5 THE RITUAL

SINCE MY NOVEL came out, I’ve developed an early-morning routine. I get up, move to the sunniest corner of my apartment, and do some slow, deliberate stretches. Closing my eyes, I inhale positivity, calm acceptance, and gratitude. Except I usually skip this part. More often, I stumble out of bed, pour a cup of coffee, and head to my tiny home office / converted storage closet. I turn on my laptop and check my online reviews. This can sometimes be a disheartening way to start the day, but it’s become a ritual… even an addiction.

This morning, I find two new reviews on the popular review site Readem.

Thrilling and Heartbreaking

Burnt Orchid is amazing! It’s about a woman who has it all, but the secrets of her past threaten to destroy everything. Camryn Lane has created an intriguing and conflicting character in Orchid Carder. At times, I didn’t know if I should root for her or hate her, but she was always interesting. The flashbacks to Orchid’s life on the streets were both terrifying and heartbreaking. She was driven to do unthinkable things…

I should devour this praise, but something has caught my eye. Beneath this glowing review, I see the next.

What the actual fuck?

A sick feeling clogs my throat. I know I should stop here, go back to the positive accolades. This disparaging review will upset me, shake my confidence, even impact my creativity. Today is a dedicated writing day, devoted to working on my next book idea, and I can’t afford to waste any more time. So why can’t I tear my eyes away from the brutal words?

My author friend Jody assures me that my skin will eventually thicken to the criticism. She’s published twelve romance novels and can now read these critiques dispassionately. “They still sting,” she’d said, “but it’s not that bad. More like a bug bite now… Maybe a nip from a small terrier.” I’m still at shark bite pain levels, and yet, like a masochist, I begin to read.

This is not the worst book I have ever read. In fact, I found it mildly entertaining. The writing is sophomoric, and the characters are mostly clichés, but it’s not terrible. What is terrible is the way this author exploits the very real problems of young adults for entertainment value, the young adults she supposedly helps at her job as a HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR! It’s disgusting that Camryn Lane was so desperate for money, attention, and validation that she exposed the secrets of her vulnerable students. If she was a talented writer, she could have written a novel on any topic, but she chose to write about troubled teenagers. There’s writing what you know, and then there’s exploitation. If Camryn Lane doesn’t face consequences (like losing her job, getting sued by the parents of her students, or having the kids take matters into their own hands), karma will surely get her. Please consider boycotting this book and/or leaving a one-star review.

Acid burns my throat and I feel nauseous. The public nature of the forum makes the accusation even more mortifying, and others are starting to weigh in. There are already four comments below the review. Against my better judgment, I click.

Disgusting. Thanks for the heads up. I’ll definitely give this one a miss.

Camryn Lane is no better than a child abuser, using and exploiting the young people in her care.

CANCEL CAMRYN LANE!

I heard this book was great. Too bad I won’t be reading it now.

Returning to the review, I look at the reviewer’s name for the first time. They have provided only initials.

I.W.

Ingrid Wandry. It has to be her. This woman, this total stranger, is trying to destroy me. But why? I swallow down the sob building in my chest and reach for my phone. Theo answers on the second ring. “Pacific Adventures?”

“It’s me,” I say, voice wobbling. “Sorry to bother you at work…”

“It’s fine. Are you okay?”

His concern undoes me, and the tears burst forth. Through jagged breaths, I tell him about the online accusations and the one-star review. “It’s Ingrid Wandry,” I blubber. “She’s trying to ruin my book. She’s trying to ruin my entire writing career!”

“Babe, you know you shouldn’t read those reviews.”

“How can I not?” I cry. “It’s human nature. You look at Tripadvisor, don’t you? You look at Yelp.”

“I know, I know.” His voice is gentle. “But you know you did nothing wrong. You’d never exploit your students. So you can’t let the words of some angry troll bother you.”

“She’s so mean,” I snivel. “Why does she hate me so much?”

“Jealous,” he says. “You’ve accomplished something amazing and she’s obviously an unfulfilled loser. Why else would she spend her time attacking people online?”

“I guess.”

“Do you need me to come over?” Theo offers. “I can take a break.”

“It’s fine. I know you’re busy.”

“I don’t mind.” He lowers his voice. “I miss you.”

Theo doesn’t sleep over when Liza is home. Since I won’t let her share her bed with Wyatt, I need to set an example. I know what Theo’s suggesting, and I could not be less in the mood.

“I’ll be fine,” I say, a little annoyed that he can think about sex at a time like this. “I should get to work.”

“Okay, babe.” His voice is breezy, casual. “Chin up.”

“I’ll try.”

I hang up, feeling just as forlorn. Theo doesn’t get it. How could he? As a business owner, he’s susceptible to online vitriol, but to my knowledge Theo’s never received such a personal attack. Only another writer can understand this public humiliation, only someone who’s been through it.

Hurriedly, I place another call.