38

Marta

It has been over a week, and although she has spoken to Liddy on the phone, this will be the first time they have seen each other since the accident. Liddy is enduring the worst days of her life, and Marta assumes that the woman who will come through the door will be a very different Liddy than the one she has known.

Marta is different also. Isolation and fear and unbearable longing will do that to a person. There are only a dozen apartments in Jason’s building, and they agreed that she should stay inside his place as much as possible. If ICE or the police come around, it will be best if the other tenants have no knowledge of her. This means she is a captive inside his small rooms.

The apartment is what Jason said is called railroad-style. There are three rooms back-to-back, and there is very little natural light. The front door opens into a small living room, filled with furniture too large for it, and there are two tiny windows facing an alley. The kitchen follows, with no windows at all. The bedroom is reached through the kitchen and has three windows, but they look onto the brick exterior of the building next door. Jason apologized for the lack of amenities, but Marta just laughed. She has been living in far worse conditions.

Jason leaves by six in the morning and often does not come home until ten at night. He is careful to stay out of her way. She tries to do the same, but this is difficult, as she has not been outside since she arrived that horrible night, and she works doggedly on her dissertation in his living room to muffle her fears. Her first draft is almost complete, and she is aware her time in Jason’s apartment is limited. As are her options. Perhaps she should return to Metropolis. Or take her chances with a judge. She searches for a premonition to guide her, but una hija is not there. Nor is una hija available for Liddy, both their futures dark and unknowable.

The intercom beeps, and Marta hurries to push the button. She opens the door at Liddy’s knock, but stays hidden until Liddy enters the room and she can close it behind her. Marta and Liddy lock eyes for a long moment, then they grab each other, press themselves together. They cry, then laugh, then cry again. Liddy’s tears take longer to subside.

Marta leads her to the couch and then goes into the bathroom to wet a washcloth with cold water and grab a box of tissues. She has no idea how Liddy will bear this. Witnessing Garrett’s fall. Feeling responsible for his condition. Being a mainstay for her children. Tolerating police suspicions and the media’s devotion to dramatic speculation. Spending days at the hospital, pretending she cares about a man whom she despises.

“Please lie down, Lid.” Marta gently tips Liddy so that her head rests on the soft arm of the couch and her legs are stretched out on the cushions. Marta presses the washcloth over Liddy’s eyes. Liddy has been strong for everyone else, and now Marta must be strong so that Liddy does not have to be. “There,” she murmurs. “This will make you feel better.”

Liddy does not respond.

Marta is horrified by Liddy’s appearance. She has lost at least ten pounds, and her beautiful cheekbones are so starkly defined under her pale skin that she appears otherworldly. “I will go make us some tea,” she says. “I have asked Jason to buy a box of your lemon ginger.”

“Good old Jason . . .” Liddy hiccups and tries to laugh, but it turns into a sob. “I’m sure I’m all cried out, but then it seems there’s always more.”

Marta kisses her on the forehead. “I am right here. I am with you.” When her words make Liddy cry harder, Marta adds, “If this is the way you feel about it, then I am not here. I am leaving. I am going to the kitchen.”

Liddy raises her arm and grabs Marta’s hand. “Just make sure you don’t go any farther.”

When Marta returns with two steaming mugs in her hands, Liddy has removed the washcloth and stopped crying, although her eyes are still closed and her breathing is ragged. Marta puts the tea on the coffee table, sits, and then lifts Liddy’s legs, placing them on her own lap. “You look like hell,” she tells Liddy.

Liddy opens one eye. “You don’t look so great yourself.”

“I am still glad to see you.”

“Me too.”

When Liddy says nothing else, Marta asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do I have to?”

“No.” Marta raises Liddy’s hand, turns the palm upward, and kisses it. “We can be quiet, or you can talk about something else.”

“Is there anything else to talk about?”

“There is always the weather.”

“I haven’t even noticed.” Liddy pushes herself up on one arm and looks out the small window overlooking the alley. “Still winter,” she says.

“Would you like to talk about the results of my multivariate regression analyses?”

“Maybe later,” Liddy says with a small smile.

“How about my varimax rotation?” Marta asks, encouraged by Liddy’s response.

“They’re almost certain he’s going to lose the use of the lower half of his body.”

“Oh,” is all Marta can say. “This is a terrible thing.”

“It’s also possible he may not be able to move anything below his shoulders.” Liddy looks at Marta, her eyes beseeching. “Please don’t hate me, but I think the worst thing about this is that it looks like he may regain almost all of his brain function.”

“Oh,” Marta says again as she takes in the implications of Liddy’s words. “You think I will hate you because you are afraid of what Garrett will be like if he has a brain and no body?” She flinches at the image conjured by her words. “I would never feel this way about you. And especially not for this.”

“I feel for him. I do.” Liddy sits up. “It’s the worst thing that can ever happen to a person, short of death. Maybe even worse. And it’s terrible for the kids to see him like this. But if his brain recovers, he’s going to lash out.” She buries her head in Marta’s chest. “And if he dies, how will I live with the guilt?”

