Ithink we can probably agree that everybody has a bad day from time to time. Whether we wake up grumpy or get stuck in traffic or realize that we’re not at all prepared for whatever the day holds, we all have those instances when we’re a little more annoyed than usual, and naturally those less-than-stellar moods can carry over into our friendships.
Given all of that, we shouldn’t be surprised if there’s a day or two out of the year when one of our friends isn’t as talkative, seems slightly more sensitive, or reacts a little more strongly than might be typical for her. It happens. And since we’ve all been there, it’s easy to understand why we can and should extend some grace in those kinds of situations.
But what if the bad moods and the higher levels of drama become increasingly normal for a friend? What if you find yourself on the receiving end of a friend’s temper over and over again? What if someone has morphed into a mean girl you hardly recognize anymore? How do you respond when someone is frequently unkind—maybe even manipulative—either on social media or in real life, and you have no idea what you did to make her so angry?
Let’s talk about that for a second.
And let’s talk about it with the assumption that you haven’t intentionally or unintentionally done anything to hurt this person (because if you have, then a good first step is always to apologize and make sure there’s no unspoken tension between the two of you).
All righty. So. Here’s the main thing to remember if you’re running into “mean girl” problems at school or at work or wherever:
As a general rule, people don’t lash out, act out, or stir up drama when they stand confidently in their identity in Christ.
Please know that I say that in the most tender, loving way. Because any time you unwillingly get dragged onto the mean girl roller coaster, you have to remind yourself that it isn’t about a person being “bad” or “mean.” It isn’t because you’ve done anything wrong. It’s usually because the person who starts the drama is fearful, insecure, and consciously or unconsciously dealing with those feelings by trying to make someone else feel worse.
And then there’s this: sometimes people mistake meanness for power. And power, for whatever reason, becomes the way they measure their social status and standing.
So if you find yourself trying to keep the peace with someone who seems perfectly content to stay mired in the muck of meanness, know that her behavior has nothing to do with you. You haven’t asked for it, you don’t deserve it, and you shouldn’t waste energy or emotion trying to fix it. You can be kind, of course—ask the Lord to help you preserve the integrity of your testimony, to be a listening ear in the event of sincere repentance—but you get to have boundaries too. You have no reason to be afraid or walk on eggshells. You have no reason to retaliate.
Guard your heart. Stay grounded in the Word. Spend time with the Lord. Focus your energy on friendships that are healthy and drama-free. Never lose sight of how the Lord might redeem and restore what’s broken. Never forget who you are in Him.
1. Have you ever had to deal with mean girls? What was that experience like?
2. Have you ever been aware that you were behaving like a mean girl? How did you respond to that realization?
3. Don’t get offended, and really think through this: Even if you wouldn’t have considered yourself a mean girl, do you think you’ve ever been perceived as one? Why or why not?
4. Do you think social media helps or hurts with “mean girl” behavior? Explain.
Today’s Prayer