Most Sundays, the Jacobs family gathered for dinner at either Beck’s parents’ place or out at Nate’s. For the last month or so, Beck had missed every single one of them, and he knew that sooner or later, he’d catch crap from his mother.
He was hoping it would be later. And not in person.
But of course, that wasn’t how things worked out.
His Sunday had started out pretty damn good too. He’d woken up with Sidney, and they’d had sex in the shower. Hot. Wet. Sex. And then they’d gone out for breakfast at The Breakfast Corner, a great all-day breakfast place the next county over. He’d chosen it because it cut down on the chance of bumping into folks he knew. And after last night, he wasn’t ready to deal with any of that. Running into Colleen had shaken him a bit, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. He’d been with other women before. A couple of years back, he’d even taken one of them to a wedding that Colleen had also attended.
It was fine. She was fine. Heck, Ike was good with things. None of them expected Beck to live in a box and never venture out.
What was different this time? It wasn’t like he was marrying Sidney. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what it was exactly they were doing, but they were both adults.
Her admission the night before should have sent up a couple of red flags, at least, but he decided not to think about it and to just take in every moment of this lazy, sunny Sunday morning with a girl whose company he enjoyed.
He supposed they’d be having some sort of talk about this thing between them soon enough. But right now, Beck liked things just the way they were. And besides, just like he’d told Nathan a few days ago when his brother had gotten all up in his business, Sidney was headed back to San Diego. It was where she belonged.
This thing between them had a life expectancy, and though he didn’t know her plans—they’d actually never talked about them—he was going to assume the due date was coming soon. How long could she stay away from her business?
So, he’d pushed all that stuff aside and, after breakfast, which was actually more or less a late brunch, they passed by the church once more because he had some measurements to do. Since Jingle was at his place, they picked up Chinese take-out and headed back there, their intention to spend a quiet night in. It just seemed to be the habit they’d fallen into.
Nate had sent at least four text messages asking him to call him back. All of which Beck had ignored on account of him still being annoyed with his brother. They’d just gotten inside and Sidney was unpacking their take-out when his cell pinged again, and she glanced up.
“Who keeps texting you?”
“Nate,” he all but growled.
“Why aren’t you answering him?” She paused, hand in midair. “What if it’s the babies?”
Shit. He’d never thought of that. Beck scooped out his cell and called his brother at the same time there was a knock on the door. He headed over and yanked it open to find his mother and father and Nana Jacobs standing there with big grins on their faces —well, not his father. Samuel Jacobs looked decidedly uncomfortable.
“Beck?” Nate’s voice rang in his ear.
“You’re too late,” he said, stepping back.
“Oh. Well, next time, answer your damn phone.”
Beck pocketed his cell and let his folks have a moment to shed their jackets and boots.
“We haven’t seen you in weeks, Beckworth, so I hope you don’t mind our unannounced visit.” His grandmother smiled up at him.
“No,” he replied. “Why would I?”
Hazel Jacobs gave him the kind of hug only a grandmother could, and he then he shook his father’s hand before enveloping his mother in a hug as well. He glanced toward the kitchen. “This is my friend, Sid, Nana.”
He didn’t offer up anything else because he was pretty damn sure Nate would have filled them in on the stuff they wanted to know. Hell, they probably knew more about Sidney Barrett than he did.
She walked over and said hello to his grandmother and then looked at him. She was off balance, he saw that, but her composure was on point. “We could order more Chinese?” She turned back to his parents. “If you like?”
“Oh, no, dear, thanks for asking. We had a late lunch at Nathan’s, and we were just on our way home.” His mother’s gaze settled back on Beck. “Now I know why I haven’t seen much of my son.” Her gentle, almost teasing words were followed by an awkward silence.
“Oh my,” Hazel said. “What have we here?” Jingle stood on the edge of the sofa, meowing and arching her back like a pro, loving the attention she got. His grandmother stroked her back. “This is the kitten I’ve been hearing about. She’s lovely, Beckworth.”
“Beer?” he asked his dad, grateful when the man nodded. His mother and grandmother declined, and Sidney already had one open.
The two of them moved to the kitchen, where he grabbed them each a Bud Light. He took a good, long draw and leaned against the island, his eyes on his mother and grandmother and Sidney.
“I told them you were busy.” Samuel shook his head. “Said there was a reason you’ve been scarce of late and that you were a grown man and didn’t need a bunch of females poking about your business.” His father sighed. “But when your nana heard about Sidney, well, she insisted on coming for a visit.”
“Nana?” That surprised Beck. Usually, it was his mother who was the poker.
“She worries about you same as the rest of us.”
