Sid was up early, at least an hour before the sun rose. By six thirty, she’d showered and dressed, taken some time with her hair and makeup, and had already had two cups of coffee before heading outside to fill the bird feeder out front. By seven, she was nearly jumping out of her skin. Too much caffeine, she told herself. What else could it be?
She glanced at the mirror, at the flushed cheeks, subtle makeup, and shiny hair, and wondered if she was trying too hard. Then she asked herself, trying too hard to do what? Impress Beck? Nah.
“He’s not interested,” she murmured. But then she thought about his dark eyes and the way they made her feel whenever they landed on her. And of that smile of his. It was like a secret weapon, one he didn’t use often from what she could tell, but man, when he did…
Her cell rang just then, and she gave herself one last look and grabbed her phone from her bag without thinking or looking to see who was calling. She was still a little rattled at the direction of her thoughts. Still unsure. And definitely worked up about something.
“Hey,” she said distractedly, rummaging in her bag for her sunglasses.
At first, there was nothing, and then everything inside her stilled. The hair rose on the back of her neck, and her stomach, already full of butterflies, flipped over, and she felt nauseous.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s me.”
Sidney closed her eyes and sank against the counter. His voice was intimate, as if he were standing next to her. She didn’t answer at first because she couldn’t. And somewhere deep inside her soul, a part of her was pissed that this was her reaction to him. That after months of no contact, months of Sidney trying to forget and move on, of trying to push away the anger and betrayal, he could call her up and say hello as if nothing had happened.
“Sid?”
“What do you want, Nick?” She found her voice at about the same time she found her balls. “And how did you get this number?”
“It’s barely seven where you are. Kind of early to be pissed off at the world, isn’t it?” His tone was neutral, and he was treading lightly. “I just…” He paused. “I was thinking of you. I wanted to check in, and I thought we could talk.”
“You don’t get to think about me. Or wonder. Or anything. You’re a lying bastard and that doesn’t come close to being the shittiest thing I can say to you.”
“Say what you need to. I can take it. I need to fix things.”
She so didn’t need this from him. He was about six months too late. But honestly, this anger was so much better than the hurt and pain. At least with anger burning through her veins, she felt alive. And that sure as hell was a welcome feeling.
“What makes you think I want to talk to you about anything? I thought I was pretty clear on things the last time we spoke.”
“You know I’m sorry for that.”
“Those are just words.” Tears poked at her eyes. “You never showed, Nick.” The words tumbled out of her, and she inhaled a ragged breath. “I was there alone, and you never showed. On top of everything else, that is one thing I will never be able to forgive you for. That was it for me. I told you then I never wanted to see you or talk to you again, so I repeat. Who the hell gave you my new cell number? I’m assuming it’s one of my staff, and I need to know who it is so that I can fire them ASAP.”
“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Fury.
Red. Hot. Fury.
It knifed through her, sharp and invasive and so strong, her voice shook along with her body.
“You don’t have the right to ask if I’m okay. Or wonder what I’m doing, or where I am or who I’m with, doing all those things you’re wondering about. And trust me,” she nodded as if he were standing right in front of her, “I’m doing things. Lots of things. You gave up that right when you left me there alone, when you betrayed everything we had. Then you made me doubt myself. You told me it was all my fault. That your actions were a direct result of all that noise you said I created. You took zero responsibility and made me feel like shit. You didn’t just break my heart and my trust, you threw it away with no regard and showed me what a selfish bastard you are.” Her voice grew louder as that fury and anger emboldened her. She was having a moment. A beautiful, glorious moment of recognition, of ownership.
For the first time in forever, Sid felt as if she wasn’t a passenger in this wreck of a life she’d found herself in, but, in fact, she was driving the train and about to run over the thing standing in front of her. The thing preventing her from moving forward.
Nick Sanchez. Former fiancé. Former cheating bastard. Former breaker of her heart.
“You don’t deserve what I have to give. You never did. And I’m just realizing that now.”
She was done feeling sorry for herself. Done with living in the past and dwelling on a future that would never come because someone else decided to throw it away. So what if she only had half a heart? It was more than some folks had.
