Chapter Three

Well I was tired and I think people should make excuses for other people, (or dogs) when they’re tired, especially when a guy’s been looking after the house all day when his parents are out gallivanting... don’t you?

I do love them both and they’re very kind to me... more than the first people that I lived with were to me for the first eighteen months of my life... You see, it was Chas who decided he wanted to have another pet about a year after their last Boxer died... and he came all the way from London to Preston to pick me up, not knowing what I’d look like or what sort of a character I would be... and I think that is very kind. After all, I could have been a monstrous villain of a beast instead of the nice, gentle, firm but fair doggie I am... not to mention my handsome good looks and all that other stuff... eh?... but then Charlie and Chas. love Boxers and they wanted another white boxer soon after the last one died as he was white too and they said the house was empty when they came home in the evening and Charlie said she hated coming home when there was no warm snout to greet her... so they got me. Tarrah ra rah!... and I’m in charge of the house when they’re out. They don’t leave me very long on my own, mind you... No more than three hours and if it should be longer than that they always arrange for a dog-sitter to come in, just to see that I’m alright and not getting too lonely... Mrs. Parviter is her name and she is very nice, except that I’m not keen or her earrings... too flash for my liking, but I wish she’d get to know where Charlie keeps the bikkys.

Anyway as I have said I had had a hard days house guarding that particular day and I was tired, but when Chas. and Charlie arrived home with two of their friends, Robert and Louise. I had hoped they might play with me for a little while before they got nattering, about all sorts of uninteresting things that would bore you to tears, but they didn’t. They all came in straight away and made tea and ate cakes and things and chatted about everything... except me... and I was not only tired, but I was annoyed as well... so I thought I might do a little something to make then realize that I was there... I did it twice and nobody said anything, but then on the third time Robert looked at Louise and Louise looked at Charlie and Charlie stared at Chas. before he called out for me to behave myself... and I thought that was very unfair. After all they give me all this lovely food, so what do they expect and I try to do it without making any noise... Well a gentle hissing sound maybe, but nothing more. It was just the way they looked at each other as if to shift the blame from one to another, that confused me... and the way Chas. wafted his hand beside me as he smiled apologetically to the guests... . And then shoved me into the garden...

I went, of course, but I didn’t like it one bit so I squeezed my nose hard up against the patio doors and snorted, making a great spray across the glass. Charlie doesn’t like that and I really didn’t want to annoy her by doing it, but it’s Chas. who has to clean the windows so what else was a fella to do when his nose is put out of joint?

I waited for a little while outside, looking in at all the talkers and wishing I was in there with them. I like to hear people talking, you see and I can look from one to the other as they exchange views and I can pick up quite a bit of information myself that way, but they just went on eating and laughing, as my mouth began to drool and big, heavy drops of saliva fell onto the window sill, but nobody looked towards the patio window and I was left there just to do my drooling and snorting. I thought they would be sorry if it pelted down rain and I got the pneumonia and had to be warmed up or I’d die, but nobody could read my thoughts and it did start to rain, so I raced down to the gazebo in what Chas. calls my scissor-run, because my legs look like a pair of scissors with the speed I run... and I just sulked in there. It was cold, but at least I could watch the rain beating down without getting wet and I shook myself dry and made a fine spray all over the walls. If I didn’t feel so miserable, I would have laughed, but instead I just wanted to cry...

“Hi there!”

I opened my eyes wide in surprise and waited, until I could hear the voice again. Now I knew who that was without looking up, and although I would have preferred it to be someone else... someone more warm and cuddly, I was glad of any company in that damp old place, so I shoved my head out for a second and closed my eyes to stop the rain getting at them . .

“Is that you, Angus, Robert whatever you call yourself?” I hollered with my eyes tight shut and the voice came back to say it was and could he come into the gazebo beside me as he was soaked sitting on the wall and he had been waiting for quite some time for me to come into the garden.

“Sure you can come in, but it doesn’t have any windows in here... only a wall at the back and a verandah all round the side... not even a door,” I added, but before I could say any more, the little white scruffy fellow was gasping for breath at my side.

“Nice to see you again, your Royal Highness,” said Angus the Bruce, “and I’d like to do that curtsey thing for you but I don’t know how, havin’ never done one ever in my life, as I’ve never met a Royal Highness before, you see.”

