Best friends: we all long for them, cling to them, and feel devastated when they move away. That’s as it should be. Truth is, though, the best friends your kids could ever hope for live right under your roof. Despite popular mythology to the contrary, siblings were meant to be buddies. Ignore the psycho-babble about rivalry and birth order. If you choose to, you can foster a love and respect between your kids that will last longer than you do. Imagine siblings who care enough to comfort each other when you’re gone.

To accomplish this, forget about favorites. The Bible is replete with tales of parents picking out a “best kid” and pouring on the goodies. Remember Joseph and his amazing, multicolored coat? The other brothers were fit to be tied at the gift. So they got revenge by tying Joseph up and selling him as a slave. Sadly, hatred of one child for another is common and usually results from a parent doting on Child A while ignoring Child B.

Children understand the pecking order. They pick up on what’s happening. If you’re not careful, they begin questioning your fairness. Parents who prefer one child over another make a monstrous mistake. Why say sweet Susie is smarter, nicer, or a better athlete than little Johnny? Such talk destroys any chance for friendship between your kids. It can also instill sturdy superiority and inferiority complexes. Some kids figure they don’t have to work hard and others wonder “What’s the use?”

Nurture your children equally and they’ll have a better chance of getting along. They’ll learn that they differ in gifts and strengths. By encouraging them to be friends, they lean on each other in their weak areas. Brothers and sisters can also be friends who stay close forever.