In that moment, she realized it wasn’t losing Nick that had sent her spiraling. It was the other thing she’d lost. And that ache would never go away.
“Come on. Don’t be mad. There was a lot of good too. I know you’re holed up in Michigan. I have business in New York City. I’m here until Sunday. I thought that…I was hoping maybe to visit. I…”
“Nick,” she interrupted. “I’m going to say this one last time, and I really need you to pay attention. Okay. Sit down and listen.” She paused. “Are you listening?”
“Yeah.” He sounded unsure. “I’m here.”
“Go. Fuck. Yourself.”
She tossed her cell back into her purse, then threw her hands in the air and did a victory dance. God, she felt free and light and…
Beck stood by the front door, watching her. “Oh,” she said, breathing a little heavier than she’d like.
“I knocked,” he said, obviously uncomfortable. “But, ah, you didn’t answer, and I heard raised voices, and the door was unlocked, and I thought…” He shrugged. “I don’t know what I thought, but I should have waited for you to answer. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in.”
Sid shook a long strand of hair from her face, grabbed her jacket and purse and walked toward Beck. “It’s all good. I was just taking care of something I should have taken care of a long time ago.” She breezed past him and didn’t stop until she got to his truck.
“I locked up for you,” Beck said, sliding behind the wheel. “Okay,” he said, glancing her way. “Let’s do this.”
Sid was silent as they headed to the town proper of Crystal Lake. It was easy to sit back and not say anything, on account of the fact the wind had left her sails and she was wondering what exactly Beck had heard. Plus, the radio was on, some local morning show by the sounds of it, and the host was going on and on about ice fishing.
They drove down Main Street and across the bridge and, once on the other side of town, hung a right just past the river, where the homes were large, with equally large tree-lined lots. After a few minutes, the homes came fewer and farther between, and eventually, they came to a fork in the road. Beck continued along the right, onto what looked more like a laneway than anything else, and at the end of it, up on a knoll that overlooked the river, sat a beautiful stone church. Some of the gorgeous windows were broken, most likely from rocks thrown by kids, and the steeple leaned a bit to the right, but the bones of it, the very meat of it, was intact, and Sid stared at it in wonder.
“It’s beautiful.” She turned to Beck with a big smile. “It’s so much more than I expected, and I haven’t even seen the inside yet.” She peered to the left of it. “Is that an old graveyard?”
He nodded. “Some of the oldest settlers in the area are buried there.”
“You don’t…” She looked back at Beck. “Does it come with the church?”
“No. It was separated from the church a long time ago. I believe it’s heritage land now.”
A car pulled in behind them, a sleek silver BMW. Beck got out of the truck, and Sidney followed suit, though at first, the woman in the car didn’t see her. She was chatting away to Beck, long blonde hair stirring in the breeze, expertly applied makeup on point, complete with plump glossy lips and perfectly lined brows. She was dressed in a smart camel duster, with a cream sweater underneath, and tan slacks tucked into knee-high brown boots. The woman was put together. Sid assumed she was the Realtor.
She stood a little too close to Beck for a professional meeting, at least in Sid’s mind, but maybe out here, they did things differently. The woman leaned closer and giggled.
Nope. She was on the hunt for more than just a sale.
Her hand was on Beck’s arm when Sid walked up to them and held out her hand.
“Hi. I’m Sid.”
The blonde slowly removed her hand from Beck and shook Sidney’s. “Olivia.” She glanced up at Beck. “I didn’t know you were bringing a friend.”
“We’re not really friends,” Sid said. “We just met.”
“Right. Okay.” Olivia cleared her throat. “Let’s go have a look, then, shall we?”
Sid followed Beck and Olivia inside, and from the moment she stepped foot inside the church, she was filled with wonder. She left Beck and Olivia and walked around the entire church herself. From the main worship room to the alcove off the back, then up to the loft. Tucked away in the far corner was a door that led to a small library filled with dusty old books, a quill and dried-up ink bottle, as well as paper with words long faded. A smaller window let in a lot of natural light. When she peeked out, it was the river she saw.