I ran my paws across my forehead to dry my wrinkles and preened.

“That’s alright, just get down on one knee, that’ll do,” I said, wishing that Chas. could see me at that moment and to realize just how important I was and shouldn’t be treated as I had been up at the house, when all I did was just hiss a few times... from my beautiful rear...

Angus the Bruce chap did as I said and I could hear his old back creak as he started to get up again and he started to stagger a little.

“My lumbago, you know... Get’s to me in this weather. Sorry your Highness,” he grunted and do you know... I felt sorry for him and wished I could do something to help... but there are no fires in these gazebos and no other means of keeping him warm.

“I’m sorry you are feeling that way,” I said, but I can’t get back into the house. They’ve locked me out... purely by accident, of course, otherwise I could have smuggled you in by the side door and we could have got under the radiator in the kitchen.”

Angus whatsisname shuddered and I could hear his teeth chattering... all except that one that was missing in the front of his mouth. It wouldn’t chatter against his gums, would it?

“Maybe we could cuddle up together,” he said... “If your Majesty would allow?”

But I was having none of that. Once you stoop to the level of ordinary commoners, you’re finished and there’s no getting back to the top again and I wasn’t gonna take any chances that this midget might ever think I was anything other than H.R.H. Charlotte was a queen and Charles was a king, in my eyes, but they had both let me down and Lady Persia had gone into hiding somewhere so I only had my own dignity to fall back on... Not my tail, of course... No, never that... A Royal can’t think of such things as tails when there are other more important things to be thunk and my dignity was in jeopardy at that very moment.

“No... definitely no cuddling,” I insisted and moved away a few inches from the intruder.

“Why can’t I see your crown?” the midget asked and his nose twitched making his whiskers shine in the rain.

“Because I have to keep it dry, stupid... A king never wears his crown in the rain. I thought you would realize that.”

Angus Brucie-boy shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes.

“Where do you keep it then? When you haven’t got it on your royal head?” he went on and I narrowed my eyes to have a good thunk on that one...

“In a hat box of course... where else? Do you think I’d keep a valuable crown any old place in the house? No it’s in a hat box and locked away in the safe.”

“Does it have a key?” he asked.

“A key? a key? Why would I need a key for my crown?” I asked

“No not for the crown... for the safe?” he asked again and I felt somewhat silly as I blushed a little, but I dismissed the question. If he was silly enough to ask something like that, then I wasn’t going to be just as silly to answer him, was I?... No way. .

“It must be wonderful to be a Royal person,” he sighed and I preened again as I ran my noble tongue across my royal snout.

“Well, yes it is, but it has its drawback too, you know... ” I said, thinking of the four people sitting in that warm lounge not so far away and stuffing themselves with cakes and biscuits... and my mouth began to water. I looked for the sporran as I was thinking and I can tell you for nothing, I was having a really good solid thunk.

“You... you wouldn’t have any... . any bikkys in that purse, would you, Angus?” I asked and I could feel my voice fading... with the hunger, no doubt and also having to call my companion by his Christian name... This was indeed very unroyal... very demeaning to a person of my calibre but what can you do when you’re hungry? The little chap looked sadly at me as he shook his head.

“Naw... no bikkys... only a few bits of an old pancake... that’s all. Not fit for a Royal to eat,” he said, but I gasped as he said that and I could feel my chest caving in as I looked at him with sorrowful, pleading eyes. He shook his head in regret, but I ignored him.

“Let’s have a bite then,” I demanded... after all I was of Royal blood and he should obey anything I should command, but his reply surprised me.

“Shouldn’t a king say please?” he asked and I snorted all over his sporran, where he removed his hand swiftly and wiped it clean on his handkerchief. “A king can say anything what he likes,” I snapped, “Now give us a bite of that there pancake, before I land you one round the ear-ole.”

Angus the Bruce drew in his insignificant chin and shoved his sporran between his legs as he tucked his kilt in tight around his thighs.

“Only if we can be... friends,” he said and looked at me imploringly... well, what could a chap do after that? King or no king... you have to eat, don’t you and that party of four that threw me out didn’t want me as a friend, did they... Not after... well, you know what.”

