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34.

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Thursday September 26, 8:35 a.m.

I may have taken a break from my Steven McCartney insanity, but it had not taken a break from me. I got a call from Sharon.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked in her usual caustic manner. “Hung over or just having a breakdown?”

“Um,” I muttered, “I’m fine. Just waking up, you know.”

“Hm.” She sounded disbelieving. “Listen, I got a few more details screwed down for the show, but it’s going to take more cash, and I know that you’re already stretched to the limit, so we’d better talk numbers here.”

I felt as though I were going to be sick again. I swallowed forcefully, trying to fight down the panic.

“We’ve got a basic band, but since you haven’t got the music selections chosen yet, we should prepare for the possibility that we’ll have to pick up a few more musicians closer to the date. You know, if some of the pieces require extra percussion, back-up singers, da-da, da-da. Oh, and I want you over to the rehearsal studio on Wednesday morning, ten sharp. Now, here’s the good news: I got us our Steven.”

For a minute I was confused. She had found Steven? He was going to perform?

“This guy has done a lot of impersonation acts in nightclubs—Atlantic City, Reno. He’s got a great voice, and, more importantly, he’s the right height, colouring, face shape. A bit of make-up and maybe a prosthetic nose, and we’ve got Steven McCartney, live at Irondale.” She waited for my response. Getting none, she continued. “Look, Donny, I told you that I’m very good at what I do, so when I tell you that this guy is going to be Steven McCartney, I’m telling you that even his mother would have a hard time telling them apart.” She suddenly swore under her breath. “His mother is dead, right? You said that his parents are dead, and there are no siblings?”

“No, no, no relatives that I’ve been able to find.”

I heard her exhale with relief. That made me feel uneasy. “Sharon, what’s he gonna cost?” I held my breath.

“Well, I tried to talk him down, but he knows we need him, so it looks like the full price. Ten thousand.” She paused. “Donny? Are you there, or did you just spontaneously combust?”

I realized that, as of that moment, I’d just cranked my debt load up to eighty thousand dollars to promote a show that was a complete fraud. A strong urge to urinate hit me. “Sharon, I’ll call you back in a minute, OK?” I blurted. I ran to the bathroom and peed, a long and exhausting pee, anxiety flapping wildly in my stomach.

Build it and he will come. But Field of Dreams this was not. No wonder Allison had left me. I was a delusional nutcase. How could I possibly fix this?

And then it hit me. I couldn’t go back, so I had to go forward. The only way to fix this was to make it work. Yes, I thought, fighting my fears, we’ll put on this concert at Irondale and Steven will come and perform. And he’ll be great. Just the way he was.

I felt both elated and sick.

Where are you, Steven? I need you, buddy. I need you.