“Dad, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m good.”
Samuel nodded. “I see that.” And then he grinned. “She seems real nice.”
Beck didn’t reply. His parents were way too invested in his personal life. He got it. He really did. Didn’t mean he had to like it. He finished his beer and dug around for a teakettle when Hazel insisted on a cup before the trip home.
“Sorry, Nan, I don’t have sugar cookies or anything to go with it.” He flashed a grin and rooted through the fridge. “You’re lucky I have milk.”
“Tea is fine.”
His grandmother steeped her bag and glanced sideways at him.
“Your friend seems lovely,” was all she said, and Beck had just about had it.
“Not you too, Nan. Look, I don’t know what we’re doing here. Sid’s great. She really is. But we haven’t even had a talk about what this is or what we’re doing, and I can’t stand that everyone’s up in my business and asking questions for things I don’t have the answers for. Hell, I haven’t figured that out yet.”
“That’s the fun part, though. The figuring-out part.” Hazel Jacobs peered at him over the cup in her hands. In the living room, Sid was deep in conversation with his parents, talking about the church he still hadn’t decided on, from what he could hear.
“Being with another woman doesn’t mean you loved Cate any less than you remember.”
And there it was. The crux of the matter.
He turned around and faced his grandmother. “I don’t think I can love anyone else the way I loved her, Nana. It’s not possible.”
“Oh, my boy.” Hazel moved closer and put her hand on his chest. “Every love is different, and you’re not meant to love anyone else the same way you loved Cate. You can’t, because there’s only one Cate.” She nodded to the living room. “Just like there’s only one Sidney.”
“But—”
She shook her head and wouldn’t let him finish. “I know what you’re thinking, and no, I don’t know if you’re in love with this woman. But if and when you do fall in love again, Beckworth…” She smiled. “And you will fall in love again. It will be different. One hundred percent different. You’re not the young man you were, and life has left its mark on you. It’s changed you, and that’s going to change the way you love. The thing is, my boy, you need to let it happen. But more importantly, you need to accept it.” She finished her tea and set her cup on the counter. “Love is the easy part. It’s all the other things that make it hard. It’s all the other things you need to let go of.”
She cleared her throat in a way that told Beck they were done and stepped around him. “I’m ready to go, Samuel.”
His parents followed her lead, and, after all the goodbyes and a couple more hugs, Sidney included, they closed the door behind them and were finally alone.
“Let’s eat,” he said, and moved to the kitchen.
He warmed up the food while she grabbed some plates, and they sat around the island eating Chinese.
“Your parents must have been close to Cate.”
Beck paused, an egg roll halfway to his mouth. “They’ve known her since she was a kid, so, yeah, they were close. She was like family to them.”
“Like you are to her parents.”
“I’ve known them since I was six and her dad coached my hockey team.” Beck pushed his plate away and stared straight ahead. His chest was tight, and that feeling that had lingered for days, the one that said all this happiness he’d been enjoying couldn’t last, well, it up and hit him square in the face. “Why are we talking about my family? Or Cate, for that matter?”
“Because I want to know about them?” She slid off the stool and took a few steps, watching him warily, those big eyes of hers confused. “I shared my darkest secrets with you last night. I guess I feel like I deserve some of yours in return.”
He couldn’t explain the anger in him. It was just there, big and ugly and making him crazy. He got up and tossed all the leftovers in the garbage.
“I don’t feel like sharing, Sid. I didn’t know that was in the playbook.”
“Playbook? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“This. This thing we’re doing. What are the rules? Is there a rule that says I need to sit down for an entire evening and tell you that Cate McBride was the love of my life? That the day she died, a part of me went with her? That I miss her so bad sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and think she’s there with me?” He paced the floor. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“I don’t know what I want to hear, Beck. But I do know I don’t deserve your attitude or your anger or your flippant disregard for my feelings.”
Sid looked hurt, which made him angrier, but not at her —at himself. He was fucking this up royally and had no one to blame but himself.
“Christ, I’m making a mess of this.”
She nodded. “You are.” She grabbed her jacket and purse and headed for the front door. “Take me back to the cottage. I think maybe some space will be a good thing.”
“Come on, Sid.” God, he felt like an absolute shit. “Stay.” He thought about what his Nana had said. “Let’s figure this out.”
“Please,” she said sharply. “Take me home.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is.” Her words were clipped, and that was that. Beck grabbed his keys, and, ten minutes later, he sat in his truck, in her driveway, watching her disappear inside the darkened cottage. It was the first night they’d been apart in weeks.
He wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but when he got home, he knew one thing for sure. He didn’t like that she wasn’t there.