‘Would you mind very much if I didn’t come?’ ventured Pam, hating herself for even asking.
‘Yes!’ cried Zee. ‘Very much!’
Which was fair enough since Zee was arranging a pub lunch with their close friends to celebrate her birthday.
‘I’m sure Charley can manage without you for just one lunchtime,’ Zee had contended. Which was so obviously true that Pam was forced to be open with her old friend and admit she’d rather not go, much to Zee’s exasperation.
‘You cannot go into hiding, Pam.’
‘I’m not!’
‘You are.’
Pam cringed, knowing her friend was right. After the fiasco over Dez, she had pretty much gone to ground, too humiliated to face anyone other than Zee and Charley.
‘It’s only going to be me, Mona and Toni,’ coaxed Zee.
Pam could feel her defences lowering. You’ll have to face them sometime, she reminded herself. Taking a deep mental breath, she eventually agreed.
‘Brilliant! I’ll pick you up.’ Pam guessed her mate didn’t trust her not to bottle out on the day.
As Zee pulled into the pub car park, Pam let out a melodramatic groan and sank her face into her hands.
‘Oh my God! I’ve just remembered the last time we all had a pub lunch together! It was the day I left Geoff.’
‘Good grief, was it? We really have to get out more!’
Prior to her separation, the four friends had often treated themselves to a pub lunch, until one fateful day when, after changing venues at the last minute, they had stumbled on Geoff having lunch with his mistress, or ‘That Bloody Woman’ as they’d immediately dubbed her. It was the look of pure guilt written all over his face, much like a small boy caught with his hand in the biscuit tin, that had given the game away and, without even waiting for an explanation, Pam had turned on her heel and walked out of the pub, shame and humiliation burning inside her. If she’d just hung on another thirty seconds she’d have witnessed the glorious moment when Zee had hurled the contents of a water jug over the woman and called her an exceptionally rude name, before dashing out after Pam.
Geoff had chased after Pam to the car park, catching up with her as she’d reached the sanctuary of Zee’s car where, to her horror, she’d realised the doors were locked. Frantically rattling the handle, she’d looked around despairingly for Zee. In the few moments before Zee had emerged, Pam had been forced into a humiliating exchange with Geoff. She’d demanded to know how long his affair had been going on. When he shamefacedly admitted it had been five years she was devastated. How could she not have known, or at the very least suspected something? Her fury had evaporated, ousted by her assumption of her own gullibility and stupidity. In a matter of seconds she was betrayed and then robbed of every vestige of her self-esteem.
Well, here were are again, thought Pam, plucking up her courage as she and Zee walked across the gravelled car park. Another pub lunch, another impending humiliation. Then she told herself off for being self-pitying. This time, you are the architect of your own destruction.
Mona and Toni had already bagged a table by the window. They waved enthusiastically to Pam and Zee, then rose to their feet to embrace the others warmly.
‘We must get back into the habit of doing this more often!’ enthused Mona, as they all sat down.
Pam nodded but inwardly winced at the potential cost.
‘Just every other month or so,’ added Toni hurriedly, looking directly at Pam, and it belatedly occurred to her that since her mates fully understood she could ill afford the treat, this occasional pleasure had become another casualty of her separation.
‘Absolutely,’ she agreed. ‘I’ve missed this.’
They ordered and, while they waited for the food to arrive, they chatted animatedly, catching up on everyone’s news. As usual, there was a lot to cover: their children and grandchildren, their holidays, their various household crises involving central heating boilers, washing machines, Wi-Fi problems, and the ongoing saga of Toni’s struggle with the damp in the downstairs loo. And, equally as usual, there was a lot of interrupting, noisy laughter, affectionate teasing and banter, typical of friendships thriving on the spice of life.
Nobody mentioned Dez and although initially Pam was grateful, in her own mind he began to loom large, until she began to sense that, like the absent Geoff at their dinner parties, Dez had become the elephant in the room.
‘I know you’re all being incredibly tactful, but can we just talk about me making a complete and utter fool of myself with Dez, and get it over and done with?’
‘You didn’t make a fool of yourself,’ Zee was swift to assure her.
‘If you’d given him money, that would have made you a fool,’ agreed Toni.
‘How were you to know what he was really like?’ said Mona.
‘You don’t think I might have missed a few teeny, tiny clues?’ asked Pam sarcastically. ‘Like never being invited to his place, or Dez drinking all the booze in the house, or throwing a tantrum when he didn’t get his own way? Not to mention him getting horrendously pissed at your place, Zee!’
There was a beat before Zee conceded with a grin, ‘Yes, all right. You were a bit of a fool.’
‘But you know what they say,’ said Mona. ‘When a man knows he’s made a mistake, he doesn’t need you to tell him.’
‘And when a woman knows she’s made a mistake, she needs a gin and tonic!’ quipped Toni.
‘I’ll drink to that!’ Pam raised her drink. ‘To old friends.’
‘And old fools,’ added Zee mercilessly, bringing a wry smile to Pam’s face.
