38

Makeup

Aunt Money drives fast, like Pops, and as we drive downtown to her apartment the Lake is so shiny and speckled in the early morning light. I ask Aunt Money did Boomer and Goldie ever act like my Pops and Mama? I ask her that as we turn onto her street and she looks for a parking space. She says nothing until we are parked and entering her apartment. Then she says, Grownups fight but then it’s over and they makeup. When she turns the key in the lock she looks at me, she seems so much taller than me and I’m hanging onto her skirt and the door opens and I smell Mama everywhere.

You know, Scags, everyone starts out with a pretty decent sort of parents, your Mama and Pops are just having some problems they need to fix, Aunt Money says as I wander around the room taking in Mama’s smell. Mama was here, I say, and I see all the glasses and ashtrays sitting around as if there had been a party. Her green couch has three sections and I lie down on the first one and see that I only reach from head to foot the first section. I ask again, Did this ever happen to you?

Yes, Aunt Money says, as she goes around the room, picking up the glasses and ashtrays and going into her tiny kitchen and then she comes to me on the couch with a big glass of orange juice. These things happen all the time, Aunt Money says.

Mama was here a long time, I say, as she hands me the juice. I say, I can’t drink all of this, and she says, I’ll share it with you. Are you hungry? Yes, I say. Would you like some toast with your juice? she asks me and I get up and go to her little dining room table and sit down like Mama would tell me to do. The chairs are big and heavy and have the same seat covers as the couch. I sit up very straight and fold my hands in my lap and say to Aunt Money, I like my toast to have lots of butter on it. She walks by me, tickles the top of my head, and goes into the kitchen. She says, It’s amazing how much of your hair has grown back already. I know she is just saying that to cheer me up. But Aunt Money, I ask, what if Mama is still angry at Pops for cutting it?

Oh, oh, oh, I see what you mean, Aunt Money says as she puts the toast in the toaster. Her kitchen is all white except for the floor which is black. When you stand at the stove and do nothing more than turn around you are at the sink. Aunt Money says, Hair grows back. Don’t worry. She opens her refrigerator and says, If you want eggs, no can do, but you could have some liverwurst on your toast.

For breakfast, I ask, don’t you have any cereal and bananas? She looks at me and says, No, no cereal, no bananas, there probably isn’t any milk but I do have a soup or two.

Gosh, Aunt Money, I say, what do you eat for breakfast? Aunt Money shakes her head and says, Well I don’t really eat breakfast and when I do whatever happens to be here. So how about some soup? Okay, I say, and connect the dots of red stains on the white table cloth with my finger.

Aunt Money, I say, why don’t Boomer and Goldie fix things up? Aunt Money lets out a loud howl, long and free as if her girdle snapped open. What a question, she says, what a little observer you are, she says. Maybe when you’re older you’ll be able to understand that sometimes adults get into messes they don’t quite know how to clean up. It just takes time, she says, as she hands me my toast all crisp and buttery. I eat it quickly because I am hungry and I do want to be here with Aunt Money. I do.

Aunt Money sits down at the table with me and picks up my toast and starts to eat it. Hey, I say, why can’t you make some toast for yourself? I don’t have anymore bread, Aunt Money says. I’ll just heat up your soup and then we can try to disguise that shiner. I put my finger on my eyelid. It feels soft and sore and puckered as if a raisin was in there.

Aunt Money puts my soup in a bowl. It is hot and steamy. I am going to pretend it’s oatmeal in the winter time, that it’s cold outside and I need something warm in me to fortify myself, as Odessa says.

Aunt Money sits at the table with me. I put my spoon in the white bowl and stir the pieces of chicken, letting the steam rise up in my face. Would you like to have me put some makeup on your eye Scags? We’ve got the whole day together and it would be nice to try and hide that big black eye. I could polish your nails. We could go shopping and find you a pretty dress with a big bow in the back and a pair of little patent leather shoes. What do you say? I think of sitting at her dressing table where all her potions and powders and magic wands are lined up in rows, level upon level in so many fancy cases but I really don’t want to put any of that stuff on my face.

I start to cry, I don’t know why. Aunt Money pulls a tissue out of a big pocket and comes over to me and wipes my tears away and puts the tissue under my nose and says, Blow, blow harder. I can’t stop. She pulls my chair away from the table and picks me up and takes me into her bedroom where her enormous bed with the canopy over it sits in the center. She puts me down and takes off my sandals and pulls an afghan off the chair next to the bed and throws it over me. It is grey and blue and she once told me that Goldie and she took turns working on it when Aunt Money was a little girl. It settles down on me and it feels good, like a weight to keep me from floating into space.

I say, Aunt Money, don’t go. She says, I’m not going anywhere. I guess we’re both tired and I’ll lie down with you. Sleep now, sleep will make everything better and you’ll see that your Mama and Pops are going to be fine. You will be fine too and there’s a whole lifetime ahead for dressing up, makeup, and it can wait.

I push myself next to her, I hold her arm and I think of Pops twirling me in the air and Mama looking so sad and Aunt Money starts to snore. I close my eyes, and I am dizzy, I am small, and I need to pee. But I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to move away from Aunt Money. But I really have to pee. So I get up quietly and put the blanket back over Aunt Money and go to the bathroom.

I sit down on the toilet with the door closed, staring at myself in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. I wonder what are Mama and Pops doing now? I could be in my own bed. I look hard at myself and don’t want to leave the bathroom. My red hair is going in every direction and as I stand up I see my bony knees and long arms. I look at my face and pucker up my lips and kiss myself and say everything is going to be keen-o in a minute, no an hour, and then Aunt Money and I can go to my house and we’ll eat real food and have a good time. Double keen-o. No funny money honey, I say to the mirror me and smile at me and go back to Aunt Money’s bed. I fall asleep without even thinking that this is what I should do.