19.

2:40 p.m. Los Angeles.

Lou Roth was a happy man. This segment on the Canuck hero was a real ass-kicker. The whole Pam Anderson angle was fabulous — it allowed them to haul out some very juicy photos of Pamalot’s humungous cans, which always sold lots of air time. Sponsors loved that stuff. Of course, they were keeping this segment very clean, because, after all, it was a family show, but there was no reason that there couldn’t be a few sly references to sweaty thank-you sex from Pam to her doggies’ rescuer.

And, if there was good viewer response, they could dig up this guy, Clint McCartney or whatever the hell his name was, and get a bit of interview tape. They could use their newest host, Lyra—she had great boobs and would wear anything they told her to. If they gave her the script well enough in advance, she would probably be able to pronounce most of the words.

Yes, after today’s show, the ratings would be way up.