“O’K’ Its a deal. Now give us a bit... friend,” I snapped as he unwound the purse from his thighs and opened it slowly. I grabbed the pancake as soon as I saw it and tore it into little pieces, shoving one of the larger pieces into my gob.

“Haven’t you forgotten something, your Highness?” Angus the Bruce fellow asked.

“What?” I gabbled with my mouth full and stared at him with my beady eyes. (My eyes always get beady when I’m suspicious....)

“The magic word, Sir... that’s what,” he announced and I did feel rather ashamed... After all I had told Lady Persia that she should always use the magic word and here I was... guilty of not doing what I asked her to do.

“Please,” I added hastily, “But I only need say that word once, you know... Not before every mouthful. Any more pancake, friend?”

“And thank you afterwards, your Highness...”

“Of course... Thank you, thank you, thank you. Three times thank you, Sir... Now where is it?... The pancake, I mean... ?”

The rain stopped as quickly as it had started and I put my paw out into the fresh air, just to check that everything was alright for us to come out.

“What would you have done if there had been no gazebo to go into when the rain started, your Highness?” a little hoarse voice asked before I could hear him cough and I had a good long thunk before I answered.

“Well... being the strong and athletic person I am,” I said complacently, even if it was the truth, “I would just have sat out here to brave the storm until it stopped, That’s what... and what would you have done, little man?”

I think Angus Bruce had a good thunk himself because he surprised me with his answer...

“Well now... being your friend, your Royal Highness and being just a little man. as you quite rightly say, I would just sit in under your strong athletic chest in the warmth of your majestic belly until the rain stopped... “

Well naturally, although I was flattered, I thought he had a bit of a cheek. I was born the way I was where I could help him to keep dry indeed... and he had nothing to offer me.

“Have you anything else in that old purse of yours?” I asked hoping there might be something that would compensate for my ability to act as an umbrella for him, but there was nothing when he tipped it out except a few old mouldy crumbs... well, I ask you, what sort of a friend is that?

“I think I’ll get back to the house now... and I hope you will be able to go back to where you came from too,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t follow me or expect to get under my radiator in the kitchen... that is if Charlotte let me in... but he shrugged his shoulders and let out a deep sigh.

“Don’t have no place to go, mate... er sorry, your Highness. My folks took off and left me behind, you see... “

“What? Are you telling me that you are alone... and that you don’t have anyone to look after you?”

Angus lowered his head and I could see his lower lip trembling.

“That’s right,” he said... “I’ve been on my own for nearly two weeks now, but I can manage... I get a bikky or two here and a bit of pancake there... and sometimes I even get a square of chocolate... “

I stared at him in disbelief and royal though I am, I suddenly became quite common for a moment as I asked him where he slept but he shrugged his shoulders again.

“Under that old tree in Sampson’s orchard... .I think it’s an oak tree because its got big leaves and the rain doesn’t hit you in there... It’s the snow that bothers me and...”

“Yes, yes, I know all about the snow,” I interrupted quickly hoping to avoid the incident of the cold rear again... “But you can’t stay out there all the time surely? What about in the cold winter... Surely you must be freezing and as you say... the snow... well that doesn’t agree with you.”

“Nothing I can do about it, your Highness... I can’t put up a sign asking for someone to take care of me now, can I?”

When Angus said that, I thought back to the time before Charlotte brought me to her lovely house and how I was with people who didn’t care for me at all. I remembered how they beat me... if I hissed and wouldn’t give me anything to eat if I did anything else in the house... and how I was always trying to get away from the place as soon as they left the doors open. I remembered too how the police would lock me up in a little cage in the police station until the dog warden came the following morning to take me to the dog home... and I shuddered...

“No... No Angus...” I blurted... “We can’t have that. You stay here in the gazebo until I see what can be done up at the house. I might be able to drag a blanket down here for you when the grass isn’t so wet... How’s that?”

Angus looked at me with tears in his little eyes.

“Would you really do that for me, your Highness?” he asked and I put my noble arm around his shoulders...

“Of course I would, mate... You just leave everything to your old friend here and think no more of it.”

“But your Royal Highness, Mate... How can I ever thank you for being so kind?”

“That’s what friends are for, Angus mate... “ I said and scudded up the garden.

***