Politicians put on their sparkly family values hat whenever an election approaches. You and your kids will hear about how Mr. or Ms. So-and-So feel that “much more” should be done to “strengthen the family” (whatever that means).

But when you’re in the trenches trying to make ends meet, family values take on a whole different meaning. You do without so your kids can have a new pair of shoes. You take on an extra shift to pay for Christmas gifts. You give up your leisure time to help out with homework. You willingly put your children’s needs before your own.

Children understand that you care when you spend time with them, listen to their questions, and meet their needs. Putting them first squeezes out your own selfishness. There isn’t room if you truly value your kids. They know that you’ll be there to help them when they need it because you want what’s best for them—which doesn’t necessarily equate with what makes them happy.

It’s a paradox. Kids sense the great divide between parents who say the right things and those who back up their words with actions. That’s what the term “family values” really means: “I love you” combined with necessary firmness. No parent enjoys laying down the law, but without your willingness to do the right thing even if it’s tough, your children will know you’re full of processed lunch meat, not a parent who means what you say.

Putting your children first teaches them to put others first. So take the “treat others as you’d like to be treated” rule and apply it liberally to your kids. They’ll feel valued in God’s eyes if they know they’re valued in yours.