‘You know what you need?’ said Mona, turning to Pam when they’d all put their glasses back down. ‘A break. A little holiday. Something to bookmark the end of the Dez episode, and put it behind you.’
Pam was just about to make various oblique excuses as to why she didn’t need a holiday she couldn’t afford when Zee spoke up, uncannily as if she’d read Pam’s mind.
‘Go to Copenhagen! Hanne said she wouldn’t even charge you stay in their Airbnb.’
‘Now that’s an opportunity too good to miss,’ declared Mona.
‘There’s still the flights,’ Pam pointed out.
‘Get a budget flight,’ said Toni. ‘Cheap as chips if you don’t mind going at some godforsaken hour.’
Copenhagen, with its brightly painted buildings along the harbour, drifted into Pam’s mind enticingly. She wouldn’t mind travelling in the middle of the damn night if it made it affordable. And Mona was right; it was an opportunity too good to miss. The only fly in this otherwise extremely appealing ointment was the thought of going by herself. The prospect of travelling alone, or pretty much doing anything on her own, thoroughly depressed her. A montage of scenarios loomed in her mind: sitting alone on the plane, or eating a solitary meal in a restaurant, and tramping round the city with nobody to share the pleasure and the experience.
She shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t be much fun on my own.’
Immediately three hands shot up in the air and a chorus of ‘Take me!’, ‘No, me!’, ‘Choose me!’ erupted.
‘It was my suggestion!’ claimed Zee with mock petulance. ‘And, if you take me, since you’re providing the accommodation, I’ll pay for the flights,’ she finished in an act of brazen corruption.
‘Absolutely not!’ Although even as Pam refused the generous gesture, an image of her and Zee exploring Copenhagen together slid into her mind, colourful, entertaining, and above all, fun.
Oh bugger the cost! YOLO, she reminded herself and turning to Zee she said, ‘I’ll go if you will… but I’m paying for my flight.’
‘You’re on! And we’ll argue about the flight later!’
In the car on the way back to Pam’s, Zee badgered her until she texted Hanne to get the ball rolling. Even before they’d arrived at the house, Hanne had pinged back a link to the Airbnb with instructions to book themselves in for a long as they liked, and as soon as they could, while the autumn weather was still warm. It is empty at the moment, she had finished coaxingly, catapulting them both into a fit of intense excitement.
It was nearly three by the time Pam got to Charley’s shop, later than she’d anticipated, but her daughter-in-law brushed aside her apologies.
‘Did you have a good time?’ quizzed Charley cheerfully.
‘Yes, it was lovely. We went to the pub by the suspension bridge and…’ She trailed off, because Charley obviously wasn’t listening. Her attention had been drawn to something going on outside. Pam’s eyes followed Charley’s gaze through the shop window, and alighted on Ricky. He was walking along, Carlo at heel, and chatting animatedly to a young woman. A very attractive young woman, realised Pam with a sinking heart. Immediately, her eyes flicked back to Charley in concern.
Wordlessly, her daughter-in-law turned slowly to face her, and the look of shocked anguish and undisguised pain in her eyes sliced into Pam like a scalpel. Rapidly but forensically reassessing what they’d both actually seen, rather than what Charley clearly thought she had seen, Pam clocked that the pair hadn’t been holding hands, or walking particularly close to one another. In fact, there was nothing to indicate there was anything going on between Ricky and the woman.
‘Don’t jump to conclusions,’ she warned. ‘She might just be a friend, or even a customer.’ It was evident from Charley’s face that she didn’t believe either scenario, and Pam wasn’t overly convinced herself. Then, to her dismay, it was as if a set of shutters slammed down across Charley’s face, and she turned her back to the window.
‘I don’t really care who she is. It’s none of my business what he does.’
Pam, on the other hand, watched Ricky as he led the woman to the deli where he courteously opened the door for her. The woman beamed up at him, sickeningly coquettishly in Pam’s opinion, and although Ricky gave her one of his trademark ready smiles in return, Pam noticed he didn’t touch her, he didn’t put his hand on her elbow, or in the small of her back, as she had so often seen him do with Charley. So maybe there was nothing in it, and Charley had misread the scene. She very much hoped so.
Clearly wanting to change the subject, her daughter-in-law chirpily asked Pam if she’d had a good time at lunch, apparently oblivious to the fact that she’d already asked her.
‘Yes, it was lovely,’ repeated Pam without batting an eyelid. ‘We all agreed we need to do it more often – if you can spare me, that is,’ she finished hastily.
‘Of course,’ nodded Charley.
‘On that note…’ said Pam, and hesitated so long that Charley looked at her enquiringly and prompted her.
‘Yes?’
‘Could you spare me for a few days if I go to Copenhagen?’
Far from looking anxious, as Pam had feared she might, in which case she would have instantly abandoned the idea, Charley’s whole face lit up.
‘Copenhagen? Yes! You absolutely must go!’
‘Are you sure? I know how much of a struggle it is on your own.’
‘It won’t be a problem, I’ve got Tara. When were you thinking of going?’
‘Not really sure. Maybe in the next couple of weeks, unless that’s too short notice.’
‘No, that’ll be absolutely fine.’