Julian excused himself as soon as they reached the front entrance to the castle, and as he walked away, Caroline softly sighed.
Her first real kiss had been everything she had hoped for. She put a fingertip to her lips. Memories of the scent of his cologne flooded her mind. The heady mix of sandalwood, jasmine and cedar had been intoxicating.
Midas bumped hard against her leg, demanding her attention. She bent down and gave him a rub behind the ears. The dog buried its head in her lap. She sensed his worry.
“It’s alright, boy, your master and I are still trying to find our feet. These things take time with us humans,” she said.
She was annoyed with herself, angry that she had reacted in such a way when Julian had told her she was beautiful.
The notion of love had now taken seed in her heart. Emotions that were both foreign and surprising only a day or two ago were well settled and familiar within her soul. The odd feeling that she experienced every time she saw Julian, she now understood and embraced.
Will, as per usual, had been right. Love was something that you didn’t seek. Love was that unusual guest who slipped quietly into a room and waited patiently for you to notice them. And once you did notice, then your life was forever changed.
She placed her hand over her heart, feeling it beating strongly in her chest. Her destiny was now calling to her. It was time to decide whether she was strong enough to reach out and claim it.
“I must try.”
Julian sat silently through supper, pondering the countless permutations of actions he could undertake to win Caroline’s heart.
“You were saying that your sister is travelling to Paris with her new husband. Is that wise?” asked Lady Margaret.
Julian knew she was throwing a line for him to pick up on, but he was in no mood to explain to Lady Margaret that Paris was perfectly safe for English tourists. France was slowly returning to the fold of being a friendly nation with the rest of its European neighbors.
“Yes. Several members of the family have visited France since the end of the hostilities. In fact, I understand it is quite the fashionable place for members of the ton to visit,” replied Caroline.
“Your father is French, is he not?” asked Lady Margaret.
Caroline nodded. “Yes, though I don’t know if he has any plans to ever return to France. My grandmother fled to England after my grandfather was killed during the uprising in the Vendée. Papa still feels conflicted over the whole thing,” replied Caroline.
Julian silently chided himself. He was being taciturn and rude by focusing on his own concerns.
“Your brother Will visited the family’s hometown with me when we were in France. He found it quite emotional to stand outside the house where your father was born,” he said.
Caroline met his gaze and softly smiled. “I would like to visit Fontenay-le-Comte someday. I know a lot of the town was burned during the bloody uprising against Robespierre and his reign of insanity, but it would be nice to walk the streets where my French forebears once trod.”
Lady Margaret sipped the last of her wine and set her glass down. As she rose from the table, Julian stood.
“Well perhaps when you marry, you can ask your husband to take you to France. Any man who succeeds in winning your heart would know what joy it would bring you.” She looked straight at Julian as she spoke the words, leaving him in no doubt as to where her opinion of Caroline now stood. “I shall bid you both a fond good night. I have a number of letters to write.”
“Good night,” said Caroline.
With Lady Margaret now gone, an awkward silence settled in the room. As Caroline finished a hearty serving of hot baked apple, Julian studied his brandy glass.
After the misstep of the morning at the ice pond, he was unsure as to what to say, but forced himself rather than risk having her follow Lady Margaret out of the room. “I was planning to take a walk down to the cottage by the lake shortly. I am not sure if you wish my company, but you are welcome to join me.”
To his surprise, Caroline immediately rose from her chair. “I shall get my cloak and things. I won’t be long.”
A few minutes later, they left the castle behind them and made their way toward the lake. The full moon lit the garden, and on the frozen surface of the lake, it left a silver ribbon of light.
Taking the key from his coat pocket, Julian slipped it into the lock of the cottage door. Standing back, he waved Caroline inside.
The cottage was warm, and the glow from the fireplace bathed the room in a golden light. He quickly added a few more logs to the fire, expecting to spend a lonely night in the cottage if Caroline told him she did not want him. He was treading new ground, unsure of himself. If she did say no, he would have to rethink everything.
“Wine?” he asked.
“Yes please. I must say, you have a wonderful wine collection here. Francis was impressed when you showed him the castle cellars. James declared his intention of sleeping in them, if he got the chance,” she replied.
“Didn’t your brother threaten to raid my wine cellar?”
She chortled softly. “I am also partial to a glass of good wine, so I would have been right behind him.”
While Julian poured them both a welcome glass, Caroline took a seat on the well-padded leather couch. She pointed to the nearby low table, and taking his cue, Julian set both glasses down. With his heart racing, he sat on the couch next to her.
Caroline sat with her shoulders pulled back and her spine straight. “I was fifteen the first time a man came to our house and asked for my father’s permission to marry me. Papa, of course, threw him out and told him never to come back. Over the intervening years, there have been a number of other gentlemen who have come, unbidden, to his study door with the intention of asking for my hand. I am grateful to say that my father has turned every single one of them away.”