She walked back out to the loft and stared down at the space still full of pews, carved long ago from trees taken from the nearby forests. There were a few wall hangings, maybe silk? And her mind started to turn as she thought of where to send them to be refurbished and of plans to open the place up into a home. How best to incorporate all the elements here, to save this sliver of time and place and worship and make it into something spectacular.
The design of the pulpit was simple and standard, not too big and not too small, but the wood was solid oak with hand-carved words running the length of it. Scriptures from the looks of it. She’d never seen anything like it before. She walked back down to the main level just as Olivia and Beck came out of the small alcove.
The woman said something soft and low to Beck before giving Sid what Sid called the professional smile. Sidney knew it well because she used it all the time. It looked open and warm and inviting, but didn’t quite reach the eyes. It was a smile saved for business acquaintances, or folks you interacted with in a non personal way. Or those you didn’t care all that much for.
When the Realtor left, Sid turned to Beck, who stood there holding the keys in his hand, eyes on the loft overhead.
“You’re going to take it, aren’t you?” she asked, walking over to where he stood.
“It’s a big project.”
“It’s amazing,” she replied, turning in a full circle. “God, I’d make a great room over here, with a huge kitchen and family room. That area over there could be a guest room or two, and a bath. The alcove could be an office, and the loft would be an amazing master bedroom, with a huge walk-in closet, bathroom, and there’s the cutest library up there.”
Beck smiled at her. “You’re more enthusiastic than Olivia.”
“Well, that’s because Olivia was looking to sell something other than the house.”
“Yeah?” Beck looked surprised at her comment. “And what was that?”
She stared at him, kind of shocked, but not really. The man honestly didn’t know the effect he had on women. Or if he did, he chose to overlook it or ignore it altogether.
“Never mind,” she replied with a smile. “Thanks for bringing me out here.” She turned in a full circle again. “I really liked this. How long have you been doing this? Flipping houses?”
“I kind of fell into it, I suppose.”
“It happens. I sorta fell into my line of work too.”
“And how does one fall into being famous?”
She blushed. First off, she hated it when people called her famous. Her face was recognizable, yes, but she was no Aniston or Jolie. She didn’t have to hire security or hide from the paps, and she could still be anonymous if she wanted to.
“It just happened,” she said. “I started posting things on Instagram that I liked, food and makeup and books I enjoyed. All kinds of stuff. And it kind of blossomed from there.”
“I enjoy working my hands,” Beck admitted. “And after I decided to stay in Crystal Lake, I started working as a carpenter, which is still my main gig. But I found I needed more projects to fill my time and bought a wreck of a house that turned a tidy profit. I reinvested that profit into the next one, and things kind of snowballed.”
“Well, the stone cottage is amazing, so I’m not surprised.”
He held up a set of keys.
“These belong to the house I’m considering as an investment. Olivia had to meet up with another client, so she gave them to me. I’m heading there next. You want to tag along, or do you need to get back to the cottage?”
She followed him back outside, though she paused to take one last look around. “I’d love to come.”
She spent the next hour looking over an average two-story that was in quite the state of disrepair, which they discussed thoroughly when Beck insisted on taking her out for breakfast. They stopped at a small place in the downtown core, and the owner, a Mr. Barton, knew Beck well.
“It feels like everyone knows everyone in this town,” she said when they were done.
“It’s both a curse and a blessing, I guess.”
They were headed back to the lake and her stone cottage, and Sid found herself wishing she had the rest of the afternoon to spend with him.
“Did you ever consider leaving?”
And just like that, the atmosphere changed. His lips thinned, his eyes darkened, and his voice was flat. “I had plans once. Had my sights set on different things. But my reason for leaving left, and I stayed.”
Sidney didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept quiet. When they got back to her place, she pasted a smile to her face and slipped out of the truck. “Thank you. I really enjoyed today.”
“Yeah.” He smiled at her, but it was no different from the smile Olivia had given her in the church. It didn’t reach his eyes. Clearly, his mind was on other things. “I’ll see you around.”
She stepped to the side as he backed out of her driveway, and as she walked toward the stone cottage, she noticed for the first time that the sun had disappeared. It kind of fit her mood. She made a face as she reached for the door, but then felt something on her cheek.
It was snowing again.