Current culture isn’t always supportive or instructive in terms of healthy relationships between young women. In a hundred different ways—both in the media and in the world around us—we’re confronted with examples of female friendships marked by selfishness, competition, and pettiness. That’s not necessarily real life for most of us, but even still, it’s not always easy to know what healthy, life-giving friendship looks like.
We talked a while ago about Mary and Elizabeth, and I actually think we can look to them to teach us a few lessons about what it’s like to be part of a healthy friendship.
- You are safe. After Mary heard Gabriel’s news, she “hurried” to the home of her cousin and friend Elizabeth (Luke 1:39). If you’ve ever been through something shocking or unexpected or confusing, you know what a gift it is to be with a friend who just flat-out “gets it”—even if you don’t say a word. It’s such a relief to know that you can trust someone no matter what. No wonder Mary tried to get to Elizabeth’s house quickly.
- You are welcomed. When Mary arrived at Elizabeth’s house, Elizabeth didn’t ignore Mary or make excuses about how she was six months pregnant and it just wasn’t a very good time for company. She immediately welcomed her. That’s what real friendship feels like. You are welcome when you are in the other person’s company. You aren’t an imposition or a source of frustration. You’re at ease because you know the other person is for you and on your side.
- You are blessed. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking about #blessed. I’m talking about the fact that a good, true friend will bless you with her words and her actions. She will not try to diminish you or put you down. When Mary arrived at Elizabeth’s, Elizabeth immediately knew that Mary was going to be the mother of Jesus. But she wasn’t competitive, and she didn’t feel like her own pregnancy was somehow less important. Elizabeth blessed Mary (v. 42) and offered sincere encouragement about the Lord’s call on Mary’s life.
- You are validated. One of the sweetest things Elizabeth did for Mary was to confirm that Mary was in fact “the mother of my Lord.” At a time when her cousin and friend must have felt extremely vulnerable and at least a little uncertain, Elizabeth confirmed what Gabriel said—that Mary was going to be the mother of the Savior of the world—and Elizabeth affirmed Mary’s confidence in the Lord’s plans for her (v. 45). Elizabeth’s reaction and response must have been a giant sigh of relief for Mary.
- You are enough. If you pay attention to Elizabeth’s reaction, you’ll notice that at no point did Mary try to justify why the Lord had chosen her. I think that’s because Elizabeth never doubted Mary’s calling. By the same token, Elizabeth didn’t feel the need to justify why her pregnancy was important too—because she knew she was enough. There was an absence of neediness and an abundance of grace. That makes for a super-healthy relationship.
Life-giving friendships are a treasure. Pray that the Lord will help you love your friends unconditionally and lavishly today.
1. Do you have friends who make you feel safe and welcome? Write a prayer asking the Lord to help you be that kind of friend for someone.
2. When was a time when a friend or family member saw something in you that you didn’t see in yourself? Talk about that a little bit.
3. Have you ever been in a situation where a friend confirmed, affirmed, or blessed what the Lord was doing in your life? What were the specifics? How did you respond?
4. In today’s Scripture reading Mary demonstrated great joy and confidence in her calling, especially in verse 49. Do you think Elizabeth influenced or affected Mary’s perspective? Why or why not?
Today’s Prayer