Collins

‘I admit I’m being paid well, but it’s no more than I deserve. After all, I’ve been screwed more times than a hooker’ – Sean Connery

‘I haven’t done anything particularly harsh. Harshness to me is giving somebody false hopes and not following through. That’s harsh. Telling some guy or some girl who’s got zero talent that they have zero talent actually is a kindness’ – Simon Cowell

‘I don’t worry about image. I don’t know what that is. I’m just myself’ – Tom Cruise

‘I am the Fred Astaire of karate’ – Jean-Claude Van Damme

‘Who the **** said that? Oh man. I want to live the life I read about. I’ve never even met Anna’ – Matt Damon, on rumours tennis beauty Anna Kournikova had pole-danced for him

‘I don’t like to watch my own movies. I fall asleep in my own movies’ – Robert De Niro

‘After a while you learn that privacy is something you can sell, but you can’t buy it back’ – Bob Dylan

‘Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home’ – David Frost

‘I hate ridiculous names; my weird name has haunted me all my life’ – Peaches Geldof

‘My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit’ – Jerry Hall

‘There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me’ – David Hasselhoff

‘It’s funny how most people love the dead. Once you’re dead you’re made for life’ – Jimi Hendrix

‘What’s WalMart, do they sell like wall stuff?’ – Paris Hilton on the American supermarket chain

‘Me and Janet really are two different people’ – Michael Jackson

‘I think everyone who says they don’t like watching themselves in movies should stop lying’ – Samuel L. Jackson

‘You know, obviously, I have this sort of strange animal magnetism. It’s very hard for me to take my eyes off myself’ – Mick Jagger

‘I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don’t want to be an old hag. There’s no fun in that’ – Scarlett Johansson

‘Madonna, best f***ing live act? F**k off! Since when has lip-synching been live? Anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you’ve paid £75 to see them should be shot. That’s me off her Christmas card list, but do I give a toss? NO!’ – Elton John

‘Everyone in Hollywood is either not drinking alcohol because of their diet, or is a reformed alcoholic, or is in rehab. Hollywood is just so boring’ – Catherine Zeta Jones

‘If you wanted to torture me, you’d tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos’ – Jon Bon Jovi

‘In my films my breasts are definitely computer animated, because I don’t have any. They spend most of the money in the film’s budget just making my breasts. That’s why producers never like me’ – Milla Jovovich

‘I’m allergic to drugs. They bring me out in handcuffs’ – Robert Downey Jr

‘Well, I can wear heels now’ – Nicole Kidman on life after Tom Cruise

‘Hook me up with a great photographer, a clever stylist and an expert retoucher, and together we create a beautiful illusion’ – Heidi Klum

‘I’m kind of ashamed to be a celebrity. I don’t understand wanting to read about other people’s dirty laundry. I think celebrity is the biggest red herring society has ever pulled on itself’ – Jude Law

‘I curse like a sailor, I show my boobs, I’m a rock star and I smoke like hell’ – Courtney Love

‘I saw losing my virginity as a career move’ – Madonna

‘Being naked on set is like swimming naked – it makes you feel powerful’ – Ewan McGregor

‘If you want to get the girl, tell them you’re gay. That’s my advice’ – Sir Ian McKellen

‘The whole business is built on ego, vanity, self-satisfaction, and it’s total crap to pretend it’s not’ – George Michael

‘It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland’s daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years – except they had little to do with being a child’ – Liza Minnelli

‘I don’t try to be a sex bomb. I am one’ – Kylie Minogue

‘Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul’ – Marilyn Monroe

‘I can honestly say all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o’clock in the morning dressed in a woman’s evening dress sober’ – Ozzy Osbourne

‘Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills’ – Dolly Parton

‘It makes you feel permanently like a girl walking past construction workers’ – Brad Pitt (on fame)

‘Prince Charles asked me if I was in the original Star Wars. I was like, “What are you smoking?”’ – Natalie Portman

‘I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman’ – Arnold Schwarzenegger

‘Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy’ – Frank Sinatra

‘People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars’ – Anna Nicole Smith

‘If you haven’t turned rebel by 20, you’ve got no heart; if you haven’t turned establishment by 30, you’ve got no brains!’ – Kevin Spacey

‘The movies are weird. You actually have to think about them when you watch them’ – Britney Spears on the Sundance Film Festival

‘My biggest nightmare is I’m driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say, ‘Please help me.’ And the people say, ‘Hey, you look like …’ And I’m dying while they’re wondering whether I’m Barbra Streisand’ – Barbra Streisand

‘People ask me if I went to film school. And I tell them, “No, I went to films”’ – Quentin Tarantino

‘I, along with the critics, have never taken myself very seriously’ – Elizabeth Taylor

‘I kiss people with my soul. I don’t kiss them with my mouth’ – Justin Timberlake

‘In three movies I was overweight. And they all made 100 million, so I knew people weren’t coming to see my body’ – John Travolta

‘When I was in prison, I was wrapped up in all those deep books. That Tolstoy crap – people shouldn’t read that stuff’ – Mike Tyson

‘These are two consonants and a vowel I’m very proud of’ – Carol Vorderman on being awarded an MBE

‘I want to be like David Bowie or Iggy Pop and I’m more like Norman Wisdom’ – Robbie Williams

‘Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet’ – Robin Williams

‘All my life I have always known I was born to greatness’ – Oprah Winfrey