“There is nothing to feel guilty about if he lives or if he dies.” Marta strokes Liddy’s hair gently and massages her scalp. “He was the one who turned ugly. He was trying to hurt you. When you stepped out of his way, you were protecting yourself. You did nothing wrong. And soon the police will recognize this as the truth.”

“We don’t know that!” Liddy’s voice rises, and there is a note of hysteria in it. “No one does!” Liddy’s eyes wildly scan the room, and her pupils are huge.

Marta thinks back to Liddy’s restlessness and preoccupation in the days before Garrett appeared, her lack of surprise when she saw him standing in the open doorway, her warning about the elevator. “Please, please do not do this to yourself,” Marta begs, and pulls Liddy back into her arms. “It was a terrible accident. Just because you were there does not make you responsible.”

“He’ll come after me. Punish me for all he believes I did and didn’t do. And punish you.” Liddy holds Marta fiercely. “He’ll do everything he can to get you deported—and he’s a man who can do more than most.” She lets go and slumps into the couch. “He once told me he’d kill me before he’d let me be with anyone else.”

Marta struggles not to physically react to the fear that spikes through her. “If he lives, I believe it is possible that this experience will change him. Even he will have to appreciate the gift he has been given. An over-do? A do-over, yes? It seems he will want to live every day to its fullest. He will want to let go of his old hostilities and enjoy what he has.”

“One would think,” Liddy says. They sit silently, holding each other.

“I was thinking I should return to Metropolis,” Marta says, groping for a change of subject. “This is not nice for Jason. He has given up his home to me. But now I am not sure. Do you think this is not a good idea, because if Garrett recovers he will tell ICE where I am?”

Liddy pulls away. “Could you stick it out here a little longer? At least until we know what he’s going to be capable of?”

“I am concerned this is not fair to Jason. As you can see, it is a very small apartment, and he insists that I sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the couch every night.”

“Really?” Liddy raises an eyebrow, and she looks almost like herself for the first time since she walked through the door. “His bed?”

“Ah!” Marta is thrilled Liddy is able to joke. “So you are jealous?”

“Has he asked to join you in this bed?”

“He has always been a perfect gentleman.” Marta adopts a coy look. “But who knows what might happen if I remain here? He is an appealing man.”

“Does he know about us?” Liddy is suddenly serious. “He saw us in our bathrobes when, when . . . he saw us together.”

“I do not think he noticed this.”

“How does he feel about you moving back to Metropolis?”

“He does not think it is a good idea either. He said sometimes there are policemen there, even if they are not ICE. They are still checking the elevator. He says they are reviewing paperwork and information about the tenants.” Marta sighs. “He told me Rose was fired.”

“The owner found out we were living in the building? That’s going to make things really rough. Her husband is out of work. And the issues with her son.”

“That was not the reason. She forgot to get the elevator inspected, and Jason says this mistake opens the building owner to a negligence suit.”

Liddy’s eyes cloud. “And we know who’s going to jump all over that.”

“At least he will not be able to do any of this soon. Not in his condition.”

“He’s improving every day on the cognitive tests. His speech is much better. Some of the time he’s even understandable.”

“But if he cannot move, he will not be—”

“That’s what assistants are for. All he has to do is ask Rochelle to call the feds and tell them where you are. He has lawyers in-house, so he’ll just ask one of them to get all the suits moving forward against the building owner and whomever else he can sue. It’s not like he has to do any of the work himself.” Liddy’s shoulders droop. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“None of this is your fault,” Marta assures her.

But is this correct? Liddy knew the elevator was broken. Liddy wanted more than anything to be free of him. He’d threatened to turn her, Marta, in to ICE, and Marta knows Liddy would do whatever she could to protect her.

Liddy shrugs and picks at the pills on the washcloth. “Still.”

“Do not even think these things. Meeting you and being with you are worth any risk.”

Liddy takes Marta’s hand. “So you’ll stay here?”

“I think I should not leave now.” Marta does not mention that she and Jason have been considering an asylum hearing. Liddy doesn’t need another thing to worry about. “Jason tells me that I can stay for as long as I wish. But how can he mean this?”

“From what you’ve told me, I think he’s got a sweet spot for you,” Liddy says with a faint smile. “Just don’t tell him about us. That could screw your whole deal.”

Before Liddy can slip back into sadness, Marta says, “And speaking of us . . .” She winks. “Jason’s bed is very nice . . .”

Their lovemaking is rough. They bite and they yell and they twist, and they try to drive everything else away. This works for a while, and the world disappears. But as they lie tangled in the sheets, sweaty and breathing heavily, reality comes roaring back. There is no escape. They clasp each other tight, and then they both fall into a heavy sleep.

Marta wakes to the sound of Jason’s voice, a singsong “Hi, Marta, I’m ho-o-me.”

“Shit,” Liddy says. “Guess we’ve screwed your deal.”