A flash of heated jealousy flared inside him. He hated every one of those men and their audacity at thinking they could have Caroline. “So, you are saying that none of them ever asked you for your permission before speaking to your father?”
Caroline frowned. “Yes, as ridiculous as that sounds. Though from having seen how Harry Menzies and Timothy Walters behaved, it should not be too great a leap for you to understand that others may have done the same.”
“Men, from what I understand, see you as something precious and beautiful that they want to possess. Timothy Walters would have fallen at your feet if you had asked him that day in the market. I have never seen such rapture on a person’s face outside of a religious shrine. Harry Menzies, of course, tried a different tact by attempting to circumvent your father and placing that notice in the paper,” he replied.
He waited for her to continue, sensing she had put a deal of thought in to what she was about to tell him.
“I am sorry I panicked today when you told me I was beautiful. I was enjoying the encounter right up to that moment.”
His fingers and hers touched on the seat of the couch, but neither made any move to hold hands.
“I am immensely relieved to hear that you don’t regret our kiss. Though I am still a little perplexed as to why you reacted the way you did when I told you I thought you were beautiful,” he replied.
She looked at him and he met her gaze. “It’s odd to think that beauty can be a curse. My looks are just one part of me. But I want people to see the rest of me, and to be valued for that as well.”
With their fingers now entwined, Julian lifted their hands and placed a tender kiss on Caroline’s fingertips. “And that is why you froze when I told you that were beautiful? I did come to that conclusion on my own. I said you were beautiful because, for me, it is not just a word, it is part of how I feel about you. Julian pulled in a shaky breath. He felt as if he were standing on the edge of a high cliff, and the only way down was to take a leap of faith.
“I love you.”
He released her hand from his and let it settle on his knee. When she did not move it away, he took it as her unspoken agreement for him to make his next move.
Cupping her face, he set his lips to hers. Relief flooded his mind when, instead of pulling away, Caroline kissed him back. He deepened the embrace. She yielded her lips and mouth to his, inviting him to linger and play.
Slipping a hand inside his jacket, she pulled him closer. His fear over her never wishing him to hold her again vanished, replaced with the knowledge that Caroline wanted him.
When he finally pulled back from the kiss, he saw the glaze of passion in her eyes. Someday, he would watch as he brought her to completion. That day could not come soon enough.
“Touch me,” she whispered.
He hesitated. Caroline was, as far as he knew, sexually inexperienced. His idea of touching a woman and what she was asking for were likely miles apart. He would take everything from this moment forward slowly. Very slowly.
He lifted her hair to one side and placed a trail of soft butterfly kisses down the side of her neck. Caroline slipped her hand from his waist and began to loosen the ties at the front of her gown.
Julian took a gentle hold of her hand. “I don’t think we are quite ready for that yet.”
She looked deep into his eyes. “Don’t you want me?”
Using every ounce of his self-control, Julian pulled back and let her go. A line had to be drawn here and now if he was going to achieve his final goal.
“If I loosen the top of your gown and set my hands and lips to your breasts, we will have no choice but to stand in front of the Bishop of London and say our vows. It’s more of a question of you wanting to say yes when the time comes, rather than me wishing to stop.”
“But you do want me, don’t you?” she asked. There was an uncertainty in her words that revealed a side of her he had never seen before.
“Yes, I do, but I want us be sure of our future before I have the inevitable conversation with your father. I want to be the man your father says ‘yes’ to when I call upon him. There will still be residual rumors from what Harry Menzies did. We need to lay them to rest completely before we marry. We have a lifetime ahead of us, so we owe it to ourselves to take our time. And of course, there is the matter of my pride.”
“Your pride?”
He nodded. “I intend to enjoy the deep satisfaction of showing all the others exactly where they went wrong in their pursuit of Miss Caroline Saunders. Ergo, I am going to woo you in public so they can see.”
The look of surprise on Caroline’s face would have been amusing had Julian not been in complete earnest about his motives. Their budding romance had, until now, been conducted in private and was still secret to all but Lady Margaret, whom he suspected had put two and two together and made a wedding.
She sat quietly for a moment. Julian watched her. He had made a throw of the dice and now held his breath, waiting for the pieces to land.
“I must confess, I quite like the sound of you wooing me in front of the matrons of the ton,” she replied. She rose from the couch, ignoring his outstretched hand, and walked over to the window. She leaned forward and her face touched the glass. She then turned and looked at him. “You want to know if I love you. Because the last thing you would ever want would be to repeat the story of your parents’ marriage.”
He came to her, pulling her into his arms. He bent down and tenderly kissed her lips. “All I ask is that you are honest with me. If you do not love me, or ever think you possibly could, then tell me now and I shall withdraw from your life.”
She looked deep into his eyes and spoke the words he had never thought he might hear. “I love you, Julian. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.”