Brothers and sisters should be best friends. That’s a given. But they still need time and space to themselves once in a while—or else they feel like one of the crowd instead of the unique individuals that they are. When you take time to treat each of your children as a person, not merely as one among many, self-esteem grows. They begin to feel secure in the fact that you love them simply for who they are.

A good way to express that one-on-one type of love is by taking your child out alone on a special date. It’s a chance to better understand each child’s unique personalities and interests. Even if you have only two children, it’s easy to bundle them. You do whatever the louder of the pair demands. Until you separate out the sibling strands, you may not realize that one child’s creativity has been stunted by the other’s more forceful personality.

An “only child” date should be child-driven. Don’t make assumptions. Ask your child to decide what he or she would like to do—see a movie, shop for shoes, go rock climbing, or take a horseback ride—the list is as long as your child’s imagination.

Add to the fun by following up your activity at a restaurant—once again, your child’s choice. Allow plenty of time so you can talk of dreams and hopes, schemes and expectations. Take advantage of this rare chance to get a better glimpse of that sometimes stranger who lives in your home.

Whether you are young or old, the relationship you have with God is a one-of-a-kind experience. God wants to know your heart, feel your joy, and give you comfort. That’s the same message you give your children when you make a special effort to treat them to the undivided attention they deserve.